JeXVille
by LanaaLuthor
Summary: REWRITTEN/ Jessica comes to Smallville, the small town in Kansas full of bizarre and unexplained. She finds herself fall for the billionaire Lex Luthor and make friends with Clark Kent. PART 1 in series
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: **Many of you might know this fic, might have read it before in much poorer and jaded version or just seen it. Over the years it grew into about 4 to 6 sequel parts, and merited two alternative endings or ways of how this story could have gone on.

I decided to rewrite it all, because I was not satisfied with the quality of it. (not to fool ourselves: it was awful before)

I consider this series my biggest achievement since I dealt with plausible Lex's redemption that we could have seen on the show. This is not the canon you know, although a lot might seem the same or similar. The first part sticks to it more or less, at the end it goes beyond the finale of Smallville to finally become a AU in the next parts.

* * *

**JeXVille  
Rating: **NC17  
**Paring:** Lex Luthor/Jessica (OC) / Clark / Oliver  
**Description:** Jessica comes to Smallville, the small town in Kansas full of bizarre and unexplained. She finds herself fall for the billionaire Lex Luthor and make friends with Clark Kent.

**IF YOU ARE NOT SATISFIED WITH WHAT WRITERS OF SMALLVILLE DID TO LEX, THIS IS A PLACE FOR YOU**

The title JeXVille comes from the combination of Lex's and Jessica's names and half from the original title: smallVILLE.  
**The story is in Mature category, but you will have to wait a little for the smut /**since Jessica is not experienced**/**

* * *

**Part 1**

**(this is an original episode, it happens just before the finale of season 2 of SV)**

Smallville – the meteor capitol of the world, I read the sign I just passed, finally arriving at the place of my destination.

I still had doubts to whether it was a good idea to come here at all. Some said the past should stay in the past, but I could not seem to shake it. I needed to get here. Something about this place was calling to me and I did not want to stay in Metropolis anyway.

I might as well come here - to the town in which once I had used to live with my parents. Long before the famous meteor showed struck it. Supposedly, I was the happiest in this place, I was told by my uncle, here I had had the greatest childhood. At least until my parents died in the meteor shower and my uncle took me with him to Metropolis.

I barely remembered that dreadful day as I had been four back then. Sometimes, I saw some flashes in my head, bits of what had happened, but most of it was a blur. I had been too traumatized to even register what had happened fully, the terror had taken most of those memories away and I was rather grateful for that. I did not want to remember how my parents had been killed. What I knew was enough, I did not need any additional feelings to the mix.

I, apparently, had been the lucky one. The meteor had struck the front of the car we had been traveling in, leaving the back intact. I only knew this because my uncle had told me. I had been found a few hours later, crying my eyes out in that car. They had called the only remaining member of the family and the next thing I had known was that I had been transferred to Metropolis, having to adjust to a completely new life. I had been constantly crying after my parents, could not understand that they had just been… gone. Now when I focused I could see a flash of light, the upcoming meteor in a reign of fire, the smiling faces of them and then the surprise as they had seen what was coming… then there was nothing. Everything was blank. Repressed.

I felt now as I came a full circle. For the first time since I was little I was coming back to this town, I was going to live in it, to go to school here. Metropolis, as strange as it sounded, was not for me. I was always the outsider, the strange girl with long red hair, freckles and pale complexion. I was not ugly, I never thought that way of myself, but I was never popular there in the big city. I could not fit in nor find a true friend. I was scarred as I had lost my family so early in my life. Maybe another part to why I had been so lonely in Metropolis was that I had been attending a very good school which unfortunately was filled with rich and spoiled brats.

I needed to change something, anything, just to be able to go on, to hold on long enough before I would finally break. So what that I was almost eighteen? So what that I was to go to my senior year to a new school? I believed it would be all right, because there was someone out there who understood me. She was just like me, her parents died in the same meteor shower, leaving her with her aunt and what more, the incident had broken us up. Lana Lang was my best childhood friend. I did not remember much of that time as I had been so little, but I had some flashes of her as well. We had reestablished our contacts via the internet and then one day she just blurted out that I should come to Smallville. It was a ridiculous idea at first, but then when I thought of it more and more I discovered that I actually wanted it. I wanted to come back here, I wanted to finish high school when attending Smallville High. It was a radical change, but I was in a desperate need of one.

Lana was now a co-owner of the town most popular coffee shop - The Talon - and she was currently living in the small apartment above it. She had a spare room, a place for me there.

It would be like a new start, I hoped. Maybe I would finally find some happiness.

* * *

"Jessica! You've made it!" I heard Lana Lang's voice as soon as I stepped into the Talon. It wasn't hard to find it since there was a huge playbill upfront.

I turned to the source of Lana's voice and saw a slender girl with a long raven hair, coming my way. "Hi!" She finally stood right next to me and gave me a hug which I happily reciprocated. I was kind of afraid of this meeting. It was one thing to talk over the internet and another to actually see someone in person, but my concerns were unfounded. Even though I vaguely remembered Lana, there was something familiar about her and something that told me I could trust her. Must be the friendship shaped in such an early age. Those were the strongest.

"Lana! It's so good to see you!" I said when we let go off each other.

I finally had the chance to look around and noticed the décor of this place. "I really like it," I voiced my opinion honestly. "This Egyptian motifs and those curtains really create a cozy atmosphere."

Lana, clearly happy that I appreciated what she had done with the place, suggested, "Maybe I could get you some coffee? They say it's the best in town."

"I would love to, but first I would like to see the apartment if you don't mind. I need to take my baggage there," I pointed the bags that I brought inside with me and that now were lying on the floor.

"Oh, sure! I'll help! I asked Clark to get here so he could do that, but…" Lana sighed heavily as she bent over to pick one of them, "it's so typical of him to be late. I don't even know why I still bother with him."

"You obviously love him," I noticed.

Lana had mentioned Clark in her e-mails. He was her boyfriend, but from what I managed to find out he was equally annoying as he was lovable. And Lana clearly was so in love with him that she managed to tolerate all his peculiarities.

"Sometimes I just wish he'd open up to me. I'm tired of waiting for him to do that," Lana said, "but I won't be bothering you with my problems now… Up," she pointed the staircase on the right.

I heaved my parts of the baggage and started climbing up the stairs to the small apartment there.

I was not expecting anything in particular, I just wanted a place to live and to start over, so I took the opportunity. The apartment really surprised me. I liked it and I would pick this place to live in if I had a choice. I voiced my opinion and merited another smile from Lana.

"Thanks," she just said.

"You have a really good taste for decorating," I paid her another complement. "You somehow manage to pick things that would seem not to fit together, but somehow they do."

Lana laughed.

"I got it all form a flea market and there wasn't really much choice."

"Still, it's nice."

"I must say… you've change," Lana stated when looking at me closer.

"I hope so, I wouldn't like to be a little child," I joked.

"No… I mean… I saw your pictures on the internet, but they must be outdated. What I see is a really beautiful woman with gorgeous hair! I don't see any freckles on your face either!"

"Well… they're kind of fading now and I couldn't be happier about that," I admitted. Actually, I really did like the way I looked now too. My hair was no longer the color of a carrot. As I grew up the color deepened and now it was a nice shade of red instead of this embarrassing Anne of Green Gobles predicament. "You look great too! After all, you're the most popular girl in town I heard," I told Lana.

"Well," she shrugged, "I guess now I finally have some competition. Maybe they'll shift their attention to you since I already have a boyfriend."

"So," I spoke after a few short moments of silence during which I went to look around, "this is the place where your parents met, right? It was originally a movie theater."

"Yes, it was. Still is," Lana corrected. "I occasionally organize movie nights. It belonged to Nell, my aunt, but she decided to sell it. I couldn't seem to let go off it. I know it's silly, but…"

"No, it's not, I understand. My parents died that day too and if I had something like this place, I would hold onto it as well," I told her.

"Your parents must have spent some time here as well, after all, they were friends with mine," Lana pointed out.

"So how did you manage to convince your aunt to sign this place over to you?" I asked.

"I didn't. Instead I convinced the buyer to let me make a coffee shop. He wanted to take it all down for a parking lot."

"And he didn't?" I turned around, astonished.

"Yeah, I think it had something to do with the fact that he didn't want the people of Smallville to hate him," Lana explained. "He just moved in. Lex Luthor, the famous billionaire from Metropolis? Lionel Luthor's son?"

"Yeah, that name rings a bell. I wasn't exactly following the news back in Metropolis, but I know about Lionel," I admitted.

"Smallvillians hate the Luthors, so I guess Lex just used my idea to make them like him a bit."

"Did it work?" I asked.

"I'm not sure yet," she admitted. "But it didn't make things worse like the parking lot would and that's a plus."

"But wait… you just went to him for help? Just like that?" I asked, now really interested as the story seemed so improbable.

"Oh, no, he's a friend of Clark's," Lana explained. "You wouldn't believe the strangeness that is happening all the time in this town. Clark actually saved his life."

"Really?" I raised my eyebrows in surprise.

"After his Porsche crashed into the water," Lana informed.

"Ok, that one actually doesn't surprise me. Billionaires are spoilt brats," I said. I should know from experience in my previous school.

"Well, not Lex apparently. He's kind of… lonely. He must be if he's friends with Clark. He's also… bald. He lost his hair in the meteor shower, can you believe it? He's been through very tough times in school."

"Maybe we do have something in common after all," I decided, murmuring under my nose.

"Clark is reallllyyyy late," Lana sighed again as she looked at the clock that was hanging on the wall, her voice exasperated. "I'm really…"

"…sorry!" someone from the door finished after her.

We turned around and I saw a tall, dark-haired man. I needed to admit, he was really well-built, muscular and very handsome.

"Clark Kent I guess," I spoke to him, reminding myself that he was my best friend's boyfriend and therefore off limits. Then I remembered the problems Lana actually had with him, so I rather not engage myself in admiring his looks.

"And you must be Jessica, hi." He came over to me and reached his hand to me.

"Nice to meet you." I smiled to him.

"Lana, I…"

"Safe it, Clark." Lana just wove her hand at him and left the room. "Coffee," I heard from her when she was already on the staircase.

"So, did Lana tell you all there is to know about Smallville?" he asked.

"Well, she did mention some… wacky stuff, but I guess it's just…"

"It's not," Clark suddenly interrupted me.

"Hah?" I asked, not really getting his point.

"Everything she told you, no matter how crazy it sounded, it was all true. Are you sure you want to stay here? I mean…" He suddenly got embarrassed, shifting form one leg to another. "Sorry, I didn't mean it as I wanted you gone… I just…"

"It's ok," I laughed. How such a good looking guy could act so awkwardly? "But I'm just having a very hard time to believe it all."

"When you'll see it on your own eyes, you will."

"We'll see about that."

"I really need to introduce you to my friend, Chloe Sullivan, she will be delighted to fill you in in every single crazy theory of hers. Crazy, but it doesn't mean that it's not true." Clark winked at me.

"Well, I guess I would have to take your word on that."

* * *

I had the opportunity to meet Chloe once she dropped by the Talon the very same day. Apparently, she was highly addicted to coffee.

Clark introduced us and I did not really know what to think of her. I did not take an instant liking to her like I did with Clark, but some people took a lot more to get used to or like once one met them. From what I had already heard, Chloe was a great and a loyal friend to both Clark and Lana, so I was sure I would be able to look past her nosiness. I could not define her any other way, but I guessed it was only natural since she was a reporter and dreaming of becoming one for the Daily Planet. She asked me a lot of questions and at some point Clark must have noticed that I was getting uncomfortable, because he said, "Chloe, let her breathe, she's just got here. I'm sure there'll be plenty of time for you to get to know each other closer."

I was really grateful for that and sent Clark a smile. I might not have established any friendship with Chloe that day, but I was sure Clark would be a great friend for me in the future. He had that kind of an air around him. I felt like I could trust him and he would understand me. To Chloe I would have to get used to.

She finally stopped asking questions and I had the chance to find something out about the famous Wall of Weird Clark and Lana had told me about. Chloe lightened up and began chattering about it, but then she sighed heavily, "You just have to see it on your own eyes, Jess! The day the school starts again, you need to come to the Torch so I could show you!"

It was summertime now. I seemed not to choose the best time for moving here as there was no school.

* * *

After a few days I was sure that coming to Smallville was a good decision. I had needed a change in my life. Even though before I had had been hesitant, now I was not anymore. I was happy here. I finally felt… right, like I truly belonged somewhere. I did not know whether it was because it was the town my parents had lived in or the town I was born in, but I did feel home here. I did not regret leaving everything else behind - even though there was not really much to leave anyway. My uncle might have raised me, but at that his role in my life seemed to end. He no longer had to feel guilty. He had done his part, he had honored my father by taking care of me and now, he did not really have any obligations toward me left. Maybe it seemed cruel or sad, but I was all right. My uncle and my father had never really gotten along well and I was not close to the first either. He was just a mean to survive the traumatic years of my lonely childhood. As I thought of it, I had had better relations with my uncle's second wife than with him. I inherited enough money after my parents to fend for myself. I still needed a job though, so I would not run out of that money too soon. Lana needed a waitress in the Talon anyway and I was happy to fill in that spot.

Life was pretty good right now, I guessed, except one thing that bothered me. Clark and Chloe kept talking about those people that they called _meteor infected_ and I could just listen to all that stories in awe. I could not believe it. I thought that was some kind of a welcome joke, like every new person in Smallville needed to go through that faze in which their friends tried to deceive her. But it went on and on and I really did not know what to think of it anymore. I could not believe it. Not entirely. Such thing were just not possible, were they? I could understand a baby with six fingers and some anomaly in the cattle's fetus, but people with actual powers? Sucking fat out of people? Sucking heat? Transforming oneself into someone else? That seemed a little bit far-fetched for me.

At least until the day I witness one of such incidents…

* * *

"That was weird…" Lana said when taking the free chair by my table in the Talon. I was just having my break so I was drinking coffee while reading the Daily Planet.

"What is?" I asked, my curiosity piqued. I really loved it here, but it was a small town and compared to Metropolis, there was not really much going on here.

"I just saw Mary… she's my classmate," Lana added an explanation as I did not know everyone just yet. "I was actually surprise to see her. She stopped going to school a few months back and no one has seen her ever since until today."

"Well, that should be good news, right?" I asked. "She's all right."

"That's the thing," Lana confessed when looking me in the eye, "I don't think she is."

"Why?"

"I could've sworn her skin was a little… greenish…"

"Greenish?" I repeated, my eyes opening wide. I did not really know what to say or how to react to that. "Lana, are you sure you weren't just blinded by the s…"

"Jess, I know you don't want to believe it, but there are really weird things happening in this town all the time. Right before I found you and contacted you after all those years, there was Emily."

"That girl you were telling me about," I remembered. "The one LuthorCorp experimented on."

"Yes, but… they wouldn't have succeeded in those experiments if it hadn't been for the meteor rocks…"

"Lana, just because this… Mary… looked a little…"

"That's not all. She was holding her hand to her chest like it was injured somehow, broken or…"

"Did you ask her about it?" I inquired, doing my best to be helpful, but it sounded more wacky to me with every second.

"She ran off before I did," Lana sighed. "I'll go call Chloe…"

She was just about to stand up when we heard a deep manly voice, "Ladies."

I looked up, curious to whom this voice belonged to. It was nice, masculine, but in the same time reserved and schooled.

I saw Clark, but right next to him there was a man I did not know. One look at him told me exactly who he was as he was completely bald.

I realized I was looking into the eyes of no one else but the famous - or should I say - infamous Lex Luthor.

I saw his pictures in the papers, but now I knew they did not do him any justice. He was much more handsome in person. He was tall, his body slim, graceful and attractive. And his eyes… I thought I was mesmerized there for a moment, staring like some stupid fan girl - which of course I was not - into the… were they blue or gray? I could not really tell.

"Lex, this is Jessica. Jessica… Lex…" Clark finally introduced us.

I stood up, feeling stupid when I was the only one sitting. Lana gone by now.

"Mr. Luthor," I said, my voice a little shaky, but I managed to school it and I reached my hand to him. "Nice to meet you."

I could not believe I was actually shaking a little and could only pray they did not notice that. This man seemed to electrify the air around him. There was something about him… something alluring and in the same time unattainable. His entire presence was intoxicating.

I sucked in my breath when his hand met mine and I could feel tiny sparks of electricity running between us. We definitely had chemistry. I never believed in love from the first sight, I was not naïve enough for it, but I did believe in the attraction. I was certainly attracted to this man and I was not so sure it that was a good thing. There seemed to be a huge gap between us and the environments we were coming from. Still, there was a gap between him and Clark and also between him and Lana.

"Oh, please, call me Lex." He smiled to me and let my hand go. "Clark and Lana's friends are my friends."

"Thanks, Lex," I said, smiling to him back and silently praying that he would not notice my burning cheeks. I could feel my face like it was lit on fire.

"Clark told me all about you moving here and I was looking forward to meeting you," Lex continued when we all sat down. "He said great things about you," he added.

"Oh, really, Clark? Like what?" I turned to my friend because I could no longer look at Lex. I was scared that my eyes would soon start doing some acrobatic as I would try to figure out where to look. I could not look into his eyes for too long and…

"We would've probably met sooner, but I was out of town in business. I needed to conclude some deals before the wedding."

"We… wedding?" I asked before I managed to bite my tongue. Great, now I stammered over those words! I so did not want to embarrass myself in front of this man. It was not enough that in his expensive suit and shoes and with that sleek irresistible bald head he looked completely out of place in… wait a sec, did I just call him irresistible? I hoped it was just a helpless crush that would go away in a few days.

"Yeah," Lex nodded. Gladly, he did not seem to notice my slip. "Didn't Clark tell you? I'm getting married."

"Must be a lucky girl," I managed to say with a smile. There you go, I said to myself, he was taken. Of course he was! What else did I expect? Handsome billionaires did not fall in love with high school girls, even if they were near eighteen. "Who is she?" I asked.

"Her name is Helen Bryce and she's a doctor," Lex said and I could tell he was proud. Who would not be? He was marrying a doctor while being an affluent businessman. Must be a match made in heaven. I could bet that Helen was beautiful.

"A doctor. Nice catch," I joked and he laughed. It did not miss my attention that he had a really beautiful laugh. He did not seem like a man who laugh often.

And he was so out of my league.

I needed to remind myself that I did not come to Smallville to find a boyfriend. I came here because I wanted to change my life. It did not matter that both Lex and Clark were unusually attractive. I did not matter that I could feel the chemistry in the air between me and Lex. They were both taken and I was sure my little crush would be over in a few days. Nothing that developed at the first sight of a man could lead anywhere anyway.

* * *

Only the problem was that it did not go away. An entire week had passed by and I still felt attracted to Lex. I did not want to. I did not even want to think about him, but I could not help it. I even started wondering if maybe I picked up some meteor power when getting here, but that did not make any sense. Besides, meteor powers did not exist, it was what I kept telling myself.

I looked at the clock idly and then when I was turning my head away, I looked right back at it. Something did not add up here. Lana had called an hour ago to tell me that she was on her way home, but Clark's farm was not that far away and that was the place she had been coming back from.

It did not take a genius to figure out that she should have been home by now, so without hesitation, I picked up the phone and dialed her cell phone number.

Nothing.

I was starting to get worry, so I decided to call Clark.

"Clark, hi… it's Jessica… Listen, Lana's not home yet. I don't know what happened... She should've been back by now. Is she still at your place?" I asked with hope, but I could feel it was all futile. Maybe I still had troubles believing in the supernatural that was allegedly happening in Smallville, but my new friends were talking about strange accidents so often that I seemed to think like them now.

"She left over an hour ago. I'll be right there," Clark just answered and hung up.

Where would he be? I was wondering, stupefied as I put the phone receiver down. He could not possibly get to the Talon in…

He was just knocking on the door. The coffee shop was already closed so I needed to go over there and let him in myself.

"How did you get here so fast?" I frowned at him when he stepped inside.

"I took a… shortcut…" he mumbled. "Now, about Lana… tell me everything."

"Last time I saw her she was heading your way," I said.

"I know that. I mean that you need to tell me everything that happened recently. Even if it seems insignificant to you. It may be important to me. Did something weird happen?" He was looking at me expectantly.

"Maybe she's at Chloe's?" I tried.

"Jess…" Clark said, his voice exasperated.

I sighed. I did not want to say it out loud, but there was a thing that was out of the ordinary. Something that Lana had told me herself.

"All right…" I sighed again. "I still don't think this has anything to…"

"Jess, just say it, please," Clark prompted, rather impatient.

I rolled my eyes. "Ok, Lana told me about some girl the other day… Mary…" I finally remembered her name. "She said that Mary looked strange like her hand was broken or injured and… that her skin looked a little… greenish. I told Lana that she must've been blinded by sunlight."

Clark shook his head. "No, she was not. This is the lead we need."

"Shouldn't we go to the police?" I suggested.

"And tell them what?" Clark asked the perfect question. "I can see them looking at me the very same way you are right now."

"Clark, I'm sorry!" I hissed. "But I just… You need to put yourself in my position. I have troubles believing in anything supernatural. I come from Metropolis. The only bad things happening out there are crimes."

"Chloe does come from the city too."

"Yes, but she's been here for a much longer time than I was."

"Jess, I don't have time for this right now. I'm not angry at you, ok?" Clark told me. "I'm just angry at whoever took Lana. Stay here. I need to go!"

"Go to where?!"

"Just… listen, please! Call me if Lana shows up!" He was gone. Just like that.

And I still had no idea what to do.

It was easy for him to tell me to wait. I was worried. Very worried. I could not call the police. I _had been _growing up in Metropolis. The police would tell me to call Lana's possible classmates and would look for her in the streets, but they would file an official report once all other leads were checked. And that might be too late.

I was pacing impatiently in my and Lana's apartment when I heard footsteps a level below.

Then it came to me that I had forgotten to lock the door again after Clark had left. Way to go! It could be a thief down there! Or… it could be Lana.

I was sick of waiting and hiding like some stupid damsel in distress so I took a poker from the fireplace and made sure I had my cell phone in my pocket. I held the poker high and opened the door, then began descending the stairs.

"Lex?!" I was so surprised when I saw the back of his sleek bald head that I tripped. I squeaked and dropped the poker. I would have fallen down the third stair if Lex had not caught me on time.

It was a perfect landing, I needed to admit that. Suddenly, I found myself in his arms, his clean scent - cologne mixed with masculinity - invaded my nostrils. I could feel the hard planes of his chest on my side and his hands were holding me and… I looked up into his eyes and lost my breath.

There went my getting over him.

"What are you doing here so late?" I asked when he let me go, making sure I was standing on my feet.

"I was dropping some papers for Lana. Are you all right?" He was looking at me closely, checking for injuries.

"I'm fine, really," I told him quickly because he was making me feel self-conscious.

"You just look… shaken," Lex explained himself.

"Well, I guess I am, but Lana… She's gone, Lex. Clark went out to look for her."

"What do you mean gone? What happened?" Lex asked and grabbed his cell phone, dialing a number. "It's me. Find Lana Lang and make sure she's ok. She's clearly disappeared. Keep me updated." He hung up. "You were saying?" he asked me, looking at me again.

"Did you just…?" I started, pointing his cell. "Did you just call a PI or something?"

"I have people at my disposal any time," he explained.

"Oh, yeah, I forgot… the powerful Lex Luthor," I teased him and I could have sworn I saw the corners of his mouth twitching slightly like he was stopping himself from laughing.

"Now, about Lana?" he prompted.

I led him to the counter to pour us some coffee and explained the situation in the meantime.

"You shouldn't be disallowing the meteor theory so fast," Lex told me when sipping his coffee and leaning on the counter. "In Smallville anything can happen. No one exaggerated when they tell you about the possible danger."

"I heard that, but it's still hard to believe," I admitted, meeting his eyes. "I come from Metropolis. How am I supposed to believe in supernatural? I was born here, that's true, but I left shortly after the shower."

"I didn't believe it once either," Lex admitted. "And then I found myself looking for space ships and people with powers."

"Space ships?" I got interested, so he told me about a man who had claimed to see one in the meteor shower.

"I found an artifact made out of a material that is not from this Earth," Lex informed me.

"You see, _that _is interesting and has a scientific proof. Tell me more."

He did, but then I started fidgeting in my seat. No Lex Luthor could take my attention from my friend who was possibly in trouble.

"Shouldn't we call the police?" I suggested.

"Trust me, police won't help you."

"You're talking like Clark," I complained.

"What I mean is that the police won't help you. My people for a change will." Lex smirked.

"Oh, right… _that_ thing," I nodded, finishing my coffee.

Talking to him and bantering seemed so easy. I really felt like we had a great potential to be friends, because obviously, nothing else could happen between us. I would get what I could. I would really like him in my life as a friend. I had no one except Lana and Clark.

As we talked a little bit more about our lives, struggles and family relations I could really see how much alike we were. Who would think? He was just as lonely as I was. Maybe that was why he was hanging out with Clark and Lana? Business was ruthless enough, especially when you were a billionaire, so I could only imagine that Lex could not afford any friends in that field unless he wanted to get stabbed in the back.

"I should make a call again," Lex said after a while and stood up when dialing a number.

He paced to the other side of the room when it happened.

I only managed to scream, "Lex, watch out!"

It was too late though. He looked at me, but then he was hit in the head from the back and dropped to the floor, his cell crashing right next to him.

"Lex!" I screamed and ran to him, but I was immediately stopped by… someone so hideous that I screamed again.

"Aren't you beautiful?" she just asked.

Then I was knocked out too and everything went black.

* * *

I woke up with a terrible headache and sore wrists. I felt bound, I could not move a muscle and when I tired, a moan escaped my lips.

"Jessica! Jess! Are you ok?!" I heard Lana's voice.

I opened my eyes, but my vision was all blurry and it took me a while to adjust my sight. I met with another splitting headache, even stronger now, but I did my best to focus all my senses, no matter the pain. I needed to be strong. I needed to get us out of here.

I gathered that I was tied up to a chair in some dark room. Right across from me was Lana in the very same predicament. I also noticed something in the corner, but I chose not to look at it too closely. They seemed to be remnants of someone's body. The walls were made from brick and the cold moldy air made me think we were in some kind of a basement.

"What… What's happening?" I asked, doing my best not to panic. All futile.

"Calm down, Jess… just, please… calm down… we're gonna be fine," Lana kept saying, doing her best to make me feel better, but I had the impression that she did not believe it herself.

"What happened?" I repeated.

"It was Mary. Just like I told you, there was something wrong with her. She's meteor infected," Lana explained.

"Lana, what…"

"Jessica, I'm serious!" Lana yelled at me and then closed her eyes when seeing the startled look on my face. "I'm sorry," she said and shook her head. "Sorry… I just… Can't you see it? It's all real!" She opened her eyes again and met mine. "I'm sorry, but it is. And I'm sorry if I got you into this mess… we can… we can die and…"

"Lana, stop!" I cut her silent. "We will not die! Clark and Lex's men are looking for us!" I chose not to think about Lex. Had Mary just left him there on the Talon's floor? Had she… killed him?

"Mary's decomposing," Lana informed me, temporarily causing me to forget about Lex.

"She… what?" I asked, frowning.

"She's decomposing. She needs a new skin to survive. A new… body. And that's the moment we come in."

"Are you seriously trying to tell me that…?" I stopped because I heard a loud squeak and the door in the end of the room opened.

"Now… I have a dilemma," I heard a female voice and then the girl came into sight. Lana was apparently right. Everyone was right. It was real.

Mary's skin was more black than green, wizened and peeling off. She was nearly bald as her hair was falling out and her teeth when she spoke… she only had a few of them left and they were yellow and decayed. It was hard to understand her when she spoke, but I managed.

"I have a dilemma," she repeated. "Shall I take some parts from the both of you or shall I leave one of you for later? What do you think?"

At this point I just started screaming for help.

Mary only laughed at me. "Do you really think someone can hear you down here? Dream on... You know what? I think I'll just take you," she pointed her finger at me. "I've already been a few brunettes in my life. Lana is a raven beauty, but you, my dear, are a fiery one and I've never before been a redhead."

I started shaking. My voice lost. I could not scream anymore. I did not even know where my tongue was or how to use it to utter sound. I was terrified to death. Was that how it would all end? One week I had come to Smallville and another I would be killed? Would someone even care? Would my uncle care? Had I managed to make friends in that week? Would anyone mourn me?

I could feel tears streaming down my face as I sobbed quietly.

Mary made a step toward me and Lana screamed, "No! Leave her alone!"

I shut my eyes and kept on shaking, waiting for death to come. Would it be painful? Would it be quick? I did not know what to expect.

In that very moment I heard… some other voices. Someone screaming. It was getting closer…

"Lana?! Jess?!"

I could not believe it, but it was Clark! I was so happy on hearing his voice! We were saved! I would see another day! I would live! I would make more friends! My life would not be lost and wasted!

The door burst open and two strangers stepped inside, directing themselves toward Mary. She was so surprised by the sudden appearance of the rescue team that she was an easy target.

Right after them Clark got inside and then… Lex.

Clark got to Lana. Of course he would. I would not blame him. She was his girlfriend and I was just a girl that he was friends with. He had known me barely for a week. That left Lex with me, so he go to me and cut the ties on my wrists and legs.

"You're safe now," he said in a warm voice.

I was still shaking, but once I was free I jumped to my feet and threw my arms around him, clinging to his body.

"Are you all right?" he whispered into my ear, causing me to shiver, but he did not notice as I was shaking anyway. He did not push me away, quite the opposite, he held me in his embrace and his hands were stroking my back. "It's ok, you're safe," he kept repeating to soothe me.

I finally pulled away when it came to me that I might have been hugging him for too long. Longer than it was appropriate for sure. Especially when he was not mine to hold.

"I'm fine now," I said, answering his previous question. "I was so… so scared," I confessed. "And you were right. You were all right," I admitted. "It's all true."

"I'm sorry you had to find out the hard way," he sympathized.

"Is there any other way?" I asked. "Are you ok?" I reminded myself that he had been knocked out as well.

"Nothing that I cannot recover from." He smiled to me. "Let's get you out of here."

* * *

"How are you holding up?" Lex asked, sitting down by my table.

We were staying up late, just sitting in the Talon and drinking coffee. None of us felt like going to sleep. Not after what had happened.

"Better, thanks," I answered. "I can't… I still can't quite believe it yet," I admitted. "Everything Chloe said turned out to be… true. The girl who sucked fat out of people… the boy that did it with heat… the bee queen… it's all…."

"Yes. That's the power of the meteor rocks," Lex spoke.

"Can anyone get infected?" I asked. "Can… I get infected if I stay here?"

"_If _you stay here?" Lex repeated. "Are you leaving?"

"I… no… I… I don't know…" I hesitated. I had nothing to come back to, but the risk...

"To answer your question," Lex started, looking a little bit down, "my scientists did not proved any theory. If you hang around meteor rocks a lot, you can get infected and you can carry that in yourself to develop a power later in a few years or… not at all."

"So if I stay away from meteor rocks, I'll be fine?" I made sure.

"Yes, you will."

"That's good to know," I breathed out a sigh of relief.

"Now…" he said and stopped. "Are you going back to Metropolis?" he finally asked.

I had the impression that if I said yes, he would be really disappointed, what was weird. He could not be interested in me. He was engaged, besides, he had all the power and money. I did not really belong to his world. Then I reminded myself that he was lonely and just like me, had only a few people that truly cared about him. He needed as many friends as he could get. And that I would be for him.

"No," I decided. "I'll stay. I was almost killed today, but on the other hand… I prefer living in this small adventurous town than have the boring life in Metropolis back."

"You actually call Metropolis boring?" Lex raised his eyebrow.

"Maybe not boring, but it's a fast city. Everyone's always rushing to somewhere and I attended a school full of snobs. I never really fit in. I didn't have parents or lots of money. I never was cool and popular."

"It's their lost," Lex told me. "You are special, Jessica, and incredibly brave. Remember that."

I smiled to him and then he stood up.

"I need to go. Long day at work tomorrow. I guess I should say… Welcome to Smallville. The town of bizarre and unexplained. See you around."

"Bye, Lex."

* * *

"Hey, are you ok?" I heard Clark's voice after a while.

I turned around and noticed that he and I were the only ones left.

"I was just about to get back to the farm when I noticed you're still here," he said and sat in a chair that had been previously occupied by Lex. "What's bothering you?" he asked. "You've been through a lot today."

"Yes…" I said, my voice trailing off. What happened that day - or yesterday for that matter, since it was nearly morning - seemed like a whole lifetime ago. And it was not what had kept me sitting here and brooding all that time either. I bit my lips, thinking hard. Could I tell him? "I'm fine, Clark. Really. I've had a hell of an initiation, but I've learnt my lesson."

"Then what is it?" he prompted. "You can trust me."

"Can you keep a secret?" I asked. There was something in his eyes that really made me believe I could tell him without risking him repeating it to Lana or worse, to Lex. He was a guy and guy did not take pleasure in gossiping, did they?

"I'm pretty good at secrets, if not the best." He winked at me.

"But can you keep it even from Lana… and… from… Lex?" I hesitated, looking into his blue pupils.

"Lex?" he frowned. "Sure, but what is it?"

Telling somebody could make me feel much better. Maybe it would be the beginning of getting over him? Maybe I just needed to get it out.

"I kind of have… feelings… for… Lex…" I said carefully, watching Clark's reaction.

"Really?" he asked, quite surprised.

"What's so strange about that?"

"Nothing, absolutely nothing. It's just… sorry, I'm not being some pompous narcissistic ass here, but… I was pretty certain you were going to say something similar about me."

"Why? You're taken."

"So's Lex."

"True," I sighed.

"Sorry… it's just… Lana, Chloe… they're kind of… like me," Clark confessed. "God knows why, because I don't deserve it, but they do like me."

"Chloe? Really?" I did not know that one. But again, I had not spent enough time with Chloe to notice anything particular about her. Well, besides the nosiness.

"Don't tell her that I…"

"Don't worry, I won't. The secrets keeping thing, it goes both ways," I assured him.

"Seriously… why Lex? Don't you feel he's kind of… dark?" Clark asked.

"Dark?" I raised my eyebrows in surprise. "No, why would I? And I don't know why I like him, but it doesn't matter now. He's in love with Helen and they're getting married."

"Yeah… but maybe it's for the best. You don't know him like I do. Lex is… not easy to love. He's a Luthor after all. He's trying his best not to become his father, but I can see him slipping sometimes and it worries me. I guess loving him must be a challenge, even our friendship is very hard to keep."

"You know what, Clark? I would take that challenge. I think I could."


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: **I forgot to tell you in the previous chapter that I also have videos to this story. You can see three of them now:

Opening Credits 1:

youtube

* * *

watch?v=8reOQZ8kWbg

* * *

Opening Credits 2:

watch?v=h0gxYpUM0j0

* * *

Vidlet Promo:

watch?v=TaEl5l5m9gQ

* * *

All the links are also in my profile

* * *

**02**

**(spoilering episode 2x22 of Smallville – Exodus)**

I could tell myself that I was stupid and immature another hundred times, but it did not seem to work. I had a crush and I could not get past it. I knew I would never have a chance with someone like Lex Luthor, but that was what my brain was telling me. The rest wanted this man. I did not even understand my own desires, it hit me and surprised me just when I thought I knew myself. Something like that had never happened to me before. Never before had I had such strong feelings for a man. It felt so different then all those other times I had been calling crushes. Should the name even stay when this was evidently something stronger? I could not get by without thinking of Lex and I kept feeling worse and worse about it. I had no future with him and therefore, I should just stop in order to spare myself some pain.

Still, my heart did not seem to listen. And I knew Lex better now than I had before. We were really on the best way to become good friends when getting along even better than he was with Lana.

Maybe I should just stop seeing him, push him away to get over him, but what kind of a person that would make me? A selfish one who only looked for herself. I knew better than to do that. Lex was a very complicated and reserved man. Most of his insecurities and problems were rooted deeply into his childhood, they were connected to the lost of his mother and the person of his father - Lionel. It was very hard to get through to Lex, even when being his friend. He never seemed to let his guard down. For anyone. I could not just tell him I did not want to speak to him ever again. That would hurt him, especially when he needed friends so badly.

I found myself in a huge mess.

And Lex was getting married in exactly two days!

Even though this handsome bald billionaire was on my mind most of the times, I could still notice that something weird was happening with Clark. He was acting all out of place and refused to tell anyone what was wrong. I could understand this, I really could, if only he was willing to talk to someone closer to him! Like his parents or Lana. His relationship with Lana was very rocky right now, but he did not seem to want to work on the honesty part. I guessed that once I had gotten used to this strange town, I would also have to add Clark to that category. Speaking of witch… he just entered the Talon.

"Hey, Jess," he said when he spotted me and made his way to me. "Have you seen Lana?" he asked in nervous voice.

"She went with Chloe to get a dress for Lex's wedding," I informed him.

"And you didn't go with them?" Clark seemed surprised.

"I already have a dress," I gave him the answer while refilling the sugar bowls.

"But isn't that what girls like to do? Going shopping even if they don't need stuff?" he suggested, leaning on the counter.

This time I did not answer.

"Jessica…" he sighed. "Are you still…?" he started, but then I interrupted him.

"Yeah, and believe me I tried! I tried to stop thinking about him and I can't! It's like a stupid bug in my head!" I complained, feeling like a complete idiot. I should be a mature woman, not some silly teenager with a crush on the town billionaire.

"It'll get better with time. Maybe you'll even get over him," Clark said sympathetically.

I liked that about him. He did not seem to judge even when I was sure I sounded silly. He was a good friend, but I would not want him to be my boyfriend. He might be devilishly handsome, but I had seen enough of his relationship with Lana.

"I think you'll definitely get past it when you get to know Lex better," Clark added, clearly trying hard to make me feel better, but I noticed something else in that sentence.

"You know, he's supposed to be your friend and friends shouldn't say stuff like that about each other," I pointed out, looking at him to see his expression.

"I told you that this friendship is… difficult," Clark answered. "Jess, I do everything I can to believe Lex and believe in him, but sometimes… it's just too hard. You stick in Smallville long enough and you'll see. Besides, there will be plenty of men standing in line to have a date with you in the near future, trust me, I can tell. If it wasn't for Lana, I would be attracted to you right now."

"Thanks for building my self-esteem," I laughed and then my voice changed as I took another look at him. "Clark… you're kind of… shaky. Is everything all right?" I asked with concern.

"Sure, it is," he said, but a little too fast. He was a bad liar. "I just wanted to see Lana…"

"You'll see her when she gets back."

"Yes…" Only he sounded like it would not happen. Like he would never see her again.

And I really did not know how to help him.

* * *

When my shift was over I went for a walk and I suddenly saw Helen Bryce, Lex's fiancée. There would be nothing atypical about it if she was not in the company of Lionel Luthor, Lex's father. What more, he was just handing her some envelope.

I could only guess what was inside.

I hid behind a tree as I did not want them to see me. I did not meet them officially yet, but I did not want to take any chances. Who knew if Lionel was not having Lex followed?

As they finally parted in opposite directions I started to think hard. What should I do now? Should I tell Lex about what I had seen? Did he know that his bride to be was making deals with his father? Or maybe I should just stay out of this? Should I really try to meddle into someone else's affairs? But what if what I had seen was important? What if it would change everything?

What if it _did not_? What if I would only make a fool of myself in Lex's eyes?

I could not risk our newly founded friendship. I could not just drive straight into his place and accuse his fiancée of some wrongdoings with his father. It was obvious which side Lex would take. He should give Helen the benefit of the doubt. He had known her longer, he was marrying her. Surely, he knew who she was.

Still, this whole situation did not let me rest, so I just decided to call Clark. That was the safest option.

"Yeah?" he picked up after the sixth signal. I was about to give up when he finally answered.

"Clark…" I was very relieved.

"Did something happen?" he asked me immediately. "Is somebody in danger?"

"God, no. You're paranoid, you know that?"

"What is it then?" he asked, ignoring my remark.

"I just… well… I just saw Helen Bryce and Lionel Luthor. He was giving her some envelope. Do you think I should tell Lex about it? Should they meet behind his back like that?" I bit my lower lip while thinking hard.

"Jessica…" Clark sighed. "I probably shouldn't be telling you this, but there is a great chance that there won't actually be a wedding."

"What?! What happened?!" I was surprised but also relieved. How evil that made me?

"That's between Lex and Helen, but it's all Lex's fault. It always is, Jess, so please… if you still can… just stay away from him. It's for your own good. He never had luck in love," Clark advice.

"Should I tell him what I saw anyway?" I asked, having too many confused thoughts in my head to really think of what Clark had just told me. I could not really wrap my brain around it. He was a loyal friend, I could see it, but when it came to Lex…

"No. I guess it's not important anymore," Clark answered. "Just… don't tell anything to anybody and… go to the wedding anyway if there's no official announcement, ok?"

"Ok, I will." I promised and he just hung up.

* * *

**The wedding day [including the deleted scene with Lionel in the church that appeared on the DVD]**

It was the wedding day and I was supposed to be getting dressed. Only I did not feel like it at all. Instead, I was sitting by the dressing table, staring at my freshly polished nails. That was how far I had gotten in my preparations.

"Jessica!" I heard Lana calling me. "What are you doing?! Get dressed! We have to go like… nowish!" she scolded me.

I shifted my eyes from my hands to her and saw that she was already all dressed up and her hair was done too.

"I…" I stopped. What could I tell her? "You go ahead. I'll follow when I'm ready," I just finished, changing my mind. After all, I had promised Clark I would not say anything to anyone. Only I also promised I would go to the wedding…

"You know we won't be waiting for you, don't you?" Lana asked. "You're not the bride, Jess." It was obviously a joke, but it hurt me.

"I know," I managed to say and pretend I was laughing at it. In fact, it was not funny at all. I was sad and strangely apathetic that day. I kept fighting myself. I could not just go out there to Lex's wedding and then when I would hear that it was cancelled, just be sad about it. I would be happy. I hated myself for being so immature and petty, but that was the truth. Still, Lex breaking up with Helen did not mean that he would instantaneously shift his attention to me. It was a silly dream that had no grounds in reality.

"Ok, I'm leaving you here, but try not to be late," Lana said. "I'm sure Lex would really like you to be there. He doesn't have many friends in his life."

"I know. I'll be there," I repeated and finally, saw Lana walking to the door and then leaving, closing it silently after her.

Everybody saw it. Lex needed friends. I was just a friend to him. But that was still more than I could expect. I silently promised myself to find a better subject of affection once I would start going to school in the fall. Maybe my obsession with Lex happened because I had no one else to be obsessed about. Yes, it would all change in the fall. I would finish my last year in high school and I would find a boyfriend I would really care about. Lex would just be my friend. It was completely normal to have all those urges in my young age.

Still, I felt like not going anywhere today. What was the point?

* * *

Twenty minutes later my phone rang.

"Jess?!" I heard Lana's nervous voice once I picked up.

"Yes? Did something happen?" I knew I needed to fake my surprise right now because he wedding was certainly called off by now.

"Have you seen Clark?!" Lana asked and that baffled me completely.

"Clark…? I don't… I don't understand…" I frowned. "Is everything alright?"

"Yes, everybody's here. The wedding's gonna start any time now and Clark's missing! He supposed to be Lex's best man! And why the hell you're still home?!" Lana snapped at me and I could not really blame her.

It took me a few seconds to understand fully what she was telling me and then I realized with horrification that the wedding was apparently not called off. And Clark – the only person who knew about the fact that Lionel and Helen had made a deal behind Lex's back – was missing.

"Lana, listen to me! Hand the phone over to Lex!" I told her with urgency in my voice.

"Are you crazy? Lex's waiting by the altar right now… I have to go!"

"No, Lana, just…!"

She hung up on me.

I dropped the phone and ran out of the Talon. Maybe it was not too late. Maybe I still had some time to tell Lex the truth, even if this meant destroying his wedding. I was not about me anymore, it was about him. As much as I liked him as a man, he was also my friend. A friend who was about to get hurt.

* * *

When I finally got to the church I just ran inside, pushing the door opened with my whole strength, not bothering how inappropriate it was.

As I found myself inside it turned out that I did not make a fuss because there was no Lex nor Helen by the altar. I did not see any priest either. Just the guests were present and… I was surprised to see the lonely figure of Lionel Luthor standing in the middle of the aisle. All the eyes were on him, not on me.

I started wondering whether Lex and Helen had got married or not when Mr. Luthor turned around and finally, everyone noticed me standing in the open door.

"Jessica, why aren't you dressed up?"I spotted Lana who was making her way to me. She was looking at my t-shirt and jeans with disapproval in her eyes.

"Where… where's Lex?" I asked, ignoring her. I felt myself shaking a little. "Please, tell me he didn't get married…"

Before Lana managed to shoot me even weirder look, Lionel answered me, "Lex is not here." His voice calm and powerful. "And you are…?" He asked, also making his way to me and scrutinizing me with his blue eyes.

"Mr. Luthor… I'm… I'm Jessica Hamby," I said, stammering a little. After all, I had never been in the company of such a powerful person. With Lex it was different, even though he was also a billionaire and an heir of Lionel Luthor, he was not so cold and intimidating in his posture. He was never so distant and ice cold either, at least not to his friends. Lionel Luthor looked at me as I was something much less than he was, he seemed to believe that he was above everyone present in this church, that he could do anything he liked and not bare any consequences. All in all, I decided that he was not a good person and never cared if he hurt someone. I felt even more worse when I thought of all the people's lives he must have destroyed on his path to power.

"Well, Ms. Hamby," he addressed me again, irony in his voice and eyes. I decided not to be intimidated by him. He was nothing better than I was, if so, he was worse. I never intentionally hurt people and I knew what he had done to his only son. "Did you want to stop the wedding?" he actually chuckled, clearly mocking me, getting ideas into his head. Well, those ideas would not be that far from the truth, but still…

"Yes," I said, this time doing my best so my voice would not waver. "I saw you and Helen Bryce striking a deal behind Lex's back. That is the only reason I thought I should come here. I wanted to tell him that before he married her," I informed.

Lana sucked in a breath, there was also a commotion among all the present people. How had it happened that I suddenly was in the centre of attention? I had tried to be for so many years back in Metropolis, paradoxically all it took was coming here, to Smallville.

"We did meet behind my son's back," Lionel admitted, not losing his cool and impersonal façade. Did this man have any feelings at all? I wondered. "I have come here today for the very same reason you have, Ms. Hamby. I wanted to stop Lex and not only he hadn't sent me an invitation to his own wedding, he has just eloped with Helen."

"He _what_?!" I raised my voice in surprise.

It was not that Lex had rather elope than have his own father at his wedding. It was that Lionel was still standing here, talking to me while his son was making the biggest mistake of his life. Was Lex not worth the effort to actually go after him?

"I suspect this woman might want to kill him for his money," Lionel added.

"And you're just standing here like nothing's happened?!" I asked, now completely stupefied. It was too much information. It seemed like meeting Lionel Luthor in person once was enough for a whole lifetime. I was so sick of him being so cold and emotionless.

"What? Kill Lex?" Lana was shocked. "But she was so nice!"

I wanted to laugh bitterly now. Lana clearly did not know people. I did. I had been growing up in Metropolis and I knew that the ones who seemed to be the nicest were usually the ones who would stab you in the back in the end.

"Go after him. He's you son," I said, still mesmerized as Lionel was here instead of running after Lex to stop him.

"My son tends to make very poor choices when it comes to his feelings," Lionel answered. "It's time he's learnt a lesson."

I felt like I needed to go outside to breath the fresh air. I had never thought I would hear something like this from a father. Parents were supposed to protect their children, not push them toward danger to teach them something. Lionel was clearly willing to put Lex through hell - again - and to risk his death - probably again - to give him a lesson. I knew that in the end, Lex would not have learnt anything, he would just become like his father, cold and impersonal. I could not watch that happen. Not ever. I wanted Lex to be the person he was now. The person I liked so much.

Maybe not everything was lost? I thought. I could try and go to the airport. Maybe I would still manage to catch Lex's private plane. It was not likely, but maybe, just maybe, I would be lucky?

I turned around with the intention to get to my car and drive there when I heard a deafening bang. It was an explosion. The church walls shook and I stumbled but managed to catch my balance in the end.

There was a commotion in the church as people started getting up and running to the entrance, pushing me and Lana on their way out.

I took Lana's hand and we also left the church just to see billows of smoke right where I knew the Kents' farm was.

"Where's Clark? Where are Mr. and Mrs. Kent?" I asked, noticing that they were not here. "Did Clark make it at all?"

"No… and I have no idea…" Lana was also terrified. "I hope that wasn't Helen's job… Let's go there! We need to make sure they're all right!" She caught my hand, pulling me to her car. Chloe appeared and joined us.

I did not know about whom I should be worried about anymore. Two of my friends were missing and in possible mortal danger.

* * *

I was sitting in the hospital hall, looking at the opposite wall numbly.

The explosion, indeed, had occurred on the Kents' farm and Martha Kent was lying in a hospital bed right now. Fortunately, she was the only one who had gotten injured and she would survive this.

I finally tore my eyes away from the plaster on the wall and shifted them to Clark and Jonathan arguing on the other end of the hall. A moment ago Lana had approached Clark, trying to help him the best she could, to give him support and just be there for him, but he had pushed her away.

I did not know where she had gone after that, but I was sure she was crying. I was so sick of all the suffering around me. Sick of not knowing where Lex was and if he was all right. Sick of watching Clark like that. Sick of seeing his mother lying unconscious in that bed.

"Clark…" I finally went over to him once his father just waved his hand at him and disappeared into Martha Kent's room.

I could not stand seeing Clark like that anymore nor could I stand him treating Lana so badly.

I was in my mid-way to him and he even looked at me once I called his name, but in this very moment Lana came back and grabbed my hand, pulling me in the opposite direction. "Leave it," she just said. "I understand him, I do. He's been through a lot. It's his mother in that bed after all. We just need to leave him alone for a while."

"But he needs somebody right now," I protested. "He needs somebody who would make him feel better… We need to be there for him."

"I know… but this is Clark's way and it always has been. Believe me, I'm having a hard time putting up with that too."

I sighed but listened to her. She had known Clark longer than I did.

"Why don't we go to the Talon then?" I suggested. "That's the first place he'll look for you if he wants to talk."

"Good idea," Lana agreed and we directed ourselves to the exit.

I felt like I was in some kind of a trance or just a character in a very bad movie. Good and dear Martha Kent was in hospital in a really bad condition and I still had no news about Lex.

I could only have hope that Lionel was mistaken. I could only hope that Lex had seen through Helen and he had a plan of how to get back at her.

* * *

"Lana?" When I saw her coming back from the farm the next morning her face was covered in tears. "Lana, what happened?!" I got to her quickly, worried sick. That was all I had been doing recently. I was worrying about everything, impatiently waiting for it to be resolved.

"He… he just… left…" Lana sobbed when she finally reached me. "He just left and… he left me… he asked me to come with him to Metropolis, but I refused. Going away wouldn't solve anything… I don't understand him anymore… When the hell he'll stop hurting me?!"  
The last question was so loud that people sitting in the Talon over their coffees, raised their heads to see what was going on.

I took Lana's arm and directed her to one of the most secluded tables and we sat by it.

"How could he just leave like that?" she kept wondering and sobbing. "Leave his parents? His mother's still in hospital for a god's sake!... Did you know she was pregnant? She lost the baby and now… Clark's father said something about it being Clark's fault, because Clark was on the farm when the explosion happened and Kents were in the car driving there and…" Lana stopped, clearly too tired or too emotional to go on.

So Martha Kent had been pregnant. I felt even bigger sorrow for the Kents' family now. I had been in Smallville long enough to know that Mr. and Mrs. Kent could not have children and they had adopted Clark. If they had the chance to have their own flesh and blood right now… it was a miracle. A miracle that ended dramatically with the mother losing her child and barely holding on to her own life. But none of this seemed to be Clark's fault.

"I'm sure his father was just worried about his mother and… he didn't mean…" I started.

"That's what I told Clark, but he… he wouldn't listen…" Lana interrupted me. "He said we'd all be better without him… How could he?!" she asked like I could have given her an answer.

"I don't know… I don't know him that well… I'm so sorry, Lana…" I tried the best I could, but sometimes good intentions were for nothing. A person just needed to go through pain alone. All I could do was being by her side. "What is that?" I suddenly asked with curiosity when I looked at the paper she kept squeezing in her hands. It was so rumpled that I barely recognized it as a newspaper.

She sobbed even louder and then she slowly handed it over to me.

I opened it and smoothed out, then I felt like there was no ground under my feet anymore. I read:

_Lex Luthor presumed dead in plane crash_

"Lana… I'll… I'll be right back…" I murmured and ran to the back of the shop. Once the door closed behind me I just leaned against the wall and slowly slid down against it to the floor. The paper slipped out of my hands.

I was surprised by the sharp pain in my chest that I felt. Tears welled up in my eyes and then began flowing down my face. I felt spasms of pain all over my body like I could not breath. Like something very heavy had been dropped on my chest, pierced my hard and made it impossible for me to catch my breath. Crying did not help much, it just clogged me even more.

All I could feel was this agony of lost and guilt swelling inside me.

Why could not have I listened to Clark and gone to the wedding after all?

_WHY?!_

If I had, Lex would have still been here. Alive.

And now both Lex and Clark were gone. Possible forever.

And Lex was… dead.


	3. Chapter 3

**03**

**(spoilering 03x01 of smallville)**

It had been three months since Lex and Clark had disappeared. One probably dead, buried somewhere in the Atlantic as his body had never been found, the other alive but also nowhere to be found. I still could not believe that Clark had just run away like that, leaving his parents and his girlfriend who loved him so dearly. He had turned out to be a coward who could not deal with his feelings, with guilt. Or maybe he had just been going through a rebel phase in his life. Either way, what he had done was awful. I still thought about it so long after he fact, partially because Clark just did not seem the type to do something like that. When I had met him he seemed to be so loyal, so good. Lana had told me that he always wanted to save people. Speaking of Lana, even she was surprised by his behavior, but she was also hurting.

I still had troubles wrapping my brain around the fact that I had come here to start a new life and soon was welcomed by pain and grief. Still, it was my town, the town I was born in and I would not leave. At least not until it would hurt too much. Not until I would know for sure what had happened to Lex and with Clark.

Today was Lex's funeral. It seemed to be a little late, but Lionel Luthor had been firmly believing his son to be alive all this time. He had spent fortune to look for him, but found nothing. Maybe if even he lost his hope and finally gave up, then I should too.

Still, I could not understand this man and I thought I never would. He had not gone after Lex, he had not stopped him, instead he had been searching for him ever since. Something was off here. Or maybe Lionel did what he knew best, he was using his money to fix everything. He preferred to spend them for searching parties instead of trying harder to stop Lex himself, of being honest with him, of apologizing to him.

Clark was right. That family was pretty much screwed up.

I had had hope all summer, but now… I slowly started to realize that I would never see Lex again. Maybe I would see Clark. Maybe he would come back. But not Lex. Lex was dead. No one would survive so long in the sea.

The worst part was that Lex's wife - or maybe I should say widow - was living in his mansion in luxury and spending her money for… clothes. What happened to her medicine career? Apparently, Helen Bryce was not ambitious enough and decided to drop everything since she already had more money than she could ever dream of. If she had finished med school, she must have had a purpose, must she not? Why the trouble? Why all those years spent over books to just drop it all now? What had she thought? That by being a doctor she would earn more money to suffice for her high life style? Or maybe she wanted to become one just to woo some powerful man? I guessed I would never figure her out either. All I knew now was that money changed people. Even the best ones could be corrupted and become just shadows of their old selves.

I also did not understand how Lionel could just watch what Helen was doing and do nothing about it himself. I had even gathered my courage to call him once to ask about that. Surprisingly, this time he did not seem to be mocking me or talking down to me, he just bluntly informed me that there was no evidence that would implicate the new Mrs. Luthor.

It was a dead end.

I finally heaved myself from the couch and went downstairs to meet Lana. I was already prepared for the funeral, wearing black dress and having done my make up. It was ironic, I should have managed to get ready on time when Lex had had about to get married. Now, when I finally was, it was too late.

"Jessica…" Lana called my name when she saw me descending the stairs.

She was not all right either, in fact, she was in even worse shape than I was. I should not be surprised, Lana and Clark had been serious about their relationship just before he had left, breaking her heart to pieces. Mrs. Kent had recovered a long time ago and everything seemed to be back to normal. _Seemed,_ because there were people missing in this town, people we had got to used to seeing almost every day.

This obviously was the worst summer in my life, yet, I was still here. I did not know why, but I stayed and I would stay. Lana needed me. And it felt so good to be needed. Like I had a purpose, like I was _wanted_ here and I had never felt that way in Metropolis. I understood now that life meant pain and suffering, probably more often than it meant happiness, but I took it all in. I survived it and I would go on along the path I had chosen. I would not be a coward, I would not keep running from this pain. There was nothing for me back at my uncle's house and I would never bring myself to actually ask him to let me move back in.

I also realized that I had grown and matured a lot this three months. I had left the insecure teenager behind and become a young woman. Maybe a woman who had been through too much like for her age, but a woman nevertheless. I fit in. For the first time I fit in because of what I had been through. People in this town related to that same pain of lost.

"What is it, Lana?" I asked when I finally made my way to her and took a closer look at her face.

"I've just been wondering…" she hesitated, but then she went on, "Are _you _all right? I didn't want to bring this up, but… I know you too well, Jess. What is it? Is it Clark? You two weren't that close as I remember, but…"

"What?" I asked, surprise evident on my face and then, I finally understood what she was trying to ask me. "Oh, no, Lana, of course not! There's nothing between me and Clark but friendship. I promise."

"All right," Lana nodded. "Then…" she bit her lower lip and finally blurted out, "Is it Lex?"

I could not help it. I could not look into her eyes right now, because she would read me like an open book. Instead, I just looked down. Stupid move as well, because that was also a confirmation.

"Were you and him…?" Lana started, clearly feeling awkward when implying this.

"No," I denied quickly, raising my eyes to hers so she could see the truth in them. "Nothing like that. I just…" my voice trailed off. I felt too ashamed.

"Oh… ohhh!" Lana finally understood. "I'm sorry. It must've been hard for you to like him that way and see him getting marry to another person."

"Not as hard as knowing that this person might've killed him and I'm not able to do anything about it. I even called Lionel a few weeks ago…" I admitted.

"You what?! Really? And what did he say?" Lana asked, clearly impressed and interested.

"_There's no evidence_," I repeated what Lionel had told me. "That's what he said. Sometimes I have the impression that he didn't care about Lex at all… Is that an awful thing to think about him?" I asked.

"Lionel is…" Lana stopped, trying to find the right words to describe the man, but she clearly could not, because she said instead, " a very weird father. He was always challenging Lex and not in a good way. He's also not the person you should be talking to. Believe me, I know."

"He can't be that bad if he gave Chloe her own column in the Daily Planet," I noticed, desperately trying to find something that could help me understand the person of the Luthor senior.

"You don't know the whole story. I'm sure that there was a catch. It's only between Chloe and Lionel, but believe me, better to stay away… Ready?"

"I… I just…" I sighed deeply, doing my best in fighting tears. It dawned on me that soon I would be the witness to an official burial of Lex. Suddenly, it became too much to handle. I saw his eyes in my memories. I remembered when I had finally decided that they had two colors, blue-gray and were the most beautiful…

"Jess, I miss him too. We're in this together," Lana said in a broken voice. "And Clark… god, I wish I knew if he was at least ok…"

We were both close to crying, but she was right. We were in this together.

I put my arms around her and we hugged. There was nothing we could do but be there for each other. And still, it was more than I had ever had. I needed to keep reminding myself that. Coming here might have brought me some unwelcomed pain, but it had matured me, it had made me realize what was important in life and how fast it could go away. Also, I finally belonged. I was with someone who knew what I was going through because we were in this together.

"Don't feel ashamed about your feelings for Lex," Lana said to my astonishment when we let go off each other. "Sometimes you see the person and you just… know. Trust me." She managed to send me a sad smile and then she took my hand and led me to the door.

* * *

We met with Chloe at the funeral and once she took a good look at us she asked with compassion in her voice, "Are you two ok?"

I started to like her more and more. She might be a inquisitive reporter and sometimes a huge pain in the ass, but when it came to something important and to her friends' pain, she was understanding and a great friend herself.

"It's not that bad…" Lana lied and sent her another fake smile. "How are you doing?" she asked.

"I took a trip to the caves before getting here," Chloe stated and I could tell by the look on her face that something bothered her. "I saw Lionel there."

"What was he doing?" Lana asked, her curiosity piqued.

I knew about the famous Kawatche caves by now. Lana and Chloe had told me all about them and their history. I had even gone there once and I had to admit, they were impressive and the story of Naman and Sageeth Chloe had told me, was very interesting as well.

"He cares about the caves' secret more than about his own son," Chloe sighed heavily. "This man is the devil in human skin."

And speaking of the devil… Lionel was just giving a speech right next to Lex's tombstone. I tried hard not to think too much about the latter.

"I think the cruelest fate that… a parent can suffer…" Lionel started while looking at the stone and then at the crowd, "…is to lose a child. Lex was touched with greatness. We only just begun to see that potential," he finished.

I was watching his face and suddenly, I was angry, furious even. How could he just stand there and talk about Lex like that when he could have stopped him if he had really tried to?! How could he just speak of his son like that? Like he had truly been a good loving parent?! How could he tolerate Helen's presence in the Luthor mansion? How could he just let her spend his own money like that?

"Clark?" I suddenly heard Lana's pitched voice right next to me.

I turned to her.

"What?" I asked. "Did you say Clark?"

"He was there! I saw him!" She pointed something in the distance, but there was no one.

"Lana, he's not…" I started, but she was already making her way through the crowd so I followed her.

When we reached the place, no one was there just like I had told her.

"Lana, maybe…" I started, placing my hand on her shoulder.

"No, I saw him! I did!" she cut me off. "He must've run off again when I noticed him, but he was here, Jess. He's all right. At least I know that much," she said.

"Ok," I agreed with her. Who was I to contradict her? Maybe she had really seen Clark.

There was silence and then people started murmuring.

We turned around to see what was this disarray all about and we noticed Helen Bryce dressed all in black and holding purple flowers in her hand.

Lex's favorite color, I realized when she made her way to the tombstone and looked at Lionel.

He clearly did not like her presence because he just turned around and left.

It did not surprise me. Sometimes silence and actions spoke more than words and he knew better to make a scene at the funeral.

I was furious once again. I had never before felt such a hate toward a person. I loathed Helen Bryce. I wanted her to suffer. I wanted her… dead. How dare she come here dressed up in mourning clothes when she had been shopping and wearing colorful dresses all summer?! How dare she have the audacity to bring Lex's favorite flowers?! Could not people see who she really was?

I started walking, then speeded up.

"Jess… no!" Lana tried to stop me, probably thinking I was about to tell Helen off, but I was already gone.

I ran past the tombstone and stopped right by Lionel who was just about to get into his limousine.

"Mr. Luthor!" I jumped in front of him, cutting his way out.

"Ms. Hamby," he said, nodding. He did not seem to be disturbed at all, steel mask on his face. "It's nice of you to come," he finally added. "Now, would you excuse…"

"Why won't you do something about her?" I asked, interrupting him. It was rude, but I did not care anymore. "You just let her live in the mansion? You just let her spend Lex's money? Did he mean so little to you?!"

"And what exactly did he mean to _you_, miss Hamby? How long have you known him exactly?" Lionel asked, ignoring my remarks. I should have known better anyway. Nothing I said would stir him. He had years of schooling himself in the ruthless business environment.

"That's not the point! It's about justice! I… I'll go to the Daily Planet!" I suddenly came up with, losing it completely. I was desperate. I was grieving. I was furious. Helpless. And it was not a good mix.

"And what do you exactly have on Helen Bryce?" he asked. It did not miss my attention that he said Bryce, not Luthor. He must have not accepted her into his family even if legally she was a part of it now. "You saw her with me on the street. That's all. You don't even have a picture of us. Even the Inquisitor wouldn't print such a story."

"But…" I started again.

"I wanted to stop my son. I did everything I could, but he simply eloped with her. What are you suggesting I should do now? Kill her?" he asked sarcastically, his eyes fixed on mine.

I suddenly felt dread and I almost shivered. There was something in those cold eyes, something that indicated… Could Lionel really be planning a murder? Could he really kill Helen? Maybe he could. Actually, it would not surprise me at all.

"Jessica!" Lana and Chloe got to us in this very moment and I could not ask any him anything else. Or maybe I should be glad I was interrupted because clearly this whole discussion with Lex's father was pointless and I just made a fool of myself. Lana had been right in trying to stop me. I had not thought this through. "Jessica… let's go home…" She put her hand on my shoulder. "It's not worth it."

"Ms. Hamby," Lionel spoke again, this time a little more friendly, what surprised me. "I haven't given up on my son yet. I still believe that he's alive. He is a survivor, a Luthor... But for your own good… drop it. Stop telling everybody that Helen killed her husband. It may get you in trouble." After having said that, he finally got into the car and it drove away immediately.

I just stood there, Lana and Chloe on each side of me.

No, I decided, I would never understand Lionel Luthor and it was best if I stopped trying to.

* * *

The next day only brought more confusion to the table. The moment I got down the stairs to get some coffee for breakfast I saw Lana leaving the Talon and Chloe leaning on the counter, clearly trying to put herself together.

"Chloe? What happened?!" I got to her, because I could not catch Lana.

Chloe just signed and turned around to face me.

"Well, I might as well tell you. I know where Clark is," she just blurted out.

I was standing there with my eyes widely opened. That was all the awakening I needed, I thought, forgetting about coffee.

"You _what_?!" I raised my voice, sputtering. "You _knew _the whole time and you didn't tell us?! Chloe! Do you have any idea what Lana's been going through?!"

"I had my reasons, ok?!" Chloe raised her voice too, both hurt and angry. "I'm sorry! And I've already apologized to Lana! But she's so mad at me… Jess," Chloe took a deep breath and then she spoke in her normal voice, "I had no choice. Clark told me that if I said anything to anyone, he would just run away again and this time to a place where no one would ever find him."

"You could've at least told his parents," I said, not accepting this explanation. "They've been worried sick! Poor Mrs. Kent lost…"

"I know!" Chloe interrupted, yelling. "I know! I screwed up! Ok?!" She had tears in her eyes now. "You didn't see him there, Jess! He's like… like a completely different person! He acts…" She sniffed. "He acts like he doesn't care about anything anymore! Like some… gang member or something… like he had a death wish and didn't care who he's hurting! This is not the Clark we all know and I don't know what happened to him! I've known him the longest. I've been his best friend since the eighth grade and… and never have I…" she stopped, crying now.

I suddenly felt sorry for her. From all I heard, she might have been right. There could not really be a good way out of this situation.

"Chloe, I'm sorry," I said in a soothing voice and brought her in for a hug. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to."

"You didn't see him. He… He grabbed me and just threw me out of his apartment and it… it hurt, Jess," she kept on weeping. "Clark hurt me."

"Did he… did he do something worse?" I asked, suddenly afraid. My heart racing. I remembered Clark. I remembered the good friend with a sweet boyish smile. What happened to him? Maybe he had got infected with some meteors? There was not really any other explanation.

"No, he just manhandled me," Chloe said and pulled away, wiping her tears away. "I'm just so tired and I feel so guilty. I knew where he was, but I was afraid and I felt awful that I had to lie to you, guys."

"It's fine. We'll find a way out of this situation."

* * *

**(spoilering Smallville 03x02)**

Lana came back from Metropolis late the very same day. She had gone after Clark as soon as Chloe had told her where he was hiding and now she was pretty shaky. I quickly fixed her a hot cocoa and we sat down by the table. Thankfully, we had some privacy as the Talon had closed an hour ago.

Lana admitted that Chloe has told me the truth– Clark was, indeed, different, changed somehow. He was not himself and even if, he was the worst possible version of himself.

Lana was exhausted and the cocoa helped to calm her down. She was sleepy so I advice her to go lie down. There was nothing she could do that day anyway. She had called Mr. Kent and now he was after Clark. Lana's job was done. At least she had done what Chloe had neglected to. I wondered just how much Clark must have scared Chloe as she had kept his secret for so long. It scared me too, terrified even. Why everything needed to change so drastically? If Lex was gone forever, then I wanted at least my friend in the person of Clark back. And now I was finding out that Clark was not the same man he had used to be.

* * *

It happened the next morning when I and Lana were making coffee behind the counter in the Talon. We were open and a few people were already sitting around, sipping the brown liquid and reading the morning paper.

I spotted him the very moment we walked inside. I could not forget his huge posture, this black and slightly curly hair. It had grown longer, but he was still the same. I had the impression that it was the old Clark we all knew, not the new scary version. Maybe something had changed again, maybe his father had managed to get him back and help him?

I was watching him and his eyes were set on Lana. He was going toward us with the clear intention of talking to her. I wondered what I should do, but then decided I would just step aside and let him talk to his girlfriend, if she still was one. He did not seem to be threatening, he seemed like his old self. I could tell by the guilty look on his face that was so familiar.

Also, I could not help but feel a little happy to see him. I had lost two friends three months ago and maybe now, one of them was back. I was willing to give him a second chance. God knew it had been a crazy summer. We had all lost someone and it had affected everyone differently.

I saw from my position that Clark spoke to Lana and she said something back, but after a moment of short conversation she just shook her head and turned her back on him, disappearing in the back of the shop. I could see her crying, her body shaking a little. I knew Clark saw it too.

Maybe it was not the best moment to come talk to him, but when it would be?

"Clark…" I got closer and then I found myself saying, "Whatever this is about… whatever happened… I'm glad that you're back. I really am. I missed you." Maybe it was not what I really wanted to say. Maybe I wanted to scold him for what he had done to Lana, but somehow, I could not. When I looked into his eyes I did not see a bad guy, I saw a good one that was full of guilt and resentment toward himself. It was the guy I had met all those months ago. The guy that had been my friend and understood me. He was the first one to find out about my feelings for Lex. I had told Clark when I could not tell Lana. That meant something. That honesty between us bonded us.

"Hey, Jess," he said and managed to smile, but his eyes remained sad. "At least you don't hate me," he sighed.

"You haven't given me a reason yet, although… you shouldn't run away like that," I said, now reminding myself what I had been about to tell him. "You hurt her and I hated to see her like that, Clark."

"I know… but… I don't know if I'm even gonna stay," he suddenly confessed.

There it was again. Somehow I knew that he had not told that to anyone yet. He chose me to divulge this secret to. From the first moment I had met him, something clicked between us and we had fallen easily into friendship. We were able to tell each other things that took a much longer time to tell someone else.

"You can't be serious!" I suddenly burst, angry at his confession. "Stop hurting everybody around you, Clark! I've seen Lana and your parents for the last three months and they've been through hell! _I _was through hell! How dare you even think about leaving again?!"

"Because of what you just said. I just make people I care about miserable. I put them in danger. They'll be better off without me," he said in a quiet voice.

I rolled my eyes.

"No, they won't! They need you in their lives! I need you too! You have a life here, Clark, and friends and family. You can't just throw all of this away! I should know! I spent so many years in Metropolis where I couldn't fit in or find friends! You have it all here. We all love you and we're ready to forgive you. Just… you can't run away. Your mother didn't lose her baby because of you! It was an accident!"

"There is a lot of accidents around me," he said, but I could see that my speech affected him. He was touched.

"Bullshit," I just answered. "You need to fucking man up and stay here where you belong. You won't find the home you have here anywhere out there!"

"I know that. I just…" he sighed.

"You want to punish yourself, don't you?" I guessed and he looked at me like he was surprised I could tell. "By leaving you'll be punishing everyone that will lost you, not only yourself."

"Where did you get so smart?" he asked.

"I've been through a lot, Clark. I've learnt quite a few things."

"How…" he started, but then stopped, clearly hesitating. "How are you after… you know… after Lex?" he finally asked, looking at me closely, trying to tell if I was in much of a pain.

"I'm hurt," I said according to the truth. "And I'm also angry at you for this. You didn't stop him. You didn't tell him about Helen. You could've been there before me, as his best man. But…" I sighed, "I don't want to go back there, Clark. I'm tired of living the past, tired of hoping that maybe… maybe Lionel Luthor is right and Lex is alive, but… I need to face reality that he is dead. At least you've come back and I missed you too, you know. You are my friend. And you just left."

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for hurting everyone. I know I should've been there for Lex, but… there was something else, more important I needed to do. At least I thought I needed to and I know now that I was stupid... There's not a day that goes by and I don't regret it, Jess. You need to believe that. I really thought Lex would cancel the wedding. He told me so."

"As I said, I don't want to go back. I need to move forward, so I will accept those apologies under the condition that you stay."

"Deal." He managed to smile at me and then he swept me into his arms. I was glad for this embrace, I needed to feel that he was really here and somehow, he was not the guy Chloe had described to me anymore. I had my friend back. Still, I shed a few tears that sunk into his flannel shirt.

* * *

The next day I came over to the farm. I had not been here for a very long time and I kind of missed this place. I saw Clark immediately as he was loading some furniture on the truck.

I needed to see him again and spend some time with him, but I did not tell Lana. She was still pretty upset after his previous visit, so I had just taken off before she managed to ask where I was going.

"Clark!" I called him as I approached him.

"Hey." He turned around to look at me and smiled sheepishly. "How are you? Feeling any better?"

"Yeah, I guess…" I shrugged.

"And… Lana?" he hesitated for a moment, putting a chair into the truck and turning to me.

"No change… It will take you a while if you decide to win her back, Clark," I said.

"I'm not sure if that's such a good idea," Clark hesitated. "How many times can you hurt someone before you need to decide that it's better to keep away from them?"

"I guess it all depends on how much you love them," I said. "And you love Lana, don't you?"

Clark did not answer, instead he just looked at the farm. "My parents needs to sell it," he informed me. I was surprised with the sudden change of the topic, but also moved. For all I knew, the farm had been in the Kents' possession for whole generations.

"Really? Why? I'm so sorry," I voiced my sympathy.

"We're going to move to a small apartment," Clark said, sadness in his voice. "And it's all my fault. That's why. I wasn't here when they needed me. You were right, I need to fix it. I can't keep running away from it all." He looked at me again.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" I asked.

"Nothing, but thanks anyway."

"Am I too early for the farm auction?" we suddenly heard a strangely familiar voice, but…

No, that was impossible… Only that word did not seem to exist in Smallville.

I stilled on hearing this voice, the familiarity of it, the softness but in the same time the hardness. I could tell now that he had taken a lot from his father, but he was still fighting, fighting to be a better man than Lionel Luthor was.

I felt like I was moving in a slow motion when I began to turn around to look at him. My heart was beating so fast in my chest that I felt dizzy, afraid I would go into cardiac arrest.

Could that be happening? Could he just… Could all my prayers be answered? I had already got Clark back. Could I get _him _as well?

I finally faced him. I saw the lean but strong figure standing not so far away from us. His head bald with visible sun burns all over it and his face. He had lost weight, I could tell, but he was the same person. I saw his blue-gray eyes shining in the sun. The look on his face when he got to see me and Clark so shocked, so out of it.

It was Lex. Alive.

"Lex?" Clark was the first who got his speech back. He was just as shocked as I was, but he could move whereas I was still standing like a statue.

Lex's eyes and mine met. My heart jumped.

"Three months on a deserted island was almost worth it to see the look on your faces right now." He smiled while making his way to us. Clark was already walking toward him carefully, like he still had troubles believing in what he saw in front of him. I was frozen and mesmerized, watching the scene in front of me like I was just a bystander or an audience in the cinema.

"Oh, man! Lex I thought you died!" Clark said, meeting him in the mid-way and giving him a hug, then patting his back.

"Apparently fate has bigger plans for me," Lex answered and then let go off Clark, shifting his attention to me, our eyes meeting again. "Jessica, aren't you gonna at least say hello? Or maybe glad to see you alive, Lex? I've missed you Lex? I thought we were friends." He kept smiling to me, clearly having fun as watching the stunned look on my face.

He was real!

When I finally realized that, I could move.

I was not able to control myself anymore, so I just ran to him and jumped him, putting my arms around his neck, almost knocking him off his feet.

He laughed and hugged me.

"So your shock finally wore off," he said right into my ear, sending shivers down my spine.

I could feel his breath in my hair, his chest against mine as it was rising and falling, I could still feel my heart beating fast. His smell invaded my senses and it was so familiar. So dear. I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream with joy.

Then I suddenly realized that I was holding him a little too tight and maybe a little too long and finally, I let go off him, feeling quite embarrassed. My cheeks turning red again.

"Sorry…" I said. "I… I just…"

"…missed me," he smiled to me again, finishing that sentence for me. "I can see that."

"Lex…" I suddenly got serious. "I tried to warn you about her. I'm sorry I haven't gotten to you on time."

"What are you talking about?" he asked, frowning.

"I found out about Helen and I… didn't make it. I was too late. I'm sorry. I want you to know that I've never given up on you. Until I saw your dead body I would have hope."

"Jessica…" he started and looked at me in a way that made me feel like I was going to melt away completely. "It wasn't your fault. My father got there on time and I still didn't listen. I wouldn't listen to anybody. I was too blinded, but it won't happen ever again and… you still had hope? Is that why you looked like you've seen a ghost just a moment before?" He was pretty amused now, skillfully turning what would be a very awkward for me scene, into a funny one.

"Well, having hope is not the same as finally seeing that I've had it for a reason… What exactly happened?" I asked. "On the plane, I mean."

"Helen wanted me dead, but she didn't have the guts to put a bullet in my head, so I landed on a deserted island like I mentioned. She must've left the plane after she drugged me."

"I heard about you heroically offering her the last parachute and… going down with the plane," I snorted.

"Lies and even more lies. But… now she's taken care of and I don't think we'll hear from her ever again. My marriage is over… Clark, I heard about the farm. Is there anything I can do?" He turned to his other friend.

Of course, why his whole attention should be focused on me all the time? I could have a crush on him – and hell yes, I still had. I also still could feel the scent of his cologne lingering on my skin after he had hugged me – but it did not mean that he felt the same way. To him I was just a high school girl. Someone too young for him, even if my eighteenth birthday was coming.

I glanced at him as he was talking to Clark and there was something on Clark's face… something nameless that I could not quite decipher.

* * *

"Why did you break up with Lana?!" I asked Clark when I came over to the farm again. My life was going crazy. I found myself dividing my time between two best friends without them actually seeing each other. It was quite exhausting and it would be easier if I just gave up on one of them, but I could not do such a thing.

"Jessica…" Clark started, but then he stopped. He clearly could not think of a good answer to that.

"And… you're not moving out?" I looked around, quite surprised. The moving truck was gone and all the furniture back in the house.

"Lex," Clark just said like it explained everything and it did. I knew by now that Lex was very generous when it came to his friends. Most of his gifts were not accepted for all various reasons, but this time the Kents must have caved. "And about Lana… I'm not the guy she thinks I am," Clark finally answered cryptically.

"You are," I reassured him, not understanding him at all. "Clark, you…"

"Jess, I wasn't some different person out there in Metropolis. It was still me," he interrupted me in a hard voice.

"Everybody has two sides, Clark, but it doesn't mean that we have to follow the bad one. You came back, you understood your mistakes and that is what counts. She'll forgive you if you just let her," I kept on pushing him. Lana really loved him and he loved her, so they should be together. Love was not about giving up, it was about forgiving and working hard on it.

"I'm not right for her. You weren't here for the last two years. You didn't see how many times I hurt her. It's only so much that a person can take," Clark seemed to be adamant in his decision.

"So you just crossing her out of your life?"

"No… I just… won't be her boyfriend anymore."

"Can you two at least be friends?" I asked.

"Honestly, I have no idea," he sighed, meeting my eyes. "My life is a mess right now, Jess. I can't put anyone through it. I need to fix it before I start thinking about romance."

"Ok, I guess this is a good enough answer," I agreed. He was right. He did have a lot of work to do. With his parents most of all.

"How about you in the romance department?" he asked idly.

"Please, don't even go there," I stopped him. "We're just friends."

He must know exactly whom I was talking about, because he said, "You know, someday he might realize what was right in front of him all along and take it," Clark told me.

"Yeah, maybe… but maybe there will be nothing to take anymore? He may be too late."

"Good, you shouldn't wait for him. What's meant to be will always find a way," Clark advised me, smiling to me. "You just need to have faith in that."

"Or it's just another line that people say to make them feel better," I said sarcastically.

"Maybe, but either way… it works. Trust me… and… when the right time comes… "

Maybe it was true. If Clark needed to work on things, Lex needed to do that even more. He had been gone for three months as well and in an even worse place because it was a deserted island. Also, his marriage ended before it managed to start for good. I could only imagine how much of a mess he had to clean and that his thoughts must be far away from the romance department right now.


	4. Chapter 4

**AN **Just letting you know - don't worry I will not be writing about every single episode of Smallville, because that would just be crazy.

* * *

**04**

**(SV 3x03)**

I should expect that after three more or less quiet months, there would come a time when I would hear about another meteor infected. It actually happened my very first day at school. I was excited that day, because there I was finally stepping forward again, changing my environment, about to get to know more people. Maybe school and the senior year would take my mind away from Lex? Maybe it was exactly what I needed to get over him? Things were going pretty well so far. Lex and I were friends, our loneliness pulling us together, but it was not anything romantic and I knew better to keep hoping for something. Clark and Lana were actually getting along. At least they were civil with each other once they met as that was unavoidable because of my friendship with either of them.

This day started pretty good. I was welcomed rather warmly in Smallville High - although that probably had something to do with Lana being my friend. She was quite popular and I already had heard rumors that she was _the _girl everybody was crushing on in school. We had a few classes and just when Lana decided to stay a little bit longer after the PE that we had in the pool that day, she was attacked. The attacker tried to drown her and from what she told me, I had a pretty terrible image in my head. He had been a meteor infected and he could breath underwater as he had… gills. He would have killed Lana had it not been for another guy who had appeared and shoot the assailer to death.

"If you can't feel save at school… where in Smallville can you?" I asked Clark, pretty shaken even though I was not the subject of the attack. Lana being the most popular girl must be constantly in danger. It made me wondering why she was still here in this town. Only I could easily tell why, she had a reason just like I did.

"You can be save with me," Clark answered, shrugging.

I raised my eyebrows, nearly laughing at him.

"Clark, I know you're big and all, but how are you exactly a match for a meteor infected?"

"I like to help people," he said dumbly.

"Well, I like you alive. Seriously, you have a hero complex, Clark. Be careful because one of those days you might be the victim and I would hate to lose more people in my life."

His eyes softened when he looked at me again.

"You won't lose me."

"You don't know that. No one knows what will happen in the future," I told him. "And don't you feel guilty again," I added, nudging his side with my arm.

"Again?"

"You do it all the time and don't pretend I'm not right! Now it's about Lana, isn't it? Clark, you couldn't have saved her. You can't be there every time someone screams for help. It's not your job."

He murmured something under his breath that sounded like, "It should be."

"And if you care so much about Lana, then why don't you just try with her again? There's no point in being miserable. You want something, fight for it."

"Stop," Clark said, his voice determined. "Stop trying to play a matchmaker. I told you that what was between me and Lana is…"

"You're a mystery to me, Clark Kent," I just sighed, interrupting him.

When I looked at him again to check if he was still here with me because he suddenly grew quiet, I saw him staring at someone across the hall.

"Clark?" I prompted.

"Those guys are definitely checking you up," he told me, narrowing his eyes.

"Really? Who are they? Would I like any of them?" I got interested.

"No, you wouldn't. They're from the football team."

"If I can recall correctly, you were in the team as well," I noticed.

"That's different. I'm not like them. They… Oh, never mind."

Only I was not listening to him anymore. I was wondering why I was suddenly noticed when back in Metropolis I could never score a date.

"They're probably staring because they saw me with Lana this morning. I heard she's quite popular in these walls."

"Are you kidding me?" Clark asked me, coming to a stop and turning to face me. "It has nothing to do with Lana," he assured me in a confident voice. "Have you looked in the mirror recently? You're hot and this is high school!" He spread his hands.

"Clark, what…?" I did not understand something. Did he think…

"There you are!" I suddenly heard a voice coming from my left. "Took you long enough!" Then a hand grabbed my arm and pulled me inside a room.

The hand belonged to a blond reporter and the room was apparently the Torch office.

I looked around and there was only one thing that was worth noticing here. It was on my left and it covered the whole wall.

"Wow… So this is the Wall of Weird," I said, making a few steps toward it until I was finally standing right in front it. "It is impressive," I admitted, looking at some of the articles Chloe had pinned there.

"Thank you," Chloe said from the position by her desk. "Now, there's the less pleasant part… Clark, we need to find Lana's attacker. I've created a digital Wall of Weird and just maybe, we can find that guy."

I turned my attention back to them and saw Clark hovering over Chloe as they both looked at the computer screen. I walked over to them, now curious about the program Chloe had written. I found it very good. It was professionally made. Chloe not only seemed to be great with words, but she also had a few useful computer skills in her sleeve.

* * *

Late in the afternoon I came back to the Talon and found myself a good spot to do my homework. It was a first day, but clearly Smallville High provided a high level of education. It surprised me because it was a school in a small town, but all in all I was glad it did. I intended to apply to a good college afterwards and I could use all the help I needed. I was sipping my coffee and trying to focus on the task I needed to do, but I kept getting distracted. Clark and Lana were talking by the counter and it looked like they were about to start arguing. I knew what that was about and for change, it was not about their relationship. Lana was happy that the shooter appeared when he had to save her and kill the meteor infected whereas Clark had a different point of view. Lana hated the meteor infected and I could not be surprised really. All I knew about them so far was that they were always trying to hurt or kill. I also understood Clark. It was in his nature to actually try to help everyone no matter how badly the situation looked. Now he was defending the meteor infected population, telling Lana that it was not their fault that they had gotten infected and they needed to be helped, not slaughtered.

I was wondering if I should get over there and stop them before they made it a public scene. I did understand what Clark was trying to say. Those people did not ask for that powers and they clearly turned out to be too much to handle for them. But Lana was a little bit right too. It was not ok to attack people and attempt to kill them. If someone really wanted to, they could have learnt how to control those powers. If the shooter had not saved her, she would have been dead.

That was it, I thought, I was going to go over there and stop them…

"Lex," I said breathlessly as I almost collided with him when I stood up.

"Hi," he smiled to me. "Were you just going somewhere?"

"Eh… no, I… I actually tried to stop Clark and Lana from making a scene, but I guess they're smarter than that." I pointed Clark that was just leaving the Talon. "So I guess I'm staying here," I added and sat again.

"Do you mind? Or maybe I'm interrupting something?" Lex asked, nodding at the other free chair by the table.

"Sure. This can wait." I pointed at my things.

"Homework? Already?" Lex arched an eyebrow at me when he looked at what I was working on.

"Yes," I answered. "And I also have a lot to catch up with. I'm new after all."

"You know, I would actually expect to see you on a date with some football player, maybe even a quarterback and here you are… surprising me."

I almost snorted at him.

"I'm not one of those girls who only wait for some immature football player to ask them out so they could be popular. That's just not me. I have to have something to talk about with the guy I would date," I informed him, looking into his amused and strangely warm eyes. They were usually cold, but he seemed to change his whole attitude when being with someone else than his usual business rivals.

"I have to admit that I underestimated you," he finally said with a slight admiration and it made me feel so good.

"How have you been anyway? Are you ok?" I asked him with concern, because even though he seemed to fine and easy going there was something wounded in him as well. It was not something that everyone could see, but somehow, I could feel it. "A person doesn't wind up in a deserted island every day, you know," I said. "If you ever want to talk or…"

"Thank you, but I'm fine, really… and I don't really want to talk about those three months. I just want to put them behind me," Lex confessed and I could understand why. Sometimes people wanted to just forget and he was clearly one of them. I could not imagine him in a therapy session anyway. He was a closed man. He preferred to deal with things on his own and to hide them from others. "In fact, I have news," he spoke again. "My father offered me a job in Metropolis."

"Really?" I knew I should be happy about it, but instead I saddened. "Does that mean you'll move back there?" I asked, doing my best so my voice would sound normal and not convey any emotions Lex might read. That just made me realize that we really were alike.

"Nah… I don't think so," he said to my relief. "I'm still trying to figure out what his motives are."

"Maybe he just want to give you a job?" I simply suggested, but even though I had met Lionel twice in all my life, I knew he was the kind of a man who always had some underlying agenda. It did not really matter what it was and whom it concerned.

"My father never does anything if he doesn't have some hidden goal," Lex said as he was reading my mind. "Now he wants me to meet with a psychologist. He claims that it's just the policy of LuthorCorp, but I know the real reason. He wants to know if I'm all right, if I'm sane after what I've been through." There was sadness in his voice with a hint of resentment.

"Will you do it?" I asked.

"I don't know yet. Probably… If I ever want to get somewhere else beside managing a plant in Smallville," Lex sighed.

"You have a very weird family relations, Lex."

"Tell me about it.

* * *

I was spending my lunch hour in the Torch, helping Chloe with the paper's edition when Clark burst inside and informed us, "Somebody just tried to kill Lex!"

"What?!" Chloe and I exclaimed in the same time, startled by the sudden commotion.

"Is he ok?!" quickly followed, but from me alone.

"Yes, he's fine. I got there just in time to save him," Clark answered.

I raised my eyebrows, just about to say something to that when Clark directed himself toward Chloe and blurted out, "Chloe… I was in Jake's hiding place and he had pictures of meteor freaks on his wall! Lex was there too! First I thought that Jake got the access to your digital Wall of Weird, but then… why would Lex be there?"

I was still looking at Clark, deciding whether he was really trying hard to cut my suspicious questions out of the conversation or he was just in a hurry. The change in Chloe's expression almost missed my attention because of that.

"Oh, God," she whispered and her hand wandered up to cover her mouth as she fell into her chair.

"Chloe?" I asked, concerned about her. "Chloe, what is it?"

She did not say anything to that, instead she just opened her Digital Wall of Weird on the Torch computer. Both I and Clark step behind her to glance at the screen.

"Lex is a meteor freak?!" I asked with shock in my voice as his picture appeared.

"He is not," Chloe answered, her voice a little shaky, "but… since the day of the meteor shower he's never been sick. He'd had asthma before that and then… nothing… He suddenly was a perfectly healthy boy, except for the lack of hair, obviously… Clark, look…" Chloe showed him the list of names she had in her system.

"This is the exact same list!" Clark exclaimed. "I need that printed. I have to take it to the sheriff!"

"He must've… cracked my password… I just… I'm responsible for those people's deaths!" Chloe squealed, her back hunched, lower lip trembling. "I… I killed them…" she muttered.

"Chloe! Chloe!" I stepped right in front of her and looked her in the eye. "Chloe, no, it wasn't your fault. He cracked your password. You had no way of knowing he could."

"I saved it on the Torch computer! It is my fault! I should've left it on my personal laptop!" Chloe did not seem to hear me.

"Chloe, you didn't shot them," that was Clark. "You have nothing to feel guilty about!"

"No, I just loaded the gun and pointed it in the right direction!" she turned to him, her voice bitter. "Clark, I did it. It's my fault."

"There is nothing we can do now except saving the people that are still alive, so please, print me that list," he persisted.

"Chloe, no, it's not your fault," I kept on trying to calm her down, to make her realize it. "If someone broke into the police system and stole some information and then started killing people and the police officers that were listed there… you think that would be the police's fault?" I tried to come up with an example.

"I guess… not…" Chloe stammered when printing the list and handing it over to Clark with her shaky hands.

"Exactly. You can't blame yourself for things you have no control over. Everything that is meant to be good can be also made into a weapon. Remember that," I said when Clark disappeared. "When dynamite was created it was not meant to kill people."

"I know… I know…" Chloe closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths. "Oh, god, thank you, Jess. I still… I still feel guilty, but you make me feel better. Thanks. I'm really glad you're here."

"That what's friends are for," I found myself saying.

I just realized that Chloe fitted into that category. She was still obnoxious sometimes, but that was just Chloe. No one was perfect and I did not have to like every single feature of my friends. There were things that annoyed me in Clark and in Chloe, but both of them were loyal friends and I was glad to have them in my life.

"You know… it's actually nice to have an additional member to the team," Chloe voiced her thoughts. "Clark's great, but he's always running after something. His hero complex is the size of Texas."

I laughed at that. It was so true!

* * *

I had no idea how he always did it, but Clark had saved the day again. I felt like I should be afraid for him because there was only so many times a person was lucky before that luck ran out. What if someday Clark would not be careful enough? Not fast enough? He was only human after all. I was afraid that one day he might be the victim. Still, he did not listen. I knew that the next time there would be danger he would run off again. He could not just sit by and watch bad things happen to people. It was a wonderful feature, but in the same time a very dangerous one to have.

And today was so close to that one final accident happening! Jake, the guy who had kept targeting meteor infected, wanted to kill Lana. He thought that Clark was a meteor infected himself and he did not like the fact that Lana was ready to accept that and still say he was a good person.

Clark had put himself in an even bigger danger than he usually was in, but Jake was stopped and Lana was all right. What more, Clark and Lana seemed to be in much more warmer relations now, so at least there was one entirely good thing that had come out of all of this.

"I just wish he'd open up to me, you know? He's always keeping something from me and I can't be there for him if he's not honest with me…" Lana confessed to me when we talked back in our apartment, getting ready to sleep. It had been a very draining day. I started to think that there was not such a thing as an idle one in Smallville, what seemed like kind of a paradox.

"Clark's a great guy, but he's a little lost and full of that unnecessary guilt," I told her. "But I'm sure that one day he'll finally get over it and then he'll realize the right thing to do and you two will finally get your happy ending," I added to make her feel better. I still rooted for them. No relationship was easy in the real world, so it they just worked on their issues, they could be a really great couple. Lana could have fallen for someone so much worse than Clark. At least he was a good and loyal man.

"But you know what I'm afraid of? That it'll be too late then. I'm done sitting here, waiting for him," I heard Lana's determined voice. "My life does not revolve around Clark Kent anymore. I want to be me, Lana Lang, defined by who I am and not whom I want to be with."

I felt a sudden déjà vu. Was that not similar to what I had said once to Clark about Lex? Only with a slight difference that Lex could only be my friend and I had to come to terms with that. I could not lose him, so if he was interested in only being friends – let it be.

"And you should, Lana," I sad. "We shouldn't hang on to guys. We should live our lives."

* * *

**(spoilering Smallville 03x04)**

"Did you hear about Cark's new ability?" I laughed and looked at Lex.

We were playing chess in his mansion or should I say that he was trying to teach me how to play chess, but I did not quite get it yet?

Spending time with Lex was tricky because he was not a typical man. His interests were more sophisticated and he was a public person so going out to movies was out of the question. We were good friends now and I loved spending time with him more than with anyone else. Of course, that was because I still had feelings for him, but I did a really good job at hiding them and trying to forget them.

Now he was trying to teach me something and I could not help it but be distracted by the sparks in his eyes as he looked at me, the tone of his voice as he was giving me directions, the movement of his hands and skilful fingers over the chess board… I tried hard not to blush again, because that sounded a little… I could not focus on the game rules. I just could not. Especially not when he was sitting so close to me that I could feel his cologne.

"Actually, he asked me for help in that case," Lex answered my question about Clark and then he made his move in the game. "I gave him a few advices, but there was not much I could do."

"Hmm…. This case is ever weirder than the usual wackiness in this town," I said and focused back on the board - or rather tried to focus. I had no idea what move I should make next.

Lex chuckled when noticing my predicament and the confused look on my face when I studied the figures on the board.

"That's gonna be tough," he admitted.

"Hey! I've never played chess before, but if you're not up for a challenge of teaching me then…"I started, being a little bristled.

"I don't mind," he assured me, meeting my eyes levelly. "I like spending my time with my friends on the contrary to my usual business acquaintances."

"Even more than clubbing or hitting on girls?" I teased him, but then I could not look back into those gray-blue depths.

"Well… that was me in the past. I've grown a lot since then," he informed.

"How's that therapy of yours by the way? Have you agreed to it?" I asked, desperate for a change of topic.

"I'm afraid there's not a way around it," he sighed and then the door burst open and Clark strode inside without knocking, almost causing me to jump in my seat.

"Clark," Lex raised from his seat to make his way to him. "Barging in like always, I see," he said, but there was no accusation in his voice, he was actually amused. I started wondering how many people could say that they entered Lex's study this way and not get thrown out. Probably only Clark since I always felt the need to be polite and to knock.

"Lex… Jessica…" Clark said quickly. He looked like he was in a hurry, but again, that was almost always the case with him. "Lex, I'm sorry to interrupt, but I need to ask you something."

"I kind of got that," Lex chuckled. "What is it, Clark?"

"I made a few calls to Metropolis General," Clark informed, "and it's true. Sarah was supposed to wake up from her coma."

"So her uncle _is_ drugging her?" I got interested and also stood up, coming closer to them and standing right next to Lex. I could not help myself but think that we did look good together. Both tall and lean and… _Stop it, Jess._

"They didn't have any evidence, but they also performed only the routine blood tests," Clark answered.

"Maybe he's using a drug that's untraceable?" I suggested.

"For all appearances, the guy hasn't done anything wrong…" Lex started, but then he was interrupted.

"We all know appearances can be deceiving," Clark cut in.

"Telling the cops that you heard it in a dream won't help you, Clark," Lex said.

"I appreciate your help." Clark got slightly angry and then he looked back at me, frowning like he tried to remember something hard. "Shouldn't you be helping Chloe right now?" he finally asked.

"Oh, shoot! What time is it?" I asked Lex.

"Four PM," he told me when glancing at his wrist watch.

"Shit! I _was_ supposed to be helping Chloe! How could I forget that!" I wondered.

Clark stifled a laugh, but I shot him a dreadful look as I was passing by him.

"Lex, I'm sorry, I can't back out on Chloe now. She needs me in the Torch. Chess would have to wait," I added when looking back at him.

"Anytime, Jessica." Lex smiled. "I'll see you."

"Yes! See ya!"

I walked out of there with Clark and as soon as we found ourselves outside, he asked, "What are you two doing?" I could not quite tell why his tone of voice was so strange. Why would Clark be suspicious and angry about me and Lex? He knew about my feelings.

"I know what you're thinking, but unfortunately it's not it. We're just friends," I shut him down.

"But what if…?" he started and I cut in.

"Oh, shut up!" I smacked him lightly in the back. "Stop teasing me! We both have something to do and do I have to remind you that a girl's life depends on you right now? She's in a coma, Clark! And she doesn't have much time left!"

* * *

**(smallville 03x05)**

Maybe I was looking for any chance to talk to Lex or to spend some time with him, but now I also had a very good reason to. He was the one with power. He could make people leave town, especially when those people had come unwelcomed and only opened old wounds.

I was let inside his mansion, a part of me exhilarated at the fact that I did no longer need an invitation. Lex's guards just let me in with no questions just like they did with Clark, but I still knocked to his study. Only once I did it, there was no answer and I was clearly told that Lex was in there. Could it be possible that he was occupied? Like with someone else? A woman?

I felt a pang of jealously. Ok, maybe something more than a pang, but I knew I had no right to him. I only had a right as a friend, so his alleged promiscuous life - even though I preferred not to think of it in fear of getting hurt - was none of my business. Besides, his people would know if he really did have a girl in there.

I pushed the door open. I had gotten hurt enough this morning and I really needed this person to stop. It was not only about me, Lana was hurting too.

I found Lex reclining in a leather armchair, his head titled backwards, eyes closed. He was clearly relaxing when listening to the hum of the sea that was coming from his stereo. He did not know I was there and I did not know if I should announce my presence or retreat quietly. Then I realized that his people would surely tell him I stopped by. I had no other choice but to disturb him.

I came close, slightly shaky, because it was not every day I saw him this vulnerable, this open. He was usually his suave reserved self and this time he was clearly making an effort to relax, to forget about his problems. A part of me wanted to watch him like this for a little bit longer, but I was scared he would sense my presence in the room and catch me staring that would unequivocally result in me blushing from here to eternity.

I reached out my hand and gently put it on his arm when he suddenly grabbed me and looked at me.

I stilled, scared by this violent move and then his eyes met mine and he quickly let go of me. I could see that he was embarrassed by his behavior. He stood up silently and turned his back on me. Then it came to me that he only went to turn the stereo off and he was not really mad at me.

Well, he had better not be. After all, he was the one to tell his guards to let me inside any time. It was really all his fault!

"Lex… I'm sorry… I'm interrupting…" I still felt obligated to apologize. I was confused and felt so uncomfortable that I wanted to turn around and leave. And maybe never show my face to him ever again, that was.

"No… no…" he denied and finally looked at me again. His eyes were steel now, his emotions pulled back under control. "Strange…" he started. "When I was on the island I came to hate the hum of the ocean and now that I came back, it's the only thing that relaxes me," he told me.

"You must think about what happened every day…" I started, realizing that all of this, this desperate attempt to forget, to relax, his problems, it was all connected to the time he had spent on that damned island. Alone. Fevering. Hallucinating. Maybe I just now began to see the huge impact it had on him, even if he did not want to admit it. And maybe that was why his father asked him to do the psych evaluation. Maybe the job was only a pretext. Lionel Luthor could never really be emotional toward anyone, even his son, that much I already knew. He would not simply ask out of worry.

"And I'm sure you didn't come all this way to discuss that…" Lex brushed the topic off. I could not really blame him. Who was I to bring up the traumatic memories? I should not have said that at all. "And it's not the chess day either." He smiled to me. Good, he was not mad at me. "What's wrong?" he finally asked when taking a closer look at my face. "Is something bothering you?"

"Yes… as a matter of fact… there's this guy… tabloid television reporter… he came by the Talon today and wanted to do an interview with me and Lana about the meteor shower," I explained.

"And 'no comment' didn't dissuade him?" Lex asked, coming closer to me.

"Not really… He said he'll be back with cameras tomorrow morning."

"And you two don't want that?"

"Lex, I spent a lot of time trying to forget… My whole life changed after the shower. I lost my parents, I was taken away from my home town and from my friends. I just got back and I'm trying to deal with the past and he brought all the painful memories back as it wasn't private at all… He just wants to make a public display out of it all and… Lana… she's still coping. She misses her parents so much… I can see that and I know it's a lot to ask, Lex, and I know I never really asked you for help, but… I was hoping that you would be able to do something about him."

"So you want me to run him out of the town?"

"I want him to stop," I said vehemently.

"He must've been very persistent. What was his name?"

"Perry White."

"I'll make sure he never bothers you two again."

"Thank you. It really means a lot to me."

"It's really no problem. What are friends for?"


	5. Chapter 5

**05**

**(SV 03x09 Asylum)**

I was just standing there, right by that door, telling myself that I could do that, that I needed to go in. I had not spent the last few weeks pleading for this visit and making Lionel Luthor's life a living hell to just back out now. I had to go in. If not for myself, then for him.

Only the problem was not that I did not really want to go in. I was just afraid. Afraid of the state I would see him in. Afraid that I would break down right there with him once he would look at me with those blue-gray eyes. Those eyes that I had last seen lost and hazy, even crazy a little. But I had my faith in him. I had never stopped believing him. This trust had paid off. He had been right. He had not gone crazy. He had been brought to that stage by his father.

My hatred for Lionel Luthor had no limits now. I had had to swallow all that resentment when I had been asking him for this visit that he had refused to grant me. In the end, he had surrendered and given me that one thing. Five minutes with him son, just so I would back out and stop bothering him. If five minutes was all I could get, I would make a good use of it. It did not matter that after that time ended, I would probably be in an even worse state that I was now.

I took a deep breath and walked through that door. Lex was waiting for me. In BelleReve.

I remembered how I had been the one to find Lex in Clark's barn. Lex who had been scared off him mind and acted crazy like he had lost it completely. Fortunately, Clark had agreed to helping him instead of calling his father to tell him where his son was. Only then everything went wrong and Lex ended up in here, in the psychiatric ward with all the meteor freaks from Smallville.

It had been a very difficult time for me. I had not been ready for it. I had not been ready to see him so broken, so out of purpose. His father had seen it coming, after all he was the one to tell Lex to talk to a counselor. Only then I had found out that it was actually Lionel who had dozed Lex with hallucinogenic drugs. Just because Lex refused to listen and open up to a psychiatrist, his father decided it would be best to put him in BelleReve and force that evaluation on him. It went beyond my mind, beyond everything I had ever seen. How a father could hurt his child like this? _How?!_

I, Clark and Chloe had been working hard on freeing Lex ever since, but it was just impossible. We would not give up, but the situation was only getting worse. I just wanted Lex to get better, to come back to Smallville, to his old life. I wanted to see this nice but reserved and wounded guy back in the Talon.

Instead, I got to see him in here, in the psychiatric hospital. But I would get what I could.

I stopped my reminiscing when my eyes found him across the room. He was sitting by the window, painting something on a canvas that was spread over an easel.

At the first sight, he looked good. He seemed calm and peaceful, a total opposite to the man who had had to be taken to BelleReve by force. He was pretty occupied now and he did not notice me. It was actually weird to see him without his usual expensive business suit or at least a dress shirt. He seemed to be so skinny in a blue jumpsuit. The only thing that was familiar was his bald head.

I needed to make my presence known, I thought. I had only five minutes after all.

"Lex…" I finally spoke to him, my voice shook, cracking completely when I took a closer look at what he was painting. I sucked in a breath. It was a woman. A woman with red hair. A woman who looked a lot like…

He put the paintbrush down and turned to me. I saw his blue-gray eyes coming to life, illuminating. His whole face brightened up as he spotted me. I welcomed the familiar sight of his eyes and face with relief and my heart started racing. He always had that effect on me and clearly, it did not matter if we were in BelleReve. I still liked him in this special way and could not help it.

"Jessica!" he welcomed me happily and stood up. "It's so good to see you!"

There was something different about him though. He was not so reserved as I remembered. He seemed to be more open.

"You too, Lex…" I smiled to him, but my eyes remained sad. "How are you holding up?" I asked and glanced at the picture once again. I did not comment it though.

"You have to tell Clark to get me out of here," Lex suddenly murmured to me, taking my hand in his and looking me intensely in the eye. "Promise me, Jessica!" he raised his voice.

"But… how Clark…" I started, feeling a little confused now. There was definitely still something wrong with him. This was not the Lex I knew. Maybe it was because of the meds they were giving him here?

"Promise me! He'll know!" Lex repeated, his urgency growing.

"Ok, ok, I promise," I said quickly, because he actually started scaring me. What the hell had his father done to him? How could he let things to be so out of control so his son was acting like this?! My hatred for the Luthor senior only grew. And why Lex would like Clark to help him? To get him out? I knew Clark would stand by his friend's side till the very end, just like I would, but… Nothing seemed to hold together.

"Jessica…" Lex said my name again when he managed to calm himself down a little. Maybe the scared look in my eyes told him something. "I'm ok. I really am and when I get out of here, I will make it all up to you. You stood by me when no one else wanted to. I will take you to dinner. We'll have a proper date."

"You will what?" That was another surprise. He seemed to just asking me out on a date, but how I could take the words of a madman seriously? They hurt me and he did not even realize that. It was true that before he had been taken away I had starting to have that impression that there was something more between us than just friendship, but… No, I needed to stop thinking like that, because I was just visiting him in BelleReve and that did not speak a quick recovery. He might be here for a long time.

"First you need to get better, Lex," I told him, ignoring his question. "You need to focus on getting out of here, ok?"

"Jessica, you have to tell Clark to get me out. He'll know what to do," Lex just repeated himself and I still did not understand any of that. He was talking crazy, for sure.

I saddened even more.

"I will," I promised and he let go off my hand. I kind of missed the touch of his skin there. "Lex, is that…?" I finally gathered the courage to ask about the picture, because maybe there was more to what he was saying. Maybe he really meant it. Maybe the drugs not only stripped him off his usual inhibitions but also gave him courage to ask for what he really wanted. But then…

"Miss, your visit is over," an orderly came over to me to inform me. "I'm sorry, but you can't be here any longer. That's our policy and Mr. Luthor did not give you his permission for more."

Of course he did not, I thought. He had just granted me this short visit so I would not bother him again. Still, it was a small victory on my part if Lionel Luthor could not stand my calls and visits anymore and decided to say yes to my request.

"Tell Clark!" Lex called after me and I had no heart to deny him that, so I just said, "I will!" And I was escorted out of the premise.

* * *

I told Clark what Lex wanted me to, because I promised after all, but once Clark decided that he would break Lex out I did not understand how he was in any power to do something like it. He really wanted to steal a patient from BelleReve. I was touched that he said that, but I knew better. He would never succeed, and if so, he would be caught in an instant. He still went though and I could only meet Chloe's equally surprised eyes. We did not stop him. We were holding on to hope, especially me, but I knew it was all futile.

And I was right. Clark made the desperate decision to free Lex when we found out that Lionel signed a consent form to treat Lex with electroshock therapy. This man did not surprise me at this point at all. He was the cruelest of all people I had ever met, so only naturally he would come up with even worse fate for his own son. Chloe tired to stop it when talking to Lex's doctor, but then the doctor ended up dead and we were terrified. If Luthor senior could so easily orchestrate an accident, he could do it to all of us.

We needed to face reality. There was no way to save Lex. It was too late.

It hurt. It hurt very much, but there was nothing I could do without putting myself in danger. Lex would not want that for me. I was even ready for it, but then… What else there was left to do? _Nothing_. Just wait and hope for the best.

Clark did not succeed in breaking Lex out and I was not even surprised about that. The electroshock therapy happened, but fortunately, it did not kill Lex. The day I found out he was actually cured I was in shock. Just like that, Lex was back in his mansion, back to business, back to his self. It seemed so improbable to me. So… impossible.

I needed to see it on my own eyes, so the first chance I had, I drove over there and requested a visit. I was still welcomed because the guards just let me in. It was like nothing had changed, but I knew better than that. Everything had.

When I knock to his study and let myself in I spotted him by his desk. He was probably working on his laptop.

"Jessica!" He called my name with a smile on his face as he noticed me. He closed the laptop and stood up, making his way to me. It really was like nothing had changed. Like he was truly back. He was wearing black pants and a blue dress shirt and I could not help but marvel on how this color was bringing up the blue in his eyes. It was breathtaking. He was not the crazy man I had seen in BelleReve anymore. Could electroshock therapy really cure him? I was always against such treatment so I did not believe it. Maybe it was the unusual immunity he had had since the meteor shower.

"Lex." My face brightened up in a broad genuine smile. I was done analyzing things I would never get to the bottom of. He was back and that was all that mattered. It nearly was like those past few months did not happen. "It's so good to see that you're ok!" I met him mid-way and could not help it, I needed to hug him. When he put his arms around me I felt that he must have been working out already. His body was not as skinny as I remembered from the hospital and I could feel the hardness in his arms' muscles.

"I was so worried," I admitted when he let me go.

"It's ok. I'm better now," he reassured me. "Clark told me that before I landed in BelleReve you'd helped me as well. I need to thank you for that, Jessica. Thank you for being such a loyal friend."

I furrowed my brows. What? At this point I did not care that he said that we were friends. I always knew that the asking-me-out thing when he had been a little out of everything was not something I should be hanging on to. Something else entirely attracted my attention now.

He must have noticed my confusion, because he followed with an explanation, "Sorry, I don't remember the last six weeks what is quite frustrating if you ask me." Then he turned around and directed himself to the bar to pour himself a glass of whisky. "Do you want something to drink?"

"No." I shook my head.

I must have looked a little bit shocked and disappointed, because he put the glass down without drinking the liquid and came closer to place his hands on my shoulders, looking me deeply in the eye.

"What is it? Should I remember something important?" he asked me, studying my expression carefully. "You can tell me, you know you can. We're friends."

His eyes on mine were making me melt away. My legs were growing weaker, but…

He said _friends_. Fucking friends!

"No." I shook my head and turned my eyes away from his.

"I'm sorry," he repeated, his hands letting me go. "I wish I could remember you being there for me, but I take Clark's word for it. You really did help me and for that I am grateful. If you ever need anything…"

"I… I have to go… Sorry…" I suddenly turned around to fight the tears that were gathering in my eyes. I had thought I could take it. I had thought I could be cool about it all. Clearly, I could not. It was too much. He forgot. He forgot everything that mattered to me during his breakdown. He forgot how close we had been. He forgot what he had felt back then.

"Where to?" He asked, surprised with the sudden change in my behavior.

"I have something to do. I'll see you later… I'm glad you're ok…" I murmured again and made a dash to the door.

When I finally got into the corridor I burst into tears. Maybe he really was back. Maybe he was all right now. But I lost something that I had not even realized I had until it was too late.

* * *

Ever since that memorable day, we started drifting apart with Lex. I did not try hard to avoid him, I would never do that, but school got in the way and him having this job in Metropolis. Also, he was working with Chloe now to bring his father down. And I wanted Lionel behind bars as much as they did. I hated that man and wished him all the worst things. Only nothing that we could do to him now would ever give us back what we had lost.

* * *

**(03x19 Memoria)**

"Lex?" I asked quite surprised when I went down the stairs for a cup of hot tea one night. "What are you doing down here in the dark? You almost scared the hell out of me!" I scolded him and found the light switch.

The Talon came to life and I could finally make out Lex's face.

It was clear that there was something wrong. He looked like he was in some strange kind of a trance, like he was not really sure what he was doing here and was more preoccupied with what was happening inside his head right now than with me.

"Lex?" I repeated his name, immediately forgetting about the tea I was going to get. We had not been seeing each other recently that much and now my heart clenched at the lost look on his face. I wanted to go over there and cradle him in my arms, but of course I restrained the urge to do so. "Are you ok?" I asked instead and came closer.

He shook his head slightly and finally his eyes met mine.

I gasped when I saw the look in them. I was not sure if it was a painful relief, devastation or maybe terror.

"Lex, please, tell me what's wrong," I asked him, now starting to be scared. Did this have something to do with his stay in BelleReve? Was it a side effect from the electroshock therapy? I really did not know what to do!

"Lex?" I repeated one more time and slowly took his hand into mine and then, when he did not protest, I led him to the nearest sofa.

We sat down.

"Please, talk to me. I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong," I pleaded.

My heart was yearning for him even more now. He was obviously devastated by something, hurt too deeply.

"Does that have something to do with your treatment at Summeholt?" I finally blurted out, remembering that he wanted to get the memories he lost back. I knew it was only because he forget some important details about his father's wrongdoings in the past. That actually resolved the issue why Lionel agreed to have him electrocuted.

Lex finally met my eyes.

"Clark told you, didn't he?" he asked.

"Yes, of course, he did! You're my friend, Lex, and I care about you. Did you remember what you… what you intended to remember?" I asked, my breathing accelerating. Was it possible that he also remember… me?

"I didn't do it," he simply whispered and looked down on the floor.

"What…?" I asked. I should not be disappointed though. Getting his memory back was very dangerous to his health and I could not stand if something happened to him now, after everything.

"Lex, it's ok," I said. "That's good. You shouldn't take unnecessary risks to…"

"Jessica…" he interrupted me, clearly wanting to tell me something, but then he stopped again with a exasperated sigh.

"Lex, you can trust me. I'm here for you," I reassured him and dared to cover his hand with mine. "I mean it. Now, tell me what's wrong?"

He smiled sadly at me.

"I know I can trust you. I guess that is why I came here instead of… talking to Clark. I just have to tell somebody…"

"I'm all ears."

"You may not like it."

"I won't judge," I promised. I was scared but hid those feelings. He did not have to see that on my face.

"You want to know the reason my father hates me so much?" Lex asked, looking straight into my eyes, "it's because I killed Julian."

There was silence.

I could just gaze at him, dumbfounded.

It was murder, then. A murder on his _baby brother_. No, that could not be right, something inside me screamed. Lex was not capable of something so cruel, not on his own family.

"Didn't Julian die of SIDS?" I asked, remaining calm.

"That's what everybody was told," Lex answered bitterly.

"Lex, I don't believe even for a second that you did it. You wouldn't hurt an infant," I said with so much confidence and belief in him in my voice that it shocked me and Lex himself. He looked at me like in some kind of an awe.

"I knew there was a reason I've come to you with this," he said softly. "Jessica… you have no idea how much it means to me that you would just…"

"Lex, maybe you're used to everyone else judging you, but I am not one of them. I don't look at you through the Luthor stigma, I look at _you_. The person you really are. And I am sure that deep down you would not do such a thing. And you didn't. Am I right?" I seemed to be so sure, but I was silently praying so that he confirmed it.

There was something strange hanging in the air. Some understanding. Bonding. We became even closer. I really needed to retreat before I would get hurt too badly. Again.

"I did not," Lex finally said and I released a breath I did not even know I was holding.

Blind faith was one thing, but actually hearing the confirmation was another.

"So, what happened?" I prompted. "Whatever it was, it must've shaken you up pretty badly."

"The thing is…" Lex sighed again and then rubbed the bridge of his nose. He must have been exhausted, maybe both emotionally and physically.

I knew he was showing me his weakness right now. He needed to talk to somebody, he needed a consolation and I was there for him. It made me feel special that he chose me for that, not Clark, no one else but me. But it still hurt that much more.

The next day when the sun would go up again, he would act like it did not happen, like everything was back to normal.

"My mother did it," Lex told me and I opened my mouth in sudden shock. That seemed to be even worse than him killing his brother. How could a mother take her own child's life?

"Oh… Oh, god, Lex… I am so, so sorry," I immediately breathed out and placed my hand on his shoulder, rubbing it gently.

"Yeah… she… she loved my brother so much that she couldn't stand the thought of him being raised by my father. She couldn't stand the thought of him being treated, well… like I was."

"Oh, Lex. You never should've…"

"She was crazy, but it doesn't mean that it's not true. It is, Jessica. I'm fighting all the time. I realized I was doing it for my father's affection, for repentance… but now I know I will never get what I want from him and I don't have to live with that terrible guilt anymore. I covered for my mother, because I knew that my father would punish her… I guess I repressed those memories and thought I did it myself… My father wouldn't hurt me as I was his only heir. But her…" Lex's voice faltered. "He destroyed her. Destroyed her health, caused her to go crazy and then… she couldn't stand it anymore and she finally gave up to another sickness and… she just died."

There was nothing left to say.

I moved closer and just pulled him into my arms. He hugged me back tightly. He was so tired, I could tell. I enjoyed being with him so close. I enjoyed his breath in my hair, his body right next to mine and the heat coming off of him. I felt so save in his arms. It was so _right_ like we matched perfectly together. Like we were meant to be. Only this was not true. He was only my friend who now seemed to be a distant one as our ways had kind of parted.

I actually received some comfort from him as well, but it was only that much worse when he finally let me go, thanked me and… walked away.

I knew him too well by now to think he would not. I knew he would not stay for long. He would not risk breaking down or showing me any more of his soft side.

* * *

**(3x22 Covenant)**

"I'm sorry," Lana said to me once again when I went to see her off to the airport. "I feel bad leaving you when I was the one who brought you to Smallville in the first place."

She had gotten a scholarship in art school in Paris and she decided to go. I was not angry with her for leaving, just quite the opposite. She deserved it and I really wanted her to have that chance. There was nothing keeping her in Smallville, not even Clark or myself. She needed to move on and I accepted that. She was a means for me to finally come back to my hometown city, but she did not have to stay just because of that. I had friends, I had my school and even though I would miss her, I did not need her. I understood why she needed to go. She needed to put the past behind her since she had already uncovered it. She was miserable back in Smallville, I knew that. Always the one to be attacked first by all the obsessed meteor infected. She would have a better chance at a good life in Paris.

"Lana, don't worry about it," I told her. "I'll be fine. I have Clark and Chloe. You need to go to Paris. You deserve it. Just leave the past behind."

"You know, you still have Lex," Lana added with a knowing smile on her face.

"Lana… Lex is…" I stopped. "Never mind. Maybe it's like with you and Clark. There's chemistry, but not much of action and no hope for the future."

"Keep telling yourself that. I still believe in you two." Lana winked at me.

"I said the very same thing about you and Clark," I dared to notice, now quite exasperated. Lana had been rooting for me and Lex since the moment she had realized I liked him. Maybe she was just taking care of me on her own way and she thought that seeding ideas in my head all over again would help. Well, it did not. It only brought back the past. Nowadays, I had rather avoid Lex. He was not so eager to spending time with me anyway, so I did not have any remorse. He was busy with his father's trial after all.

"Touché," Lana admitted. "But you and Lex were never really…"

"Did I hear my name?" we suddenly heard Lex's voice and there he was, right behind us.

"Lex!" Lana smiled happily at him. "You came!"

"It's what friends do, isn't it?" he asked and gave her a hug. "I came to wish you luck in your new school in Paris."

"Thank you."

I had the impression that Lex shot me a strange look. We had not really talked since that night he had come over to the Talon to confess what had happened to his little brother. Things could be a little awkward now.

"Why did I hear my name?" he repeated his previous question when he let Lana go.

"It was nothing. I was just wondering if you'd act like Clark and forget to see me off," Lana lied to him quickly. "I guess you didn't."

"I would never abandon a friend," Lex said firmly.

"I should really go now," Lana pointed the door. "Jessica, take care of yourself."

It was a rather weird coincidence, because when Emily – Lana's dead childhood friend – had reappeared in her life for the first time as a clone, it had resulted in me coming to Smallville. Now Emily had made another appearance, of course coming for Lana again, and Lana was leaving. And I was staying.

I gave her another hug and then I was left alone with Lex once Lana disappeared in the airport.

I was right, it was a little awkward. Now that I thought of it I felt quite embarrassed that I had kept touching him and then hugging him for so long that memorable night. I had been sleepy then and as they said, you were always braver when the sun came down…

"Jessica…" Lex started.

I could not quite decipher what the look in his eyes meant. Did he miss me? Did he want me back in his life? Was he angry at me?

"I haven't talked to you in ages. Do you need a ride back to Smallville?" he suggested.

Two whole hours in a car with Lex? Maybe not exactly that long since he drove a sport car, but still…

"Lex, I'm sorry. I've been really busy recently and now I need to meet my uncle," I lied to him. I had no contact with my uncle whatsoever, but Lex did not need to know that. I was just afraid of the time I would spend in his company. I was done hurting. If I could not get over him, I would keep my distance.

"Jessica, is it because of what… what I've told you?" Lex asked, pretty concerned.

"No, of course not, Lex!" I denied honestly. "You of all people should know that whatever you tell me will never change what I think of you. I really appreciate your honesty and opening up to me. I just really…"

"…need to go, yeah. I got that."

That sadness in his eyes was really troubling.

I had to leave before I would do something I would regret.

* * *

"Lana's gone, Pete's gone, Lex and Chloe are working together on bringing Lionel down… I guess it's just you and me then," I told Clark when appearing in his loft once I finally arrived back in Smallville.

"Yeah, I guess it is." Clark smiled to me faintly when turning away from the window he was standing by.

"Don't worry." I patted his back when I reached him. "Lana's not the only girl in the world."

"So isn't Lex," Clark retorted. "I mean, not the only guy, obviously."

I laughed. Clark really had the gift of making me feel lighter and so much better.

"We'll be fine, Jess," he said. "Trust me."

"I know. At some point it just has to be ok, right?" I winked at him.


	6. Chapter 6

**06**

**(3x22, 4x01,02)**

I was still in shock, could not really wrap my brain around everything that followed Lana's departure to Paris.

Lex was poisoned. Chloe was… dead.

It was nearly as bad - or exactly as bad - as when Lex had been believed to be dead, lost in the sea. Only I could not count on Chloe coming back. It would probably be one miracle too much. It was enough that Lex was recovering from an amount of poison that should have killed him. One could say that the meteor shower saved him when giving him unusual immunity.

What more, for the very first time I was truly alone in Smallville. Clark was gone too. His parents told me that he was visiting his relatives in Minnesota, but it did not sound too convincing to me. Why would he leave me here? I was sure I would not do this to him if he was to be the only one left in Smallville. I had people around me all the time in school, people I talked to and people I liked, but this was not the same. Those people were not my friends. I just knew them and casually talked to them. I could not tell them anything personal.

Sometimes I wondered what I was even doing in Smallville. What was I waiting for if everyone I cared about was gone? I guessed it was as good place as any other. Maybe I was meant to be alone, abandoned. Maybe I just needed to suck it up and learn how to go on. Mrs. Kent was nice to me and kept asking me to dinner. Sometimes I accepted, sometimes I did not. I did not want to impose, but I could tell she was as desperate for some company as I was. I was the only link that connected her to Clark, Chloe and Lana as those three had been a constant in the Kents' lives for a very long time. I just wished Martha Kent was more honest with me. I wished she stopped lying to me about Clark.

I thought of rekindling my friendship with Lex, but he was busy more than ever. I did not really know why. His father was behind bars till the trial and he would be probably let go, because the key witness was gone. Chloe Sullivan was dead.

The last time I had seen Lex was back when I visited him in the hospital right after he had gotten poisoned. I remembered that clearly. He had just had his blood purified again and he informed me that he had to repeat the procedure every forty six hours until there would be no trace of the poison in his system.

My heart ached when I saw him. I could even tell that he was happy to see me too. All I wanted was to hug or kiss him, tell him that everything would be all right, that he was not the one to blame for Chloe's death. He had done everything he could to protect her, but apparently, he was no match for his father, once again proved how weak he was in his eyes. I understood it all and wanted to comfort him so badly.

"Jessica… sometimes I wonder why did you pull aw…" he was just about to ask when one of his men came inside and interrupted us.

"Mr. Luthor, I have the info you requested."

"Great… Jessica, I'm sorry. Can we talk later?"

"Yeah… sure…" I murmured then and left the room.

I knew there would be no actual later. He would be too busy.

And I was right.

I also knew what he was about to ask me. _Why did you pull away?_ I could have answered that both ways. I could have told him the truth or I could have lied.

What did it matter anyway? I might blame myself for keeping distance from him, but the ugly truth was that there were two person in a friendship. It went both ways. He had pulled away as well.

I had to go on with my life and stop looking back. What else could I do…?

* * *

Few days later things turned out to be much better. I was not alone anymore. Mrs. Kent just rang the Talon to tell me that Clark was finally back from Minnesota. The same Minnesota where there was apparently no phones or internet connection. I was still skeptical about it, but I missed him and that feeling won over. I jumped into my car and drove to the farm.

"Clark!" I called his name when I arrived at my destination. "CLARK!"

"Jess!" He came out of his barn. I counted on him being there as he was spending there more time than in his actual house.

I was going to tell him off properly for leaving without saying goodbye, for not writing to me and for not being there when I had needed him. Only when I finally saw his familiar posture, his blue eyes, the begin of a smile on his lips, I could not bring myself to care, I just ran straight into his arms.

"I missed you so much!" I said while hugging him tightly. I needed this. I needed friends. I needed the physical closeness from a simple hug.

"I can see that," he said when we parted. "And just so we clear, I missed you too." He smiled to me. "How have you been?"

"Miserable," I answered, not bothering with platitudes. "I should be furious with you, you know! How could you leave, Clark? I know Chloe was your best friend and Lana left, but… you just left without saying goodbye and I needed to ask your mum about where you were!" I finally began yelling at him. "I know it hurt!" I admitted because Chloe was Clark's best friend for years and losing her must have hurt him badly. "I understand the need to get away! But what I do not understand is that you did not even once write to me!"

"Jess…" Clark started, his voice strangled a little. "It's been… a very difficult time for me and… I'm sorry," he finished awkwardly. It was just typical to Clark. He never divulged too many information.

"Clark, where were you?"

"In Minnesota, that one's true," he said, "but I… I was in a very bad place, Jess and I'm sorry for not calling… I just… I had to deal. And I was gone for only two weeks…"

"Two weeks that included school," I noticed, still hesitant if I should believe his story. Why would he lie to me anyway? What could he possibly be doing that required making up a story to cover it up? Nothing, apparently. Unless he was back to his Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hide problem from the summer. Eventually, I decided to let it go. There really was not point in arguing and yelling at him. I could not be picky now. He was the only thing I had left in this town, the only friend, the only person I could really talk to and be honest with. I just expected the same honesty in return.

"Are you ok?" he asked with care and put his hands on my shoulders.

I looked up into his eyes.

"Clark… how can I be? Chloe is dead, Lana is in Paris, Lex is absent all the time… and you were gone too!"

"I'm sorry… but I'm back now," he assured me. "I promise you I won't go anywhere anytime soon."

"'Glad to hear that. So… how are you? Are you doing any better?"

"I... I'm not sure. It all… hit me all over again once I came back," he sighed. "And add to that, Chloe has a cousin and she's in town. Her name is Lois and she's already driven me crazy. Do you know her?"

"No, but I would like to meet her. Is she here to visit Chloe's grave?"

"Actually… she's investigating her death. There's also something else that you should know… Chloe's grave's empty."

"What?!" I opened my eyes widely in shock. "You're kidding, right?"

"No, actually, I think Chloe's alive."

"Are you sure?" Suddenly, I understood it all. Lex would have never let her die! Lex would fake her death so he could protect her better! He finally outran his father! I was so proud of him!

"Chloe, hold that for a sec," Clark stopped me as he saw the exhilarated look on my face. "I've already talked to Lex and he told me that the explosion was so powerful that there was nothing left…"

"I don't buy it," I cut in. It was plausible, but still, this was a Luthor we were talking about. It also explained why he had been so busy lately.

"Really?" Clark asked.

"I know Lex," I said, very sure of myself. "He wouldn't make such a mistake. He would never let Chloe die. Actually, I can't believe I didn't think of it earlier!"

"We're looking into it with Lois and you're welcomed to join us. I don't know how much more of her I can actually ta…"

"Smallville!" I heard a woman calling from behind us. Her choice of words made me raise my eyebrows in surprise.

"Smallville?" I asked Clark, trying not to laugh. He noticed my efforts anyway and rolled his eyes on me.

"That's what I call him!" The woman got closer. "Lois Lane." She reached her hand to me as I turned around to look at her. I must say, she was very straight-forward.

"Jessica Hamby. Nice to meet you…" I shook her hand and then noticed how dirty her clothes were.

"Yeah, about that…" Lois started. "I dag out a grave and you were right, Smallville. Chloe's not in there! But… how did you know that?!"

"You dag out a…" Clark started but then stooped immediately, looking at something in the distance.

It piqued my curiosity and I followed his eyes.

"Lana…" Clark whispered.

Lana?! No that could not be true! It was only a few weeks ago that I had seen her off to the airport. Why would she come back?

Only she did. I saw her too. She was standing by Lois's car.

"Yeah, we kind of met on the graveyard." Lois shrugged. "Smallville, do you mind if I take a shower? I really need to wash off all that dirt!" Without waiting for Clark's answer, Lois just disappeared in his house.

"Lana!" I ran toward my friend and we hugged. It was almost surreal to have two friends back in town when a moment ago I had been completely lonely and miserable. "Lana, why did you come back?" I asked when I let go off her.

"Well… let's just say that Paris wasn't for me," she answered me.

The hell it was not! I thought and really wanted to shot Clark a dirty look. It must be all his fault again that Lana could not let go!

* * *

Chloe, of course, turned out to be very much alive. Just like I thought she would be. Now I could not believe I had once thought differently. I knew Lex! I knew the way he thought. I also knew that he was desperate to put his father in prison for all the crimes he had committed, including killing Lex's own grandparents for the insurance money.

Lionel finally landed up in jail, because of Chloe's testimony. Now all Chloe, Clark and Lana needed to do was to catch up in school as the finals were getting closer. We all wanted to graduate and move on with our lives.

There was one thing I had been wrong about though. Lana apparently had not come back for Clark. She had a boyfriend. His name was Jason Teague and he just came all the way from Paris to Smallville just for her.

Sometimes I wondered how came Lana was so lucky. I was not jealous of Jason, but Lana seemed to be the type of a girl who always had a lot of guys around her and a lot to pick up from. I was asked on dates in school, but not nearly as often. And I was not interested in any of those guys, unfortunately.

* * *

**(04x07 Onyx; 4x20 Ageless)**

"Jessica, have you seen Lex?" Clark just called me, his voice disturbed.

"Lex?" I frowned. "No, why?" I had not seen Lex for a couple of weeks now and Clark knew it. I did not understand why he was asking me this now.

"If you see him, let me know right away!"

"Did something happen?" I asked. I did not like the way Clark sounded at all. I started worrying about Lex. Could something happen to him? Up to this point, I thought of him to be nearly invincible. He had survived a meteor shower, a plane crush and a lethal dose of poison. The only thing that could kill him seemed to be an actual bullet. Only Clark did not inform me that Lex had been shot. Clark asked whether I had seen Lex.

"Jess, I have to go. I'll talk to you later…" Clark cut me off with no explanation and just hung up.

"Clark!" I screamed at him, but it was too late. All I heard was just a dead signal in the receiver.

I sighed heavily and turned around with the intention to go out and find Clark. I almost jumped and screamed, startled by Lex standing in the door.

"Hello, Jessica," he said, smiling to me. There was something atypical about him, but I could not quite pinpoint what it was. Well, beside his clothes. He wore black slacks and a black shirt, few buttons were opened, showing a way down his chest… A very nice chest, I could tell by the little bit I saw.

"Lex… you scared me…" I scolded him when putting a hand to my chest.

The smile did not fade away from his face and he did not even apologize.

I needed to keep reminding myself to keep my eyes away from that partially opened shirt because… I so did not want to go down that road again.

"What are you doing here anyway? Do you know that Clark's looking for you?" I asked Lex when he came inside and closed the door behind him. "And why didn't you knock?"

"I own this place, remember?"

"That doesn't give you the right to just barge inside!" I was angry now. I really did not like that smug smile. What was that all about? "Lex?" I said his name, a little confused.

He made his way to me, his eyes set on mine and before I could react, he just leaned in and kissed me!

I stilled, completely shocked. I also did not pull away. I was frozen, but if I did not really want to kiss him, I would have pushed him away. The problem was that I wanted this. I craved for it. I was dizzy, because suddenly, his lips were on mine and I was so not prepared for this. There was so much electricity between us that and I seemed to be overwhelmed by it. I had wanted to kiss him so many times and never had I thought it would be this good. I had thought I had gotten over him, but clearly I still liked him. I was still crushing on this man, all my feelings resurfacing, hitting me with their full strength. They took control over my body and before I knew what I was doing, I put my arms around his neck and brought him closer, reciprocating the kiss. His mouth opened and I felt his tongue sliding along my lower lip. I moaned. I really moaned, forgetting about everything. Nothing but his body next to mine mattered.

A body which was now pressed against me, pulling me backwards until I hit the desk. I felt Lex lifting me off the ground and placing on it, my legs going around his waist completely on their own and… oh, god, he was hard and now started rubbing himself shamelessly against my core.

I gasped, breaking the kiss, because I desperately needed some air.

"Lex," I whispered, meeting his hazy from desire eyes from so close. I could just drown in them.

Before Lex managed to lean into another kiss, something came to my mind. I made a great effort to remember that little thing that was bothering me and… Clark had called and asked about Lex. He had sounded pretty disturbed and never told me what that was all about. Then there was Lex. Lex had never kissed me before. Why would he just show up in my place after weeks of not speaking to me and push me on the desk? He wanted to have sex, I knew that. I could feel the evidence of his arousal against me… But this was not how Lex would act around me. He respected me. He would not just show up in my place and fuck me.

I felt sick. I could not stand this anymore. I was aroused and my body wanted him badly, but I knew better than that. I flattened my hands on his chest and… god, it was hard and I really wanted to see him without that shirt, but… no, I pushed him away with the last ounce of self control I had in me.

"What are you doing?!" raised my voice.

We were both breathing heavily and eyeing each other. There was something wrong with his eyes. There was something there that made me sure now that it was not the Lex I knew.

"Come on, I know you want it," he said, getting closer again, but I managed to jump off the desk and circle him.

"I do," I admitted. What was the point in denying it since he already knew? "But not like that. You never acted like that before. What happened to you? What changed?" I asked, doing my best to calm down.

"This is the real me. That's all," he answered, spreading his arms and sneering at me.

"The real you?" I raised my eyebrows.

I needed to call Clark immediately, but unfortunately my phone was left on the desk behind Lex.

"Yes," the answer came.

"Maybe you should go," I told him. "Go home, sleep on it and if tomorrow you still want this… then we'll talk."

"Jessica," his voice suddenly grew harder, more urgent. "You can either be with me and live like a queen or find yourself tossed away with the rest of the garbage. The decision is yours. Now."

I gaped at him in shock. I had just gotten the ultimate proof that either that was not him or something bad had happened to him.

"Get out!" I yelled at him, pointing the door with my hand.

"Really? Are you sure?" He smirked again, squinting his eyes and tilting his head.

"GET OUT!" I roared. I was beyond exhausted with the situation now and shaken beyond belief.

"Ok…" He finally yielded, turned to the door and put his hand on the knob. "Oh, by the way… I'm closing the Talon, you can tell Lana the news. I'm sure she'll be thrilled."

"You can't do this! She didn't do anything to you!"

"This is a poor business," he said with a cold voice. "And I'm throwing you out of here. From now on you're no longer live here. You have till midnight to move out."

Then he was just gone.

I was left there standing in the middle of the room with my eyes widely opened and teary.

Finally, I walked back to the desk and picked up the phone with my shaky hands. It took two attempts to dial Clark's number.

"Clark…" my voice was still quivering when he answered.

"Jessica! What happened? Did Lex…"

"He was here," I did not even realize I was sobbing until now.

"What did he do?" Clark demanded, fear evident in his voice.

"Nothing… expect… well… kissing, acting really weird and… throwing me out…" I cried.

"Listen to me, it wasn't Lex. Chloe spotted two Lexs in the hospital today. They appeared on different cameras in the very same time. We're looking into that."

"I should've known sooner that something was off," I said bitterly, taking that information in.

"You noticed it just in time. Don't worry… Wait, did… did something happen... except…?" his voice trailed off like he did not want to finish that question.

"Almost, but no. Nothing," I said honestly.

"Do you want me to come over?"

"No, I want you to find the real Lex as soon as possible."

"Ok. I'll call you."

When I hung up I just walked over to the nearest chair and fallen into it. He had hurt me. Lex had hurt me more than ever now.

Suddenly, I preferred him cold and distant. I preferred to not feel what I had felt a moment before. Now, I knew what could have been between us… I could still feel his hot body against me, his lips, his tongue. I was aroused, shaken, disgusted… I felt sick and I knew there would be no easy recovery from something like that.

* * *

Two hours later Clark called to tell me that he had found the other Lex, but the worst part was that no one had impersonated him after all. They both had been Lexs as something had happened in the LuthorCorp factory this morning that split him into two…

It only left me with more questions. What if some day Lex lost himself and became the one I had seen and kissed today? What if having Lionel for a father would be enough to do just that? And if the bad Lex had feelings for me, why the good one had not? Or maybe he had a reason not to indulge in them.

My thoughts were interrupted once more by… Lex himself.

He startled me once again and he must have seen that something was off, because he asked, "What did I do?" It was his usual tone of voice. Also, it sounded like he was already tired of apologizing.

I unconsciously moved back and did my best to hide how hurt I actually was.

"Don't worry…" he reassured me. "It's me… What did I do to you? Tell me, so I could apologize properly."

"You don't… don't remember?" I asked surprised.

"Sorry, I don't. Everything from the moment of that incident is just blank to me."

How very convenient, I thought. It was always convenient with him. He had had a break down - he did not remember any of it. Now when he had been split into two completely different people - he did not remember once again.

I looked down, taking a deep breath and trying to figure out whether I should tell him or not. No, I should not. What would that change? It would only make things more awkward between us.

"Jessica, you can tell me," he repeated urgently, his blue-gray eyes pleading and worried when I finally looked into them.

"It's nothing worth mentioning," I finally said. "It wasn't really you, so it doesn't matter."

We were looking at each other for a while in silence and I could have sworn that he was suspecting something, maybe he even figured everything out, but he did not say anything. If he had figured it all out, it would have meant that he felt something… But why the hell he did not act on those feelings? I had an headache when I thought about it all, so I had to close myself for it completely.

I was tired of this situation. I had been ready to move on. I had been doing great and then he reappeared in my life, messing everything up! Again and again! Why could I not just be free of him?

"Why don't we speak to each other like we used to?" he suddenly asked.

"I don't have time…" I answered a little too fast. Obviously, a lie. "School is almost over and I need to get in a good college and… I really do not have time," I repeated stupidly.

It seemed that he did not buy it, but he did not argue either.

"You know I'm here for you if you…"

"I know…"

He turned around after shooting me one more sad look and then he was gone… Again.

* * *

After that I needed to talk to someone and considering that Lana had enough on her plate with the strange tattoo that had appeared out of nowhere on her body, her boyfriend in town and his mother, I decided to go see Clark.

"Clark?!" I called him when I entered his barn. "Clark, are you here?"

"Upstairs!" I heard his voice so I ran up there. "Jess… what happened?" He asked, studying my face.

"Lex came to apologize," I told him while wiping tears from my eyes.

"Did he remember…?"

"Nothing."

"Did you tell him?" Clark asked another question with concern and then invited me to sit by his side on the sofa.

"No," I answered, taking the offered place.

"Why not?"

"I decided to give up on him and I was doing very well. I even stopped thinking about him and then he reappeared and everything was just back… And now he showed up in my place again, apologizing for something he didn't even remember doing and acting like he cared about me, but still like he was scared of making a move and I just decided… screw him! I won't be that weak, pathetic girl in love anymore!" I wiped the last of my tears. I needed to stop crying. Lex was so not worth it!

"You never were," Clark assured me when putting his hand on my arm. "You are stronger than you think."

"You really think so?" I was looking for confirmation in his eyes.

"Yes, I can see that clearly."

"It's over for good, Clark. It really is. That part of him that came to me before… He was bad, but it was still Lex."

"Half of him."

"But this still means that half of him is good while the other…"

"I think we're all kind of built that way."

"Maybe… but I'm just done."

Clark put his arms around me then, giving me friendly comfort.

"You were right in the beginning, you know…" I confessed. "I should've stayed

away."

I was just wondering when the ache in my chest would stop…

* * *

While I was not seeing Lex at all, I started spending much more time with Clark. With him not being with Lana anymore and with Lana hanging out with Jason, we ended up spending most of our time together.

He was a really good friend.

Once we found an infant on the road. It was a tragic story, because the baby was aging so fast that he died the next day. Even Lex – and this time Clark was the one who ask – could not help. That event brought us even closer and I had the impression that I was closer to him than Lana and Chloe were at the moment.


	7. Chapter 7

**(Commencement, Arrival)**

If finally came. The graduation day. I had hard time believing that it all had passed so fast. One day I had come to Smallville and the other I was finishing high school. I could finally leave it all behind, go to college, start an adult life.

Only, did leaving behind count as attending Metropolis University? It was as close as it got to Smallville and I was sure I would be visiting all the time. Clark was staying on the farm, attending a school in Smallville. He was needed as his father's heart was not in a very good shape. Lex was still living in the mansion. As much as I wanted to move on, there was not really another place for me. I had friends here and Lana was also going to MetU.

I should know better than to expect a quiet ceremony, I thought once military cars interrupted the graduation. Luckily for me, I had already gotten my certificate.

We were just notified that there was another meteor shower on its way to Smallville.

Could it even happen again? Twice in the very same small town in Kansas? I refused to believe in such coincidences anymore.

I quickly found Clark and Chloe in the crowd and made my way to them. We were all thinking the very same thing: Lana was gone. She had not showed up today and none of us knew where she actually was.

"Have you seen her somewhere?" I asked them in futile hope. Maybe she was late. Maybe she was here already. The ceremony stopped on Kent, Clark, so Lana could be waiting for her turn.

But they only shook their heads.

"I have to go to the farm to help my parents packing, but I'll look for her on the way there," Clark reassured me while putting his hands to my arms. "Don't worry."

"Clark, no offence, but you're just one person. You can't possibly…" I started.

"We could ask Lex for help," Chloe suggested. "He has his ways of finding people."

The idea did not appeal to me right now, but it was about Lana. She was the oldest friend I had and I could not give up on her now. I felt the same what she must feeling right now. We had both lost our parents in the first meteor shower. We could not lose each other or anyone else now.

"You go to Lex," Chloe told me, "and I go find Lois and we'll look for Lana too."

We parted, each going in a different direction.

* * *

Where could she be? I was thinking hard on my way over to Lex's mansion. Lana had been through a lot recently. She had been possessed by the French countess and then she had taken a mysterious trip to China. She refused to tell me what that was all about, but it seemed like Jason knew. Then their relationship fell apart as there were too many lies between them. At least that was what she told me. I did not push. I wanted to be a supportive friend, but maybe I should have pushed. Maybe she was gone now because of something I did not know.

When I finally arrived at the mansion I was overwhelmed by everything. The meteor shower was coming, Lana was nowhere to be found, everybody I loved was in danger and I was just about to see Lex. It was too fucking much like for a one day, hell, too much for one hour!

I walked inside Lex's mansion to find no guards there. It scared me. Did something happen here? Was Lex even inside? Why would he leave the front door opened and unguarded?

"LEX?!" I screamed, fear finally taking over. "LEX!" I ran toward his study and then almost collide with him as he just stepped out of it.

"Jessica! What is it? Are you ok?" At the sight of him I felt something tightening in my stomach and ache in my chest.

"Have you seen Lana?" I just asked, trying to ignore all those feelings that always resurfaced once I saw him. I should get used to them by now, but it still hurt.

"Yes," he answered to my astonishment. "What this is about? Are you all right?"

"You have?!" I raised my voice again, but I was also relieved. I ignored his questions about my well-being. I did not matter, Lana did, because I could not find her. "Where is she?"

"She left," Lex simply answered.

"What?! What do you mean she left?!"

"My men are looking for her right now."

"Why would your men be looking for her?" I parroted after him, not really understanding.

"Lana came to me with a certain problem that needed to be taken care of and then she left. Once I heard about the upcoming meteor shower I sent my people after her. She was shaky and rather out of it. I'm simply worried about her. My men are also looking for you."

"For me? Why?"

"Because I care about you and I wanted to get you to safety before the shower hits," Lex explained simply.

"Oh," I just uttered, feeling awkward now. "Well, here I am. But I'm not leaving anywhere without Lana."

"Jessica…" Lex started again, then put his hands on my arms and leaned in to look into my eyes. I sucked in a breath. It was just like the other time when his evil side had kissed me. I nearly wanted him to try this again, but I knew it was not about that. "There is nothing you can do now," he told me. "You have to get out of Smallville. It's too risky for you to look for Lana right now. If my men don't find her, then no one will, do you understand?" his voice was hard and unyielding, but in the same time I sensed a hint of care in it.

I was standing there, completely hypnotized by the blue and gray in his eyes and I could just nod.

"Good, now… let's get you to my chopper," he said and for a change pressed his hand to the small of my back, ushering me out of the study.

"Chopper?" I made sure.

"This way you will be safe. The roads out of Smallville are already blocked."

"Some people won't manage to get out, will they?" I asked, feeling cold dread inside of me. It was happening again. It was… My breathing accelerated.

"Jessica, calm down," I heard the soothing tone of Lex's voice. "There's still plenty of time."

We got out of the mansion through the back and after crossing a part of the garden, we found ourselves on the vast stretch of land where the chopper was waiting.

"I can't…" I said. "I can't leave without her… And Clark, the Kents, Chloe, Lois… they're all here…" my voice shook. "Lex, I can't lose them. I just can't."

"Listen…" He came to a sudden stop and this time he cupped my face, forcing me to look into his eyes again. "They can't lose you either, Jessica. I will find them. I will get them to safety. And stop worrying about Lana. I will do everything that is in my power to find her. I promise."

There was so much urgency in his eyes that they seemed to be scorching me. I looked down for I could not keep looking at Lex anymore. It was too intense and my heart was beating way too fast.

"Ok…" I finally whispered and nodded.

"Good… get in, then." He helped me into the chopper. "You'll be in Metropolis in no time," he said.

"Wait… What about you?" I asked, panicking again. I had the impression that he was not going to get inside with me and I could not worry about one more person. All this time I had thought he would come to Metropolis too while his people would look for my friends.

"I'll follow you soon. I have some business here I have to take care of," he answered, confirming my worst suspicions.

"Lex… No, you can't…" I tried to convince him to go with me, but he just shook his head.

"I'll be fine and you'll be fine too. We'll see each other after the shower," he promised again, looking at me intensely.

For a moment there I had the impression that he would just kiss me, but no, he did not. He made a few steps back instead and watched me flying away from him.

I was looking after him until he disappeared from my sight and then I realized that it might be the last time I saw him.

I could not think like that. I could not break until I would know for sure that something happened. For now… everybody was safe. The meteor shower…

…was here. They must have miscalculated the exact moment it was about to hit!

I almost turned into stone again, freezing completely when I noticed the fiery balls falling down from the sky. I was just in a small chopper made out of metal.

The pilot was very skilful. He was doing his best to keep us alive, but then one of the meteors finally hit us and we found ourselves going down…

* * *

I woke up in pain. My head was pounding and my vision was all blurry once I opened my eyes. I felt that I was lying in a very uncomfortable position and… There was something terrible wrong with my leg. I almost moaned loudly in pain as I tried to move, scratching my hands against the glass that scattered the ground. As my eyes adjusted, causing even stronger ache in my temples, I realized that I was still in the helicopter and… I saw a dead face of the pilot hanging right above me. I screamed and desperately looked for leverage to get out of there. The pain in my leg was almost unbearable, but I kept on going. Everything was better than having to look into that dead face and wonder why I survived and that man did not.

When I found myself sprawled on the grass, safely out of the wreckage, I risked a peek at my leg. It was definitely broken. I did not know what to do. The meteor shower was over, but I lost my phone in the crash and now I had no idea where I actually was. It could be hours, maybe days before someone would find me and… Lex, came to my mind. If he survived, he must be scared out of his mind now. And he must feel so guilty for letting me go in that chopper. Only he could not have known what would happen. He had been right when telling me that it was the safest way out of Smallville. Who knew what would have happened to me if I had tried the road that was blocked. I could have been dead now.

There was a strange light in front of me. I thought maybe it was someone in a similar position, someone I could ask for help or someone I could wait for the help with. They must have something on them that caught the sunlight and threw this strange light.

I did my best to crawl out there and realized it was a crater. My curiosity piqued, I managed to raise myself and stand on my good leg, trying not to move the broken one.

There was definitely something out there, but it was not human.

I was struck with what I saw. My eyes opening widely as I froze. I did not even feel pain at the moment. I was too shocked to notice acknowledge it.

There was a spaceship right in front of me. A big, silver spaceship.

Maybe I was dead, I suddenly thought. Maybe I had died and now I was having strange visions or…

Only if I was really deceased, I would not have been feeling this pain in my whole body, the fatigue.

Then more of the blinding light came from the ship and as I covered my face to protect my eyes, it opened. I saw two figures coming out of it, but I could not get a closer look.

In the same moment, I heard police cars and I turned myself toward them. They had to help me. They must.

I saw a man and a woman - the aliens - facing the cars and then… I screamed and quickly covered my mouth when they started shooting fire from their eyes and the police… was no more. The cars gone in a massive explosion.

It was too late for me, I thought. I already made clear that I was here, watching them. I was a witness. A redundancy. Now too horrified to scream, move or run. Even if, I could not run with that leg.

"Where is Kal-El?" the man asked when turning to me like he was a robot. There was no facial expression on him. He truly looked alien.

"W… who?" I stammered. They could kill me already and end my suffering. It seemed better than them interrogating me. The other option would require more pain and I could not take any more of this physical and emotional trauma. I wanted it to be quick. I was also silently praying for the others to be all right. Lex… Lana… Clark…

Suddenly, the aliens looked right, listening to something that was non-existent to me.

"She's irrelevant," the woman said and they were just gone. One moment they were standing there, the next they were no more. It even made me think that I had hallucinated the whole thing. Only the wrecks of the police cars were still there, the evidence that it was all real.

I moved ahead, kept on going, never looking back. My heart was pounding in my chest so violently that I felt dizzy.

I found myself on the road and went along it when some vehicle stopped right in front of me, almost running me over, but fortunately it was a very expensive car so it had good brakes. I did not look at it, I kept on moving. All I could think about was that they would get me. They would finally come back for me… and kill me.

"Jessica?" somebody got out of the car and I heard a familiar voice.

My mind was so shadowed in the moment that it took me a while to associate the facts.

I kept moving. I had to keep moving no matter what.

Sport car… wait… Lex!

Then he was right behind me. I could feel his presence there. A moment later he gently placed his hands on my shoulders from behind.

"Jessica! Stop!" He called my name again when I still did not listen to my brain. My survival instinct seemed to be on overload and told me to keep going. Then I felt Lex behind again and his arms went all the way around me, immobilizing me on the spot. I tried to fight for a moment, but then I finally realized I was safe. If I was going to be safe with someone, it was with him. "It's just me… it's alright… I'm so sorry…" he kept whispering into my ear and my body finally went numb in his arms. He supported me with his strength so I would not fall to the ground.

"We have to run… We have to keep moving…" I told him.

"Why?" his voice was right in my ear.

"I saw it, Lex… it was… it was a spaceship." That was when I fainted.

* * *

A very annoying scrubbing sound woke me up. When I finally managed to open my eyes I noticed that I was in the mansion.

My leg was taken care of.

There was no sign of Lex.

And the source of the scrubbing was Lionel.

He was on the floor, engraving some strange symbols in it.

His eyes were changed. Blank.

And he told me.

He told me about their weakness.

I could be the one who could safe everybody. I could save Kal-El, whoever he was.

* * *

I found them in the hospital.

I led them to the mansion.

I opened Lex's secret closet in his study. Meteor rocks were in there.

The aliens noticed it just in time.

The next thing I remembered was waking up in hospital bed…

* * *

"Jess… Jess… finally!" I heard Clark's voice coming to me like from far, far away.

I tried to open my eyes, but my eyelids were so heavy… so… and my head kept on pounding. I really needed something to alleviate that pain. I was really tired of that hammering.

"Jessica, wake up. It's all right. You're safe now," I heard another voice that belonged to Lex.

That did it. I finally managed to open my eyes and look around, doing my best to ignore the pain. I felt stiffness as I tried to move and reminded myself that my leg was broken and now immobilized.

I noticed Clark first as he was sitting in a chair right by my bed and then Lex who was standing in a slight distance. They both looked worried and very hurt.

"Where are they?" I suddenly sat up, immediately wincing with pain that shot throughout my whole body.

"Easy there…" Lex said. He moved like he wanted to make a step forward, but then he stopped. Why did he not want to come closer to me? "You've been seriously injured," he informed me like I did not know that already. I would have rolled my eyes on him if it had not been for the ache in my skull.

"Where are they?!" I repeated persistently. I did not want to beat around the bush. I need the truth.

"They're gone," Clark answered, his voice calming. "You can relax now. You really are save."

"How… the spaceship... they were aliens… they… they had those powers…" I started mumbling. My heart rate accelerated as the machine I was connected to started beeping.

"Jessica, you need to try and calm yourself down," Lex's authoritative voice sounded again. "Otherwise the nurse will come and throw us out of here."

"With your power? Come on!" I answered. I was sure that would get him to smile, but his expression remained hard and cold. What was going on? I suddenly felt a heavy weight in my guts.

"There is no sign of any spaceship in the area," Lex spoke slowly, "and when it comes to that people, they must've been meteor infected."

"But I saw it!" I yelled. "I didn't imagine it! I know what I saw!" How could he not believe me now when years ago he himself had been looking for a spaceship?!

"Jess…" Clark hushed me down. "There is no spaceship, really… you have my word… you've been through a lot…" his voice trailed off.

I knew what I had seen. I would have to dig into that later when I…

"Wait…" I said. "Is everybody alright?"

Clark and Lex shared a look and I thought I already knew what it meant. I also knew why Lex stood so far away from me.

"What is it? What happened? Did you find Lana?" I asked anyway, turning to him.

"Jessica…" Lex started, reached his hand toward me and made a step forward.

"NO!" I screamed. "NO! You promised me that she would be safe!" I accused him and he came to a sudden stop. He knew I would react that way.

"Nobody found her in time," he said, still in that calm and cold way. I knew that it was his way to hide all the emotions he did not want anyone to see, but I was sick and tired of it. Sick of him being so reserved, so fucking closed off!

"Were you even looking?!" I snapped at him. "Were you?!"

"I promised you, didn't I?"

"She's dead because of you!" I suddenly screamed, did not even know why. I was grieving, I did not think straight. I knew it was not true. I knew that it was not Lex's fault, not really, but I was traumatized and I had suffered a lot, both physical and psychical pain.

My feelings for Lex squashed… Lana's death… Clark's secrets… meteor shower… spaceship… aliens…

I needed somebody to blame and I burst into tears on the realization that I was the one who was hurting people now for a change.

"Jess… Jess… it's not Lex's fault…" Clark said to me and pulled me into an embrace.

I let him hug me tight. I was too weak as not to accept any comfort. I was crying into his shirt while he was cradling me in his arms.

I heard the door closing.

Lex was gone.


	8. Chapter 8

**08**

**(Mortal, Hidden)**

Wherever I looked there was death. Our small town was united in the face of the horrible tragedy that had struck us. Homes were destroyed, people were no more… Lana, Jason, his mother… they were all dead. It was a weird coincidence, really, only I did not believe in coincidences anymore. I could not turn back time, but I knew that whatever had happened to Jason and his mother, had a lot to do with Lana. Maybe even Lana's death was not as accidental, but that one I would never know. The meteor shower would be the perfect cover for a murder.

I it hadn't been for Clark, I wouldn't have survived or at least I would've suffered from some mental breakdown. He was my anchor in this difficult times. Thanks to him, I wasn't left alone to grieve and drown in my despair. I'd already lost so much and then pushed Lex away. I felt horrible about what I'd said to him back in the hospital. The hurt look on his face still haunted me at nights. But I didn't have it in myself to go to him to apologize. Not yet. I just couldn't… I wasn't strong enough to face him. Maybe someday… or maybe never. Clark did assure me that Lex must know I hadn't meant it, but it wasn't the same. Clark and Lex weren't friends anymore, so I could only assume that Clark didn't care. I should've apologized, I knew that, it was eating me up even now, but I couldn't see him, not yet.

Eventually, Lex was the one to show up right by the construction site in Smallville. We were all working on repairing houses now. Good thing we had time as the school was over for the summer. I only saw Lex from the distance and I knew he was there only because he was the sponsor. He didn't plan on walking over to us. He didn't even seem to be looking at us. It was just when I and Clark were free to go eat lunch that I noticed Lex watching me. I could've sworn that there was nostalgia on his face. Maybe he thought I was with Clark now as we were so close? Why should I care anyway? Lex belonged to the past. The past was painful. The past was hurting me so I needed to let it go.

* * *

Through the next couple of days Clark had changed so much that it amazed me. He'd been acting a little differently since the meteor shower, but now I had the impression that some huge burden was taken away from his shoulders, like he wasn't "carrying the whole world" on them anymore.

When I told him that, he just laughed.

"I'm the same old Clark, Jess. Maybe now… I'm just more aware of… you know… everybody around me… of things I can lose…" Still, it sounded like he made it up when I asked, not like he'd been thinking about it before.

I knew it was hard for him to fully open up to someone, but I wished we could get there. What had happened brought us closer together and I hated when I could see that hint of a lie in his eyes. He was the one who helped me through the worst times in my life after all.

In the end, I should've known better than to depend on somebody so much, especially when it was Clark Kent. The same Clark that I'd been once worried that he would someday become the victim as he always rushed into danger to save people.

It happened now. Breaking me again just when I thought I was feeling better, just when I thought I was whole again and the wounds after Lana and Lex were healing. Now a new one was opened, because Clark had gotten shot.

I was in denial at first. Clark? Clark shot? Clark was the one you expected to save you! He could not be a victim!

But he was.

I was rushing to the hospital, driving as fast as I could, silently praying so he would be all right, so he would survive. _Please, please God, don't let me lose him too!_ God must help me, hell!, fate must help me! I couldn't lose one more person! I'd already lost way too much to handle! I even started to think what I would do without Clark in my life and I couldn't stand the thought of it. Somehow through the last year he'd become my very best friend, even better than Lana. I cared about him way too much than I should've.

Finally, I stopped the car on the hospital parking lot and then ran inside. I got to the right floor and found the right door, passing by Clark's parents who were sitting in the waiting room. I didn't know if I was strong enough to talk to them without breaking and I just wanted to see their son. That would be enough for me. I just needed to see on my own eyes that he would be all right. I sneaked into the room, knowing that I shouldn't be in here. One look would be enough and then the doctors could take a proper care of him…

The sight of him undid me completely. I was struck when seeing his powerful body lying motionless on a cot. It was surreal, bizarre even. I felt like I was in a nightmare, waiting to wake up. This couldn't be happening for real. Clark seemed to be invincible, so strong and now… My body shook and I did my best to stop the tears from flowing.

"Clark?" I finally managed to whisper, but he did not react. He must be unconscious.

When I made a step forward, suddenly the machines he was connected to started beeping. I froze, looking at the scene in from of me with my eyes widely opened. That should mean only one thing and…

The door burst open, a flood of nurses and doctors rushing to their patient. I was brutally shoved aside as they began resuscitating Clark.

"Clark? Clark!" I screamed. "What's happening?! He'll be alright! He will be, right?!" I kept asking, losing it completely.

"Take her out of here!" somebody said and I was thrown out.

I could only watch what they were doing through the glass wall and then I heard…

"We lost him…" the doctor sighed heavily and looked at his watch. "Time of death…"

I felt numb. Stunned.

_Time of death?_

No! No! Clark could not be dead! NO!

"NO!" I screamed out loud and that was how Mr. and Mrs. Kent found to me.

"Jessica? What…" Martha Kent came to a sudden stop when she saw what I was looking at - Clark's limp body on a cot.

"NO!" this time she was the one to scream. It must've hurt her even more as she was Clark's mother, I realized and made a few steps back, turning away from them.

"Martha…" Jonathan got closer and took her into his arms, but I could see the break coming in him too.

I had to get out of there… I had to… run…

I got to my car and didn't stop on my way even once, then I just drove straight to the farm. I couldn't think now, I could just watch the road, ignore the stinging in my eyes and the pain in my chest. When I finally reached my destination I got out of the car and kept on running until I stopped on the very same place where I'd seen the spaceship. I'd found it right after I'd gotten out of the hospital. I needed to be sure about what I'd seen and there really was a crater. True, a meteor could've caused it, but it must've been a hell of a huge one.

_Why didn't you kill me here?_ I thought about those aliens I'd encountered. _Why? It would've been so much easier for me now if I wasn't even here!_

My legs were shaking. I felt like they were made out of jelly, so I got to my knees and then I laid in the grass, sobbing frantically. I couldn't catch my breath. It hurt. It hurt so fucking much.

I didn't know how long I'd been lying here, crying and feeling like the life had been taken away from me.

What did I have to live for now anyway? There was only Chloe… but the truth was that I'd never been so close to her. We were friends, but not that kind to share our deepest, darkest secrets. I would tell Lana, I would tell Clark, not Chloe, not everything. She didn't even know that I liked Lex. I just couldn't tell her. She would laugh at me or start judging, I knew that. After Lionel Luthor's trial Chloe wanted nothing to do with the Luthors, even Lex. She'd rather stay away. She thought they were poison as they were destroying everything they touched.

What should I do now? How should I pick myself up again?

I knew I would have to eventually. I had to get through this like I was always getting through things, but how?

Lex… he was the only person I have left to care about. I could go to him. I didn't care if I would feel something for him again, I just needed somebody I could trust. Maybe it wasn't too late, maybe he would still like to get back to what we'd had once. Maybe he could forgive me.

I raised myself up. For him. I had him, so I could go on. I didn't think about anything romantic right now, I just needed somebody, a shoulder to cry on, somebody to help me deal. I knew that once I found myself in the mansion he would just put his arms tightly around me, making me feel less and less hurt until the pain would go away and all that would be left would be Lex himself… then I was sure my feelings for him would resurface right away and I would be left hurt again… but I had no other choice! I needed his consolation more. Did he even know that Clark was dead?

When I descended the hill, wiping the tears from my face, I noticed the lights up in the Kents' house and I heard… could it be… laugh?

Why would Jonathan and Martha Kent laugh when their son was dead?

I couldn't leave it like that so instead of walking back to my car and driving over to Lex's, I just reached Kents' front door and knocked.

Martha opened. I wasn't wrong. She was definitely smiling. Maybe she'd gone crazy.

"Oh, God, Jessica… we've been trying to call you for hours!" she exclaimed and opened the door wider for me.

Once I crossed the threshold I couldn't stand anymore, my legs for the second time that day got too tired of holding my weight. I supported myself on the edge of the table, because I was so close to collapsing again.

Because Clark was there. Standing in the middle of the kitchen. Alive. Like nothing had happened to him. Like I hadn't seen him dying. Like it'd been just a man who looked exactly like him in that hospital.

He got to me and supported me so I could let go of the table and I did not even have to make much of an effort now to stand on my feet. He was there. He was strong. He wouldn't let me fall.

Then he leaned in and I felt his warm, alive arms going around me. I felt the beating of his heart through his shirt.

"We were going to Metropolis, so we'll just leave now and give you two some privacy," I heard Martha Kent's words like from far, far away and the door closed.

All I was aware of was Clark's arms around me, his fast heartbeat, the smell of his skin invading my nostrils, the heat coming from his body, his neck pressed against my cheek.

"H…how…?" I finally managed to articulate, pulling away slightly so I could look into his blue eyes. "How… How is it even possible? I saw you dead."

He held me back while keeping his hands on my shoulders like he was afraid I might fall.

"Does it matter? I'm alive," he just said and it was so typical of him.

"But how? I need to know how, Clark."

"Jess…" he said my name and his voice trailed off. He looked me deep in the eye and it made all the air escape my lungs. "I didn't die, isn't it obvious?" Then when I was about to ask another question, he totally surprised me by bending down to reach me and I felt his lips on mine.

I was still in shock and there was so much going on in my head: grieve, anger, relief, the fact that I'd been so ready to go to Lex just a minute ago, that I'd lost and gotten back the person I cared about so much right now.

I was shaking, trembling, the body that I was in didn't feel like my body. I'd felt dead since I'd seen Clark dead and now he was here, putting the life back into me with his lingering kiss on my lips.

I was done trying to analyze things. It felt good. I felt save and there were tiny sparks between us, I could feel them. I just put my arms around his neck, pressing myself against his body and I kissed him back. I needed closeness. I needed someone here by my side.

It probably wouldn't have happened if we'd not been through so much today, but we needed each other more than anything in this moment.

I felt his lips sliding down from mine and then he was kissing my neck.

"Wait… wait…" I said and tried to pull away, but he was too strong. "Clark!" I raised my voice when I clearly felt his growing erection pressing against my belly. It unsettled me. I wasn't so comfortable anymore. I couldn't think, but I knew that I didn't want to feel him hardening against me like that.

Finally, he woke up, noticed that I was pushing him away, so he let me go and made a step back on wobbly feet.

"God…" he sighed and for a change he was the one to lean against the table. "Jess…"

"Clark…" I didn't know what to say. Maybe I shouldn't have let him kiss me in the first place, but it was too late now.

I was so confused when I wasn't feeling so transparent anymore.

"Jess… I need to tell you this… I've been having feelings for you for quite some time and I would like us to be…" he started.

"Clark, stop for a while," I interrupted him, raising my hand, not ready to hear this. I couldn't handle any _I love you_ right now. "I… we… we've both been through a lot today and I thought… god, I thought that I lost you right after I lost Lana and then I would have no one and I was really ready to go to Lex for consolation, but then I heard laugh coming from your house and…" I stopped, taking a deep breath. I knew I was babbling. "I'm sorry for telling you all of this. I don't want to hurt you. I just… I need to be honest with you. If we move any further today, you will get hurt and I will regret taking advantage of you."

Clark's hard cock pressing into my stomach did the trick. I felt slightly ill. When I thought about having sex with somebody I always saw Lex. I didn't move on from that fantasy yet, so doing it with my friend… it wasn't right.

"I'm falling for you, Jess…" Clark confessed in a husky voice, ready to risk everything along with our friendship.

Why near death experiences always made people so brave? And if so, that should tell me that if Lex had felt something toward me, he would've told me already. How many times his life was in danger? Exactly.

"Wait… don't tell me it's about Lex!" Clark said on seeing the look on my face.

I felt guilty, but why? I didn't cheat on anybody! That was just a kiss… Well, intense kissing, but I wasn't in any relationship and I was sure that Lex was doing a lot of worse… Fuck! No! I couldn't even think that he might've had sex every single night with a different brunette. I felt even more sick on the thought of it.

"It's not about Lex!" I denied.

"So, what is it, then?" Clark wouldn't just let it go.

"I won't deny that I enjoyed the… kiss, Clark," I lowered my voice and then sat in a chair by table, hiding my face in my hands. "I really liked it. And I did feel something, for a moment, but I'm too confused right now."

"Can you… think about it? I mean… think about us?" he finally asked.

"Maybe… but I will definitely need some time."

Then next thing I knew I was leaving the farm with even more questions in my head than answers. I'd never before in life been so confused. Why it always had to be so complicated? Why couldn't it just be simple?


	9. Chapter 9

**(Thirst)**

Ironically speaking, this was a fucking fantastic week!

I had been grieving, but now I was just angry. Angry at the world, at things that were happening to me and at everything that started changing so irrevocably!

Clark was mad at me the for not being able to decide whether I had feelings for him or not, but maybe the fact that I still couldn't figure that out should tell me and him something? I couldn't understand why he was so pushy in this matter. I didn't want to lose him as a friend and I didn't even decide if I wanted to try to be with him. It was true that I'd enjoyed the kiss and the time with him, but I wasn't sure that it was a solid base for a relationship. We weren't kids anymore. Dating didn't involve going on silly dates and holding hands, occasionally kissing. Now dating involved a serious thing, a relationship, sex. And I thought I didn't want to have it with Clark. Added to that, I still didn't have the guts to go to Lex and apologize properly to him. I didn't even know when exactly my life had started to be such a mess!

The only good thing that happened was Chloe having her dream come true as she got the internship in the Daily Planet. Only even that involved a horror with me as a lead. Chloe had got the job by writing an article about vampires. Yes, vampires. She had a proof as I'd been one of them.

Fortunately, I'd been cured just in time, but not before I'd managed to attack Lex out of all people! I'd been a vicious vampire and what I'd done? I'd come for Lex. Good thing I'd been stopped in time by Clark who had gotten a cure form LuthorCorp.

Right now I was sitting in my new dorm room that I shared with Chloe, thinking hard. I'd done too much to Lex recently. I'd turned my back on him, called him a 'murderer' and now this. And I'd never apologized for any of that.

The decision had been made. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I didn't tell him how sorry I was. He didn't deserve for such a treatment from my side. He didn't deserve to be punished for something he didn't even do. I'd been heartbroken before and the only way to deal for me was to keep my distance. Now I was more mature, I seemed to be stronger and smarter.

I just went over to the mansion. If I left it for later, I could change my mind and I really didn't want to be that kind of a person who just ignored her conscience and never did anything about soothing that nasty voice.

It hurt a little that once I knocked on the front door the guards told me to wait until Mr. Luthor approved my visit, but I couldn't really hold it against Lex. It'd been quite a long time. His guards changed too as now he was hiring different people.

Fortunately for me, he agreed to see me right away.

"Jessica!" He smiled warmly when I entered his study. It confused me a little and made me feel bad all over again. He should've been angry with me. God knew I deserved that.

"I… I came here to apologize," I said, standing awkwardly in the door. "Lex, I'm sorry, I know I should've come earlier, but… I guess I didn't have the courage." I was doing my best to ignore the strong impact he still had on me. Still. Like it would never end. Clark flew away from my mind immediately.

Lex studied my face with his usual poker one and then he finally came closer and pointed me the chair. I sat down and he took the one in front of me. Maybe it was a good idea, because this way my legs wouldn't shake.

"I called you a murderer back in the hospital and… I'm sorry for that, Lex. I know you'd done everything you could to save Lana," I confessed.

"It's ok. You were under a lot of stress and you'd just lost the closest person to you then. There's no hard feelings," he reassured me in a calm voice. There was no change in his expression, but his eyes were warm. Also, there was sadness in them and it made my heart clench.

"But I should've talked to you earlier… and then… I attacked you when I…" I still couldn't quite believe that I'd actually been a vampire.

Lex smiled to me the second time that day, but I could definitely tell now that it was a forced one.

"Jessica, it's really fine," he said. "I know you never meant any of it."

"No, it's not ok and that is why I came here today. I'm just sorry I did it so late. I couldn't find it in me to face you like this." I confessed, avoiding his eyes and I raised from my seat. "That's all I wanted to say to you," I finished, feeling rather awkward. What else could I say or do? Suddenly, there was this distance between us and it took two to break it.

When I turned to the exit, feeling strangely bleak and dejected, he suddenly asked, "What happened to us?" His voice distant.

"What?" I turned back to face him again.

"We used to be friends," he simply stated, looking me in the eye like he was trying to find the answers in them. He was standing now too, his hands in his pockets, his posture seemed tired like there was too much on his mind and not enough respite. He didn't seem like the old strong Lex to me anymore.

"What happened?" he repeated.

What should I say to him? I couldn't tell him the truth, could I?

"Is it because of Clark?" Lex prompted.

"Clark?" I repeated, surprise winning over sorrow.

"Yes," he insisted. "Clark probably thinks that I'm some kind of a monster, doesn't he? And when you two are so close now…"

"Lex, there is nothing between me and Clark," I found myself blatantly saying. It wasn't the answer he was expecting, that wasn't even the answer to his question, but I felt like I needed to make that clear for him. Why? It didn't matter anymore, did it?

"Really?" Lex raised his eyebrows in surprise. "I had the impression that…"

"Well…" I hesitated. "We are not together, although Clark would like us to be." I bit my lower lip. Why the hell I was telling Lex all of this?

"You're acting right now like you were my friend and you were looking for some advice," Lex noticed, sending me the same smile accompanied by the sadness in his eyes. "Maybe our friendship is not so far gone?"

Why was he so persistent? Why did he care so much?

And then it hit me. I'd been so fucking selfish and focused on my own well-being that somewhere along the way I'd forgotten how badly he needed friends. He didn't have any at the moment, because everybody had turned their backs on him. Me, then Clark, the Kents… and Lana who'd been remotely close to him, was dead now. He'd been all alone the whole time! What did he have in his life beside work? Nothing. Nothing that had any real meaning.

"Oh, my God, Lex…" I gasped at that realization. "I'm so sorry…"

"Ok… now I'm confused. What the hell you're apologizing for this time?"

I didn't answer. I just closed the short distance between us and threw myself into his arms. He was even more bewildered now, but he put his arms around me anyway. My heart started racing. It was beating so fast that I was afraid Lex might hear it and finally figure out that I'd been having feelings for him this whole time.

I was not going to be so egoistically selfish again. I would be his friend no matter what. Because he needed it. Because he was hurting even more than I was.

"I'm sorry for not being there for you when you needed a friend," I just said when I let go of him. "And I'm sorry that I just…" my voice trailed off as I registered the whole situation. We were definitely too close and I needed to make a step back before I looked into his eyes again.

"What? Now you're apologizing for hugging?" Lex chuckled and this time I noticed that he was really happy as even his eyes were smiling. It made me feel so deliciously warm inside. I discovered that I didn't really care about my personal pain anymore. I just wanted him to be happy. "Do me a favor and stop," he said.

"Ok," I grinned at him.

"There's something that I want to show you," his voice grew serious. "Will you go with me?" He took his car keys and pointed the door.

"Where?"

"It's a classified LuthorCorp project."

"So I probably shouldn't know about it…"

"You're the one I trust and, to be honest, you're already involved, Jessica. I need your help. Come with me."

* * *

Twenty minutes later we were in a LuthorCorp hangar on the outskirts of Smallville.

"What is it?" I asked when Lex typed the code, scanned his fingerprints and then finally, the huge metal door was opened for us.

"See for yourself…" he said and let me in first.

I walked inside and almost immediately came to a sudden stop.

It was the spaceship! The very same spaceship I'd seen the day of the second meteor shower!

"Oh, God…" I slowly came closer to the metallic object, not yet believing what I was seeing. I reached out my hand, but was not sure if I should touch it.

"Go ahead," Lex encouraged me. "It's like nothing that exists on this earth."

I touched the smooth surface and began describing what I was feeling underneath my fingers, "It's like… water... only… gentler… and it's so hard in the same time… Lex…" I turned back to him, acknowledging the obvious, "You knew about it the whole time? And you're telling me now?!" I couldn't hide the reproach in my voice.

"You weren't actually friendly before, remember?" he remarked, not really caring that I seemed to be angry with him.

"Yes, but you should've told me back in the hospital! I was gabbing about it and everyone thought I was crazy! Even you!" I accused him.

"I didn't want to tell you in Clark's presence. I couldn't trust him anymore and then you threw me out. Forgive me for not trying to send a message about what I found," he answered, his voice growing harsh. "What did you expect me to do?" he asked in much softer tone.

"I've already…" I started.

"It's not about saying that you're sorry, Jessica," he sighed. "It was about a simple gesture of reaching your hand to me."

There was yet another apology that wanted to slip out of my mouth, but I swallowed it on remembering that he'd had enough of it.

I could only make it up to him with my actions, not words.

"Are we ok now?" he asked a little hesitantly when watching me battling with myself. It must be evident on my face as I frowned and bit my lower lip.

"Yes, we're good…" I finally decided. Blame was always on each side. "What do you know about it by now?" I asked, turning back to the ship and touching it again. I couldn't help it. It was so deliciously smooth under my fingers. Then I remembered what had come out of it and I recoiled.

"Nothing. Only that it's impossible for us to open and that there's no such material on this Earth," Lex explained.

"I saw it opening, but… it happened so quickly… My mind was hazy because of the crash. I was in pain and I was more focused on those aliens…" I started shaking.

"Calm down…" I could hear obvious concern in Lex's voice. He got closer to me, put his hands on my shoulders and looked me in the eye. "It's ok, you don't have to relieve that whole drama again." And there they were. His blue gray eyes so close to me again. I was truly doomed. Clark who…?

"I think it opened from the inside," I said when he took his hands away and I calmed down, now trying to think without evoking the emotions I'd felt back there. "Are you sure that there's no one in there?"

"We are not sure of anything, but we're monitoring this place closely. So far, there was not activity here beside our presence."

* * *

After having showed me the ship, Lex drove me back to my dorm.

"Thank you for trusting me," I told him. "I won't let you down again, Lex, I promise."

He just sent me a smile and said, "I'll see you soon."

"You betcha." I reciprocated and left his car, finally feeling light as there was no more guilt inside of me.

I waved to Lex as he was driving away, then turned with the intention to get into my dorm and almost bumped into Clark.

"What are you doing with Lex?" he asked sharply instead of a greeting.

"Clark…" I didn't know what to say. "I… I went to apologize. The vampire thing was a little too much not to go over there and talk to him, don't you think?"

"You two looked… pretty friendly," he accused me. I could already sense anger building in his voice.

"Yes," I admitted since I seemed to be coming clean about everything today. "Lex wants my friendship back and I realized that he's all alone. I can't leave him."

"He's dangerous and you know it!" Clark suddenly raised his voice, but I knew him too well as to be intimidate by it.

"Really?" I raised my eyebrows. "I'm a big girl, Clark, I can take care of myself and I will be friends with whomever I want!"

"Are you two together?"

"What? No!"

"But you want that to happen, don't you? And now… now you know it will eventually!"

"Clark, don't mix Lex with our problems, ok?" my voice was exasperated now.

"So we do have problems?!"

"I just think… we should stop trying to make this work," I finally managed to say. "I need to be honest here, because it's not fair to keep you hanging, Clark. We should be friends. Maybe… in the future… I…" I couldn't just tell him no and I started wondering what was wrong with me. I couldn't keep him around just in case. That would be cruel. Yet, I couldn't shut him down completely. Who knew that saying no could be that hard? I really didn't want to hurt him.

"You're trying to tell me that _you_ aren't sure, because you know damn well that I am!"

"I'm sorry…" I suddenly felt tears in my eyes, but didn't let them flow. "I am sorry I hurt you, Clark. The truth is that I'm completely lost right now. We were both grieving after what happened to Lana and I almost lost you… I was broken and it… just happened." How many times would I have to repeat it for it to sink in? "And remember that you were the one who kissed me."

"You kissed me back!"

"I was shattered, traumatized… it happened so shortly after the meteor shower… I'm sorry!" I was starting to be sick of apologizing today. First Lex and now Clark. And there was a difference. Lex had forgiven me and told me to stop apologizing and Clark just wouldn't let it go, but again… Lex probably wasn't blinded by any romantic feelings towards me. My life sucked!

And Clark looked really hurt. I always thought of him as someone special and seeing him like this brought me pain too.

"I'm trying to be honest with you here," I continued, doing my best to make him feel better. "You deserve the best, Clark. You're the greatest guy I know. Yes, the greatest! You know that if it was that simple, I would be the happiest girl in this world to be able to be with you, but life isn't simple. We don't always choose what's best for us."

"You mean your heart still wants him, doesn't it?" Clark's voice was bitter now.

I didn't answer him, but I guessed that was an answer enough.

"Just tell me, I can take it. I'll appreciate your honesty," he pushed anyway. I understood his need to hear me saying it. It would be final then, real. He would have no hope for the future.

"I think so…" I finally spoke very carefully, "but I can't be sure of anything right now and this is the truth."

"Ok. You know where to find me," he sighed and started walking away.

"Clark!" I yelled after him. "I want to be your friend!"

"It's a little too late for just being friends!" he answered, but didn't look at me. "It'll never be the same…" he added with a much quieter voice, but I heard him anyway.

Could it be possible that even though we didn't try to be in a relationship, our friendship was over? It was so not what I wanted. I wanted him in my life and I wished he could've taken back what he'd told me, what he'd proposed. I would, of course, let him go if that was something that he wished, but it would hurt.

I found myself being sick of growing up, of complications, of losing people whether they were dying or just walking away. Life seemed to be changing so fast and there was nothing I could do to stop it.


	10. Chapter 10

**(Lexmas)**

Ever since Lex had taken me to his secret facility to show me that ship we'd been working together. The mystery was yet undiscovered.

Clark's resentment and suspicions toward me only grew. I didn't know what to do anymore. I couldn't possibly choose between him and Lex and if he was really my friend, he wouldn't even ask that. Well, he didn't, but he gave me plenty of hints. One day I came back to my dorm from another trip with Lex and I caught Clark snooping around my things.

"Clark? What are you doing?!" I snapped, got to him and snatched them from his hands. "This is private!" They were my notes about the space ship. He couldn't read that. I swore to secrecy!

"Jess, what is it that you're helping Lex with?" Clark just looked at me worriedly. "This is dangerous."

"Like I said, Clark, I'm a big girl and I can take care of myself."

Who did he think he was? I didn't need a fucking knight in a shining armor - or plaid for that matter - to rescue me. I made my own choices and I could rescue myself just fine.

"Wow! Is it just me or the temperature in this room dropped dangerously low?" Chloe asked when coming inside and watching us closely. "Are you two fighting or something?"

"There's nothing to fight about," I said dryly. "Clark was just leaving."

"I came here to see Chloe," he said.

"Is that your excuse? You were going through my private things, Clark!"

"I'm sorry, I just…"

"You should stop with that hero complex, because it's clearly gotten to your head," I cut him off and left the room, slamming the door behind me.

* * *

When it was close to Christmas Clark decided to stop being angry at me. Maybe he was just as tired of our fighting like I was. He apologized and asked me to come to the farm for Christmas dinner and I could see the honesty in his eyes. I gave this friendship another chance. I needed Clark in my life and I wouldn't hold a grudge against anyone right now. It was time for forgiveness and I really wanted to grant him that.

We were in the middle of the dinner when my phone rang.

"I'm sorry," I apologized. "I should've turned it off." I shouldn't be answering phone calls now.

I took my cell out of my purse with the intention of ignoring the call and switching it on the silent mode when… Why would Lionel Luthor call me?

"Excuse me," I said and stood up, frowning. I had a very bad feeling about this.

"Jessica, what is it?" Martha Kent got concerned. "Is everything all right?"

"I don't know… Sorry…" I finally picked up and stepped to the other room. "Mr. Luthor…" there was evident hesitance in my voice.

"Ms. Hamby, I am sorry to call you in the Christmas Eve, but I'm afraid I have some bad news."

"Is Lex all right?" I asked quickly, because why his father would call me if it wasn't about Lex?

"He's been shot. Today."

"Wh… what?" I stammered, trying to process what I just heard. "What do you mean... shot?"

"Yes… ekm…" Lionel cleared his throat, "they're operating on him right now."

"Will he be ok?" my voice quavered.

"They don't know. He may not survive the operation, but if I hadn't agreed to it, he would've never walked again."

My hand unconsciously wandered to my mouth to cover it.

"Where? I have to see him!" I was scared. How many times would I have to be worried about my friend's life like that? First Clark, now Lex. It seemed like a never-ending circle in Smallville. And Lex was more than just a friend to me. He'd always been more.

"I thought you might. You're the only person Lex really cares about, so I thought it would be proper to call you. He would want you here," Lionel said.

_The only person_. That sentence did something to my heart. I was touched, but still horrified.

"Of course," I just gasped.

"I'll send a car for you. The weather is terrible and I can't let you drive over here alone."

"Thank you."

"Were are you, Ms. Hamby?"

"At… at the Kent's farm," I stammered again. This was not a place Luthors were welcomed to after all.

"I see… The car will be there soon."

"Thank you. Goodbye, Mr. Luthor."

I almost dropped the phone when I was hanging up, because my hands were shaking so badly. Wait, my whole body was shaking!

"What happened to Lex?" I heard Clark asking.

Had they really heard everything from the dining room? I thought, quite surprised.

"He's been shot," I informed, making my way to them. "He might… die or… never walk again… I'm sorry for ruining the dinner, but I have to go," I said in a strange, detached voice that didn't seem to belong to me.

"No problem, dear," Martha Kent said softly. "What are his chances?"

"I don't know…" I felt like the break in me was coming.

Clark was the one who walked over to me and put his arms around me. I knew it took a lot from him, especially when it was about Lex, so I was grateful for that gesture.

"Clark, I'm sorry… I need your friendship… I won't be able to choose between you and Lex. Not ever. Can you just try not to be angry right now and let me go?" I whispered into his ear so he would be the only one that heard me.

"Of course," he said while gently rubbing my back, what made me feel a little bit better.

"Thank you…"

In that moment there was knocking on the door.

"Already?" I was surprised, but I probably shouldn't be. They came from the mansion for sure.

I let go off Clark, wiped out the tears from my face and walked to the door.

"Ms. Hamby?"

"Yes, I'm coming."

Clark brought my coat and helped me into it.

"Thank you." I looked into his eyes. "I really appreciate it."

He must understand that I wasn't only taking about that simple gesture. I was talking about the fact that he'd decided to reach his hand to me and maybe be my friend again.

"Do you need me to come with you?" he asked.

"No, thanks. Better be with your family tonight. I'll call you when I know something."

* * *

The whole drive to the hospital was a torture. How many times Lex had already been shot or attacked? Even 'dead' for a Christ's sake! He seemed invincible, but he could get hurt like any other human being and he was getting hurt a lot. Had he ever thought of just… stopping? It would save him a lot of health and maybe it would also save his life one day.

Only he wouldn't do it and just sit in his office, making money. It wouldn't be adventurous or thrilling enough for him. He wanted power. He wanted action.

Now he was running for the state senate along with Jonathan Kent, Clark's father. I wasn't sure if I wanted to know how that race would end. Jonathan had a lot of supporters and I could feel it in my bones that he would win.

We finally reached the hospital, so I immediately got out of the vehicle to run inside.

Lionel was waiting for me in the hallway.

"How is he?" I asked. "Is he all right?"

"Ms. Hamby…" Lionel nodded politely, then he answered, "He's in his room." He pointed the door. "He's awake now."

"Thank God!" I exclaimed. "May I?"

"Please. I'll have to go take care of some business anyway."

I didn't comment on the fact that he had to be somewhere else when his son had been just fighting for his life. How anything could be any more important to him than his own flesh and blood?

I finally walked into the room and saw Lex lying in bed. He was pale and looked exhausted, but he was alive.

"Jessica…" He managed to smile when he saw me, but he was too weak for any movement.

"Lex…" my voice grew soft. "How are you feeling?" I took the chair by his bed and then took his hand, rubbing his knuckles gently.

"I've been better," he answered, causing me to smile sadly at him.

"You know, you really have to stop this, Lex. Do you have any idea what I'm going through every time when I hear that you've landed in a hospital? Not to mention the time when I thought you were dead!"

He chuckled, but then he suddenly stopped. There was something in his eyes, something that I couldn't quite decipher. Like he was struggling with some decision, like he knew something that I didn't.

"What is it?" I asked. "Something's bothering you. I can tell."

"You know me too well," he sighed heavily and closed his eyes for a moment.

"Tell me then," I prompted, squeezing his hand lightly. "You know you can. You can trust me."

With a faint smile he looked down on our entwined hands. He was sad and I didn't know why. Sad and worried about something.

"You will walk, won't you?" I made sure.

"Yes… thanks to the dangerous and life threatening operation my father agreed to." I could hear sarcasm in his voice.

"But it saved you."

"He's playing god with my life," Lex said bitterly. "You know, I had a dream when I was out…" he suddenly changed the topic and looked into my eyes again.

"A dream? About what?" I asked, interested in what he was going to tell me.

"A good dream. You were there too."

"Was I?"

"Yeah… you were the best part about it…"

I smiled and sat there for a while until he closed his eyes and fell asleep. He was very tired, so I was glad that he finally managed to relax.

I stood up and bent down to kiss his cheek.

In that very moment it hit me. I'd been having feelings for him, but I'd never thought it would get so serious without even dating him.

Now I knew the truth. I didn't say it at loud, but for the first time I admitted it.

_I love you, Lex._

I thought and walked out of the room.

* * *

**(Fanatic)**

Ever since Lex had been shot he'd become strangely distant and I had no idea why. What had exactly happened? It was something new to me, because I'd been always the one who'd been staying away, not him. Never him. He'd always been there for me, he'd always been my friend. Maybe he'd figured out that I had feelings for him? But still, it wasn't in his nature to just pull back and left it all unspoken. He was never afraid of a challenge. He wouldn't avoid a difficult talk. He wasn't Clark.

"Lex, are you ok?" I finally asked him one day. "I know you have the election campaign on your head right now, but I don't think that it's the reason why you're so… distant." There, I finally said it. I was right, it wasn't the campaign. Lex had been busy all the time before and he'd always been there for me, even when he'd had some difficult projects of LuthorCorp on his mind.

"I'm not distant," he denied quickly, not looking into my eyes.

"I have the impression that you are." I wouldn't let go that easily.

"Jessica…" he started and stopped, just standing there in front of me, not knowing what else to say.

"Ever since you've got shot," I added and noticed with a great satisfaction as his face twitched. "That's what I'm talking about." I couldn't help but smile. "I knew it!"

Lex was already opening his mouth to say something, but in this very moment his personal assistant walked inside.

"Mr. Luthor, you're campaign team is here. Shall I let them in?"

"Yes, please… Jessica, I'm sorry, can we talk about it later?" he asked, back to his usual closed self. My chance was gone and it would take a lot of coxing from me to get to this point again.

"Yes," I agreed reluctantly, getting really angry. He must've seen it.

I walked past the people that just got inside and closed the door behind me.

When I was about to leave I realized that I left my purse in Lex's study, so naturally, I came back.

"Mr. Luthor, I know I shouldn't be asking this, but… is there any chance that I might take a picture with you?" I walked back inside just in time to hear a young blonde asking that Lex.

And Lex was not angry at all, quite the contrary, he looked amused.

"Yeah, sure, no problem." He stood right by her side to have that fucking picture taken.

Was I jealous? Hell, yeah!

I strode to the chair while shooting Lex not a very friendly look and I just swept my bag from there.

The girl felt endangered by me, I could sense that and… wait a minute! What the hell was she wearing on her neck?! A necklace with… letters that said: LEX.

"Jessica…" Lex left her side to get to me. "Maybe we should have lunch tomorrow. We'll talk then."

"I'm sorry, Lex, I'm busy," I answered drily and this time left for good.

* * *

I couldn't quite figure out if I'd actually fought Lex. It seemed like a fight, but in the same time it didn't. We weren't a couple and I didn't even know what we were exactly. It was so complicated. Something was between us, but it was rather nameless as none of us wanted to actually say it out loud.

The next evening I decided to stop acting like a jealous girlfriend, which obviously I wasn't, and just be there for him, let him talk to me in his own time, on his own terms. I was sure he would finally explain everything to me like he always did. He wasn't Clark and Clark was the one who always kept something from me, even now when our friendship though fragile, seemed to be back on track.

When I got to the mansion and let myself into Lex's study I was in such a shock that I couldn't find my tongue to speak.

The blonde wasn't blonde anymore, she was bald now and she was just putting on her robe. She was putting that robe on a naked body.

Lex's eyes turned to me and his face suddenly changed.

"Jessica…" He walked past the girl, toward me, reaching his hands to me.

"No… don't…" I found myself saying and kept retreating, keeping my distance from him. I couldn't hide my pained look anymore, I was hurt. I was just exposing my feelings, but I wasn't in control of them anymore. I didn't expect to walk in on such a situation.

"Jessica… wait… I can…" Lex started.

"What? Explain?!" I raised my voice, then just turned around and ran from the mansion as fast as I could. I was humiliated enough like for one day and I didn't want him to follow me.

_Was I stupid?_ I thought when I got to my car and drove away with a screech of tires. I wasn't his fucking girlfriend! I had no right, absolutely no right to act like that! I just blew my cover, I laid my feelings down, exposed myself to him and there was no going back from here. What would happen now? If he was fooling around with that girl, it meant that he didn't have feelings for me at all.

I felt sick. I felt embarrassed, humiliated and… yes… I felt heartbroken.

Why did it have to hurt so badly every single time?

To make it worse, there was absolutely no one that I could talk to. NO ONE.

Clark? No way, no when everything had been getting back to normal between us. One word about Lex was enough now to destroy our friendship for good.

Chloe ? No. She had no idea and to be honest, I didn't want to confide in her. I knew she wouldn't understand. She'd made her mind about Lex and the Luthors a long time ago, so telling her had no sense. I could very easily predict her reaction. She would tell me to turn my back on Lex and run away while I still could.

Well, I'd tried that one and how it'd ended? With everything getting back to place and with me totally falling for Lex. It wasn't a crush anymore. It was love. And it hurt twice as much.

* * *

The ex-blonde turned out to be a sociopath and wanted to kill Jonathan Kent so Lex could take the senate seat.

Stupid Lex, I thought, fuck him! He was never lucky when it came to love! He really knew how to choose them! His first wife had tricked him into marrying her by using her meteor power and then there was Helen, the one I'd actually gotten to know myself. She'd tried to kill him, what resulted in him spending three months on a deserted island while everybody thought he was dead.

And now this.

Lex, why couldn't you see what was right in front of you all this time?

Suddenly, it hit me. It was like a vicious cycle. I'd gotten into this situation twice and I'd had this stupid hope that this time would be any different. Maybe I should've just left Smallville for good when Lana died.

A knock on my door interrupted my thoughts.

"Jessica? Are you there? We need to talk." It was Lex.

Great, would I be even more humiliated now?

I stood up and unwillingly opened the door for him.

"Hey," I said, avoiding looking at him as I held the door opened.

"Jessica, listen," he started, walking inside, but I interrupted him.

"I'm sorry. It wasn't my place to act like I did. I didn't know was I was thinking… I'm your friend, not your girlfriend and…" I was frantically trying to explain myself.

"It's all right," he stopped me, turning to me.

"All right?" I furrowed my brows and finally dared to look up at him and meet his eyes.

"Yes, I understand, I really do."

"Well, now I obviously don't," I admitted, feeling perplexed as I couldn't decipher his poker face.

"That girl… nothing happened between us. She was crazy. She surprised me in my study and just… dropped the robe, standing naked and bald…" Lex began explaining. "She was a sociopath. Do you really think I would go for something like that?"

"Well, it wouldn't be the first time," I told him.

"Touché." Lex actually smiled. "But this was beyond even my usual taste, besides, I've grown since Helen."

"I certainly hope so and you are right, that blonde must've been a psycho. When you love somebody, you don't have to change for that person. Shaving her head was a very stupid move, childish even," I voiced my opinion. "She was obsessed and obsession is never healthy."

"I agree." A small smile appeared on his face again. "I told her to stop when she undressed herself. You came when she put the robe back on. That's all that happened, I promise."

"Why are you telling me this?" I asked, studying my face and wrinkling my forehead in confusion. "We're friends, right? Why should I care… it's not like we…" I tangled myself.

"But you did care," he cut in again, "and I really wanted to make it clear…" his voice trailed off along with his blue-gray eyes as he stared at my lips.

"Lex…?" I asked huskily and carefully.

His eyes met mine again and then he just… walked toward the door.

"See you, Jessica," he said and left.

What the fuck was going on here? I was just standing there, totally dumbfounded.

He wanted to… he didn't… he wanted… What should I think about this whole situation? Lex had been doing nothing but messing with my head when sending me all those mixed signals. Couldn't he just make up his mind? What was he afraid of? He obviously wanted something to happen between us, but then he retreated.

And Luthors never did that.


	11. Chapter 11

**(Reckoning)**

_VERSION I_

I knew it would happen. Jonathan Kent won the election.

People didn't want a billionaire to represent them, they wanted somebody they could trust, somebody who would never let them down or care only about his own self. Somebody exactly like Clark's father.

Just when I congratulated Mr. Kent, I decided to head for the mansion. Lex needed me. He needed a friend and he only had one. I was scared to think what would've happened to him if he'd been all alone. The worst part of it was that I'd almost left him.

"Jess…" Clark stopped me, putting his hand on my arm when I was heading to the exit. "Where are you going?"

I didn't have to say anything. His face suddenly changed.

"Jess…"

"He needs me," I just told Clark and walked out of there.

* * *

I got to the mansion as fast as I could and I ran straight to the study. I knew Lex would be there.

And he was. All alone. Drinking.

When I got inside he turned around with a bottle of scotch in his hand.

"Oh, hey Jessica," he said. "What brings you here? You should be celebrating with the whole town. After all, they have what they wanted…"

He clearly was a mess.

"I don't feel like celebrating when somebody I care about is crashed," I told him while making my way to him. "Stop it…" I took the bottle from him and put it away.

"I'm fine," he informed me when I stood right in front of him, looking at his face.

He smelt of his usual expensive cologne mixed with the smell of alcohol and sweat. And I'd never seen him in such a condition before.

"You're clearly not... Is it really because of the election?" I found myself asking while still standing close to him. This was the only place I wanted to be, the only person I wanted to be with, so why I would run away from the problems he had? They could very easily become mine if he only let me in.

"You are so beautiful…" he suddenly whispered, ignoring my question and raising his hand to my face, then gently stroking my hair.

I stood still, unable to move.

"If you only saw how happy we could be together…" he added, nearly devouring me with his eyes.

I didn't understand a word.

"So why aren't we?" I dared to ask. "What are you so afraid of, Lex?" I felt bad. I could crash right there with him. "Why? What is it that you're not telling me?"

He took his hand away and stepped back, reaching for the bottle again.

"Lex…" I put my hand on his shoulder to stop him. "Talk to me… look at me…"

"You should go," he said. "Just… go."

Tears appeared in my eyes. How many times had he hurt me like that already? And now he was doing it consciously. He was drunk, but he felt something for me. I could tell. It wasn't a figment of my imagination, it was no illusion.

I sighed and walked angrily toward the door only to stop myself right there.

What the hell! I thought and came back.

I ran back to him and before he even noticed I cupped his face and just kissed him.

Second later he stopped the kiss, putting his hands on my arms and keeping his distance from me, looking deeply into my eyes.

It was too late to hide those tears, too late to hide the feelings. This one small kiss had done more to me than the intense session with Clark.

I was shaking, couldn't stand the denial. I would die if…

…but then he pulled me back to himself and started kissing hungrily.

I lost all my senses. He was all that I was aware of. His hands rubbing my back and then sliding down to cup my ass, his tongue caressing my lips and then sliding inside my mouth like he wanted to devour me, his body pressing against mine and the obvious hardness I felt on my belly.

I moaned into his lips, putting my arms around his neck and then sliding my hands up to his smooth scalp to pull him closer, to feel even more of him.

It still wasn't enough. I felt the familiar pang between my legs that reminded me of the last time we'd been in such a position. Well, Lex didn't remember it, because it hadn't been him then, but I did. His other half had left me there unsatisfied and shaken.

I couldn't let that happen again. I would be crashed, smashed forever. Dead inside.

His body pushed against mine, making me moan even more and I felt the edge of the liquor table behind me.

Lex's hands slid from my ass, between my buttocks and then pressed into my crotch from behind.

If he didn't do something right away, I would go crazy!

He gasped and lift me up so I could sit on the table. Three bottles – probably of the most expensive alcohol – just landed on the floor, smashing to pieces.

I opened my mouth to catch a breath and immediately felt his tongue again. I found myself pulling at his sweater and we parted just to make it easier to take if off him. Then he pressed against me again and I slid my hands though his naked chest.

We were all that existed in this world. Nothing else mattered.

Was it real? Was I dreaming? I didn't care if whatever that was would have some consequences later. I didn't care that there was still a secret between us, the very reason that Lex didn't want to be with me.

His hand landed on my blouse and he slid it under it, going up until he cupped my breast and stoked my nipple through the thin bra I was wearing. I gasped loudly at the sensation. Then he lowered his head to caught it into his mouth, still through the fabric. It gave me even more pleasure that I would expect. I titled my head back to give him an easier access, panting heavily. Moment later, I straightened up and put my legs around his waist. Good thing I was wearing a skirt today, I thought. It was so convenient.

I was soon fumbling with Lex's fly to finally release his hard and twitching cock.

There we were, almost having sex… and I had him in my hand. Big and twitching with desire. It was strange how I naturally knew what to do when I'd never been touching a penis before. Soon enough this would be inside of me.

Lex moaned into my mouth when I stroked him gently. He pulled my skirt up, found my clit and rubbed it.

"Oh… eh…" got out of my mouth. "Lex… please…" I asked him.

He positioned himself and filled me in with one quick stroke.

I gasped while tilting my head back again in both pleasure and sudden pain. I shouldn't be expecting anything else from him in that stage after all. He was drunk, he didn't think clearly when he entered me. In the same time he showed me his true nature, his hard nature. And I liked it. Maybe I was some kind of masochist, but I did.

He put his arms around me, embracing me and held me tight while he started pushing into me.

Our loud and raspy moans mixed together. I didn't know which part of a body was his or mine now, we were just one, moving in one rhythm that was becoming less and less predictable and harsh.

I had no doubt that he was the one, no doubt that I loved him, that we would be so perfect together.

Lex just showed me his dark side. He was a mess at the moment, but we could work on that. I would be there for him. _Always_. Always ready to make him feel better, to make him feel loved. He wouldn't have to be alone in this world anymore.

Drunk, broken, crash, lost, sweaty… I didn't care. I had to have him here, next to me all the time. Hell, I could even be there for him if he had another breakdown. I'd been through one already, hadn't I? I would never turn my back on him. I wanted all of him: his health, his passion, his obsession, his love, his sickness…

"Oh, Lex…" I gasped when we were so close. He didn't stop fucking me, not until…

The orgasm started building in me and I knew in this very moment that it would beat everything that I'd ever felt in my entire life. I soon came hard, gasping and opening my mouth wide at the sensation.

Lex followed me quickly, filling me in in jerking spasms. He must've been just on the verge of releasing a moment before.

"Jessica!" he screamed my name in that moment and it made me feel… so special, so good.

We stayed embraced for a while. I felt his cock slowly softening inside of me. Then he got out of me and that was when he noticed the blood on it. He made a couple of staggering steps backwards.

"Jessica…" he said, horrified. This time there was no ecstasy in his voice. This time it was guilt.

"What?" I asked. "What is it?"

"I shouldn't have… I… you…" he kept on saying, shaking his head.

"You shouldn't have?!" I burst. "What the fuck, Lex?!"

"Why didn't you tell me?! Why didn't you stop me?! Your first time shouldn't have been like this!" he yelled at me, throwing his hands into the air in anger.

"Lex, I _wanted_ this," I said loud and clear. "You may be a little drunk, but it was my conscious decision and I don't regret it."

"I'm sorry… You wouldn't understand… I…" he started and suddenly, I wondered if that was only about the virginity thing. There was also something else, the same thing that had been there before.

"I wouldn't understand?!" I raised my voice as well. I was too shaken now to keep control. "I know you better than anyone! I am the only one who is still standing by your side! The only one who loves you! Can't you see that?!" Great, I just told him that I loved him.

"Jessica…" he started again, this time silently, but the tone of his voice already told me everything.

"Don't! DON'T YOU DARE!" I pulled my skirt down and ran to the door.

"Jessica!"

But I didn't listen.

What the fuck?! Who did he think he was?! How could he care about me one moment just to treat me like a fucking doormat in another?!

I finally reached my car and drove away.

I didn't know where to go, but I wanted to find myself as far away from Lex as possible.

My phone rang.

I didn't pick it up.

Then I noticed some sport car chasing me. It was Lex. Naturally.

He soon evened his car with mine, crossing to the opposite side of the road.

Cursing, I finally picked up my phone.

"You want to get yourself killed?!" I screamed in anger.

"Jessica! Please, pull over! I'm sorry… I'll explain ever…"

"YOU JUST TREATED ME LIKE A WHORE, LEX!" I cut him off.

"Please, pull away!... I do love you!"

I turned to look at him in astonishment. What…?

But then… something hit me and… there was nothing but darkness…

The last thing I heard was Lex's scream full of despair.

…and then… pain… pain in my whole body… I must lie on the road now… I must be forced out of my car.

"Jessica… don't… please, don't! DON'T DIE ON ME! NOT AGAIN! I LOVE YOU…!" those were the last words I heard. And they belonged to Lex.

_Not again_? I thought and… there was only darkness enveloping me, devouring me.

* * *

_VERSION II (CLARK ALTERS TIME)_

"Jess…" Clark stopped me, putting his hand on my arm. "Where are you going? You can't see Lex right now!"

"What? Why not?" I tried to get pass him, but he stopped me again, this time putting both of his hands on my shoulders and keeping me in his steel embrace.

"Jess, not now, please… I… I need you here."

"You selfish bastard!" I yelled at him, trying to get away. "It hurts! Let me go!"

"I can't… I can't explain it to you, but you have to stay… please…"

"Clark! Lex is all alone out there! He's lost, probably broken and I am the only one he's got since _you_ abandoned him!" I finally managed to free myself. "That really hurt," I told him again and turned away.

"Jessica!" This time it was Chloe.

"What?!" I turned to her, really tired and angry. "Chloe, I have to go."

"I know, but I need your help first. I can't find Lois…"

Finally, after ten minutes I managed to disappear on Chloe.

I got to my car and drove to the mansion.

* * *

I got to the mansion as fast as I could and I ran straight to the study. I knew Lex would be there.

And he was. All alone. Drinking.

When I got inside he turned around with a bottle of scotch in his hand.

"Oh, hey Jessica," he said. "What brings you here? You should be celebrating with the whole town. After all, they have what they wanted…"

He clearly was a mess.

"I don't feel like celebrating when somebody I care about is crashed," I told him while making my way to him. "Stop it…" I took the bottle from him and put it away.

"I'm fine," he informed me when I stood right in front of him, looking at his face.

He smelt of his usual expensive cologne mixed with the smell of alcohol and sweat. And I'd never seen him in such a condition before.

"You're clearly not... Is it really because of the election?" I found myself asking while still standing close to him. This was the only place I wanted to be, the only person I wanted to be with, so why I would run away from the problems he had? They could very easily become mine if he only let me in.

"You are so beautiful…" he suddenly whispered, ignoring my question and raising his hand to my face, then gently stroking my hair.

I stood still, unable to move.

"If you only saw how happy we could be together…" he added, nearly devouring me with his eyes.

I didn't understand a word.

"So why aren't we?" I dared to ask. "What are you so afraid of, Lex?" I felt bad. I could crash right there with him. "Why? What is it that you're not telling me?"

He took his hand away and stepped back, reaching for the bottle again.

"Lex…" I put my hand on his shoulder to stop him. "Talk to me… look at me…"

"You should go," he said. "Just… go."

Tears appeared in my eyes. How many times had he hurt me like that already? And now he was doing it consciously. He was drunk, but he felt something for me. I could tell. It wasn't a figment of my imagination, it was no illusion.

"You son of a bitch," I found myself saying.

"What?" Lex looked back at me in shock.

"All you're doing is lying to me! You! Clark! You're all the same! And I actually thought that with you it would be different!"

"And since when you have feelings for Clark?" Lex asked sarcastically.

"What?!... Lex, I told you I don't! He just… drove me crazy today, trying to keep me away from you!"

"Maybe he was right," Lex just said and gulped his scotch down.

"Enough!" I roared. "Can't you see that I'm dying here? You keep pushing me away, pulling me closer and then again… pushing away! Make your decision, because you're hurting me!" Yes, I was done playing it nice. I wanted something and I would get it. I needed fucking answers!

"Jessica…" Lex started and stopped, looking at me and for the first time, I saw something else in his eyes. He was too drunk to hide it. He really cared about me a lot. His expression suddenly softened and then I just cupped his face and kissed him, acting on that impulse.

A second later he broke the kiss, putting his hands on my arms and keeping his distance.

This one small kiss had done more to me than the whole session with Clark.

"You should go…" Lex just said while still holding me.

I was hurt. Really hurt. Crashed like never before. Now when I actually kissed the real Lex – not the evil part of him that had once come to me – I knew. I knew he was the one. I knew if he rejected me, I would never be the same. It didn't matter how strong I'd been, how strong I'd thought I could be. I was always pulling myself together, but not this time.

He must've seen what he'd done to me.

"Jessica…" he moaned my name.

"Don't…" I stopped him, shook his hands off me and then I rushed to the door. "You know, Clark loves me." What was it that when you were hurt something was always telling you to fight back, hurt back, make the person feel worse than you do. "If this is your decision, then I'm going to think about the possibility of having a real relationship with him," I said when I was by the door.

There it was. I hurt Lex.

"I can't wait for you forever," I added and finally ran out of there. Ran to my car to drive away as fast as I could.

When I was on the road, my phone rang.

It was Lex.

Maybe he finally made up his mind.

"Jessica, pull over, so we could talk!" I heard his voice and then I saw him chasing me in his sport car.

_Great, Lex, you're drunk and you're driving_! I thought sarcastically.

"Let's wait until you're sober," I hissed and sped up a little bit.

He soon evened out with my car.

"What are you doing?! You wanna get yourself killed?!" I screamed in fear.

"Jessica, we need to talk… I can explain every… WATCH OUT!" he suddenly roared and it made me push on my brakes. I closed my eyes.

There was a bus on the crossroads.

In that moment I thought I saw my life flashing before my eyes, but the images were all about Lex. I was readying myself for the unavoidable crash…

…only it didn't happen. Nothing actually hit me. It must be a miracle!

I slowly opened my eyes. The bus disappeared. Only me and Lex were on the road now.

I couldn't move just quite yet and then I finally reached to the door and staggered out of the vehicle.

"Jessica! Are you ok?!" Lex got to me immediately. His face white, indicating just how terrified he was. I could still smell the alcohol on him, but whatever had happened here, sobered him up.

"Yeah…" I answered in a whisper, breathing heavily and suddenly feeling him pulling me into his arms. I felt safe, I was where I belonged, but then…

I pushed him away, remembering what he'd done to me. For a moment I thought he would lose his balance and fall down to the ground, but he managed to stand still.

"Leave me alone," I said sharply.

"I'm sorry… I am so sorry…" he mumbled.

"Ok, apology accepted and now, please Lex, just go home, sober up… See me tomorrow if you still want to… and… make up your mind, because otherwise, I don't see how this is going to work," I pointed him and me and then I got back to my car and drove away.

* * *

We never actually managed to talk about what had happened, because… Jonathan Kent died of a heart attack the day he was elected.

Clark was crashed and all I could think about now was how to make him feel better. I cared about him. He was my friend, maybe even my best friend when considering my recently strange relationship with Lex.

On the day of the funeral I was by Clark's side, holding his hand. That was when I felt somebody's eyes set on me. I turned around and saw Lex standing in the distance, supporting himself against a tree. We were just looking into each other's eyes when suddenly, I felt a strange pang, like of a vague pain between my legs. It was really weird and it confused me.

Lex could come over to me when I was finally alone, but he didn't. He chose to leave the cemetery instead, taking my heart with him. Only now I had no time to be crashed, no time to be broken as I had to be there for Clark. He was the one that needed me the most at the moment.


	12. Chapter 12

(_Cyborg_)

I went to see Clark in the evening. I headed straight to the barn, because I just knew he would be there. He was always there.

I saw him standing by the window, his usual brooding place.

"Clark?" I spoke. "How are you?" It was probably the worst question possible to ask, but I couldn't figure out anything else to say.

He slowly turned around, his face was pale and still in visible pain. I didn't receive any answer, instead he just came close to me and looked me deep in the eye. There was something in his gaze, something else than just despair of losing his father.

"What is it?" I asked him, being a little confused. "Do you want to talk about it?"

He just sighed and put his arms around me, closing me in his tight and strong embrace. It wasn't just casual, it was something more. It felt like Clark had lost me and now he got me back.

"Clark, I'm not going anywhere," I spoke directly to his ear. "I will always be here… What…?"

He stepped back and leaned his head down to put his forehead against mine, then he closed his eyes and inhaled deeply.

And he kissed me.

It was brief, so before I even managed to react or to move back, he was the one to retreat.

What should I do? What should I do to make him feel better? To help him?

Maybe I should choose him. There were some secrets, but Lex had them, too and those one bothered me more. If I had to choose between the less of two evils… but would it be really Clark? Should I listen to my heart and do anything in my power to finally get Lex or should I just give up and settle for Clark? It would never be so intense, it would never have so much passion, but at least I wouldn't be alone, I wouldn't feel so hurt.

Maybe I should give it a try.

For now, I knew I needed to make Clark feel better and there was a way to do that and to find out what I really wanted in the same time. It wasn't like I was cheating on Lex since we weren't actually together.

"Clark, I can make it all go away." I put my hands to his face and pulled him into a kiss. Maybe I was trying to punish myself. Maybe I was trying to hurt Lex. I pushed those nasty thoughts away and just kissed Clark even though it felt wrong.

"Are you sure?" he stopped kissing me then and asked me with expression on his face that I couldn't quite read. What was it? Like he still couldn't believe that I was here, not that I was kissing him, but that I just was here with him.

"Yeah," I said. " But it doesn't mean we're together," I told him. I owed him at least that much of my honesty.

He just nodded and kissed me again. This time with more heat, more passion. His hands slid down my spine, caressing me as he held me in his arms.

I tried to compare this kiss to Lex's and unfortunately, the one with Lex was so much better. Not that intense and there wasn't even that much tongue involved, but I'd felt more then.

Suddenly, I found myself imagining that it was Lex I was kissing. My body became more pliant. I finally enjoyed the kiss, put my body closer to him and… that wasn't Lex's mouth I felt under mine. I was kissing much bigger mouth and… God!

_Stop it_, _Jess, this is Clark_, said the voice in my head. _You can't have it all half way. You want all or nothing!_

I could hear Clark's erratic breaths, feel his hot body next to mine what… disgusted me. I was kissing my best friend when what I really wanted was to be kissing Lex.

_Lex… Lex… Lex…_

I stiffened, stopped kissing Clark's mouth and he, on noticing the difference, finally pulled away from me. I could breathe again. It was all right again. I wasn't sick anymore.

I took a deep breath and felt embarrassed. I also felt something wet on my face. When I raised my hands to wipe it out I realized those were tears. I was crying and I didn't even realize it. What was even more horrifying was the fact that I could see that I wetted Clark's cheek with them.

I couldn't face him like that, couldn't bear to hurt him again after him losing his father, so I just turned around and left the barn.

There was nothing I could really say to him. I wasn't strong enough. I was just happy he didn't follow me.

Maybe some mistakes had to be made in order for us to be sure what we wanted?

When I found myself outside I took a path and walked along it. I was still crying. Crying over all those things I'd done and hadn't done. Over the big unfairness that was life and love. Why couldn't I love someone who loved me back and was willing to say it? Show it? Why everything was so messed up?

How could I even be with Clark like that? I couldn't just tell my heart to obey my orders. It didn't work that way. It wanted something different and apparently, it didn't matter how much worse that different relationship would be for me.

* * *

Neither Clark nor Lex had spoken to me the whole following week.

I didn't want to be the one who would reach out to the latter, so it hurt that he hadn't actually showed up in my doorstep with some explanation when sober.

Luthors always took what they wanted, they never hesitated, so what was the real reason for Lex pulling away? I was sure it wasn't because he didn't want to see me anymore. The only sensible explanation would be that he wanted to protect me, but from what or whom? Himself? I didn't buy it.

Clark showed up exactly as the week had passed.

"Hey…" he said shyly from the door. "May I?"

"Come in," I agreed, opening the door wider for him. "How are you?"

"Better," he answered. "Much better." He walked over to the sofa and sat down. I, on the other hand, took the chair next to it. I didn't need to be so close to him right now.

"You've been awfully quiet recently…" I noticed, weighting my words carefully. When things became so awkward between us? Was it my fault? Only it was Clark who'd said he wanted more. He was the one to pull us out of the comfort zone.

"Yes, I'm sorry. I had to deal with lots of things… saying goodbye to dad… taking care of the farm… mum… you know she's taken his place in the senate," his voice stammering as he was speaking, desperate to take up every single topic except the one that seemed to be the elephant in the room.

"Yes, I know. I've read about it. It's a good thing that a Kent will be the one to represent this state after all."

"Yes… and… I was thinking… Jess…" He looked at me and leaned toward, supporting his elbows on his knees. "I think I'm in love with you," he confessed and I could tell it was hard for him to say it. Hard to expose himself like that again. "I would like you to be with me, for real. Please, don't say anything… just… promise you'll think about it," he added quickly as he must notice the panic in my eyes.

I didn't even know what to say at this point. I was still processing.

"I can't tell you anything right now," I finally spoke.

"I know, that is why I'm giving you time."

"Clark…" I started, but he then he cut in.

"I know, there's Lex and you don't know what to do, but he got… almost got you killed last week… Have you spoken to him recently?"

"No… not since that night." I bit my lip, looking down on the floor.

"Exactly. If you want to do this with him anyway then I will not get into your way, but… please, just think about what I just said to you. I can give you the love you deserve and I can make you happy, I promise. With me you will get only light, but with him…"

"…darkness?" I guessed what he was trying to say. "Clark, don't speak in metaphors. It doesn't suit you." I really needed to ease that tension between us somehow. "I will think about it, I promise… and maybe… maybe I will agree."

Yes, maybe I would. I was so sick of being rejected and, whether I wanted to admit it or not, Clark had a point. I could have a life full of joy and light with him. We were already best friends and maybe the kind of a great love would eventually grow between the both of us? I was sick and tired of this hardship my life had become. I was sick of losing people, sick of being alone and waiting for something that might never happen. Besides, the very first kiss I had with Clark I'd enjoyed very much. It was only when I started to think about Lex, it felt wrong.

Clark raised up from his seat.

"Ok, I have to take care of something now, but… you know where to find me when you're ready."

"Sure… I will…" I stood up as well and kissed him gently in the cheek. "See you."

"See you…"

* * *

After Clark's visit I finally managed to talk to Lex, but unfortunately our conversation wasn't what I hoped for.

He acted like nothing had happened. Like we hadn't had more than a quiet week. Like he hadn't almost gotten me killed.

What we did talk about was very important nevertheless, because the spaceship I'd found had just… vanished.

One moment it'd been there, the next it'd been gone.

Now I didn't have a solid reason to spend so much time with Lex anymore and I really didn't want to be the one that always came to visit.

Where would we go from here…? I wondered.

* * *

(_Hypnotic_)

I had a serious dilemma. Guys like Clark didn't come around very often, so it was a great opportunity for me. Passion was one thing, but could you just build a solid relationship only based on desire and sex? No, of course not.

If I could just have Lex with only a little of Clark's goodness, I would have a perfect guy. Unfortunately, the world didn't work that way and quite frankly, it wouldn't be Lex anymore. When you loved somebody you had to love it all.

I knew I had to make myself happy and I didn't want to wait for it forever and then end up alone. Where in life would I find a guy who understood me as Clark did? With him I'd been through so much traumas. With him I'd survived. And what if Clark finally found somebody else if I waited for too long? That would be worse than anything.

There were issues, of course, issues like Clark's secret, but I was certain that if I was with him, he would tell me everything there was to know eventually.

I made up my mind. I would try with Clark. I had to see if it would work out.

That evening I came over to his place and headed straight to his barn. It seemed to be his isolation from the whole world, especially now when his father was dead.

I got inside and in an instant I knew that something was wrong. It didn't sound like Clark was alone up there.

I climbed up the stairs only to be shocked with seeing Clark… on top of some blonde. They were both in their underwear, lying on Clark's couch and kissing.

I could just stand there and stare in horror at the scene.

Finally, Clark noticed they weren't alone anymore.

"Jess…" he said, but not with a guilty tone. There was even no shame in his voice, just happiness.

I just turned around and ran away.

What the fuck? I thought. One day he asked me to be with him and the next he was just making up with another girl?

I'd made the wrong decision, something told me, and now I had to pay the price. That was my lesson. Whatever happened to Clark, showed me how wrong it was to deceive myself like that. How could I ever be happy with him when loving another man? It would leave not only me in misery, but also Clark himself. He would know my feelings weren't real and I couldn't do that to him. He deserved so much better than me. Well, maybe not anymore as he clearly rather make out with someone else.

I had only one option left. I had to go over to Lex's and do everything that was in my power to make him tell me the truth. I knew he would be back from Honduras this evening.

I waited a while to calm myself down. I needed to get the image of Clark kissing that blonde bimbo out of my head and then I was finally able to drive over to the mansion.

The guard told me that Lex was already home and let me in.

"Lex?" I walked inside his study and I was shocked once again.

Clark was there, holding Lex up by his neck against the wall.

"Clark! What are you doing?! Let him go!" I screamed in horror.

"He has to die," Clark said while still holding Lex.

"What… Clark! This isn't you!"

Clark wasn't himself. First the girl – totally out of his style – and now this? Maybe it was somehow connected to his secret, I thought, because I was clearly out of ideas.

I grabbed some wooden figure I spotted on Lex's furniture and made my way to Clark to hit him.

"Clark! Stop!" I heard Chloe's voice right behind me and I hit him the very same moment.

He let go off Lex and staggered backwards.

"Lex…" I got to him. He was now lying on the ground with his hands on his neck while coughing.

"I'm… fine…" he whispered huskily.

I turned around and saw another person in the room. The blonde from Clark's barn.

She was just standing there with her fingers around a strange blue necklace she was wearing. Suddenly, she seemed to gain control over everybody present.

I understood it all that very moment. It wasn't Clark. It was that girl. A meteor infected girl who'd been controlling him the whole time.

"You…" She pointed me. "Kill Lex, then Chloe and in the end, kill yourself."

I raised up from the floor like I was in a trance.

"NO! Jessica, no!" Lex screamed, but although I could hear him and feel the pain in my heart, I couldn't stop.

I came over to his desk and pulled a gun out of his drawer.

He finally managed to stand up and he jumped to me, struggling with my hand that was holding the weapon.

Something inside was telling me to just aim at his heart and pull the trigger, but in the same time I couldn't. How could I hurt the one person I cared about most? So we ended up struggling with each other.

"I can't… I can't… help me…" I sobbed helplessly, because it seemed like there was nothing I could do to fight it off. I was growing tired already, the girl's influence becoming stronger than my own.

I found myself in a position when Lex was embracing me from behind and the blonde was standing right in front of me.

It took all the focus I could gather in my mind to fire, but I did it. I shot her necklace. The bullet pierced it, freeing me of her will and then went right through her, killing her in an instant.

I stood motionless, still in Lex's tight embrace, still holding the smoking gun. We were both breathing heavily and I could feel his chest raising and falling against my back. I finally loosened my grip and the gun hit the floor. I started shaking.

"Oh… my… God... Lex… I'm so… so sorry…" I stammered.

"It's ok… it wasn't your fault…" I heard his tender whisper in my ear. I could even hear his heart pounding in his chest as hard as mine own. Then he turned me around and closed in another embrace, putting his arms tightly around me, so I snuggled into him and put my face to his neck. "You were the one who saved me today," he whispered, stroking my back.

I clang to him and didn't want to let go. Everything was right in the universe. There was no Clark. Who was Clark anyway? There was only Lex and I was sure more than ever before that it would be he or no one. I wouldn't settle for something that was less than him. I deserved the love of my life and I would fight for it. I would fight for it until I found out the whole truth.

When Lex finally let go off me I noticed that everybody was already gone. No Chloe, no Clark, just the dead body lying on the floor.

"My people will take care of her," Lex informed me. "Are you ok?" He put his hands on my shoulders for a change and looked me worryingly in the eye.

"Yes." I managed to smile faintly. "I am now."

"Good…"

"So, we are… ok, too?" I dared to ask.

"Yes, we are." His face finally lightened up a little in a smile.

* * *

After this event I drove straight to the farm. I had to be honest with Clark. I owed him at least that much. I shouldn't play with anyone's feelings. It was the wrong thing to do. Sometimes I wished I'd had a mother that would teach me about it all. Without her, I needed to make my steps blindly and just see what happened.

This time when I got upstairs I saw only Clark. He was again standing by the window, looking in the sky.

"Clark…" I said his name.

"Jess…" He turned around and walked toward me. "I'm so sorry… I…"

"I know, it wasn't your fault. You were under that girl's control."

"So we…"

"Wait, let me do the talking," I sighed. I had to do this. I had to end his misery. The truth was better than the false hope I was giving him.

"I'm sorry. I was willing to agree to your proposal today, but…" I started.

"If it's because of Simone…" he interrupted me.

"No, it's not because of her." So that was her name, I thought. "Clark, I should thank you or maybe… I should thank her, because if it hadn't been for Simone, I would've been with you right now and…" I stopped, thinking hard how to say it gently. Maybe there was no such a way. "The truth is, Clark, that we cannot be together. It wouldn't be right, because whether I like it or not… I love Lex." That was actually the very first time I said it out loud.

Clark's expression changed when he heard the word 'love'.

"Yes, I'm sorry. I fell in love with him," I confirmed.

"Don't apologize for having feelings for somebody. I know you tried to deny them." Clark bit his lip.

What he just said made my chest ache. He was so good and so understanding. I knew if I loved him, he would give me a life full of light and joy, but… I didn't love him. I should have, but I couldn't. Why the world was so screwed up?

"You know what you're getting yourself into, don't you?" Clark's voice hardened.

"Yes, I know Lex and I realize what kind of a person he is, but still… I can't live a lie with you. I'm sorry. I just hope… I hope that with time… we could still be friends. You know… come back to where we were before everything… got complicated."

"I'll try, but I doubt that, Jess. You know that when you get together with him you'll be cut out of all your friends, don't you?"

"I have only one friend I care about and it's you," I told him while walking away. "And I won't let that happen, I promise."


	13. Chapter 13

(_Fragile_)

The election was just a distant memory now and Lex felt much better. He'd also become more open and warmer toward me. He didn't seem to keep me on distance anymore what made me hope for the future. Whatever had been stopping him from being closer to me before, was now gone.

He was just walking me back to my dorm after we'd had lunch.

"I had a great time this morning." He smiled to me, standing right in front of me and looking me intensely in the eye.

"Yeah," I admitted hoarsely. I couldn't even think clearly when he was staring at me like this. "Me, too…" My voice trailed off as my heart started beating faster and faster. Was it that moment? The moment in which Lex would be the one to make a move on me? With nothing holding him back?

Just then, when we were so close, getting closer and closer and almost, almost touching with our lips…

The door opened and Chloe burst inside.

"Oh…" She froze, clearly shocked by what she witnessed. "Oh… I'm… sorry…" She turned around and left.

Lex started laughing.

"Ok, that was awkward," he said. "I'd better go. I have a meeting. See you later?"

"Yeah… see you later…" I sighed when he walked out of the room.

So much for my happy ending today, I thought. Thanks, Chloe! Really! _Thank you so much!_

* * *

Lex called the very same day in the afternoon. What he told me shocked me. It wouldn't if only it was about Clark, but Chloe? What right did she have to actually do something like this?

"Hey." I picked up my phone with a smile on my face. "You miss me already?" I teased Lex.

"Jessica, Chloe came over to the mansion today," he informed me in straight and serious voice.

"Chloe?" I frowned, trying to figure out why she would do that. Since that summer Lex had saved her life and she testified against his father, they rarely saw each other and if so, it happened by accident. "What did she want from you?" I asked in curiosity.

"She told me to stay away from you," Lex said in the same detached and cold voice like he had been informing me of his business transaction.

"She… what?" I didn't know whether I should laugh or cry.

"She thinks I'll hurt you."

"The what again…? Lex… I…" I stammered.

"I told her we were only friends, but she thinks there's more to that," Lex continued.

"Is there?" I sighed. I'd been so sure this morning that there was, indeed, more between us than just friendship and now Lex was telling me that there actually wasn't? What about that almost kiss we'd shared?

"I'll talk to her," I assured him.

"And you know what else she told me?" This time I could sense that he had fun telling me that and I started wondering whether he'd been enjoying this conversation with me from the very beginning. He was obviously making jokes about that friendship, wasn't he?

"What?"

"She told me that if I hurt her friend, there would be a consequence and I was looking at her," he laughed.

I couldn't help but laugh too.

When I hung up I had no choice but to go over to the Daily Planet and talk to Chloe myself.

"Chloe…" I made my way to her desk. "I've just received a strange phone call from Lex."

"Jess, I came over to him, because you have no idea what you're getting yourself into," she told me straightforwardly when getting off her chair and facing me.

"You had no right to do something like that behind my back! Why didn't you talk to me instead? How dare you go to Lex and accuse him of using me?!" I started yelling at her.

"Jessica…" she sighed heavily and then started seriously, "You don't know the Luthors like I do and…"

"No! You are the one who don't know anything! You have _no idea _how well I know Lex!" I interrupted.

Her expression slightly changed when she noticed how serious I was.

"Do you have any idea how long I've been waiting for him?" I asked, finally lowering my voice. This information confused her as I could see the baffled look on her face.

"You… an… eh… Le… you, what?!... Jessica… I had no idea… but it's Lex!"

"You call yourself my protective friend, but you had no idea that I've had a crush on Lex for… years." I confessed.

"I didn't!"

"Clark knew."

"He never told me."

"Because he's a very loyal friend."

"At least now I know why you didn't want to be with Clark. To be honest, I thought you were crazy. Why couldn't you not fall in love with him? Everyone else does and…"

"And he always chooses them over you," I finished, realizing that Chloe still pined for our common friend.

She looked down, avoiding my eyes.

"Well, I'm over him. I did my best to stay his friend," she told me.

"Can you see it now? You never wanted to talk to me about your true feelings toward Clark and I never really told you what I feel for Lex. You had no right to go to him and…" I started.

"I'm sorry, I'm just trying to be protective here. Luthors hurt me in every way possible."

"I thought Lionel did. Lex was the one who actually saved your alive and almost got himself poisoned to death in the process."

"He had his own agenda in helping me."

"Well, I'm sure he did, but still… you're alive thanks to him."

"I still think he's a dangerous predator."

"Ok, let me get this straight," my voice was like steel now. "Lex cares about me and I have no intention to be anybody's prey. I was the one who was pushing him, not the other way around, so please, now when I finally have my chance to be happy… let me have it," I finished with a hiss.

"You will regret it, you know that, don't you?" she asked me, completely calm when I turned to leave.

"The only regret I would've had would be if I'd agreed to be with Clark after all," I told her and finally walked through the exit door.

* * *

After having seen Chloe, I drove straight to the mansion. It was time to end this strange dance we'd been having with Lex for years now. It was the time for the truth.

"Lex." I appeared in his study without waiting for his permission to come in. This time I had the intention to be smarter, to play along, to enter his game and to come out of it with a winning hand in the end.

"Jessica." He turned to me with a smile on his face. "How are you?"

"I just saw Chloe," I started. "She had no right to come here behind my back. She thinks there's something more between us than just friendship, so I reassured her that there's nothing. Because we are only friends, right, Lex?" I made my way to him and waited for his move while looking directly into his blue-gray eyes.

"Yeah, right," he admitted, clearly lowering his gaze to my lips. "Only friends," he repeated while staring at them.

"Exactly. Whatever happened this morning, it just… happened," I managed to keep myself cool.

"Yes…" Only then he was leaning toward me, his eyes still set on my lips. My heart was beating hard, too hard. I couldn't believe it was actually happening and that it was happening so fast. Maybe Lex, too, was tired of waiting, tired of dancing around this and not doing anything. His lips touched mine and then he retreated, watching for my reaction. It was just a small, quick peck on the mouth, but it affected me. It scorched me. It was real.

"Sorry, it just happened," Lex said for his defense.

Strangely, I found myself turning my back on him and raising my hand to my lips, touching them. I was in shock. I expected that kiss, but it still seemed to come as a surprise. Lex was the one who finally took the initiative. He was the one who made a move on me. He was the one who kissed me! Finally! HE! And it felt wonderful. It felt right. It sent thousands of butterflies into my stomach and made my feet wobbly. One simple kiss.

"You're ok?" Lex asked, a little confused with my reaction.

I smiled, but he couldn't see it while standing behind me.

Then I whirled around fast just to cup his face in my hands and pull him close for another kiss. More passionate, more brave.

His lips were caressing mine now, giving me the long yearned pleasure. His tongue found its way into my mouth and I met him gladly, releasing a deep moan. Lex's arms went around me and our bodies pressed together. Then he stopped the kiss to be able to look into my eye.

I smiled to him and he reciprocated, then moved his lips to my neck. I titled my head back, gasping while he got closer again so I could feel the hardness in his pants.

It was too much for me. I had to finally have him. I had to make him mine. I'd been waiting for this for so long. I needed him now, desperately. I was done waiting. It was to happen _now_ or I would burn to ashes.

I returned the same eagerness, pressing on his hard cock with my pelvis, gasping at the sensation. This time he was the one who moaned and I could feel his hot breath on my skinjust above my breast.

I reached up to the buttons of his shirt and started undoing them. Soon, the shirt landed on the floor, leaving Lex with bare chest. I put my hands to his smooth skin, sliding them down and then I stopped, so he could take my blouse off, along with my bra.

He kissed me again while gently but skillfully cupping my breast and stroking my nipples with his fingers, sending jolts of electric pleasure straight to my clit which was now throbbing. I even felt my intimate channel clasping in a desperate need for Lex's cock.

"You're torturing me…" I whispered and reached down to his crotch, cupping it, feeling his hardness in my hands when still not believing it was happening.

"Wait…" he stopped me while taking my hand in his and looking me in the eye. "I'm sorry I didn't think earlier, but… Have you…?" his voice trailed off significantly.

"No," I answered according to the truth. I couldn't lie to him. Besides, he would find out anyway. "Is it a problem?"

"God, no!" he denied quickly. "It's just… Are you sure you want this?" His voice was hushed from the physical discomfort of the erection he had, I could tell.

"More than anything," I answered honestly, let his hands go and finally slid mine into his pants. I could touch his length now and I could tell that he was bigger than I expected. Then again, I didn't have much experience in that field.

What I did caused him the lost of his control and he finally stopped worrying about me. Then I felt his lips sucking on my right nipple and I moaned, "God, you're killing me, Lex!"

"And you're doing exactly the same to me," he answered in a thick voice, suddenly sweeping me off my feet and taking me into his arms. "Shall we go upstairs?" he asked, his eyes hazy by now.

"Just make if fast…" I told him when busy with kissing his neck and inhaling his intoxicating scent.

He hurried with me up the stairs to his master bedroom and then placed me on his big bed with the bedclothes that were so soft…

I lost my interest in them when Lex landed on me, closing his lips over my nipple again.

I shuddered under him and tried to take off his pants with my shaky hands. I finally managed to do push them down his legs and I saw his cock. He was ready, twitching and hard. His body so beautiful, lean and slim but muscular in the same time. His chest was just perfect.

It was true that Clark was taller, more muscular and his body seemed more powerful, but who cared when Lex was giving me the ecstasy I craved for? Who cared when Lex was the one I preferred? I liked his body more. I loved it. I loved him.

Lex finally took off the rest of my clothes and soon enough he laid on me but supported himself on his elbows as not to crash me.

For a moment he was just looking into my eyes and then his lips craved mine once again and I lost myself in the sensation. I nibbled gently on the small scar he had on his upper lip. He descended lower, again toward my breast while caressing my thigh with his hand. I opened my legs for him. The pressure of his cock against my belly was too much. The desire I felt for him too powerful and I was so wet that there was no point in torturing ourselves anymore with waiting. The foreplay could be as well over.

He was kneeling on the bed now and put my legs on the both sides of his waist. I found myself in the position where my pelvis was raised up and then he stroked me with his finger.

I gasped, unconsciously leaning my head back and wriggling my body.

"Stop torturing me…" I asked in a whisper, but he didn't listen.

"Are you sure you want this? Is this ok for you?"

"God! YES! Lex, just… fuck me already!" I didn't know where it came from. I'd never before cursed in front of him like that, but I soon noticed that I could be relieved. He obviously liked that dirty talk in bed and I thought that I liked it too. His eyes alit with some new inner fire and I liked that new side to him.

He slid two fingers into me and stroked me again.

"LEX!" I screamed his name.

He finally gave up and I felt his cock on my entrance. I gasped at the sensation. It was so good! I wanted to feel him inside of me so badly. Then, there was pain. I winced and tried to breathe as to relax my muscles so it would stop. And the ecstasy would take its place again.

"Ok?" Lex asked and stopped moving. He was fully inside now. I could hear his panting breath on my skin and see the perspiration on his forehead.

"Yeah…" I squealed and did my best to breathe evenly to relax more. The pain started to gradually disappear. "I think it's almost gone," I said.

"Are you sure?" He barely held on, trying not to push, but he did. For me. And that made me feel all mushy. After few seconds I realized that the need for him overcame the last pangs of pain, so I squeezed him with my inner muscles.

His body twitched.

And I felt so… I just needed to get going. I needed to claim my release. I needed to let go of what had been building on for years now.

So that what the fuss was all about, I thought while a loud moan came out of my mouth and I just couldn't wait any longer.

"Wow… easy there, tigress… I need to hold on long enough to give you the pleasure you deserve," Lex almost chuckled, clearly happy that he wasn't causing me pain anymore. "Sorry, this time I won't be able to do more than one orgasm for you at a time."

More than one at a… Ok, now I was obviously in heaven. If anyone could give me multiple orgasms, it was Lex. On the other hand, the thought of him not being able to hold on for very long because I felt so good for him, made my heart still. I loved him so much.

… and I was suddenly afraid that I would come too quickly as well. It was too good. All my dreams, my thoughts, all of those was just coming true now. I was finally in the position I'd wanted to be since the very first time I'd seen him. How long it'd been? Two years? Maybe more… My mind was too hazy to think clearly.

"Oh… Lex…!" I squirmed when he eased up a little bit and then pushed inside me again, agonizingly slow.

"You can… keep screaming like that…" he panted into my ear when he bent over to me, giving me another push and I was already seeing stars.

I had to manage it, I thought. Ever stroke he was giving me was torturous and I needed more and more. It would be embarrassing to come so prematurely, wouldn't it? Even if that was my first time. I could hold on. I wasn't a saint. I'd been giving pleasure to myself in the past, so I should know how to control myself. Only the past was nothing compared to what I felt now.

Right now all I could do was to moan and shiver with every single push he was giving me.

"Oh… eh… eh…" I couldn't even control those sounds and I didn't really have to because it seemed to have a great impact on Lex. I could see it in his eyes when he looked at me.

"Can you come, baby?" he asked me in a strained voice, his face right over mine, devouring my eyes with his. His body bathed in perspiration. He looked so hot, so… oh god, yeah, I could come… I couldn't hold myself anymore either. The muscles of his arms were so deliciously strained that…

"Yeah…" I quivered. "Give me more!"

"Are you… sure…?" he panted.

"YES! I want it all!"

He raised my legs higher above his waist, then drove into me, burying himself fully inside, to the hilt.

I felt a little pain again, but the ecstasy was much bigger.

"I can't hold on… any longer…" he said hoarsely and looked down on the spot when our bodies were joined. "Come for me, baby…" The desire and ecstasy I saw on his face, the possessiveness over me undid me completely. Maybe it was in that very moment when it hit me. Lex wanted me. Lex had feelings for me. True feelings.

Him calling me 'baby' was so unrealistic. It came from the powerful billionaire who always watched his language and always said the right thing in the right time. Now, he was just a primitive human, like we all were in such positions, calling me nothing more than a 'baby' or 'honey' or just 'Jessica' as I managed to catch his other endearing whispers.

I followed his gaze and saw his cock sliding in and out of my body, with my blood all over it and… I just couldn't hold on any longer.

"My beauty…" I heard from Lex when he looked me in the eye again.

I let my body freeze and the best climax I'd ever had in my entire life was shooting through me, ripping me apart deliciously, leaving me breathless and exhausted.

When my inner muscles started rhythmically clamping over his cock, he gave out a primal roar and speeded up, then froze, coming hard, filling me whole in his jerking spasms, his face contorted in the biggest pleasure.

When it was over, he collapsed on me, but was still careful to lower himself down easily and then he just put his arms around me. His knees stretched out but his cock still inside of me. We were hugging tight in the most intimate of ways, I realized as I was holding on to him too.

We were both panting in each others' ears and I found a deep pleasure in stroking his bald, not slightly damp, scalp.

"Oh, my God…" he rasped and then rolled over to the side. "That was…"

"…incredible," I finished, breathing erratically.

"And you… you…" he stopped, looking at me in awe. "I've never seen anyone so responsive to my touch, anyone who would desire me so badly," he confessed.

"Really?"

"Really. I almost let go because of it. And you let me in so deep… Are you sure I didn't hurt you?"

"No, you didn't." I reached my hand to caress his cheek. "Nothing more than was unavoidable."

"If you hadn't wanted me so badly, you wouldn't have opened up so much for me," he said.

"What took you so long?" I suddenly asked."You could've made a move on me earlier." Now when we were sated - well, it would take a lot of nights like this to do the trick, but temporarily it was working - I needed to ask this question.

"Can't say it wasn't worth waiting, was it?" he answered with a question.

"Lex, you know that's not what I'm talking about. I wasn't delusional when I thought you liked me too and…"

"Wait a minute… Are you… on the pill?" he suddenly asked, interrupting me. "I'm sorry I haven't thought about using condoms before… I just…" He seemed scared or even ashamed of himself as he had forgotten to ask earlier.

I laughed what perplexed him a little.

"Sorry… I am on the pill, so you have nothing to be worry about," I finally put his mind at rest. "I started taking them one day to make my periods more regular and… figured it would be safe to keep taking them."

"And this is a reason to laugh?" He raised his eyebrows at me.

"No, it's just… I finally understood all those couples that forgot protection. You know, you always think that it will never happen to you, but when it comes to something like we have…" I stopped, suddenly horrified to have said it. What if it wasn't the same for him? What if he had different reasons to sleep with me? "Well, it just floats away from your head," I finished. There was really nothing else I could say.

"Oh, yes, you're right. It hasn't happened to me before, so…" his voice trailed off.

"Ok, I stop you right here. I don't want to know, but there's this one thing you owe me the truth to," I nudged him, sensing my opportunity in this.

"Just ask," he encouraged me.

"Why now? I had the impression that you had feelings for me before… maybe I was wrong, but…"

"You weren't," he cut in, suddenly avoiding my eyes and staring at the ceiling.

"Exactly. So, why now? What was stopping you?"

"I wanted to keep you save."

"Save? Save from what? From whom? From you?" I was surprised. Was that what Chloe had been talking about before?

"Well, you can put it like this, but I figured… nothing can happen to you when I have all the resources to help you," Lex finally gave me his answer, but it didn't make things clearer.

"You're very strange, you know that?" I asked him.

He came closer and pull me into a kiss and before we even noticed, things got more intense once again.

"So soon…?" I asked when looking at his still bloody cock significantly.

"I guess… You were right, we've been waiting for too long."

"You know what? It's a good thing. The longer we've waited, the better the sex is now." I smiled mischievously.

"And I'm sure it'll stay that way." He reciprocated and kissed me again, but then he got out of bed.

"Where are you going?" I asked.

He didn't answer, just went to the bathroom and came back a moment later with still evident erection but clean cock. He also had a wet towel in his hand.

"I thought you might wanna clean yourself up a bit," he said when he handed it to me.

"How thoughtful. I didn't know there was a more gentler and caring side to you," I said.

He laid down, leaving my remark without a comment and just started kissing me again. I knew he wanted to avoid more mushiness. After all, that was Lex Luthor.

Then he started lowering his face and…

"Lex… what are you doing?" I asked when he parted my legs.

"And what does it look like?" He raised his head from between my legs to look me in the eye. "Just relax…" he adviced and started working on my clit.

I soon forgot all about the possible shame, because it felt too good when he licked and stroked my intimate flesh with his tongue.

"Ah…" I gasped.

Then he put his finger to my clit, rubbing it skillfully.

"Lex…" I said in ecstasy.

How could have I been ever thinking about a possibility of being with someone else? There was no one else in this world that could make me feel so good, because I loved Lex.

"So you do like it." I heard a clear satisfaction in his voice as he started sucking and nuzzling down there with his tongue.

"A…hhaa… ah…" got out of my mouth, but clearly it was supposed to be just 'aha'.

He did it again. Made me come fast, hard and powerfully.

Then he wiped his face into the expensive sheet and pulled himself up to kiss me again. I could feel his persistent cock on my belly. He was really hard by now and something came to my mind.

"If you want… I can… try something… with that…" I told him while looking down on the hardness between his legs.

Lex's eyes lightened up.

"Go ahead…" He laid down right by my side and for a change, I sat on the bed.

I had no idea how to start, but I guessed his reactions would guide me.

"Tell me what to do," I asked him and took him in my hand, sliding my fingers up and down and then making a small circles over the head of his cock.

"Oh, god… this feels good," he panted.

That was some encouragement.

I would've never thought I would think something like that, but Lex's cock was beautiful. Really. It was. Or maybe I was just too much in love to say any different.

I lowered my head and just took it into my mouth. I heard another moan right away, so I sucked a little and then licked it like a lollipop. He clearly enjoyed my ministrations very much. I took him in deeper, trying to relax my throat muscles as much as I could and started sucking while hollowing my cheeks. Then I remembered about his balls. I knew it was also a very sensitive place, so it could give him more pleasure and I'd once read in some magazine that a little squeezing…

"Oh, God!" loud and clear got out of Lex's mouth, so I knew I was right.

A little sucking, a little playing with my tongue and massaging his balls in my hands…

It took only a moment before he yelled, "I'm coming… stop if… you prefer…"

I knew what he was referring to, but I didn't stop. The fact that he was coming and I was still with my mouth all over him made me hot, made me horny again. I wanted to feel it, I wanted… fuck it! I wanted to taste him and swallow it all! What was wrong with that? People were doing it all the time!

So he came, powerfully, straight into my throat.

When I finally raised up and laid with my head on his chest, he said, "I'm speechless."

"I can see that," I smiled, stroking the flesh underneath my fingers.

"You seem to be experienced in that particular area," he suddenly noticed, being very careful.

"Not at all," I shrugged. "I just did what I've been reading once."

"Reading?" He raised his eyebrows, looking at my face with curiosity.

"Yeah, you know… stupid magazines when I was a teenager, smut stories… Who hasn't when they were growing up? All curious and everything."

Lex laughed and I could feel that laughter reverberating in his chest. Then, after a moment of silence, he said seriously, "You've waited for me. You have no idea how much this means to me." He started caressing my face with his hand.

"I just couldn't imagine no one else in that position but you," I answered honestly.

"Not even… Clark?" he hesitated, but eventually asked anyway.

"What is it with you and that insecurity about Clark?" I looked up at his face. "Lex, we're just friends, that's all. I admit that I kissed him, but it was a mistake and I wanted to get over you since pursuing whatever we had seemed pointless…"

"Hey… hey… I'm sorry." He gently took my chin between his thumb and index finger and made me look at him again.

"It's ok. You're forgiven." I smiled warmly at him.

"I'm really happy that I'm your first and I hope I can be the last," he said and I was so full of emotions that my voice grew strongly thick. _The last_? Could I be _that _lucky?

"Well, that, Mr. Luthor, sounds like a declaration." I grinned at him.

"Because it is," he said seriously. "I'm the first in everything. First to touch you, I mean really touch you. First to be inside of you. First to have sex with you. First to bring you to climax. First you've given a blow job to and I know that it will sound stupid, but I wish I had been the very first to kiss you as well. There it is, that's over of me being some romantic sap."

"Ekhm…" I cleared my throat and shifted on his chest like I suddenly felt uncomfortable.

"What is it, Jessica? Did you…"

"I didn't lie about anything," I said quickly. "It's just… you kind of… were… the first to kiss me," I finally confessed, already feeling the tight knot in my stomach forming.

"What…?!" He suddenly raised himself up to a sitting position, so I followed him. "I don't understand. I would've… wait… did I kiss you in BelleReve? Is that why you were looking at me so… hurt when I came back from there with no memories?" he asked, looking at my face closely, trying to read me.

"No, you asked me on a date where you were in BelleReve," I answered.

"What?!"

"Yeah, you said that once you'd get out of there, we should go out."

"And what did you say?"

"What do you think?" I asked, sighing heavily.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know. But you didn't make it easy on me, did you? You should've told me."

"It wouldn't have changed anything… About the kiss… remember when you were split in two?"

"And you were so upset when I came to apologize for something I had no recollection of?" he followed quickly.

I nodded silently.

"You should've said something."

"It wouldn't have changed anything," I repeated and he shook his head in disbelief.

"Stubborn you are, you know that?" he accused me of.

"You, too!"

"And… you never kissed anybody in high school?" he asked suspiciously.

"I wasn't popular at first. You know, when you're growing up, red hair isn't exactly a blessing. Later when I was prettier, I just didn't like anyone that way and I would hate somebody I don't feel anything for, sticking his tongue into my throat. Besides, they were so immature."

"Immature," Lex chuckled. "You really are special, Jessica, and now… I guess I would have to make it all up to you." He laid down again and when I followed him, he put his arms around me.

"Oh, yeah," I agreed, smiling to him and kissing him softly on the mouth.

"Still, I wish to remember that. Can you… show me?" he asked. "Show me what I've done?"

"Ok." I kissed him. Hard, passionately and then grazed my body against his.

"Wow… wait…"

"That is what you did, Lex, but don't worry, you're forgiven."

I could've sworn I saw something twitching on his face. He felt bad for what he'd done and I suddenly understood – that had been him back then after all. A part of him. And still, I was with him now. I trusted him and I loved him. His dark side as well. I had no choice since he'd already revealed it to me.

"God, I'm tired," he said after a long silent moment.

"Me, too."

"What about going to sleep, then?"

"Only with you by my side."

"If you think I let you go for even one night from now on…"

"It's a deal."

**AN** As much as I love Lana and Lexana, I don't think Lana could love Lex and handle him through all the bad stuff like my OC.

This story wouldn't be working with her. I would have to change Lana's whole personality what would basically turn her into an OC, so I decided it would be better to kill her off (sniff, sniff) and have a new person who sees Lex as the one for her, not Clark. And who's strong enough to love Lex through all his obsessions and darkness.

I just thought I should make that clear.


	14. Chapter 14

(_Fade_)

When I woke up the next morning I could sense somebody staring at me and that feeling brought up the memories from the night before. It almost felt like a surreal dream. Lex couldn't have possibly be with me now, inside of me last night. It'd all happened so fast that I was still trying to wrap my mind around it.

I turned my head aside and found myself face to face with Lex Luthor.

"Good morning, beautiful," he said, smiling to me. It even stretched out to his eyes as I could clearly see in them joy, not the usual sadness and hardness.

"How long have you been staring like that?" I asked him, suddenly feeling self-conscious.

"I don't know, but I could stare forever," he whispered, then found my lips and kissed me.

"Mhmm…" was all I managed to articulate before I lost myself in it. "Somebody has a morning call," I noticed when we parted and I could clearly feel his cock pressing against one side of my body.

"Sorry… waking up by your side and watching you, it was all it took," Lex said in a happy, half-joking way and then pulled himself into a sitting position.

"That's good, actually," I answered, also sitting up. "This is a very good sign to me." I winked at him. "Whatcha say for a shower?" I suggested and got up, covering my body with the sheet.

"You don't need to cover yourself, honey." Lex quickly followed me, snatching the sheet away and chasing me to the bathroom when we finally met in the shower.

He just turned on the water and reached for my lips again, locking me in his tight embrace, so we were just standing there, kissing under the warm stream that was splashing on us.

Soon Lex pushed me against the wall and turned around.

"'guess we can do that only in your master bathroom cabin," I giggled while he was kissing my neck from the back and sliding his hands down to cup and massage my ass.

"We can try your apartment sometime," he suggested, his raspy voice straight in my ear, causing me to shiver. "It could be interesting… such a small space and two bodies." He nibbled on my earlobe.

"Nah…" I sighed deeply as his hands were now on my breast, kneading them skillfully and teasing the nipples. "Chloe could catch us again and this time she would get a heart attack."

"Probably, because she's never even dreamed of such a hard and amazing sex," Lex agreed. His thick voice in my ear and his touch were driving me crazy. I was already trembling with desire. "Honey," he got serious now, "are you sure? We don't have to have sex right now if you feel sore. I understand."

"The need is more urgent than the soreness," I said. "Besides, it's not that bad."

"Thank god," he groaned and I felt him sliding inside of me from the back.

"Faster…" I found myself saying when he started pumping his cock into me. From this position his balls were hitting my clit, giving me even more pleasure. "Oh, yeah… Lex… Lex… more…" I clenched my inner channel around him.

"Oh, fuck," I heard coming from him and he fucked me harder.

* * *

I had spent an entire week without Lex. It was nearly a torture as he had to go on a business trip so shortly after we had gotten together.

Now I was waiting for him in his study. We'd been talking a lot during all this time, but it wasn't the same. Our relationship was fresh and new to me and I had to keep touching him, keep kissing him to remind myself that it was all real. I was sure he felt the same way as well.

I was so fucking happy right now that I wanted to jump and scream with joy. The door opened and Lex finally walked inside. My heart somersaulted as always when I saw him all suited up and handsome, but I managed to keep my face calm. One of the things that I enjoyed the most while being with him was playing his games. Now I started to play and I didn't jump to him right away.

"How was your trip?" I asked while leaning against his desk.

He made his way to it and put his briefcase aside, then he finally turned to me.

"It was good… pleasant…" He stood right in front of me, but didn't touch me just yet. I could see his eyes sparkling though."But suddenly I found myself homesick," he continued, folding his arms on his chest.

"Really? And what is so special about Smallville?" I asked, smiling seductively.

"Oh, I don't know… meadows… fields… cows…" We both laughed and then he finally got closer and hungrily put his lips to mine.

"Mmm…" I moaned and put my arms around his neck, feeling the smooth texture of his head.

"God, I missed you," he whispered against my mouth, then sucked on my lower lip.

"I missed you too…"

Soon enough he raised me up so I could sit on his desk, then he took my jacket off, sliding his lips from my mouth to my neck and to my breast. Finally, he ripped my blouse open.

I didn't wait. I pulled his shirt out of his trousers and also ripped it open. I didn't bother with taking it off. I just slid my hands through his chest, brushing the nipples and proceeded down to his trousers.

"Naughty girl…" He caught my lips again, entwining his tongue with mine.

"You have no idea…" I gasped, spread my legs open and put them around his waist, then pulled him closer to feel his hard cock on my cunt."What else did you expect?" I asked him, interrupting the kissing to cup his face and look him in the eye. "You left me here unsatisfied for a whole week!"

"You've had plenty of stories to tell already," he said, pulling my skirt up, my panties away and then rubbing my clit.

"Well… I didn't tell… anybody… yet… about us…" I arched my back. "I need the right moment and… you in town…" I caught the lapels of his shirt and pulled him close to kiss him again.

"Aha…" he just articulated and when his cock was finally free and his pants slid down his legs, he finally entered me with one smooth stroke.

"Oh, yeah…" I panted into his ear, putting my arms around him to pull him as close as I could.

"I miss you so much, honey…" His voice was hot and hoarse in my ear.

"Honey, hah?" I managed to catch that word.

"Oh, yes… Fuck, yeah…" He was fucking me.

Now we were beyond the point in which we could actually talk. All that mattered was his hot body next to mine, his chest teasing my breast along with the sensitive nipples, his cock moving hard inside me, giving me pleasure I hadn't known existed a month before.

When we both came loud and hard, he suddenly asked while still remaining inside of me, "Will you move in with me?"

"What?" I stilled, completely taken aback by this question.

Lex moved back a little to look at my face and his soft now cock slip out of me.

"I'm not joking. Move in with me. That way we can be together every night and every time we're both free during the day. It would save you or me a trip and time. This is serious between us, isn't it? It was always going to be serious. Why wait if we're both so sure?"

"Ok," I found myself saying. "I will move in with you."

Was it too fast? I didn't care and he seemed not to either. I'd been waiting for this man for so long that right now nothing seemed too fast for me.

* * *

Only, if I was about to move in with Lex, I had to finally come clean with my friends, meaning I had to tell Clark. He should be the first to know. I didn't really care about telling Chloe, but I owed her the truth to why I was moving out of our dorm.

I came over to Clark's farm the very same day after a very long bath with Lex. Boy, his bathtub was the size of a small pool!

"Clark…" I found him in the barn as usual. I was mentally preparing myself for this conversation, pushing all the naughty thoughts of Lex aside and trying to only focus on my friend.

Poor Clark. Ever since his father had died he'd dropped out of college to take care of the farm. I felt sorry for him, but he didn't seem to regret anything. The farm was everything to him, all his good memories had come from this place and now… now he had nothing else. This was all he could hold on to.

"Clark, there's something we have to talk about," I started, but then he turned to me and I could see how upset he actually was. "What happened?" I asked, taken aback.

"I saw that coming, but still… I was shocked," he simply said.

"What are you talking about?"

"You've been waiting for him for years when you should've given up on him a long time ago! You know it!"

"How… How do you know about me and Lex?" I asked, because that had to be what he was talking about. I could feel myself shaking as I realized the horrible truth. I couldn't let myself think of it just yet. I just couldn't. Had Clark seen…

"I saw you two today," he confirmed my worst fears.

"Today…?" My voice was suddenly squeaky. "Oh, no… What exactly did you see?" I wasn't even sure I wanted to know.

"Enough to make me sick and leave in a hurry," Clark answered.

"Ok, ok…" I tried to calm myself down and took a couple of deep breaths. Clark had obviously seen me and Lex having sex on the desk. "How did you get inside without anybody knowing?!" I burst at him in anger. "It's not my fault that you saw us, Clark! We were not to be disturbed! What do you expect to see when you keep barging in like that?!"

"He doesn't deserve you," Clark just said, clenching his fists.

"It's not about who deserves whom, Clark," I said, doing my best to lower my voice down a little bit. "It's about what you feel and believe me, I wish it would be so easy to just find a decent guy and tell myself, ok, let's fall for him, but it doesn't work that way! How many times will I have to tell you that?"

"I'm sorry. I know I wasn't supposed to show up without an invitation, but I just… I want you to be safe."

"I am save."

"How long you two have been together?" he asked another question.

"Two weeks… maybe…" Wasn't it longer? I could've sworn that it'd been more, but it didn't matter anyway. "And I came here today to come clean and tell you in person. I'm sorry you had to find out other way."

"It wasn't your fault," he sighed. "And I really wish I didn't."

I suddenly wondered if he'd seen the passion and desire between me a Lex, the very same thing that had been missing when I'd kissed Clark. Had he seen me wanting Lex so much and so badly that it consumed me completely? I hoped for Clark's sake that he hadn't. He was just a poor guy in love… and that would crash him.

"You should've given up on him," Clark repeated once again.

"I just couldn't," I answered calmly. "And you of all people should understand that." I turned to leave.

"Jessica…" he surprised me. He never called me Jessica. It was Lex's thing and still, I had no idea why he was the one who called me by my whole name while everybody else just called me Jess. Maybe I was always Jessica to Lex, because it sounded more mature, more serious or he just cared enough to always say the whole name no matter how many letters it had.

Clark had to be very concerned or serious to call me that.

"Clark… just… please, forget what you've seen and be my friend… If you still can, of course, because if you can't stand being my friend and nothing more… then I'm sorry… it will be hard, but I will have to let you go for your own sake."

"I will never stop being your friend," he reassured me to my great relief. I loved Lex dearly, but I would still miss Clark if he decided to stay away.

Yes, he was strong. If Chloe could do that with him, he could do that with me too.

* * *

(_Vessel_)

The day I finally moved in with Lex we didn't even get to his bedroom. Actually, we didn't do anything beside sitting in his study over some Chinese and just… talking. Not about space ships and aliens, not about business, just about us and it was very refreshing. That conversation was like those we'd had when we'd become friends when Lex had gotten back from the stranded island. It was like good old times but better, because now I had all that I'd been lacking then – his affection.

I wish I could say love, but it was still fresh and he hadn't told me that yet. I was patient though and certainly, I wouldn't be the first to say it. I wouldn't give him that satisfaction. Again - I was playing with him. That was good too. Everything around us in Smallville seemed to be terribly serious, even Lex himself, so a little teasing and playing was good for us.

We'd talked for hours and before we even noticed, we fell asleep on the sofa.

I must've landed on Lex's chest, because I was brutally woken up in the morning when he decided to get up.

"Lex?" I winced my face. What was going on? Why was he so harsh? It was so unlike him.

When I rubbed my eyes I saw him turning around and around with his hands put to his temples.

"Lex, are you all right?" I straightened myself up, watching him closely. I was getting worried. "Lex?" Now he really started scaring me.

He still didn't say a word. He just headed straight to the door and left.

"LEX!" I ran after him. There was obviously something wrong with him, so I couldn't let him out of my sight now.

He got to his Porsche and drove away, so I got to my car.

He was heading toward the fields.

I called him. He didn't pick up.

Then he just stopped and ran into the woods to emerge in the clearing inside.

I followed him, feeling more scared than ever. Should I call for some help? Would it be here on time? What was going on?

Lex suddenly stopped in the middle of the clearing.

"LEX!" I called him one more time and this time I received an answer.

"Stay there!" he suddenly yelled, stopping me from coming any closer. "Stay away from her!"

"Who?!" I asked perplexed, but then I sensed somebody else's presence behind me so I turned around.

It was the guy that Lex had told me had something to do with the ship being gone - Milton Fine.

"What are you doing to him?" I asked Fine.

"I'm preparing him. He needs to complete the transition."

"What transition?!" I starred wondering whether I was still asleep, dreaming when Milton just disappeared and Lex was surrounded by some bright light coming from… I looked up… it must be the ship!

"LEX! NOOOO!" I found myself roaring when he was just… taken in. Abducted, came through my mind. Abducted by the aliens.

Suddenly, everything stopped. It was dreadfully quiet. The ship disappeared.

* * *

I drove straight to the Daily Planet. If anybody knew what happened, it would be the reporters working there. That meant I could ask Chloe for help. Also, quite frankly I had no idea what to do and she seemed to be the only person that would believe my story.

"Chloe!" I finally found her.

"Jess, is everything alright? You don't look so good… God, you're shaking… Did Lex do something to…" she started, following her usual trail of thoughts.

"Chloe!" I interrupted her, raising my voice in anger. "Lex wouldn't hurt me! But I'm here because of him… there was this space ship, Chloe, I saw it… they took him."

"What do you mean they took him?" Chloe frowned and then her eyes opened widely like it finally sunk in.

"Exactly. I have no idea what to do… I'm scared that… that he's…" my voice trailed off as I couldn't say it out loud. No, he couldn't be… I really needed to sit down, I decided when dizziness hit me and I fell into Chloe's chair. Why every time I was just a little bit closer to my happy ending, something was pulling me back to the start?

"Just calm down," Chloe started talking in a shooting voice, clearly scared that I would faint. "I'll call Clark and we'll see what we can do. Everything will be all right. Lex will be fine," she kept repeating.

Call Clark? Why? What Clark would do? He had no power or influences like Lex.

But I surrendered and let her take the lead for now. I was too shocked, too hurt, too scared to even think clearly. I couldn't handle the situation this time and I wondered when I would finally land up in BelleReve. I had been through too much in too short period of time.

* * *

I eventually came back to the mansion. Clark told me there was nothing I could do in the Daily Planet anymore, but maybe I could find something in Lex's study. Maybe he'd hidden something from me, but I doubted that he'd been keeping secrets about the space ship. There was something he didn't tell me, I knew that, but it had nothing to do with this case. It had something to do with only us.

Suddenly, I felt somebody else's presence in the room, so I turned around to…

"LEX!" I yelled when I saw him standing there with no particular expression on his face. "Lex…" I repeated, finally relaxing as a wave of relief and exhilaration washed over me. He was there. He was healthy. He was fine! "I was so worried!" I ran straight into his arms and he embraced me. "What happened?" I moved back a little to take a closer look at his face.

"They let me go," he just answered and put his hand to my face, looking at me strangely.

"Lex, is everything ok?" I cupped his face. "Are you feeling ok?" I made sure.

"Better than ever," he replied.

I kissed him and soon enough he deepened the kiss and turned me around, so I was facing the desk. Then his hands slid from my back to my ass and he unbuttoned my pants, taking them down.

"Lex…" I squealed, not really sure if that was a good idea. Too many things were happening at once again. I'd just gotten him back and now he was undressing me to have a welcome back sex? "Are you really…" I started and was interrupted immediately.

"Don't you desire me?" I heard his hoarse voice in my ear when he embraced me from behind. His cock was already hard and ready, poking into my butt.

"I do… always…" I lost all the common sense and control I had left. He was driving me crazy like always. Maybe he was right. We should have sex. I thought I'd lost him and now he was there with me again. I needed to feel him.

"So what's the problem?"

"There's no..." I didn't finish when he suddenly got inside of me. Just like that. No more kissing, no more touching, just primal, animalistic sex. Just him fucking me ruthlessly from behind, his hands clenched on my hips to hold them in place, his heavy balls hitting my clit hard, his cock going so deep into me that I was lost to the world. I could just feel and respond to his touch.

And I loved it. I loved it like I loved every single time with him.

And I came hard, almost losing my consciousness, it was so fucking good. He followed me immediately like he couldn't hold on for much longer, roaring loudly and spilling his hot seed inside me.

"Jessica…" he spoke when we finished and adjusted our clothes. "I love you," He put his hands on my shoulders and looked me deep in the eye.

Finally, the words I'd been waiting for. Only I didn't expect them in such circumstances.

"I love you too," I answered in awe.

I watched him walking over to his desk and taking his gun from it.

"Lex, what are you…?" I screamed and jumped when he put the gun to his hand and just… shot.

I stilled. There was no blood, no scream of pain… nothing but the smell of powder.

"Lex…?" I slowly made my way toward him and I took his hand in mine.

When the bullet just dropped to the floor, leaving his hand completely unharmed, I started shaking with fear again.

"There's no scratch on it," I said wobbly. "How did… What they did to you?" I raised my eyes to his face. I didn't know if I should be afraid of him or not.

"Whatever they did, it's still me," he reassured me, cupping my face and drowning in my eyes. "If you want us to be together, meet me on the roof of LuthorCorp Plaza. Tonight at midnight. I'll be there."

"Lex… I don't… I don't understand…" I started.

"I'll be waiting… just trust me… whatever happens…" He stepped back and just… disappeared, moving as fast as those aliens I'd once encountered.

_Whatever happens_

So let it be, I told myself. There was no life for me without him anyway. Not anymore.

I'd been loving Lex for too long. I'd been waiting for him for too long to just give up on him now. I didn't know what would wait for me on that roof, but I had to get there and judging from the condition of the city now, that would be probably the safest place for me now. It was like Armageddon. No electricity, riots on the streets, people fighting, destroying everything on their way.

I was forced to leave my car close to LuthorCorp and run the rest of the way. Lex had powers now, so he could protect me. He could protect them all, I told myself.

Finally, I got to the roof.

"Lex!" I yelled to him with relief that I saw him.

He was just standing there, near the edge, watching the city burn.

"Lex…" I came over to him and he finally turned to me. "I'm here. What now?"

He smiled.

"Lex, you can help all those people. You have powers, just do this… save the day… be a hero…"

He interrupted my torrent of words just by pulling me into a heated kiss. It shut me up and I forgot about everything.

Then he took me in his arms and… flew away with me!

Lex could fly now!


	15. Chapter 15

(_Zod)_

We came back to the mansion.

"Lex?" I asked him. "What is it?" He was different somehow, I could tell. Harder in his demeanor, at least more than usual. I watched him coming over to this desk and opening his laptop, then typing some strange symbols on the keyboard.

"What did they do to you?" I was starting to be scared. Who was that man? Was it really Lex? Or maybe there was also something else with him in that body?

He turned to me with no human emotions on his face.

"Lex is dead," he informed me bluntly.

I could only stare at those familiar but in the same time strangely alien blue-gray eyes while doing my best to digest his words.

Lex was dead. No, it wasn't possible.

"No… I don't believe it… Whoever you are… give him back to me!" I demanded.

He just smirked, looking down at me.

"I am Zod. I will rule this earth and you have the privilege of becoming my mate."

"What?!... No! No way! I want Lex! Give him back to me! NOW!" I raised my hand to hit him in a sudden bout of rage, but he was faster. He pushed me toward the wall, took a poker from the fireplace and… pierced it right through my hand.

A scream of pain and terror was released from my mouth.

It was unbearable. My hand was pulsing with pain I'd never felt before. A pain that was nearly agonizing, starting at the epicenter and then shooting through my whole body.

"I'll be back soon and then we'll talk. You can either stay with me and provide me with offsprings or land up with others not so lucky inhabitants of this world. The decision belongs to you." He speeded off and I was left alone.

I had to pull myself together, I told myself, be strong. Just because that… Zod… had told me that Lex was dead, it didn't mean it was true. Maybe there was still a chance to safe him. I couldn't break, not right now. Lex would never give up on me like that, even in pain, he would just keep going and now I had to do the same for him.

I raised myself up and gathered all the strength I could. It took everything to pull that poker out of my hand, but I finally managed to free myself.

I took some cloth to cover the wound and then I ran out of the mansion.

I drove straight to the Kent's farm. I still had no idea what was it with Clark always being there to save us, always knowing what to do, but now I didn't have time for questions. I had one simple goal and it was to safe the man I loved before it would be too late.

I walked into the barn and found Clark with his mother and strangely, with Lionel Luthor.

"…but we have no idea where Lex is," Lionel was just saying.

"I do," I said.

They all turned to look at me.

"Jessica, are you ok?" Martha Kent got to me immediately and took a look at my hand. "What happened?"

"Lex… or maybe I should say Zod?" It was remarkable that I still kept my cold blood. You never knew what you were capable of until you tested it, right? "How can I stop him?" I asked bluntly.

"The only way is…" Martha stopped, giving Lionel a quick glance of hesitation. "The only way is to kill the vessel," she finally answered.

"Lex…" I gasped. Kill Lex? So he was alive after all, but… now I would have to be the one to kill him? NO! NO! NO! Everything inside of me screamed. I couldn't possibly lose the only man I'd ever really loved. The only one who made me feel like I was flying or lived among the stars. True, he was a difficult person, but I, nevertheless, loved him with my whole self.

"I'm sorry…" Lionel spoke. "That's the only way. My son has to die."

I could just stand there, motionless and in deep shock. I couldn't believe he could say something like this about his only son whereas my whole world was falling apart.

"No…" I disagreed quietly. "No!" This time I screamed. "I need him! We've just gotten together! I…" _Do not cry_, I told myself, _Don't you dare cry!_

I couldn't break just yet, because I knew they were right. Because I knew there was no other way. You didn't mess with spaceships and aliens. If I had to choose between saving the world or staying with Lex's body without Lex inside… What kind of a life would that be? To see his blue-gray eyes every day, the eyes I'd seen loving me, caring about me, the eyes I'd seen in pain and joy and ecstasy. Those eyes would now be just blank. With nothing in there. It would be just some alien called Zod, inhabiting my lover's body, wanting to destroy our world.

"What do I have to do?" I had no idea how strong I really was. I surprised even myself, but again, once the shock would wear off I knew I would find myself in a very real and agonizing pain. Pain even worse than the one I'd experienced while taking the poker out of my hand. How could I kill the body of the person I loved most?

"Take this." Martha handed me over a dagger without asking about anything else. "That is the only way."

I could tell the dagger wasn't from around here. It was alien.

"Where…"

"I found it," Lionel answered before I even finished my question.

So I took it and then drove all the way back to the mansion.

* * *

When Zod came back I was sitting on Lex's sofa with the dagger hidden and the cloth still on my hand.

"You freed yourself," Zod noticed idly while caring some suitcase to the desk.

"Yes, but after that I realized that there was nothing to run to," I answered. Yes, that was good. "And then I knew I would have to agree to your proposal."

"Smart," he said, left the suitcase on the desk and made his way to me.

He sat down and I raised myself to straddle his laps. I bent down to catch his lips.

It felt like Lex's lips, but they were kissing differently. I suddenly realized that maybe I'd had sex also with Zod, that it hadn't been only Lex that had told me he loved me.

I pulled myself together again and showed him some passion. Weird thing was that it wasn't even that hard. Zod knew how to touch a woman, how to kiss her to show her how desirable she was. He was a little distant so you couldn't possess him and that gave you just the right taste.

I started kissing Zod's neck… Lex's neck… oh, God… it was now or never… or I would just chicken out and the Earth would be doomed because of what I couldn't bring myself to do.

I took the knife and raised it in attempt to stab Zod.

He was too fast though.

He caught it, looking into my eyes with his emotionless ones and broke the knife in a half, then he threw me off of his laps so I came crashing to the floor.

"Bitch, you really thought you could fool ME? ZOD?" He stood above me and I found enough of courage in myself to raise up and face him. That would be my death, I knew it, but I had no one to live for anyway. Lana was dead. Lex was dead. Clark and Chloe weren't enough for me anymore. And now when the Earth was doomed I actually preferred to be dead. I didn't want to see any of it.

"Kneel before Zod," he ordered me, but I didn't obey.

He clenched his hand on my neck.

"Let her go!" I suddenly heard Clark's voice.

_Clark, what the hell are you doing?_ I thought. _You can't defeat him! Run! Save yourself!_

It was too late. Zod threw me across the room and I blackened out.

* * *

I woke up in a hospital with my hand taken care of.

World didn't seem to be collapsing, just the opposite, it seemed to be getting on its feet again.

"What happened?" I asked the nearest nurse in confusion.

"It's ok now, miss. We're safe. It stopped," she informed me in a soothing voice. "If you're feeling alright, you can sign the discharge papers and go home. We need all the beds we can get."

I got to my feet and walked a little, feeling a little wobbly.

"Jessica!" Oh, no… or maybe… That was Lex's voice, but was it really him? Or maybe I actually died and now this was some kind of an afterlife?

I noticed him making his way to me and I instinctively moved back, raising my hands so he would keep his distance.

"What happened? Why are you afraid of me, Jessica?" he asked me and then I saw it.

Pain in his eyes. Worry and pain. It was Lex, but still… I needed to be sure.

"Did I do this to you?" He reached for my bandaged hand gently. There was nothing out of place about him, he wasn't the vicious creature I'd encountered anymore. "I'm so sorry… It's me, Jessica, I promise. The last thing I remember before blacking out is that something took me into that ship… and then I woke up in the field again. I came straight here after I couldn't find you in the mansion."

"So it's really you?" My voice was shaky and my body felt like it was about to fall to the floor.

"Yes," he confirmed.

That was it. I lost my balance, my feet bent under me, but he caught me just in time and closed me in his arms.

"Lex…" I whispered into his neck, inhaling the familiar, wonderful scent of his expensive cologne, the fabric of his shirt and his skin. "Oh, Lex… I was… I…" I started sobbing frantically.

"It's ok, honey… I'm here… I will never hurt you again…" he kept saying when stroking my back.

"It wasn't… you…" I cried harder, shaking and wetting his shirt. "I thought… I thought… I almost… killed you…" I confessed.

"You almost killed that thing, not me." His hold on me tightened. "It wasn't your fault. I would do the same if I were you. You had to save us," he kept whispering into my ear.

"I failed, but I'm happy about it." I leaned back a little to be able to look at his face. "So, what happened exactly?"

"I wish I knew… I figured… my father found a way."

"Clark was there… in the mansion," I pointed out.

"Clark? Well, he's recently strangely close to my father, so maybe they were working together," Lex deduced.

I kept crying, so he kept holding and soothing me.

"I love you, you know that, don't you?" he suddenly asked and it made me stop crying all along.

I found my ground again and stood straight, cupping his face and looking deeply into his eyes.

"I love you too, Lex Luthor," I told him and kissed him tenderly. "Never ever leave me again."

"I won't."

_I wish he'd kept that promise…_

* * *

(_Static, __Crimson_)

Our life together finally begun. Of course, I wasn't a fool, I knew it wouldn't always be perfect, I knew that having a relationship with someone like Lex would be so much harder than to have one with Clark. I knew what I was getting myself into. Lex had been a good kid once, but when his mother had died Lionel was the one who had the greatest influence on him. I really shouldn't be surprised that now I had to deal with Lex's issues. Sometimes I had the impression that he had no idea what love really meant. He was constantly surprised by my behavior, by the way I was treating him. It made me feel sorry for him, but in the same time I felt special, because I seemed to be the only one who really loved Lex and was willing to teach him that kind of love. He was still quite insecure, but we were working on that.

After five months of sharing our lives together everything changed.

I wasn't expecting this, not now at least. Maybe sometime in the future, but not right now. Only it happened and I had to deal with it the best way possible. I was pregnant with Lex's child and I understood what I'd done wrong in an instant. I'd been out of my pills and freshly after my period. I'd been just about to go to a doctor for a new prescription when Lex had come back from his two weeks trip and we'd been too hungry for each other. The rest was easy to follow.

One time. It was all it took. Just one time.

But it was always like that, wasn't it?

I wouldn't get rid of this baby. I wasn't that kind of a person. Besides, it was Lex's child, so I had to have it and I didn't care at the moment if he was actually ready to become a father. Quite frankly, we fought a lot since we'd started living together, but wasn't that what couples usually did? And the only reason for it was that I cared about Lex. I wanted him to be save, didn't want him to become his father and most of the time, Lex understood. Other I was triggering his protective side, but we always finished our quarrels with hot, incredible sex.

My only concern right now was to how Lex would react and I just… couldn't tell him yet. Not now. I had no idea why I was stalling, but I couldn't. I was afraid that he wouldn't want this child. After all, we'd been together for half a year. It didn't seem like enough time.

* * *

I quickly regretted that I hadn't been totally honest with Lex at the beginning, because one night an alarm woke us up and Lex pulled me to the emergency room when I would be safe. He, on the other hand, didn't make it and… just vanished into thin air right in front of me.

My first thought was that it was something definitely connected to Zod's possession from five months ago, but still… maybe not? Maybe it was something completely different and new?

As usual, I went to see Chloe in the Daily Planet and explained it all to her. She tried to contact Clark, but he wasn't in town.

I started suspecting that Clark might've been a meteor infected himself. What other explanation could be there? Even if, I didn't have time for that secret right now. I had to get Lex back first.

"Chloe… I'm pregnant," I finally confessed. "Please, please… help me, I can't do this alone."

She stilled, looking at me in shock.

"Eh… wow… guess… I… should say… congratulations!" She faked her happiness and hugged me.

"Well, thank you."

It turned out that Jimmy – Chloe's boyfriend - heard our conversation and was the one to figure it all out. Lex was trapped in a different sequence.

"I think that when I catch the right one, I can get him out of there," Jimmy reassured me, so I took him and Chloe to the mansion. He brought some old radio with him that was supposed to help.

"Lex, if you can hear me…" I started, because Jimmy was sure that he could. He'd picked up Lex's voice earlier. "Please, come back to me… We'll do everything in our power to help you, but maybe… maybe you could find a way on your own? Please, I love you and I can't raise this child without you…"

Suddenly, I felt strange, dizzy… then Jimmy and Chloe disappeared.

I turned around, seeing some stranger and… Lex.

"Lex!" I rushed to him, but the stranger stopped me, putting a knife to my throat.

"Leave her alone!" Lex started fighting him and finally he killed him in self-defense.

"LEX!" I could finally go to him and I squatted by his side. He was still lying on the floor, but fortunately, the blood wasn't his. "Are you ok?" I caressed his face.

"Yeah…" He suddenly looked into my eyes with mysterious spark in his. "Is it true? The baby…?"

"Yes…" I looked down on the floor, avoiding his sight. "I should've told you earlier, but… I was afraid."

"Afraid? Of what?" he asked, gently touching my face and raising my chin so I would meet his eyes again.

"That you wouldn't like it? That it happened so soon? I wasn't planning on it, I swear. I'm not one of those women who have to catch a man by getting pregnant… I…" I started explaining myself.

He actually chuckled.

"I know, Jessica, you would never do something like that. I know you well. Besides, you of all people should know that I really do love you and it doesn't matter if there's a child or no child on the way."

"So, you want… the baby?" I stammered.

"Yes, of course, I do. I love you and nothing would make me more happier right now than starting a family with you. After all, we would've done it eventually, wouldn't we?" He wiped a stray tear from my cheek.

"Yes." I nodded and he pulled me closer for a kiss.

"Ekhm…" we suddenly heard Chloe's grunt.

We stopped kissing and looked around. Jimmy managed to bring us back.

"Oh…" came out of my mouth as I felt ashamed of our display of affection in front of them. Lex stood up, helping me out by giving me his hand.

"Thank you," he turned to Chloe and Jimmy. "We really appreciate your help."

Jimmy just nodded.

* * *

Couple of days later I still couldn't bring myself to tell anybody else about the pregnancy. How would Clark react? I cared about him and I knew it would crash him. I was also sure that Chloe hadn't told him as it wasn't her job.

For now, I could just live on and see what would happen.

This evening Lex took me to his study and I was stunned by how the room actually changed. It was bathed in flowers now. Hundreds of red roses all around and they smelled amazing.

"Lex?" I raised my eyebrows in surprise. "What's the occasion?" I asked, but I thought I knew already.

He just walked over to a small table in the end of the room and took a small box out of it.

"Jessica, I love you," he said, meeting my eyes evenly. "Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?" he asked and opened the box.

Inside was the most beautiful diamond ring I'd ever seen. It must cost fortune, but after all, Lex could afford it and I shouldn't be expecting nothing less from a Luthor.

Still, although all I wanted to say was yes, I hesitated.

"What is it?" His happy face turned into a concerned one and then into sorrow. "I thought…" he started.

"No… wait…" I interrupted him, horrified that I could actually hurt him now. "I do love you, Lex. I love you with my whole life. I always have. It's just…" I stopped and bit my lower lip. How could I say the truth without hurting his feelings even more? _Oh, God, he'll understand, just say it!_ I told myself. "I want to say yes to you, because you really want to marry me, not because I'm pregnant," I explained. "I want you to want… me… without the baby," I finally said it, my heart beating way too fast. What his answer would be? It would kill me if he said he was doing it only for his baby…

"Oh, Jessica…" He almost laughed in relief, but managed to keep a steady face. "I would've proposed to you eventually and I would've done it soon, I promise." He touched my face with his free hand and stoked my cheek. I looked into his eyes and saw the truth in them. "I would've done it and then we would've gotten married and started a family. Nothing would've changed," he said with urgency and care in his voice.

"Really?" I finally smiled to him. "When you put it that way… then yes, Lex Luthor, I will marry you."

The joy in his eyes was so big that it made me cry. He wanted me! I was marrying the love of my life! What more could I possibly want now? I had everything I'd ever wanted and I wasn't greedy. It was enough for me. I still had troubles wrapping my brain around it all. So much had changed the last few months. I'd never before thought I could be so happy.

Lex gently slid the ring on my finger and then locked me in his tight embrace, kissing me until I had no breath left.

* * *

I wasn't the one who told Clark the truth and I regretted that decision.

"Clark barged in this morning and demanded to see you," Lex told me when I finally woke up.

The beginning of this pregnancy wasn't easy for me. I felt weak all the time. I got worried, but then my doctor told me there was nothing to be worry about. Everything was all right.

"Really?" I sat straight on the bed. "Why? You could've let him in."

"Jessica…" Lex made his way to the bed and sat on the edge of it, reaching for my hand. "I'm sorry, but it was seven in the morning and you needed rest. He made me really angry. He didn't ask for an invitation, he just barged inside and demanded to see you."

"I guess I was neglecting him recently and we're supposed to be friends."

"Friend doesn't act like he did today. He found out about our engagement. You forgot to tell him?"

"To be honest, I was scared to tell him. I don't have any feelings for him, but he does have them for me and I was afraid that I would lose his friendship," I answered honestly.

"So I guess it's not the best time to tell you that I felt threatened and… told him about the baby?" Lex avoided my eyes.

"You did?" Shit. That complicated things even more.

"Yeah and I'm sorry. Like I told you, I felt… threatened. He wants to take you away from me and I'm afraid that he may succeed eventually, considering your previous… relationship."

"Lex…" I cupped his face, forcing him to look at me. "First of all, there was no relationship, second, he will never take me away from you, because I wouldn't choose him over you. I want to be with only you. Do you understand that?" I made sure. I knew I should be angry with Lex, but I just couldn't. He was too insecure and I realized why. Some things were rooted so deeply in a person that they could never really go away. I could only feel sorry for him as no one had ever truly loved him until I had appeared in the picture.

"Don't worry. You won't lose me like all the others in your life. For the first time you're marrying the woman who loves you for you, not for your money or status," I added and then kissed him.

"Nice to hear that." He managed to smile. "Are you feeling ok?"

"Why?"

He didn't answer, he just slip his hand under my robe, pulling me to himself.

"Yeah, I feel great!" I giggled while taking his shirt off.

* * *

Just when everything was going perfectly and we were having our engagement dinner with Lex, Clark made an appearance, destroying it all. He wasn't even invited and he was on something, because his behavior was just scandalous and so unlike him. It reminded me of something though, but I couldn't quite put that into the right place just yet. Did it have something to do with his secret? Was he like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde?

"Clark, walk away before you do or say something you will regret," Lex warned him while standing up to face him.

"Come on, Lex. Let's have some fun!" Clark raised a glass. "For you and Jessica and… oh, yeah…" He threw something at Lex and Lex instinctively caught it. It was a child's rattle. "And for the baby Luthor, the real reason that Jessica is marrying you!" He sipped from the glass.

"Clark! You have no right to show up here like that!" I stood up, so angry at him that I felt I might just burst with it. "And no, that is not the reason why I'm marrying Lex! I love him!"

"Yeah, right…" Clark snorted and started making his way toward me.

"Clark!" Lex got to him, but Clark easily shoved him away and Lex fell into a pile of glasses arranged into a pyramid. It all shattered under him, wetting his expensive suit.

"LEX!" I ran over to him to help him out and see if he was hurt, but suddenly Clark caught my arm, locking me in his steel grip.

"You'll go with me!" he said and just headed to the door.

"No! Clark! Let go off me!" I stilled. I didn't want to cause any damage to the baby. For the very first time I was afraid that if I struggled with Clark, he would actually hurt me, so I let him take me to the farm.

"Just try to calm down. I know it's hard for you, but how many times do I have to tell you…" I started when he suddenly swept me into his arms.

"Run away with me. I know you want to," he said with urgency. "I know you must have seen by now what kind of a person Lex really is. You want this, you want a way out and this is me offering you one. I can help you raise this baby. I…"

"Clark! You're delusional! I can take care of myself, thank you very much! If I wanted a way out, I would find it on my own! I love Lex and I'm staying with him and I will marry him as well as give him this baby, so back off! If that's how our relationship will look like from now on, get the hell out of my life!"

He just pulled me closer and kissed me. I bit him and then pushed away, but I didn't think it hurt him. What the hell? Shouldn't he feel some pain?

"Jessica!" I heard Lex's voice from downstairs.

"LEX!" I yelled and ran from Clark, down the stairs, straight into Lex's opened arms. Finally, I felt safe. What was wrong with the world again when I couldn't feel that way in Clark's presence anymore?

Clark followed me and suddenly Lex pushed me gently aside with his right arm while holding a gun in his left.

"Lex…" I started warningly. "Don't…"

"What do you think you're doing, Clark?" Lex asked, ignoring me. "From now on you will stay away from my fiancée. You will not hurt her. Do I make myself clear?"

Clark just smirked at Lex and snatched the gun away from him, grasped his shirt and pushed him against the wall, then started strangling him while holding his neck in his strong grip.

"Clark! STOP! You'll kill him!" I yelled and got to them, looking around in a desperate search for a weapon.

I noticed a chisel lying on the ground, so I picked it up and stabbed Clark. I heard some strange banging noise and… the chisel bent. It was impossible, yet…

"Clark!" I turned round to face his mother, Martha Kent. "Let him go!... I'll take it from here," she told us while Clark got suddenly weaker like he was in pain.

I frowned but took Lex's hand and ushered him out of the barn.

"You're ok?" I asked him when we found ourselves in his car. "Are you hurt?" I gently touched his neck.

"I'm fine. You?" He glanced at me when breathing heavily.

"Fine too," I sighed deeply, leaning my head back.

"You are not going to see Clark again," Lex told me through his gritted teeth. "I'm sorry, but he's a danger to you and to the baby."

I didn't argue, I understood his concern. Lex was just protecting me. He was just doing what every man would do to keep his woman safe. Only in the same time I knew that somehow I would have to figure out Clark's secret and confront him about it. I could do that, being around Lex for half a year now had thought me a lot. I could be a Luthor and I could uncover the truth, but it didn't mean that I would tell anyone else.

I just needed to know. I was tired of living in the dark.

* * *

**A/N: **Little heads up or spoiler – **the baby is real**. **I realize that I'm kind of reinventing the Lexana thing here, but it will quickly change into something completely different, just trust me.**

And when it comes to the baby… it was stupid to made it a false pregnancy. If Lana really did lose it, then we would have the perfect explanation to why Lex created her clone – to protect her life in case of next complicated pregnancy.


	16. Chapter 16

(_Promise, Combat_)

Lex suddenly woke up and sat on the bed, breathing heavily.

"Lex…?" I raised up right by his side and put my hand on his shoulder. "What happened? Bad dream?"

He covered my hand with his and took another deep breath.

"Nightmare," he just answered.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I supported my chin on his shoulder and then placed a gentle kiss on his neck.

"I just…" he sighed. "I…"

"Come on, tell me. You'll feel better," I encouraged him.

He turned to me and touched my belly.

"Is everything all right with our baby?" he asked, looking worryingly into my eyes.

"Yes. What is it that bothers you, Lex? Were you dreaming of the baby?"

"I dreamt… you died…" he finally confessed.

"Oh, Lex…" I said softly and cupped his face, forcing him to look me deep in the eye. "Listen to me. Dreams are just a visual representation of your bravest desires or your worst fears. You're just afraid you'll lose me, but you don't have to worry. I promise you, Lex, I'm not going anywhere."

"It's not that… death isn't a choice you can make…"

"I'm not dying," I reassured him, pulling his head to my chest and hugging him.

The look on his face… he was afraid of something that had nothing to do with his nightmare, I could tell.

"Lex, you know you can trust me. Tell me what's wrong," I asked one more time when he straightened himself and was ready to get up.

"Nothing. Just take care of yourself and the baby." He bent over to kiss me briefly. "See you at the altar." He walked out of the room.

The realization dawned on me. This was the day of our wedding.

* * *

I was sitting by the dresser, wearing my beautiful white wedding dress and looking in the mirror but not seeing myself.

I'd just find out Clark's secret. And I had to go down the aisle very soon while my thoughts were still floating away.

I'd decided to trap Chloe in Lex's wine cellar. She'd called Clark just like I'd expected. Then Clark had come and… he'd taken the door off its hinges, then put it back, fixing it by… shooting fire from his eyes! Chloe had said something about him being from another planet and…

Now I was sitting here in shock. I knew I was supposed to rush to the chapel to get married to the man I loved, but it didn't want to wear off.

Clark was an alien. He'd actually come to Earth from another planet.

It didn't take much to add two and two together and figure out that it'd happened during the meteor shower. The very first one. Those aliens that I'd seen coming in the second, looking for mysterious Kal-El… it must've been Clark!

In that very moment somebody knocked on the door, causing me to jump.

"Jess?" It was Chloe. "Are you still in there? I don't want to rush you, but Lex is waiting for you."

"Yeah… yes… Chloe… I'm coming." I finally stood up. Lex was waiting for me. He was afraid he would lose me and what I was doing right now? I was making him wait and torturing him by it. He could easily think that I wouldn't show up, that I changed my mind.

No, I wouldn't hurt him like that and certainly, I would never change my mind. I pushed all the thoughts of Clark aside and opened the door.

"I'm ready." I smiled to Chloe.

"Are you sure? Because… you know… you can still…"

"Chloe, I love him!" I told her, getting slightly angry with her. Maybe it was a good thing after all, because Clark evaporated from my mind for now.

* * *

I was ready.

I was walking down the aisle.

Toward Lex standing at the end of it.

He took my hand when I reached him.

The joy in his eyes.

That wonderful feeling in my body.

That was it.

The day.

The moment when our life together would start for good.

We would raise a family.

Exchanging vowels.

Rings.

_Married._

Glimpse of Clark standing in the distance, despair on his face.

_I'm sorry, Clark_, I thought, _I never meant to hurt you._ I cared about him, but I had to follow my heart in order to be happy.

* * *

When after the ceremony I was left alone in my dressing room for a moment, somebody went inside.

"Lex…" I stood up and turned to him with a smile on my face that quickly faded away on seeing Clark instead. "Clark…" I said.

"Jess, are you sure this is what you really want?" he asked me.

"Clark…" What should I tell him? I had no words. "I'm so sorry… I have no idea how to make you feel better and how to make your pain go away, but I have to make myself happy and it's Lex. Lex makes me happy. Can you understand that?"

He looked down. "I… I just…"

"I know and I'm sorry… Believe me, I know what you're going through. I've been there."

"Yeah, with him," he said, his voice bitter.

"Please, leave. It's too much for you. It would be better if you didn't come at all."

"I had to come. I still had hope until…"

"Clark…"

"…until I saw you going down that aisle. It's over now, isn't it?"

"Yes, it is. And I'm sorry I hurt you. It's all my fault."

"What? No… you had nothing…"

"I was the one who let you in the first time. I was the one who used you when I was feeling down. You have no idea how sorry I am for that. I broke you," I said, really feeling guilty for playing with his feelings."

"It's me that fell in love, Jess."

"Are you sure?" I suddenly asked.

"What do you mean?"

"When Lana was alive..." I stopped, because the memory of her was still painful. "You told me you would fall for me if there was no her, so now when she's dead… maybe…"

"It's not like that," he cut in quickly.

"Don't you want me to be happy, Clark?" I asked, interrupting him.

"I do, of course, I do. I just don't think you can find that with Lex."

"Well, I have found it with him," I said, very sure of myself.

Then I heard steps in the corridor.

"Clark, you have to go." I came over to him and gave him a quick hug. "Please, just go…"

"Jess..." he started again.

"Don't do that to yourself, just go…"

The door opened, showing Lex.

"Clark…" he stopped, surprised at what he saw. "Did I interrupt something?"

"No, I was just… saying goodbye," Clark's voice bitter. "Lex, if you hurt her…"

"I would never be able to hurt her," Lex reassured him.

"I hope so, because if you do, I'll come after you." After having said that Clark finally left.

Lex looked at me significantly.

"Oh, he really was just saying goodbye," I told him, made my way to him and kissed him while putting my hands on his chest and stroking it gently. "So, now what?"

"Now, Mrs. Luthor, we'll go on our honeymoon." Lex smiled, took my hand and ushered me out of the room.

* * *

"Wow…" I sighed with pleasure when we finally walked into our apartment in Hawaii. "It's… beautiful…" I looked out of the window at our private beach.

"Yes, it is." Only Lex was looking at me, not at the view.

I turned to him, put my arms around his neck and captured his lips with mine.

"Mhm… it'll be a great week," I moaned in pleasure.

"It's the beginning or our life together," he added, slowly taking my clothes off.

I soon followed him, stripping him out of his clothes as well and then we laid on the bed.

When he landed on me and his lips wandered down to my cleavage to capture my nipples, I felt his hand between my legs and… oh… not the right opening, I thought. _Lex, what you…_

I stilled, not quite sure how to react to his touch there.

"Sorry…" He stopped and looked into my eyes. "I went too far…"

"What was on your mind?" I asked, feeling my heart beating like ten times faster than usual during sex with him. I guessed it was partially the fear of the unknown.

"Nothing," he said, pulling away.

"No. Lex, it's ok… just tell me," I demanded.

"I went too far, ok? I've never done this and… I don't know what…"

"Wait," I suddenly stopped him. "I've obviously never done this either…" Was I really saying this? Would I really suggest to… "So we're both virgins when it comes to anal sex," I said before I would change my mind.

His eyes pierced mine in scorching blue and gray.

"What are you suggesting?" he asked hungrily.

I knew he wanted it and I found myself wanting it too.

"Let's make it a real wedding night… let's do something new… maybe only that one time, but let's do this… if you're up to it, of course."

"If I'm up to it?" He laughed. "I was the one who initiated it, remember?"

"Sneaky bastard!" I laughed too. "But I'm fine with it. To be honest, I'm fine with it only when it comes to you."

"It's the same with me." He pulled me closer once again and kissed me deeply, sliding his hands to my ass once again. "Are you sure?" he asked me.

"Yes, I am. I want you, Lex Luthor."

This time the foreplay had to be even more hotter than usual, so we would be both relaxed and aroused enough. Then, Lex put his finger to my back hole again and he just… slid inside. It was new and quite strange for me. I restrained the natural urge to push him out and did my best to react.

"Shall I stop?" he asked, his voice not really sure.

"No… keep going…" I encouraged him.

I was lying on my belly with my knees bent and supported on the bed and my ass sticking out to him.

"Ok…" His whole finger soon was in my ass, then he added the second one, starting stretching me while stroking my clit with his other hand.

I got used to it soon and started deriving real pleasure from the pressure he was applying on my clit. Then I reached my hand to him and got suddenly afraid he might just give up and come, so hard he was.

"Lex, you won't hold on for very long… just get down to business," I encouraged him.

"Ok…" He sounded like he still wasn't sure of my reaction, but positioned himself anyway and I could feel the head of his cock going inside. "Tell me if anything's wrong…" he demanded.

"Oh, come on… I can take it, I'm not a fragile girl. Give me all you've got, Lex," I encouraged him again, finding myself really wanting this. Wanting _him _in every way possible.

I could've sworn that he laughed and then, he pushed further inside.

"Oh, God…" he rasped. "You're so tight… it's so… good."

"Ah… ah…" I gasped, but not with pleasure, not with pain either. It was a slight discomfort when I began adjusting myself to his size and doing my best not to push him out of me. Then his balls slap into my ass. He was there. All the way.

"How are you feeling?" I heard his hoarse voice.

"Keep going!" I yelled at him. There was no building to orgasm yet, but the idea of Lex inside of me, of his face wet and ecstatic did the trick.

He started pushing and soon enough, he was fucking me like I wanted him to. His right hand still rubbing my clit.

Oh, yeah, that would do, that way I would come, I thought.

"Tell… me… when…" he rasped, still pushing. I could sense that he was on the verge of coming, because he started stroking faster to bring me to orgasm with his hand and there it was, shooting through my body. And it was good.

He felt it too and I heard his groans of pleasure when he came. Then we both fell on the bed, exhausted.

"Wow…" he gasped, wiping his face with his hands, which I'd seen because I turned myself around.

"Yeah…" I was breathing erratically. "It wasn't so bad…"

"Bad?" He raised his eyebrows. "I had the impression that…"

"What I wanted to say was that it was much better than I thought it would be, but still… I think I'm a bigger fan of my vagina, if you don't mind."

"No, I don't, not at all," he chuckled. "I'm a fan of it too."

* * *

Week in a paradise – that was how I would describe our honeymoon.

Unfortunately, it passed pretty fast and we had to head back home. Lex couldn't be away from work any longer, but he promised that we would be back there on the next vacation or Christmas.

"Honey, hurry up! The plane's waiting for us!" I heard his voice coming from our bedroom.

"Be right there!" I yelled back and suddenly, I felt dizzy. I supported myself on the sink in the bathroom I was occupying and took a deep breath.

What was happening to me?

Then my legs just bent under me and I hit the tiled floor, pressing my hands to my stomach. It hurt. A lot. And… was it… blood?

"L…ex…" I moaned in pain, but I knew he wouldn't hear such a whisper. I wasn't capable of screaming for help though. It hurt too much!

He must've heard my fall because the door opened.

"Jessica!" his voice was terrified. "Oh, my God… What's happening?! What's wrong?!"

But I lost my consciousness before I managed to answer him.

* * *

A week later I was sitting in a room that was supposed to be the baby's room.

But now… the baby was gone.

I kept staring at the wall, thinking. It hurt so much. To lose something that was me and Lex's… to lose a part of us that had been growing inside of me.

I'd been scared in the beginning. I would've never gotten rid of that baby, but I'd been so scared nonetheless. Had I been ready to become a mother? Still, it'd been a part of Lex. Therefore, something special to me. I'd had to have it.

And now when I'd lost it, I finally understood how much it'd really meant to me. It'd meant _everything_. I was dead inside without it.

I remembered the moment when I'd woken up in a hospital. Lex had just been outside, talking to a doctor, so I'd raised myself up despite the pain I felt in my body. I needed to know about my baby.

It'd hurt too much and I'd nearly collapsed to the floor, but Lex had gotten inside in time to hold me and he took me back to my bed.

"Lex, I need to know… the baby… is it ok?" I'd asked him, looking him in the eye in desperation and I'd actually seen everything in there. I'd seen the horrible truth. The pain. The agony. "No… NO!" I screamed.

"Jessica, I'm so sorry… You lost the baby," he'd told me, being on the verge of crying himself.

"No… I…" I'd been out of words, so he'd just held me in his tight embrace and kept stroking my hair when I'd been crying. I could feel his body shiver in crying spasms too.

I still had him, I thought while blindly looking at the wall. I still had him, so he was the one I needed to get up for. I couldn't spend my whole life in this room, missing something that was already gone with no chance to get it back. I had to go on living. I still had so much to offer Lex… and besides, he'd changed since that moment in a hospital. He'd hardened and I had the impression that he'd been hiding something from me. Again.

I had to get up and start living and… just be with him, make him trust me, make him better.

I wasn't alone in this world.

The door opened and Lex walked inside.

"Jessica…" he said quietly, making his way to me and then squatting by my chair and taking my hand in his. "Please, please, tell me what I can do to make the pain go away?" he begged me with glassy eyes.

I looked at him and said, "I'm sorry I lost your baby."

"Oh…" He winced a little and caressed my cheek. "It wasn't your fault, honey. You mustn't blame yourself. Sometimes things in life are out of our control and sometimes, you just have to let it go and leave it to the greater power."

I slightly nodded.

"What can I do?" he repeated.

"Just hold me," I asked, so he did.

After a couple of seconds that wonderful familiar scent of his skin got to my senses and I woke up. I became aware of his touch, of his body embracing mine. He was alive. He was breathing. He was warm. He was there. He was mine. I had something to live for.

I kissed him and he kissed me back hard, but then he hesitated.

"It's ok… take me to bed," I told him, so he took me in his arms and walked out of the room with me.

Coming back there wasn't my intention. Not ever. Maybe someday when we would have another baby…

He laid me down on our bed in the master bedroom and I reached my hand to cup his face and pull him closer for a kiss.

"Are you sure?" he asked again. "Are you ok?"

"Stop asking me if I'm ok. I'm not a fragile girl, remember?" I told him. "I still have you and it's all that matters, so if you're up to, make love to me, Lex. I miss you."

"I miss you too…" he whispered, kissing me and slowly undressing me.


	17. Chapter 17

(_Nemesis, Phantom_)

Lex went to work early this morning and then I received a call about an accident in the system of underground tunnels that Lex had been in while they had collapsed.

Panic hit me immediately. One would think that I'd gotten used by now to the fact that the people I loved were constantly in danger, but I hadn't. It still hurt. I was still scared for their lives. And now… I was terrified even more. If something happened to Lex, then I had no one. I couldn't lose my husband right after I'd lost our child.

I drove to the right place as fast as I could, forcing myself to be careful as I was speeding beyond the allowed limit.

Dating Lex Luthor had been painful when it came to all those life threats. Now, try to be married to that man. How many days like that I would have to survive? I knew Lex would never stop running his company, never stop researching new things and all I could do was to support him and keep telling him that he should be more careful. I couldn't expect anything more, I knew him all too well. I'd married him while knowing it and I had to accept it. It was part of the package.

"Where's my husband?!" I yelled to the rescue team when getting out of my car.

"We have no information, Mrs. Luthor, I'm sorry. We'll contact you as soon as…"

"Why aren't you going down there?!" I interrupted him harshly, pointing the entrance to the tunnels.

"It's all unstable. We won't get down there until we're be sure our men will be safe."

"Jess!" I heard Chloe's voice coming from behind me.

"Chloe!" I turned to her. "What are you doing here?"

"I came with Clark."

"Clark? Where is he?" I looked around. We'd had our differences, but right now I really needed him.

"That's the thing… he's down there," Chloe explained.

"He was there with Lex when…?" I started, frowning, because it clearly made no sense.

"No, he went down there to save him."

"God…" My hands went on their own to my face and covered my mouth. Two men I cared about the most were trapped underground and I couldn't do anything about it. "But… Clark… he'll be all right?" I asked, subtly letting Chloe know that I knew.

"Jess, whatever you think you know… Clark isn't invincible. He can die down there… I was thinking… maybe you could get some info from Lionel?" she asked.

"Lionel? And where is he?" I looked around.

"They took him to a hospital. He was the one down there with Lex when it happened. He managed to get out."

"Ok, I'll go to the hospital and you stay here in case something comes up."

* * *

I quickly got to the right place. Good thing that months, or maybe even years of experience, taught me to at least keep myself cold, to keep my cold blood until I would know for sure what happened. I would not panic, I wouldn't be afraid, I wouldn't worry. I would do that if I saw Lex's cold body, but I believed that he would get out of that trap like he always did, alive.

When I got to Lionel, his doctors were just about to take him for surgery. He was in such a state that I wasn't able to get anything from him.

Shit.

Shit. Shit. Shit! Fuck!

And then I heard, "I retrieved this from Luthor's car. Let's see if there's anything in it that can…"

"Thank you." I approached them and took the suitcase they were holding.

"M'am, we need to search it!"

"Of course," I said calmly and plastered a mischievous smile to my face. "As soon as I see a warrant."

This suitcase could hold the key to Lex's rescue, but I couldn't let those men look into it. Who knew what was inside. Lex had his dark secrets and I couldn't let the police find out. After all, I was loyal to my husband and it didn't matter if whatever that was inside might be illegal. I could talk to him later when they would rescue him.

I got back to the mansion as fast as I could. I needed a gun to open the case since I didn't know the code, so I strode into the study and turned the music full on, then took Lex's gun and fired.

The suitcase was open for me.

When I started rummaging through Lex's things something drew my attention.

What the…

_33.1. _

I heard that name coming from Clark and Chloe once, but I never truly believed it was real. Until now.

I suddenly felt dizzy and had to support myself on Lex's desk to keep my balance.

Lex was conducting experiments on meteor infected. Who knew what he was doing to them!

_Project Aries_

Wait… an army… a superarmy? Lex was creating a superarmy to protect people from the possible attack from the sky? All those soldiers has the very same DNA enhanced by DNAs of the meteor mutants…

Lex wasn't who I thought he was, I realized in terror.

I always knew he wasn't one hundred percent good, but _this_?

It was crossing all the lines! Cloning people? Taking their DNA? Collecting their abilities?

And everything had gone behind my back!

I wrote down the coordinates of his lab and then I noticed the blueprints of the tunnels.

First things first. I could deal with Lex's other activities later, now I had to save him, because I loved him. I remembered how tender he was with me and how he'd taken care of me when I'd lost the baby. I wasn't giving up on him, not ever.

I shut the suitcase and ran out of the mansion.

On my way to the tunnels I called the rescue team to tell them that I was bringing them the blueprints.

Only I got there too late. I could already see the smoke in the distance. There must have been another explosion.

_Oh, no, please, no_, it couldn't just blow up with Lex inside! And Clark!

If Clark had a weakness exactly like Chloe had told me then he wouldn't be able to save neither Lex nor himself!

I just couldn't lose them both.

When I finally stopped the car and got out of it on wobbly legs I noticed… Clark.

I ran to him with no hesitation and stood right in front of him, looking at him closely. He was alive and well. I spotted a bloody cloth tied up on his left arm, but something stroke me as odd. I reached my hand to it and then I noticed the smooth, not even scratched skin underneath it. I looked up at Clark's face, thinking hard. His body healed, but how? And if it did heal, then how it'd happened that he'd gotten hurt in the first place?

Clark covered my hand with his, but in that very moment I noticed Lex standing in the slight distance, watching us. I walked right passed my friend, completely forgetting about him and ran straight to my husband.

All my doubts from the moment before were gone. I didn't care about what he was doing in his work right now. All I cared about was that he was alive and well.

I jumped to his arms, feeling him embracing me and holding me close to his body. I could feel his breath on my cheek, his steady heartbeat against my chest. He was alive and that was all that mattered.

We could deal with everything else later. Now I was home.

"Are you ok?" I moved back a little and cupped his face, examining it.

"Yes," he said. "I'm fine."

"Thank God!" I kissed him and then pulled him close once again.

When I finally took his hand to take him to my car I noticed that Clark was already gone.

* * *

I found myself sitting on the bed in the darkness in our bedroom. Lex was sleeping soundly right by my side. At least he was able to, because I couldn't. I couldn't stop thinking about what I'd discovered earlier that day.

Had Clark been right all this time? Had Lex been too far gone to be saved? He was obviously playing god. He was hurting innocent people and for what? For the name of science? For the sake of protection? But we had no idea if we would even be attacked again! Those aliens might not come back.

I got out of the bed carefully as not to wake Lex and I put my clothes on. Then I sneaked out of the mansion.

I needed to see it on my own eyes.

* * *

When I got to the lab – I'd taken Lex's keycard from his suitcase earlier – I found myself in even bigger shock.

I saw the data from Lex's experiments and examinations. He'd even gotten to Chloe! I had no idea that Chloe had been infected, but who cared? She was a good person! I knew her! Maybe I wasn't too close to her, but I would never thought she could hurt somebody like the other meteor infected people!

I saw few of the recorded tapes and it left me shaken and unsteady. The worst one was when I saw what Lex had done to Chloe.

When I thought it couldn't get any worse I saw my own files.

My files in that lab.

Had Lex done something to me too? I knew by now that he'd been just taking people from the streets and taking them back home after the examinations with no memory that they'd ever been somewhere, so it might've happened to me since I was sharing a bed with him!

I went to see that army of his and then, when I got to the very end of that horrifying room…

No, it couldn't be…

…but it was.

It was me.

Oh, god! I'd married a psychopath! I'd never been deluding myself that it would be all candies and cookies, but this? Did it mean that Clark and Chloe had _always _been right to warn me about getting involved with Lex?

_Lex, who are you? _I asked a perfect question in my mind as my body started trembling. I felt like I was freezing, like suddenly the temperature dropped a few degrees.

Why did he need a clone of me? He already had me! I was his wife and I loved him! So WHY?

For some stupid and sick game? I didn't see any other explanation.

But I knew it was too much.

I'd said once that I would take the challenge of loving him, but now… I would've never thought…

Right now I felt disgusted with that man. Strangely disgusted. I didn't even want him to touch me.

His hands were doing such dreadful things… they'd been giving me ecstasy and pleasure… they'd taken so many lives… they'd been caressing and loving me… they'd been conducting shocking experiments…

I felt sick.

And I was about to give him a baby!

I knew that a simple talk wouldn't convince him to stop. Even if I left, it wouldn't convince him, but maybe, just maybe with the right strike, he could understand his mistakes.

We always understood them when it was too late, didn't we?

I had to make that too late happen to Lex.

I had to save the man I always loved, even for the price of my own happiness.

* * *

My first step was to go see Clark.

"Jess…" His face lightened up when he saw me. "Wait… What happened? You don't look so good."

I needed to set my plan in motion right away.

"I'm leaving Lex," I told him.

Shock, disbelief and finally, joy appeared on Clark's face.

"I know I should say that I'm sorry, but I'm really not," he said, not able to hide the smile that appeared on his face.

"Oh, Clark… It's not what you think," I informed him. "I still love him. I just need to leave Smallville," I tried to explain the best way possible.

It was true though. I'd known the moment the shock had worn off. I loved Lex and I would probably never stop, but it didn't mean that I wasn't disgusted with him in the same time. I still wanted him. I still wanted him to touch me, to embrace me, god! I still wanted him to fuck me! And I still was disgusted and all those feelings brought together gave a very explosive mix.

The sickest kind of love.

I had to run away for mine and his own sakes.

It meant no Smallville anymore, at least for now. No Clark, no Chloe, _no Lex_.

I had to disappear to pull myself together again.

"I can protect you," Clark reassured me, "so you don't have to run away from him."

"It's not it either," I said. "Lex would never hurt me. I just… I need to distance myself from him for a while…" I stopped. Enough. I'd said too much already and all I wanted to do was just to say goodbye.

I reached for Clark's face and kissed his cheek.

"Thank you for being here for me even when it hurt you," I told him and turned around, ready to walk away.

When I descended the stairs in the barn I felt the rush of air and Clark… stood right in front of me once again.

He just trusted me! He showed me his powers!

My enthusiasm passed pretty quickly when I realized that he did it only because he thought it was the only thing that would stop me from leaving.

Wrong, I'd already known about his powers.

"I can't let you leave, not without telling you the truth," he said, a little unsure of my reaction.

"Clark, I already know about your powers."

He wasn't surprised much. Probably Chloe had told him that I'd figured something out.

"But there's more to it… Jess, I'm from another plane called Krypton. My parents sent me here to save me. They sent me to Earth just before Krypton got destroyed," he notified.

Those details were new to me, I admitted.

"Please, say something," he begged me, looking like a sad puppy.

I smiled and put my hand to his face.

"You're still the same Clark Kent to me," I reassured him and walked right past him.

"Please… stay…" he tried one more time.

"I can't, Clark," I said without turning to face him again. "And I can't give you what you want from me either. I am sorry. I just can't. If my heart wanted what's the best for me, it would be so much easier, but it doesn't, so I'm sorry. I have to leave and I have to stop hurting you."

* * *

My next stop – Lex.

I went to the mansion and luckily, he was there.

"Lex…" I started, deciding to just let it all out in the open. "We have to talk. I have to leave. I know everything about you and I can't live like that." I needed to say it all right away. It would only get more and more difficult if I waited. This way, there was no coming back.

"What?" his face was shocked. "What do you mean?"

"What kind of a monster are you, Lex?" I raised my voice a little bit. I had to act perfectly, even if everything inside me was screaming at me not to do it, not to hurt him. I still had to. Sometimes love wasn't enough. "I know about the Aries project and about your experiments on meteor infected. You never told me any of this because you knew I wouldn't like it!"

"Jessica, I love you…" his voice broke a little. I trapped him. He had no chance for getting out of this now. He couldn't lie to me, because I'd already had proof.

"I love you too…" my voice grew softer, damn it! "But I cannot stay. What kind of a person would that make me? And why the fuck I still love you when I know who you truly are?" I got emotional. I could already feel tears in my eyes. I was just hurting myself. I was the one who was reaping my heart out, not Lex. "I don't want to become you, Lex," I told him, because I had to face it - I'd changed. He'd changed me. I'd started thinking like him, playing like him, acting like him.

I turned to the door.

"Jessica…" He caught my arm, but I jerked it back immediately. His touch made me want him, made me feel again and in the same time made me sick. I was sick of myself that I still felt so much for that man, that I wanted him so badly when he had so much blood on his hands.

"Jessica…" he tried from a different angle. "I know I'm not perfect, but you can't deny what we have… everything I've done it's because I love you!"

"Really?" I looked at his face once again. "It doesn't seem like! You were acting weird! You kept changing your mind! You were pushing me away just to finally claim me! What the hell, Lex?! A normal person wouldn't be such indecisive!"

"I can explain… if only you knew…"

"Stop! Stop it!" I raised my hands and shook my head, closing my eyes. I needed to take a deep breath. I needed to get out of here.

"So what? Now you're gonna go to Clark for comfort?!" he yelled, switching his protective mode on.

"Do you really think of me that low, Lex?" I looked at him with tears finally flowing down my cheeks. "Although, if I was normal I would fall for him, not for you!" I spat out and then ran, leaving him hurt and speechless in the middle of his study.

* * *

Next - Lionel.

I called him to tell him that I was leaving Lex. I knew he was nearby so he would be a perfect witness.

I hung up just when he noticed me running to my car and he jumped out of his to call me, "Jessica! Wait! Let's talk!"

A van passed by, covering me, so I jumped into it and then… my car exploded.

I was officially dead.

They would find my DNA in the wreck.

My clone's DNA, but there would be no difference.

I headed straight to the airport.

I still kept my blood cold.

I got to the plane.

The plane took off.

The first thing I did after I could finally undo my seatbelt was to go to the bathroom.

Only there I burst into tears, crying hysterically.

I needed to do this. I needed to fake my own death as not to leave myself any reason for coming back to Lex and I knew I would want that very badly very soon. He was like a drug to me. He always had been and maybe, this love was toxic. Maybe it had never been right.

Lex would learn something. He would lose the only person he'd ever loved and maybe that would make him different. Maybe he would realize his mistakes, maybe someday I would be able to come back… Someday in a very distant future.

…or maybe I just pushed him even further into the darkness. I had no idea. It was possible.

One way or another, I needed to get away for me. I was too scared that he would turn me into his image. And I didn't want to be like him. I wanted to be a good person. Person who cared about others.

And I'd thought we could've lived happily ever after…

Life was brutal. It wasn't a story you could read, a movie with happy ending you could see, it was reality and Lex was a Luthor after all. It was what Clark had been telling me all along.

Luthor would always be a Luthor and I started changing into one myself.

_Loving Lex must be a challenge_

I lost. Love wasn't enough after all…

* * *

**AN 1) **Yes, I cut out the moment when Lex was supposed to hit her. I know you were probably expecting him to, but Jessica is not Lana, she isn't that manipulative and she doesn't love Clark. Besides, I stand for the notion – when you love somebody, you don't hurt them. Lex would never hurt Jessica since what they have is so real and deep unlike the Lexana on the show (what doesn't mean that I wouldn't like to see Lana really in love with Lex. God! They were so hot together!)

**AN 2 **I am sorry for the way I followed with the canon, but I can assure you, it's not what you think. It's not even what Jessica thinks. Stay tuned for the next chapter when Lex's secret will be revealed!

I can also give you a little spoiler: Jessica keeps running from darkness, but she has to face it eventually in order to understand Lex fully. Only for that you will have to wait.


	18. Chapter 18

(_Kara, Fierce_)

Three days.

Three days was how long it took Lex to show up at my doorstep.

It looked like I underestimated him.

One moment I was sitting by my dresser, combing my hair as I had just gotten out of the shower and the next I saw his reflection in the mirror.

I was prepared though. I knew he would connect the dots eventually, because when I'd finally arrived in China, something had struck me. How could I've been so stupid as not to think that Lex would notice the obvious lack of my clone in his lab? It was only then that I'd read online that the lab had been destroyed in a major flood, so my hope had arisen again, but only to be crushed by Lex's appearance now.

When I saw him in the mirror, approaching me, my heart stilled. I was prepared for not seeing him for a very long time, maybe even ever. I thought that maybe if he figured out that I was alive after all, it would take a lot to find me and that way it would keep him occupied and away from his usual experiments. But no, I couldn't fool him. He was always on the right track. I could not hide from him, even on the opposite side of the globe.

Or maybe the truth was that I hadn't really wanted to disappear for good? Had I been so stupid that I'd subconsciously left a trail for him? Everybody, absolutely everybody in Smallville thought I was dead. I could fool them, but not my husband. Maybe I wanted to know how much he really cared.

Why was he here now?

Certainly not to punish me. He couldn't hurt me any way, I knew it.

Would he apologize? Promise to be better?

I ignored the familiar urge to throw myself into his arms and just forget about everything while giving myself to him and I reached for the gun instead.

Then I just turned to him, standing up and pointing the gun at him.

Still, he got close enough.

"I'm impressed," he just said, looking at me with admiration and hunger in his blue-grey eyes.

"I've learnt from the master," I answered drily.

"You know, the police arrested me, because they thought I killed you. I gave myself in although I knew I didn't hurt you. How could've I hurt the only person that I'm living for? I'm a changed man now, Jessica. I almost died in the flood that destroyed my lab and… I was saved. I was given another chance."

Master of words, but were they honest?

"And which one is that, Lex? Chance, I mean. How many have you gotten already?" I asked, glad that my hand didn't start shaking just yet. It was obvious that I wouldn't kill him and he must've known that.

"Clark tried to kill me," Lex continued like he was trailing my thoughts.

Something twitched in me. Clark wasn't capable of… but I guessed he really wasn't, because Lex would've been dead now if Clark had really wanted to get rid of him.

"You never fooled me," Lex went on, his gaze never wavering from my eyes. "I might've believed that you were dead when Clark told me, but then, when I found out what exactly happened, I knew what you've done. Your clone is still unaccounted for, so I knew. I could feel it too."

He made a step forward.

"Don't come any closer!" I warned him while clenching my hand on the gun.

He did anyway.

He got so close that the barrel touched his chest, exactly where his heart was.

I could just look at him in shock. What the hell was he doing? I could feel the softness of his flesh pressing against the hard metal of the gun. Did he want me to shoot him?!

"I deserve to die, after everything, world would be a better place without me," he said and looked me deeply in the eye.

He wanted me to kill him. What else could he live for if I left him? His obsession and power wasn't enough anymore. Did he finally realize how it felt to be loved and have that kind of light in his life? Without it he would fill the emptiness with more evil, more secrets, more experiments and with more thirst for power.

My hand finally started shaking like I was expecting it would.

"Please, do it." He raised his own hands and put them on mine, holding the gun, so I wouldn't miss his heart.

"Lex…" my voice grew horse.

He would soon pull the trigger himself, wouldn't he? He would just press my finger that was on the trigger and he would kill himself through me.

"Lex…" My hands started trembling, perspiration appeared on my forehead. I didn't want him to die. He was all I was living for as well, but it didn't mean I wanted to be with him right now. Well, I did, but it wasn't right and I had to stay moral. At least one of us, Luthors, had to.

So I just stood there, mesmerized by his behavior, by the feeling of his touch, by the scent of his skin… and I couldn't let him die. He was right. The world would be a better place without him, but I wouldn't be the same anymore. Could I live in a world with no Lex in it?

He must see it in my eyes. He must see how devastated I was with that thought, because he took the gun away from me and dropped it to the floor, leaving no barrier between us.

I raised my eyes to his once again and before I could realize what was happening, he took me in his arms… or maybe that was me who jumped to him? It didn't matter anyway.

All that mattered was that I was held by him, felt safe, felt loved. Still, there was this sickening feeling somewhere deep inside of me, but the feelings I had for him were so much stronger.

Then his lips found mine and I was lost into oblivion.

We were the only existing people in this world and nothing else mattered.

He pushed me to the sofa and started kissing whichever part of my body his lips touched. My lips, my neck, my cleavage, my arms…

I found myself ripping his shirt open and taking it off with one quick motion and then pulling him closer to me while he was undoing my robe and letting it drop.

Now I was lying underneath him, completely naked.

He buried his face in my hair, kissing my neck while I was fumbling with his pants.

Finally, I managed to free his cock and push the pants down. I stoke him and immediately heard his moan in my ear as he bit gently on my earlobe.

Then his fingers were working between my legs, but soon were replaced by his hard cock.

I opened my mouth widely, gasping at the greatest sensation of him inside of me, possessing me, claiming as his, devouring, fucking hard.

I'd left Smallville and flown all the way to China to avoid this exactly. To avoid fucking with a murderer.

Although it made me slightly ill, it also made the sex that much better. More intense, because I was struggling with myself. I couldn't stop him. I couldn't. It felt too good. I loved him too much. There were too many sensations going on.

The orgasm shot through me so hard that when it finally passed, it left me breathless and exhausted under Lex who soon released himself inside of me and swooped me into his arms, panting heavily into my hair.

Now we were just lying there, flushed, hot tangle of bodies.

"You owe me the truth," I said bluntly. "I never quite understood you… You wanted me, then you didn't and then you did and then all of this? You cloned me! What kind of a pervert are you?! I wasn't enough for you?!" I asked, clearly hurt and guilt immediately washed over me. I'd succumbed once again. I was lying naked in his arms and the last thing I wanted to do was to get up and run, but it seemed to be the right choice, because I was playing with fire and soon enough it would burn me whole.

Suddenly, to my astonishment, Lex started laughing.

"WHAT?!" I demanded his answer, completely perplexed.

"You thought… you thought I was a pervert?" He supported himself on his elbows, so he could look me in the eye. He couldn't stop laughing,

"Find me other explanation! Be my guest!" I snapped at him.

"I did it to save your life," he said, his expression suddenly serious.

"What? What are you talking about? My life isn't in any danger…"

"Jessica…" He rose himself to a sitting position and his softened cock slip out of me.

Ok, great, now I was distracted by that part of his body on sight.

I managed to focus and looked up into his eyes once again.

"You may not believe me…" he started, still reluctant to say it.

"Tell me anyway," I demanded.

He sighed deeply and finally asked, "Remember that Christmas I was shot and my father agreed for me having a life threatening operation, so I could walk?"

"Of course, I do. That was one of the worst days of my life. I thought you would die."

"I told you I had a dream about you."

"You did."

"But it wasn't a dream. It was a vision of the future."

"Lex…" I started.

"Let me finish, please. I saw my mother. Her ghost… it was like the ghost of the future and… she showed me that perfect life… all I had to do was to drop out of the election."

"Which you didn't do," I noticed bitterly.

"I had my reasons. I woke up in the future and you were lying right next to me. We had a child and another one was on its way. We weren't rich, because I turned my back on my father, but we were so happy… Clark was still my friend… and his father was alive… and then… you died during childbirth and left me all alone."

I didn't know what to say. I was too stunned, so I just waited for him to continue.

"My mother told me that was the best possible scenario of my future, but I didn't see it that way. Why would I want a life in which you die?"

"You did pull away from me that day. I didn't understand why, but… you're my husband now, Lex," I noticed. "What changed?"

"Yes, I did marry you, because I figured that if I still had the money, I could have you and I would be able to help you if something happened. In my vision I couldn't, because my father wouldn't give me the money for your operation and now…" his voice trailed off.

"Lex…" I said his name softly like I already knew what he was going to say next.

"You lost the baby, Jessica." He suddenly turned his eyes away from me like he didn't want me to see the pain in them. "I created that clone, because I thought it could carry our baby and you wouldn't have to die on me… again. Or if something happened, I could take whatever body part I needed to save you."

We were sitting in silence for a while when I was digesting that information.

"How can you be so sure you weren't hallucinating?" I finally asked him.

"I know I weren't, because it's all coming true now. I'm becoming… evil… and I have to stop it."

"Lex, you're twisted, you know that?!" I suddenly burst, managed to get up and finally close my robe.

"Can't you see how much I love you?!" he raised his voice too. "I was ready to push you away, to cut you out of my life just to keep you alive!"

"But you failed just like I failed when I decided to stay away from you!"

"We are so alike. Can't you see that?" He stood up too, and zipped his pants.

I didn't answer, turning my back on him.

"What's wrong with wanting it all?!" he asked me. "What's wrong with it?! I want you to be my wife. I want to have perfect children and I want…"

"Exactly, Lex! What else do you need?!" I turned to look at him. "Power? It's not the answer. It will only make you more addicted to it, it will push you further and further until there will be nothing to gain anymore and so much to lose. Do you really want that? Look around, no one can have it all. You want to be happy? Just stop. Give up. Start your life with me. You know, ever since we've gotten together you're constantly working and I'm just sitting in the mansion, waiting for you and when you're finally home, we do nothing but fuck because we miss each other so much! We should do that a lot, I agree, but we should also spend some time together talking, watching movies, going out, having fun, having an actual life! So no, I won't come back to you so we can just go back to that! You have to change! You can't hurt people anymore! You need to _want_ to be better! You need to understand your mistakes and feel some remorse!"

He finished dressing up.

"If you want to come back to Smallville, you're free. You can do whatever you want," he said in his business, emotionless voice. "I won't stop you. I won't be begging you to come back to me. Do whatever you want, but… know that I love you." After those words he just… walked out of my new apartment, closing the door behind him silently.

* * *

I came back to Smallville only to realize that I had nowhere to go. Of course, the mansion was my home, but I wouldn't give Lex the satisfaction of moving in with him now. He had to figure out his mistakes on his own and I could only wait until he would do so.

I went to the farm. I knew Clark would never say no if I asked whether I could stay with him for a while.

I walked into the barn, feeling some knot tightening in my stomach.

Would he be angry at me for what I'd done? Would he understand?

I guessed I had to find out on my own. I still had Chloe if Clark wouldn't forgive me.

I stood right behind him, but yet unable to touch him.

He was the one to move as he sensed somebody else's presence. He turned around from the machine he'd been working on and then looked like he'd seen a ghost and probably that was what he thought. He slowly raised up with his eyes still fixed on mine like he was afraid that I would disappeared if he even blinked.

"Hey, Clark," was all I managed to say through my tightened throat. I felt that he was my friend again, the best friend. I remembered those times just before we'd kissed, they were good times. He'd been such a support for me back then.

"Jess…" he whispered. "How…"

"I'm sorry for what you must've been through, but yes, I am alive."

He just swooped me into his arms, refusing to let go.

"I missed you so much!" I heard his urgent voice in my ear.

* * *

I wasn't wrong. Clark let me stay as long as I wanted to and, what surprised me, he completely avoided talking about Lex. It was a good thing though, because I didn't want any fights. I only wanted my friend back and maybe Clark finally understood that rebuilding our friendship was the only way to make it work.

I also met his cousin, Kara. She came from Krypton and now was living on the farm.

Lex made his appearance the very same day. Fortunately, Clark and Kara weren't home. He assured me he only came to tell me that everything had been taken care of and I shouldn't be afraid that I would get arrested. After all, I'd committed a crime. Faking my own death was serious, but having Lex for a husband had its benefits either.

"I do love you, truly," he told me when he turned to the exit.

"And I love you, but… right now I need some time apart, Lex," I said.

I opened the door for him and then, when he was just about to leave, he turned to me with the intention to kiss me. I winced and turned my head away what took a lot of strength, because as always, all I wanted to do was to strip him out of his clothes and have my wicked way with him.

"It's too much. I need some time," I repeated.

"I'll leave you alone then," he promised and walked away, not looking back, leaving me bleeding like an open wound. His posture firm and strong in the distance, but I knew him all too well as not to notice the obvious change. He was crashed. Well, so was I and it was all his fault.

* * *

I was finally free to go out.

My first stop was The Daily Planet. I had to visit Chloe.

They told me she just went to see the editor, so I followed her to the upper floors. I noticed her by the door, arguing with the man and I managed to catch his remark, "Sullivan, people care only about three things: sex, scandal and death." After that he just shot the door right into her face.

"How about resurrection?" I asked what startled Chloe so much that she jumped with her eyes widely opened.

"Oh, my God! Jess!" She ran to me to hug me. "You're alive!"

For a moment there I thought that maybe we could be better friends. After all, friends were all I needed right now.

* * *

Weeks were passing by and I was back on my feet again. I managed not to come back to Lex just yet, what was a trem

endous success for me and I managed to be Clark's and Chloe's friend. Another point for me!

As a Luthor I still had access to my account where I could still find a couple of millions. Lex never took them away from me and he never asked for a divorce either. It was a good sign. It meant he still cared, didn't give up on our marriage, but he was waiting for me to make the first step and I wouldn't until I would know for sure that he stopped his wrongdoings.

I created a foundation for meteor infected and called it Isis. It was the cunning trick against my husband. He was hurting them? Then I was giving them the help they needed and besides, I was bored. I needed to have a job, so I found myself some useful one.

Now I was constantly fighting myself. I knew Clark still had feelings for me, but I couldn't be with him like that. I just couldn't. I loved Lex although I knew I shouldn't.

Once I even thought that maybe with time I could learn how to love Clark, but no, one glimpse of Lex's face in the newspaper was enough to shook me.

But I was holding on. For now…


	19. Chapter 19

(_Christmas – __my original episode_)

A year ago I wouldn't have thought that I would spend the first Christmas since I'd gotten married without my husband.

And here I was. Sitting on Kent's farm. Not talking to Lex since that one time he'd visited me here to tell me that I could start living again.

I was surrounded by people, but yet I felt so alone and so cold.

I quickly stepped out of the kitchen where Chloe and Lois were helping Mrs. Kent with a Christmas dinner while Kara was watching them and I went to the living room to sit by the fireplace.

The coldness in me had nothing to do with the temperature though.

Not only I'd thought I would spend the Christmas in the mansion with Lex, but with our freshly born child. I would've had it by now if only…

"Jess, are you all right?" Clark asked, sitting by my side and wrapping one of his arms around me like he knew I needed it.

"No, I'm not." I didn't see any sense in lying since I looked miserable anyway.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No." I shook my head and stood up, pushing him away. I did need closeness, but not from this man.

I came over to the window and begun watching the snow slowly falling down to the ground.

What was Lex doing right now? I wondered. Was he pursuing some other goal or just sitting alone in the darkness?

I realized that even if he wanted to work today, he couldn't force his employees to work on Christmas eve, what meant… he was all alone.

I looked around and noticed that Clark was gone, called to the kitchen by his mother. It was my chance. I took my jacket and sneaked out through the back door.

By the time Kents would notice I was gone, I would be far away, but I knew they wouldn't worry about me. They would know exactly where I was.

* * *

It took me a little longer than usual to get to the mansion because of the snowy streets, but I finally arrived.

I walked inside and heard nothing. Lex must've given his stuff an evening off. The castle was empty and cold and I could as well be a pretty girl walking into a beast's lair.

I started thinking that maybe Lex had decided to stay in Metropolis after all when finally, I saw a dimmed light coming from the fireplace in his study.

I pushed the door open and saw his silhouette on the sofa in front of the fire.

"Lex…" I said quietly. I felt strangely mystical, surrealistic. I was so used to light in this room, so used to the mansion being alive and now it felt like I stepped into some dark and old castle that was hiding its secrets along with its lonely master.

Lex moved and I saw him placing an empty glass on the table. He was sitting in silence, drinking alone. What else could he do anyway?

He could always call me, but he was too proud for that, wasn't he?

"How can you sit here all alone…" I said. It was meant to be a question, but my voice trailed off when I made my way to him and without waiting for any answer, I sat down by his side, looking into the fire too.

The heat coming from Lex's body was yet so much more. It was exactly what I needed, it was the reason I'd been so cold at Clark's farm. I just needed Lex's body right next to mine, not fire. Our passion was so much hotter than the flames.

"You should've cold me," I spoke again and finally dared to look left at his face.

Fortunately, he wasn't drunk yet, but he looked miserable, just like I must've looked, I thought. This was my place, here by his side. I would only spoil Kents' Christmas with my mood today if I stayed at the farm.

Tonight I belonged in the darkness with my husband.

"Why would I?" he finally asked in answer, looking at me. There was no life left in his eyes.

"Because I'm your wife," I simply said, knowing that it wasn't a valid argument at all.

"You're better off with Clark," Lex said bitterly.

"There's nothing between me and Clark, remember? We're just friends and I would really like to come home."

"Then do it."

"Do you think I don't know what you're still doing?" I raised my eyebrows at him. "I'm running…"

"…the Isis foundation, I know," he told me and suddenly smiled. "Nice one, by the way."

"Some Luthors have to do something good with those millions," I said.

"Wouldn't that be an excellent balance?"

"Oh, no…" I knew where he was getting with that. "You have to stop, Lex."

"Sometimes I think I'm too far gone," he sighed and looked back into the fire. "And you deserve better than me anyway."

"Let me be the one who decides about what I deserve. I need you. I can't breathe without you." I covered his hand with mine.

"If you want a divorce… there's no problem," I suddenly heard from him.

"Don't you love me anymore?" I asked, slightly shocked with his voice emptied of all the feelings.

"I do, but I guess… I'm giving up on us," he sighed heavily, but didn't take his hand away.

I didn't know what to say to that. I didn't know how to protect my heart from breaking.

"My love for you is… absolute," he added after a couple of minutes and turned his hand over to close mine in it. "But I don't know anything anymore... " He started stroking it.

"Tell me more about your vision. How much happy we were?"

"I don't think it would be possible for us to be even more happy…" He suddenly smiled, watching the fire but not really seeing it. "Everything was so… easy… even with the tight budget we had… so easy… and it was easy for me to stay good and decent… Jonathan Kent was proud of me… he called me his son… and I would like that life so badly just… when you died I died with you and yet… the last thing you said to me was that you loved me and you wanted me to be strong for our children. Me?" He looked at me with pain in his eyes. "How could have I taken care of a newborn little girl and a growing boy when I couldn't live without you?"

"Lex…" my voice was hushed.

He looked so vulnerable at this moment. He opened himself up, showing me his wounds. Not every single one of them, because I knew there were too many, but some of them after all.

I touched his face gently and then reached to kiss him.

It was out first kiss in weeks of not seeing each other.

Strangely, this time we didn't jump to each other hungrily. We just kissed and he took me into his arms, gently sliding his hands under my blouse and then cupping my breasts.

I gasped into his mouth while unbuttoning his shirt and taking it off. I slid my fingers through his chest, touched the familiar muscles, grazed his nipples, then his lips closed over mine when he finally took off my bra.

We undressed slowly and he started kissing my whole body, inch by inch… I put my hands to his smooth head, pressing it against me.

It didn't happen quickly, fast and hard as it'd used to. We took it slow and enjoyed the moment, enjoyed each other.

We laid down naked by the fire and just were together, looking at each other, slowly kissing, slowly touching and then slowly making love to each other as he entered me.

It didn't feel any worse than before. It was still great, still satisfying, but this time slow.

I was aware of every single part of his body. He was in me, on me… slowly kissing me and slowly pushing himself into me, slowly making love to me.

I could see his eyes clearly just above mine. I could see into their depths. They scared me a little, because he just looked at me with no real expression. I saw love in there, I saw the desire for me, but there was no warmth anymore like all those weeks alone had hardened him, like he had nothing to live for anymore. Was it my fault…?

His face started changing when we were building toward our climaxes together. Now all that I saw a moment before was blurred by the ecstasy. Then, just when we were so close to coming, he fastened up a little bit, but we were still making love.

Maybe he wanted to be that guy from his vision for at least one night. Maybe I wanted to be that pure girl that I'd used to be when I'd come to Smallville, when Lana had been alive and I hadn't screwed anything up yet.

Back to the beginning.

Then we were just lying on the soft expensive carpet, faces to the fire, Lex spooning me and gently stroking my hair.

We forgot about everything just for that one night. Night of reconciliation. Night of oblivion. We were just two people in love. Husband and wife.

* * *

The charm disappeared when I woke up in the morning.

I looked at Lex's face. He was still asleep and he looked so peacefully. Every single worry or hardness was gone from his face. He seemed younger, softer.

I knew it would go away as soon as he would wake up.

I wasn't ready for my big comeback yet. I wasn't ready for the real life.

I just got up, put my clothes back on and came back to the farm while crying that I had to leave him alone to wake up cold, disappointed and heartbroken. But it was the only way to truly change him.

* * *

(_Fracture_)

Life went on… as always. It didn't matter where you stood, it didn't matter what you felt, whether you knew where to go from the place you were in or not… life just went on.

Still, I had no idea what to do with mine now and how to make it work with Lex.

Kara disappeared and Clark asked me to use all my resources in Isis to find her, but it was all futile. She was gone and Clark started worrying that maybe she was dead.

After two weeks I had no idea where else to look, so I had no choice but to drop the case. Clark seemed to give up on his cousin either.

One of the meteor infected turned to me for help and I managed to save him. I was so happy about that. It was my first personal success. I gave him a new life, new identity, new chance.

To celebrate my first save I bought a bottle of wine and headed back to the farm. I thought Clark would need a little distraction.

I was just trying to uncork the wine.

"Clark, a little help, please!" I yelled to him, but his phone rang in the same time. He went to pick it up while I kept struggling with the bottle.

Why would I need a superpowered alien to do something so easy? I could do it on my own!

"Lionel…" I heard Clark talking on the phone. "Yes, she's here… What?!" then Clark hung up. Something was wrong. His face had such a strange expression that I didn't know what to make out of it. He was torn by something. Probably by whether to tell me something or not… or how to tell me.

I stopped struggling with the bottle.

"What is it, Clark?" I asked, feeling something ominous hanging in the air.

"It's Lex," he finally answered after a few seconds.

"What's with Lex?" I prompted. "Tell me!"

"He's…" Clark swallowed hard. "Jess, he's been shot."

My fingers around the bottle loosened and I heard it shuttering on the floor, staining it like it was blood.

* * *

We got to the hospital immediately.

"Lionel!" I called him while making my way to him. "What happened?!"

He was standing by the glass wall, looking into Lex's room.

There he was. Lex. On the cot. Motionless.

I put my hand to my mouth.

"He… he's in a coma," Lionel explained slowly. "The neurosurgeon managed to remove the bullet from his head…"

"_HEAD_?!" I suddenly exclaimed in shock. _Head?!_

"Yes…" Lionel sighed heavily. "There's a strong possibility that… he will never regain consciousness."

His words were like a death sentence to me, to my husband and to our already fragile marriage.

"What…? What…?" I gasped like the air supply was suddenly taken away from my lugs. "Is he… he… is he dead?" I squealed, doing my best to remain calm, to stand still, to not break down just yet.

"No, but… I'm afraid…"

"NO!" I screamed again.

"Miss…" Some nurse came over to us. "Please, try to calm down, this is a hospital. Can I give you…"

"I don't want your fucking sedatives!" I yelled at her too, then pushed the door open and walked into Lex's room.

When it closed behind me I noticed that Chloe just came, but I didn't care.

I slowly walked over to Lex's cot. I was scared to even touch him, scared to move, scared to breathe.

There was a band-aid in the middle of his forehead.

_That's all?_ I thought. He'd been shot in the head and all there was, was… a band-aid? What kind of a miracle neurosurgeon was that? Some of Lionel's special men? And if he'd managed to patch up Lex's head, why the hell he couldn't do anything more?

I felt my legs weakening, my eyes getting strangely blurry and my heart started beating so fast that I thought it would stop and I would go into cardiac arrest.

It was just too much for me. _My husband would never wake up again. _Had I just lost Lex for good? And all that time we could've been together had just gone to waste because I thought his actions were wrong.

How had he gotten himself into that trouble in the first place? Would have he still gotten shot if I had been by his side?

I suddenly got down to the floor, my hand pressed against my stomach, spasms running through my body. I felt sick. I felt nauseous. I felt week…

The door opened and Clark ran inside.

"Jess…" He got to me, helping me up to my feet again and then holding me by my shoulders. "Jess, it's ok… just breathe…"

"IT'S NOT OK, CLARK!" I screamed at him. "THIS IS MY HUSBAND AND HE'S DYING!" I pointed Lex's body.

"Jessica!" Clark raised his voice too, what got me off my track completely. What more, he'd just called me by my full name. He used the moment of my surprise to pull me into his arms. "Do you want that nurse to sedate you?" he asked, whispering into my ear while gently rubbing my back. "Do you? Just breathe… We'll manage somehow… Listen, Lex found Kara. They found Lois's phone in his jacket and there was a picture in it of Kara and Lex together in some diner."

"Lex… found Kara?" I asked quietly. And he hadn't told me, ran through my mind. He'd just gotten himself into trouble without calling me!

"Yes, she's with Lois now and for all we know, they might be in danger."

Clark ushered me out of the room and I faced the angry nurse.

"She's fine, thank you," Clark told her, so she went away, scowling at us.

"Listen…" Lionel started. "There's a way that you can find Kara's location."

"How? The only person that can tell us… might not wake up," Clark said.

"Clark…" Chloe broke in, but he shut her down with his glare. What that was all about? I wondered.

"There's this project. It's called Intercept," Lionel continued.

"Will it help Lex?" I asked.

"It was created by the LuthorCorp and was supposed to allow for the interrogation of terrorists by literally getting inside of their heads," he explained. "Intercept links a suspect in an interrogator's brainwave, exposing the interrogator to all the suspect's memory and thoughts."

"So you say that somebody can get into Lex's… mind?" Clark asked, not quite believing it.

"Yes," Lionel confirmed.

"So we can find Kara?" Clark made sure.

"I want to do this," I suddenly found myself saying. It was the perfect option. I was Lex's wife. I knew him. I loved him. Being in his head, having my brain connected to his, it just sounded right.

"You can't," Lionel warned me. "There's a catch. The project was abandoned after three of the interrogators ended up with fried brains. Only Clark can do this."

"But it won't help Lex, will it?" I asked, finally understanding. "If you want to get into his brain, it means… there's no hope for him waking up… he's just dead!"

"Jessica…" Lionel started again, sending me a warning look.

"No! Admit it! It's true, isn't it?! There's really nothing else that you can do?! You patched up his brain for a Christ's sake! _BRAIN_!"

The nurse started looking at me again, so Clark took my arm and pulled me further into the corridor.

"Jess, do not give up. Remember that there's still a chance that he'll wake up… We just can't wait that long. It's about Kara's and Lois's lives! We have to help them!"

* * *

Half an hour later we arrived at one of LuthorCorp's facilities to use the Intercept project.

I didn't leave Lex's side even for a moment. I was constantly sitting by him and holding his hand.

"You can do this…" I kept whispering to him. "You're a survivor, Lex, you're a Luthor. You can do this. Come back to me, so we can get back together and finally be happy," I pleaded, wishing for him to somehow hear me and listen.

I heard Clark and Chloe arguing about something, but I didn't really care at the moment.

"Ladies, I'm sorry, but we have to ask you to wait outside." Lionel came back with his men. "Please, it's important. We cannot afford any disturbance." He looked directly at me.

I sighed heavily and let Chloe usher me out of the room to the corridor where we could wait.

"I'm so scared," I confessed while I sat down in the chair.

"He'll be alright," Chloe reassured me while rubbing my shoulder.

"Chloe! He's been shot in the head!" I could repeat it ten times more, but still… it seemed so unreal. I was probably still in denial.

After some time Chloe got impatient.

"It's taking definitely too long," she huffed and strode right through the door.

"… we lost him!" I just heard, so I immediately found myself on my feet and ran inside as well.

They just stopped resuscitating Lex.

"NO!" I yelled when the truth finally dawned on me. "NO! GO ON! TRY AGAIN! I CAN'T LOSE HIM!"

One of the men had to hold me back, because I would just throw myself on the defibrillator and try to bring Lex back myself.

Then I realized that Clark was still unconscious, still connected to Lex's brain.

"Lionel!" Chloe screamed. "Pull Clark out!"

"SAVE LEX!" I roared while doing my best to free myself.

"Clark is trapped. He went too deep… it's too late… if Lex dies, Clark dies with him." Lionel seemed like he didn't know what else to do. I had never before seen him so lost.

"I can help," Chloe suddenly said. "I can save him."

"What?!" I stopped struggling with the man holding me. "What do you mean you can save him?"

"I have healing powers," Chloe said and avoided my look.

"WHAT…?! You're meteor infected!" The realization came to me. So that was Chloe's power! "And that was the thing you were arguing with Clark about?! Chloe! How could you not do anything when you saw the man I love dying?!" There was nothing that could calm me down now.

"Jessica, I wanted to…"

"…but Clark told you not to, didn't he?!" I kept screaming at her. "I know that Lex isn't perfect, but I LOVE HIM! What if that was Jimmy?!"

"Keep her down!" Lionel told his men. "We don't have time for a breakdown right now!"

I was doing my best to free myself. I was fighting. I would keep fighting for the life of the person I loved till my last breath… but the next thing I remembered was a needle going into my arm and I blacked out.

* * *

When I woke up, my head was pounding.

What had happened? Where was I? I thought hard.

Then I remembered.

_Lex._

I suddenly sat up and noticed that I was back on the farm.

I immediately jumped to my feet, but I felt so dizzy that I needed to find some… Clark… right in time to keep me from losing my ground.

"Easy there…" he said to me, holding me up.

"What happened?! Where's Lex?!" I raised my voice in fear, my heart beating to fast once again.

"Just calm down…" Clark started.

"Don't tell me to calm down, Clark! You told Chloe that she shouldn't…"

"…but she did, ok?" he interrupted me. "She did and Lex is fine. You have nothing to worry about."

"He is?" Now I was shocked again. "Really?" I raised my eyebrows in both surprise and hope. _Please, please, let him be ok and alive._

"If he wasn't, I wouldn't be here, would I?" Clark asked the perfect question.

He'd been trapped in Lex's mind and he would've died with him if…

"You bastard!" I hit him in the chest with my fists and then made a step back. Of course, I didn't hurt him, there was no way that I could make some impact on him. Trying to hurt him was like trying to hit steel. "You told Chloe not to save Lex!" There was accusation in my voice.

"It's not what you think…" Clark started, only to be interrupted by me again.

"Really?" I didn't know which feeling was stronger, relief that I felt when I knew Lex was fine or my fury with Clark.

"The last time Chloe healed somebody… she died," Clark followed with an explanation. "Now she's lying cold in her apartment and I'm waiting for her to come back to life."

"What? But…"

"I was scared that maybe she wouldn't pull through this time and I'm still worried about her."

"Who did she save before?"

"Lois. That was how she discovered her ability."

"And what about Lois and Kara?" I asked, reminding myself why Clark had had to go into Lex's mind in the first place.

"Save," I received in answer.

"Good." I took my coat.

"Jess…" Clark followed me into the kitchen. I was just about to leave through the back door. "It's the middle of the night."

"Who cares? Where's Lex? I need to see him!" The urge was so powerful like the need for fresh air when you were suffocating underwater. I needed to see on my own eyes that he was ok. I needed to touch him, to kiss him… I suddenly felt empty inside while remembering the last time we'd been together. It was Christmas. I needed Lex inside of me _now_.

"Just wait… I need to tell you something first. I owe you that."

"Ok." I turned around to face Clark once again. "Make it quick."

"I saw something in Lex's mind... Jess, there's still good in him. I thought he lost it completely, but it's still there. Lex is doing his best to kill it, but it's not easy. It's strong. Maybe you really do need to come back to him, maybe you're the one who can save him. What Lex has become… it's all Lionel's fault, because he couldn't love him and all his son ever wanted was just to be loved."

"Clark…" He really moved me. I knew he still had feelings for me, so pushing me in Lex's direction was a very brave and completely unselfish thing to do.

"Yeah, I've never had a real chance with you anyway," Clark sighed. "I still have no idea why, but…"

I suddenly laughed but stopped soon when I heard the next part, "I saw you two together…" Clark's face was in pain now. "Lex showed me…" his voice trailed off.

"No, he didn't!" I denied. What had we been doing? Having sex? Yeah, definitely.

"I understand that he felt threatened," Clark continued, "but… anyway…" he cleared his throat. "All I want to say it that… it was so private, so passionate… you two have so much electricity and passion toward each other… I can't compete with something like that. Not ever, so… go to him, feel free to leave the farm and go back to him. He needs you more than I do. I gave up on him, maybe too early, but you can still help him."

"Thank you for your honesty, Clark," I said with teary eyes and turned to leave.

"Jess?" He stopped me again, so I looked back at him.

"Yeah?"

"There's nothing that's lost that can't be found again."

"What?"

"That's what Lex told me."

I sent Clark a faint smile and finally walked out of his house.

* * *

It was the middle of the night indeed, but I still drove over to the place where my true home was. It wasn't the building. It was the person.

My heart started beating faster when I walked through the door.

I'd seen Lex unconscious after he'd been shot in the head. I'd seen him dying… and now… now I would see on my own eyes that he was alive, that he'd been healed, brought back to life by Chloe. I had to remember to thank her when she would be… well, alive again.

I should probably run to the study, but instead my steps were getting slower and slower like I was afraid that it all might just be some stupid and sick joke and that I wouldn't see Lex alive after all.

Finally, I was there. By the door.

I pushed it open with my trembling hands.

He was inside. Sitting in his chair. With a glass of scotch in his hand.

Alone. Miserable. Again.

My poor Lex…

"Lex…" I whispered huskily, knowing that he would hear me anyway.

When he raised his eyes to meet mine, his face changed. It wasn't so hurt and lonely anymore, now I could see disbelief and joy on it.

He put the glass back on the table and stood up.

"Jessica…" he said my name quietly.

That was the moment when I burst into tears. Then I finally moved and run to him to put my hands to his cheeks and pull his face to mine. Our lips joined in a kiss that I'd thought I would never have again.

Here I was. With the man I loved, kissing him, being in his warm arms.

I pulled away and moved my head back a little to look him in the eye.

"There's nothing that's lost that can't be found again," I said.

I noticed him wrinkling his forehead. It must sound familiar to him, but I was sure he'd never told me that line before.

I gently touched his forehead, admiring Lionel's surgeon's work... or Chloe's, I wasn't sure. There was no scratch on it.

I'd lost Lex and I'd just gotten him back. I would never let him go ever again. No matter what.

"Oh, Lex…" I cried and he bent down to kiss the tears from my face.

"I'm here."

"You're alive." I felt myself shivering.

"I'm alive," he repeated, pulling me into his embrace, because I would not be able to stand on my own any longer.

He raised me up, taking me into his arms and carried me to the bedroom. Our bedroom. The room I hadn't been in for so long and now I had no intention to leave again.

Clark had given me a valid reason to stay. Clark had made my life full again. I had no idea how much time I would've lasted if I hadn't been able to come back to Lex soon.

Lex gently lowered me down on our bed and then positioned himself on me, claiming my lips hungrily.

But it wasn't about him celebrating my comeback tonight, it was about me celebrating his life. I pushed on him, letting him know that I wanted to turn around. Soon, I found myself straddling him.

I bent my head down and started kissing him, making my way down his neck.

I needed to touch every single part of his skin. I ripped his shirt open and kissed my way down through his chest, his nipples…

He gasped loudly and I felt his hard cock pressing into my ass. He was ready. He needed to be released, but I wasn't ready to get down to business just yet. Yes, I was wet. I was always wet for him, but I wanted to mark his body. I wanted to see every part of it alive.

"I will do anything to make you stay… I'll stop pursuing whatever you want me to stop… just… stay with me… I can't survive another day without you…" Lex suddenly confessed, begging me when I was just about to undo his pants.

I looked up into his eyes.

"I'm here," I told him. "And I came here to stay."

He smiled and I noticed that his eyes got a little glassy. Would he cry? Was he so touched that he would cry? No to that one, it passed quickly when his eyes got blurry from the ecstasy, because I finally freed his cock, pulled his pants down and took it into my mouth, sucking on him hard.

He raised his hands to strip me off my clothes, so I let him and soon enough I impaled myself on him and started moving back and forward, up and down. I lowered myself to his face again and kissed him deeply, out tongues battling for dominance. I would never stop kissing these lips, I thought. I would never stop making love to this body.

I had the impression that we'd been made for each other. We'd fitted so perfectly.

That was out celebration of life.

"Ah… Lex… Lex…" I kept on moaning when I was coming and suddenly, he sat up still with his cock inside of me, putting his arms around me and embracing me. It gave us new sensations and changed our position. I entwined my legs around his waist.

"Jessica… I… love… you…" he said with every thrust into me that he was giving me and I orgasmed, him following me soon after that.


	20. Chapter 20

(_Herd, Arctic_)

I was happy again. Happier than ever before. I was being loved and I loved back. Life seemed to start all over again. Lex was wonderful, he was doing his best to become a better man for me. I even had hope for a very distant future that maybe he would get along with Clark.

But then… I should know that life around the Luthors, alien Clark and generally the life in Smallville, town full of bizarre and unexplained, would never be peaceful, would never be really safe for me or anyone else.

When I came to work in Isis one morning, somebody was already there.

I recognized him in an instant. It was Milton Fine or maybe I should say Brainiac (Clark had filed me in into everything when I'd come back from China). I remembered Fine from the day Lex had been abducted and turned into Zod.

"Hello, Jessica." Brainiac just smirked at me. I immediately turned around to run to the door, but he was faster.

"Let me go!" I screamed when he caught me and I started struggling with him.

He held me with one hand and raised the other, pointing it at my forehead. There was something in his eyes that told me to stop and I froze, hypnotized. The tip of his finger turned into some kind of a spike that looked like it was made out of metal, but more smooth. Alien technology for sure.

The next thing I remembered was the pain when he stabbed me with it and everything went black…

* * *

I felt pain. I felt loneliness.

I could not speak. I didn't have any control over my body. I was there, buried deep inside my own brain without any chance to resurface.

I felt somebody around me. I heard some voices coming from the distance, but I couldn't quite put them to the right people. It was like a huge dark curtain had covered my eyes, my mind... just everything around, even preventing me from thinking.

The only thing that managed to get to me, the only voice I could understand, the touch I could feel… was Lex's.

Still, I couldn't talk, couldn't move, couldn't do anything beside just listening to him. It was like hearing something through the broken phone line.

"Jessica…" I heard him. "Please… I'm begging you… snap out of this! You're strong, you can do this! You're a Luthor now! We are survivors! Please, do not leave me like this. I can't do it alone. I can't do it without you, I won't… You're the only thing that's ever meant something real to me… I love you…" Were they his tears dropping down on my hands? Were they his hands on mine now? Was he kissing my numb lips? I couldn't tell for sure, but it seemed like it. "Please, come back to me…" Was he stroking my hair? Was he putting his forehead against mine and kissing me again? I couldn't tell…

And all I wanted to do was to speak, to move, to reassure him that I was still here, that I loved him and believed in him. Without me he would turn evil again, a sudden realization dawned on me, but it still wasn't enough to wake me up. I was doing everything I could to resurface, to speak to him… only one word… _please_! One word was all it would take to give him hope!

But the more I tried, the deeper in the darkness I'd been burying myself.

_Lex! I'm here! Save me…_

Blank.

* * *

_There was nothing left in his life. Nothing but the quest. _

_Love had been taken away from him and with that all the joy and happiness just disappeared, faded away. All that was left was the darkness that was now swallowing him whole. He had nothing left… and nothing to lose._

_The only solution was to kill the good part in him as it was taken away with _her_ anyway. Now he would find the answers he needed, even if he would have to pay the price of his own life in the process._

* * *

Suddenly, I started thinking a little more clearly and then, after a couple of minutes, I was completely lucid.

I opened my eyes, fully aware of what was happening and who I was. I could speak, I could see without that strange blurriness that had been covering my eyes before.

Still, I had no idea where I actually was.

"Jess!" I heard a familiar voice, but it wasn't the one I really wanted to hear right now. "Jess!" she repeated. "Can you hear me? Can you understand me?!"

Chloe leaned toward me, looking me closely in the eye.

"Please, say something. I was attacked by the Brainiac too, but I'm fine now. Clark destroyed it. You should be ok…" She bit her lower lip.

"I…" my voice was hoarse. "Where…" I grunted.

"Here, have some water." She handed me a glass.

I took it and when I gulped all the water down I was finally able to speak clearly.

"Where's Lex?" I asked, looking around in search for him. I knew where I was now. That was the sanctuary that I'd been placed in. "I remember him… by my side… but everything else is just… one big mess," I sighed, doing my best to evoke something from my mind, but I couldn't.

"Everybody visited you, Jess," Chloe informed me, "but it looks like Lex was the only one who could get to you."

"Where is he?" I repeated my question. She wasn't telling me something. "Chloe…" I stood up. "I need to know. He would be here if he knew that I'm fine!"

"Jess…" Her expression was uncertain.

"Oh, no, don't tell me that he's…" my voice trailed off.

"No, he's not dead. He's alive as far as I know, but… Ok, you need to stay calm, promise me you won't freak out," she made sure, reaching her hands to me like she wanted to calm me down before she even had to.

"Oh, God, what did he do?" I knew Lex all too well not to see what was coming.

"Maybe you want to sit down first." Chloe advised. "Jess, even the best and brightest scientific minds in this world couldn't figure out what was wrong with you and from obvious reasons we couldn't tell Lex about Brainiac. Even if we'd had, it wouldn't have change anything. Clark destroyed him just today… When Lex realized there was nothing that he could do to bring you back, he... he broke, Jess. I've never seen him like that, he was literally crying over your motionless body right here in this room."

I remembered, that was one of the things that had managed to get to me, but still, I couldn't move, I couldn't say anything.

"What happened next?" my voice broke a little.

"Shit." Chloe looked at her phone. "I need to get to Isis. Jimmy's waiting for me there. Come… I'll tell you the rest on the way." She took my arm and pulled me to the exit.

In the car she filled me in all there was to know about the Veritas.

"...and Lex… was determined to find out the truth?" I needed to be sure. Actually, I understood his actions. He'd been denied his father's love and attention since he'd been a little kid and now I found out that he'd lost his hair in the day of the meteor shower not because his father had taken him for a business trip. Lionel had known that there was something about to happen that day,

"And here we have the worst part…" Chloe looked at me hesitantly, but then quickly got back to watching the road. "Lex killed Lionel."

"_WHAT?_!" The shock was so big that I was left speechless after that one word, trying to do my best to digest this information. "W…why?!" I finally asked shakily, feeling like I was freezing despite the high temperature outside.

"For the locket with a key that Lionel was wearing. Fortunately, Lionel hid it in my desk in the Daily Planet, but I wasn't quick enough. Lex appeared and swept it right from my fingers. Then he fired me."

"He fired you?... Is there any proof that he... actually killed Lionel?"

"No. The police stated it as a suicide, but Lex actually pushed him out of the window. Jimmy even happened to have a photo, but Lex's men got to it faster."

"Shit. Shit! Shit! Fuck!" I screamed. "Where is he now?! Do you realize that I'm the only one who can stop him?!"

"I do, but… I have no idea where he is… I'd been trying to call him, believe me… just before I picked you up. Earlier before I'd called Clark, but he hadn't answered either. I'm seriously worrying now. If Lex find out who Clark really is…"

That was just too much like for one time after waking up from some kind of an alien coma.

* * *

We finally got to Isis.

"Jimmy!" Chloe burst inside and I followed her. "Jimmy! Have you seen Clark?!" she asked.

"Clark?" Jimmy raised his eyebrows, then he spotted me. "Jess! How nice to finally see you well!" His face changed. "Eh… I'm sorry… you know… about Lex…"

"Jimmy…" Chloe made her way to him and I, for a change, got to my computers. Chloe had been using them for sure, but I didn't mind. She'd been fired from the Daily Planet, so she was more than welcomed to use this place.

I started to looking through the files she'd gathered and then…

"That's what I wanted to tell you," Jimmy was just saying, "Lex is heading to Arctic and when I told Clark, he just left. I figured he went after Lex, but then… why and how? Clark doesn't own a private plane and…"

"OH, MY GOD!" I covered my mouth with my hands while looking at the screen in terror. The info I'd just heard from Jimmy and the picture I saw on the screen… I didn't know what was worse. "What is it?!" I asked Chloe when pointing at it. It was a picture of… Lex's bloody chest with some kryptonian symbols just cut into his skin! "You didn't tell me _this!_ Chloe! What happened?!" I turned to her with tears in my eyes. Lex had suffered so much… those wounds looked so badly… so painful… and I hadn't been there to comfort him, but again, if I'd been there, he probably wouldn't have gotten those in the first place.

I needed to sit down as my whole world spun around. There was too much information, just too much!

"Is there anything else that you would like to add?" I asked Chloe in a strangely quiet voice while falling into a chair. I couldn't get the image of Lex's bloody chest out of my mind. He must've suffered so much! I was probably feeling more hurt right now than his chest hurt, but that was how love worked. Love… How could I think about love when he'd killed his own father? Still, I couldn't stop loving him just like that. It wasn't like pushing some button. It was too complicated and Lex had gotten too deep under my skin. I wouldn't just give up on him. I could still make him a better person.

The door burst open and a group of armed men strode inside.

"Chloe Sullivan, you're under arrest!" they exclaimed while taking Chloe.

"What?! What are you doing?!" Jimmy got mad, but they pushed him away and he lost his balance, landing on the floor. "Chloe!"

"Jess!" Chloe yelled to me when they were escorting her out. "Call Oliver Queen! He's the one with enough resources to find Lex and Clark!" And she was gone.

"Shit! What we're gonna do now?" Jimmy raised himself from the floor and put his hands to his head.

"Why they took Chloe? Do you know something?" I asked him, pretty shakily.

"They thought she was a terrorist before, because she hacked into the government site, but I asked… Lex for help... He revoked Chloe's warrant, but then he wanted me to spy and lie for him, so I finally said 'no' and… guess he really let them arrest Chloe this time."

"Shit! Chloe is not a terrorist, Jimmy," I told him. "Whatever she's done, it was all to help me and Clark."

"I still don't understand, but I guess we don't have time for explanations… What do we do now?" he asked.

I'd been barely awoken for an hour now and I'd already had my hands full of work.

What should I do first? I had three things on my mind: stopping Lex, saving Clark and helping Chloe.

I figured I wouldn't help Chloe without Lex since he was probably standing behind all of this, so I had to start from him.

Chloe was right. Oliver AKA The Green Arrow was the only one with enough power to help me and what mattered – he cared about Clark, so I knew I could count on him.

* * *

"You call, I arrive." Oliver Queen walked inside Isis with his usual charming smile plastered to his face.

It took him a whole day to finally appear, but I figured it was quick anyway.

All that time I'd kept looking for Lex, but surprisingly, there was no fortress in Arctic anymore. I knew the location, I knew it should be there, but it just wasn't anymore. Next thing to do was to tell the men that were working for my husband that I was actually back on my feet, alive and healthy, so until Lex would be back I had all the rights to the LuthorCorp, The Daily Planet (Lex had bought it while I'd been in a coma) and the mansion.

"I called yesterday!" I told Oliver in agitation instead of welcoming him. I knew it wasn't right, but I was too anxious to act to care.

"Find me another man who can fly here from the other side of the globe just to help a friend," Oliver pointed out in his usual joking way. "So, what you've got?" he asked when making his way to me and peeking at the computer screens.

"Nothing so far… I scanned the whole area in Arctic where the fortress should be and there's just nothing! It's like Lex and Clark just got there and… disappeared." I shivered when I thought they might actually both be dead now.

"Hey, easy… easy… beautiful, we'll find them." Oliver put his hand on my arm and squeezed it gently. "We're gonna fly there and I'll bring my team with me. We'll search every inch of that snow desert, you can be sure of it."

"And there is also Chloe… she's was taken into custody, but I can't trace her, not even while using Lex's resources. And her boyfriend, Jimmy… he's freaking out…"

"Ok, ok, slow down… Chloe may be in custody, but they won't kill her, so we're gonna have to leave rescuing her for later. Our priority now is Clark…" he stopped when he saw the look on my face. "Ok, Lex too." He sighed heavily. "Seriously, what the hell do you see in that guy?"

If my eyes could kill…

"Sorry, not my place…" Oliver back out and raised his face in a gesture of surrender. "Clark can save Chloe."

"Well, so can Lex if he's the one behind all of this."

"I guess I should say… welcome to my team." Oliver shot me one of his dazzling smiles.

* * *

**AN 1 **Please, bear with me, wait for the amazing ending and - I promise I will not give you a fake Lex later! (Like they probably did on on the show)

Just a scoop so you won't abandon me for couple of chapters when there's no Lex - or god forbid, abandon the story! - Jessica needs to taste some darkness, go deeply into it to fully understand Lex and became his equal. From now on it's about her growing.

Also, **remember that after **_**JeXVille**_** there are original sequels to come that go beyond the canon!**

**An 2 **I didn't know what to do with the end of this season. If Lex just turned bad with Jessica still by his side, it wouldn't have much sense with what I wrote before about him only wanting some love, so I decided for Brainiac to attack her first, so it would be the direct reason why Lex thought he had nothing to live for anymore and nothing to lose and… became a cold blooded killer


	21. Chapter 21

( O_dyssey_)

"No sign of him… them," Oliver corrected himself immediately while walking inside the tent and seeing the look on my face.

"Are you sure?" I asked, standing up to face him.

We were in a camp in the Arctic, looking for Clark and Lex.

Oliver nodded sadly.

"Jess, honestly… they're not here. At least not alive. I believe that Clark could somehow manage to get out of this mess, but Lex… Lex was only human," Oliver said, sat in a chair and took a cup of hot coffee from the table.

"So what d… what do we do now?" I asked, stammering a little and suddenly feeling really cold. It had nothing to do with the temperature in that place though.

"I guess we're gonna head back home and start looking for Clark elsewhere," Oliver answered carefully. "I'm sorry, Jessica, I really am, but I'm afraid there's nothing we can do here anymore."

His brown eyes were focused on my face while he was thinking what else to say to make it easier for me, but I understood there were no words for that.

I had hope, I always had it, but Oliver was right. How could have Lex survived when maybe even Clark hadn't?

"Wait! We've got something!" I heard Black Canary's voice coming from the computer station.

I and Oliver ran there in the same time, standing by both of her sides.

"There's something under the ice," she said, pointing at the screen.

"Let's check it up," Oliver decided, trying to keep his face and voice cool, but I could feel him slowly breaking. Clark was his friend, maybe even the best one. I was sure Oliver owed him his life too, and now there was nothing he could do to repay him.

There was also me, I had no idea what I would've done without the comfort Oliver had been giving me those last few weeks. Maybe he hadn't even realized it yet, but without his wit and good word I would've broken down a long time ago. His hope, his persistence, the fact that he wouldn't give up had been giving me strength that I needed to survive.

Soon, the Aquaman appeared from under the ice. How could he stand the freezing water was still a mystery to me.

"Got it!" he told us, but all he was holding was just… Clark's familiar red jacket.

"Nothing else?" Oliver asked while coming closer and taking the frozen jacket from his friend's hands.

"Nope," came in answer. "Sorry."

"Does it mean…?" I started, but couldn't really finish.

"No, it doesn't mean that he's dead," Oliver said vehemently. "Maybe the fortress sent him somewhere else when it collapsed?"

"That doesn't make any sense," I sighed.

"Ollie…" The Canary spoke. "We should really go home now."

* * *

"Mrs. Luthor," my personal assistant – or should I say Lex's – welcomed me in the mansion when I came back. "We retrieved a suitcase from the Arctic."

"Have you find him?" I asked.

"No, I'm sorry, ma'm, but this may interest you." She made her way to my desk – God! Lex's desk! – I was sitting behind and put the suitcase on it.

Oliver had no idea that I'd been also conducting my own private search for Lex. It wasn't that I didn't trust him, I just needed to do everything in my power. I wasn't fooling myself, Oliver's priority was Clark and I knew that Lex was the one who wouldn't survive longer.

"Thank you. Keep searching," I told her and sent her away, then opened the case.

There was some purple artifact inside, nothing more. It was probably something connected to Clark, to the way of controlling him or worse. It wasn't my intention to use it, but I didn't want to give it to Oliver either. It would be safe in my safe.

I sat down by the fireplace, idly watching the flames.

Where were you Lex? Were you dead? Were you alive somewhere? Were you in pain? I wondered when being in emotional pain myself.

It was so unbearable. Not knowing what had happened to him and what had probably ended his life was worse than the most dreadful truth.

To be honest, I'd always known it would eventually happen. I'd always known that one day I would lose him. I could feel it and I'd been scared of it. The way Lex had been leading his life couldn't have ended any other way. And this time he'd finally fun out of his nine lives. This time there was probably nothing that could save him.

I felt my eyes getting wetter and wetter. Finally, I could cry. I'd been doing my best not to burst into tears while being in Arctic with my new friends, but now I could. I was alone and those tears needed to find their release.

"Jess…" I suddenly heard Oliver's voice. He was standing in the door.

"You startled me," I said while turning my head away from him and stealthy wiping my face.

"It's ok," he told me when he came closer. "Don't be ashamed of tears. It's a normal human reaction to loss."

"I still have hope. I will always have it," I said and didn't even try to hide the tears now. I just wasn't able to. They were too many. "I know he's gone, but still… I need to see his body to fully believe it, accept it," I confessed.

"I hate to break it to you, but we might actually never find it, Jess." Oliver finally got to me and squatted by my chair, looking up at my face, but I was still watching the fire. "He's not coming back. Probably in any form," he added.

"So you came here to tell me this and cause me more pain?" I asked, finally meeting his hazel eyes.

"No, of course not." He shook his head slowly. The usual smirks and smiles of his were gone now, he was serious, compassionate. I knew he cared about me. We'd grown very close and were good friends now. "I came here to see how you were doing and I was right to do so. I thought… that maybe you needed a friend, a shoulder to cry on?" Suddenly, there it was again, flash of his white teeth in a slight smile that disappeared in an instant. "You shouldn't be alone now."

"I don't… I don't know how to cope with… with it all," I sobbed. "I don't know… how to live… without… him…"

Oliver reached his hand to my cheek and wiped one stray tear from it.

"I'm here to help you," he assured me. "You're not alone."

"You know… I… I'd been losing him a lot… he'd been possessed by Zod… I'd been the one… who'd… supposed to kill him… then he… he'd been shot in the head… he…" my voice broke, "but he always came back… until now."

Oliver raised himself up and sat by my side, then he carefully put his arms around me, pressing me against his chest.

I let him hug me, let him stroke my hair while I was crying and wetting his shirt.

He was right. I needed a friend.

I couldn't do it alone. Not anymore.

* * *

"We thought we could find Chloe for a change and… guess what?" Oliver asked in anger. I'd never seen him like this. He was desperate. He wanted to save them so badly, but he couldn't, not even with the resources he had.

"What?" I asked, afraid of his upcoming answer.

"The Department of Domestic Security never arrested her!"

"What? So… who…"

"I have no idea! Lex?" he suggested, throwing his hands up into the air.

His suggestion hurt me.

"Don't you think I would've known about that? I'm the head of LuthorCorp now!"

"You don't know everything that's going on in that company! You've just taken over!"

"Oliver, there is no record of Chloe, believe me, I've done my homework," I reassured him.

"I don't know where to look anymore…" He put his hands to his head for a change. "I have no idea! My team's scanning the whole globe in search for Clark… and there's just nothing to be found!"

"Don't give up just yet."

"I won't. I won't give up on him. He wouldn't and we're humans while he… he can survive. He must!"

* * *

Almost two months later I was sitting by my desk, staring at the headline of today's paper: _Lex Luthor declared dead_.

I was looking at this headline in a strange unbelievable awe.

There was no way of finding him anymore. He was just gone. _Dead_.

My people had searched everywhere. They'd scanned the whole globe. And there was no sign of Lex being alive. Then they'd found some tissue in the Arctic. It wasn't the whole body, only a tissue.

It was Lex's.

The next thing I knew he was declared dead.

And I was left alone in this world.

A widow in her early twenties… Suddenly, I felt like there was a war, because what kind of other explanation there was for something like this? Those things didn't happen these days. During the war girls had been getting married early before their husbands went to war and then they were losing them, becoming widows.

I was one of them now. I couldn't believe it.

I couldn't even blame Lex for it. I knew him all too well, so I understood his actions.

The one to blame was Brainiac. He'd attacked me. He'd taken me away from Lex with no hope of ever returning me to him. And then Lex had gotten himself killed, because he'd had nothing to lose.

"Jess…" The door opened and Oliver walked inside. "Have you seen… I'm so sorry," he whispered when seeing me sitting with the newspaper on my laps.

"Widow… Widow in her twenties… How could that happen in the twenty first century?" I asked him, raising my head to meet his eyes.

"Things just happen and we don't have the power to control them," he said while coming closer, sitting by my side and taking me in his arms. "I'm here for you."

About two years ago I'd been a high school girl who'd fallen for the wrong guy. The guy she'd known she couldn't have. Then she'd gotten him… and now he was dead.

How much had changed since that time I'd arrived in Smallville… I pondered on.

I'd had friends… and now all of them were gone. Lana was dead, Clark had disappeared, Chloe had been taken by somebody we didn't know and… and Lex was dead too.

How came I'd lost them all?

* * *

"I thought fries would cheer you up!" exclaimed Oliver when he came over to the mansion two weeks later. "How are you feeling?" he asked with care.

"Better… I guess." I bit my lower lip. "How's the searching?" I asked while making room on the table for the bag he was carrying.

"Nothing yet, but I'm sure we'll find Clark soon... and Chloe," he added.

I didn't want to be the one to break the obvious, but Clark was practically gone for good and Chloe… there was still no sigh of her. For all we knew, she could be dead.

"Poor Jimmy," I suddenly said when Oliver unpacked the bag and handed me over the fries and some ketchup. "Did you know he wanted to propose to Chloe just before…?"

"Really? That sucks."

We were eating in silence for a while.

"You should go out sometimes, you know. Life is something more than just work and sitting home," he suggested. "I can take you out if you want," he rephrased when I didn't answer.

"That's nice of you, but… I don't know… I mean… I know I kind of isolated myself from the world, but…" I stopped, because I had no idea where the sentence was going anyway. I was just rambling.

"I meant…" Oliver hesitated, then put his fries away. "I meant like a… hmmm… something more than just a friendly meeting, you know…"

I looked at his face, not quite understanding him and then it hit me.

I always thought he was just my friend. I would've never suspected that he would get interested in me in a romantic way, but on the other side, I was quite pretty. Lex and Clark had been always telling me how beautiful I was, so it shouldn't surprise me that a shockingly handsome blond billionaire was interested in me too.

"I… I don't really…" I started, but then my lips were shut by Oliver's.

He just kissed me, surprising me so much that I didn't pull away. No, actually, I kissed him back, because I kind of liked it.

He was a good kisser and certainly had a great body.

How long had it been for me since I'd had sex anyway? I wondered.

I was lonely. I was a widow. I'd lost my husband who was the love of my life. I needed to feel something other than grief and helplessness.

"Oliver…" I gasped and finally pulled away, placing my hand to his chest. A very muscular and hard chest. "I… I'm not ready for a relationship," I said. "I don't want to give you the wrong impression."

I could feel my eyes stinging again as I remembered how happy I'd been with Lex. Our honey moon. All the sex we'd had. The moment I'd come back to him. I would never get any of that back.

"Hey, it's ok… If you don't want to, I understand," Oliver said and cupped my face.

I didn't know what to do and how to act. On top of all that mess, I was crying again!

Instead of kissing me, he just pulled me into his arms and gently stroked my head.

"I'm sorry," he whispered to my ear, what made me shiver. "It's too fast. I know."

I was miserable. I didn't even remember the last time I'd been truly happy. I had no one. I was all alone in this world.

Well, I had Oliver.

I needed comfort and the kind of comfort that Ollie had been giving me recently wasn't enough anymore. I needed to forget, to lose myself. It could as well be sex.

This time I was the one who caught his lips.

I didn't know if he still wanted it when after he'd kissed me I'd cried, but apparently he did, because he kissed me back.

He put his hand into my hair and slid his tongue along my lower lip. I gasped at the sensation and soon meet him with my own tongue. His kisses grew deeper as he began penetrating my mouth while his hand was sliding down my back.

He pressed his body against mine and we laid down on the sofa. His lips were now trailing a path down my neck until they reached the hem of my shirt.

He cupped my breast through the fabric and I ached my back in pleasure. He took it off, soon revealing my bare breasts to his eyes. I pulled his shirt off his chest, raveling in the smooth and hard skin over his muscles. I really liked what I saw. And I was right. I forgot if only for this moment.

I gasped when his lips suddenly caught my nipple, sucking it and twirling with his tongue. Pleasure was shooting all over my body and ending between my legs, making me wet.

I could feel the hard bulge in his pants on my pelvis and I ground against it, causing him to groan against my skin.

I reached to his pants and struggled with his belt for a while. He was too stubborn to keep kissing my body, but finally I was able to release his already hard cock and stroke him, earning another deep groan from his lips. He made a couple of involuntary jerks into my hand and then took off the rest of my clothes, lowering his right hand to my clit with the left one still caressing my breast.

I opened my mouth in a deep sigh and when his finger slid inside me, I closed it, biting my lower lip.

"Do it now," I whispered, encouraging him, taking his face in my hands and pulling it up, so he would understand and position himself.

He took his hands away and soon his face was right over mine, lips capturing mine again.

He supported himself on the sofa with his left hand while he took his cock into his right one and put it to my entrance.

"Don't tease me, Ollie." I smiled to him.

He returned the smile and slowly slid himself inside.

My mouth opened once again, my eyes fixed on his, watching the pleasure reflected in them.

I bent my legs in my knees and then raised them up to put them around his waist, so he could get deeper, so I could feel him more intensely.

"Oh…" a muffled moan got out of his mouth. "Easy there, tigress, I need to give you pleasure first." His usual self-confident smile appeared on his face, but I… I almost crashed. _Tigress._ Lex had called me that when we'd had sex on our honey moon.

"Are you ok?" Oliver asked and froze.

_God, pull yourself together_! _The last thing he wants to hear right now is about sex with your dead husband, _I scolded myself.

"Yes, I'm fine… Don't tell me you can't hold on long enough," I teased him, pushing my other thoughts aside.

"I'll show you…" he pretended by angry with me and then started kissing me again and finally, fucking me.

I didn't want to make love, so I urged him to go faster and harder.

I felt the pressure building inside of me quickly this way, but there were no fireworks. It was nothing like fucking or making love to Lex.

_God, stop!_ I told myself again. I shouldn't have been comparing anything! Beside, Lex was dead!

I just needed an orgasm, that was all. I wasn't looking for love. I was looking for release. I needed to forget.

The release finally came, not so powerfully as I remembered, but it would do.

I felt inner muscles clamping over Ollie's cock and soon enough he released himself inside of me with a long and deep grunt.

"You're so beautiful," he whispered when he collapsed on me, panting on my neck.

Suddenly, I felt uncomfortable. Sex was one thing, but him staying inside of me after it, him snuggling me after it, it didn't feel right at all. It wasn't Lex. Oliver wasn't the one I loved and craved for so badly. The need for him didn't make me ache inside.

* * *

With Oliver everything seemed easier. Nothing was as complicated as with Lex. Ollie was making things more bearable for me. Sex with him was good too, because when I was with him I was able to distance myself from everything else. I was able to forget.

* * *

I was finally feeling slightly better and it was all thanks to Oliver.

Although Lex was gone for good, we were still looking for Clark and Chloe and finally, one day I received a call from Ollie, "I found him," was all he said.

"Clark?!" That information made me feel better in an instant and I felt warm in my chest. "Is he ok?!" I asked.

"He's been held captive in a Russian work camp, but I'll bring him home soon. Don't worry."

"Held captive?" That was strange. "Does that mean… his powers…"

"They must be gone," Oliver confirmed.

Maybe that was the way of controlling the Traveler, I thought, taking away his powers, so he couldn't 'hurt' anyone.

"I'll let you know when I have him."

"Ok… be safe!"

"I will." There was a strange note in his voice, some longing, something sad. Was he falling for me? Had he already? I was afraid he might eventually. I didn't know if I would be able to return his feelings completely. I was still broken, still grieving after Lex.

Sex with Oliver was good, but it wasn't spectacular. It wasn't the feeling that could send me to the moon and back. It was more like a need for somebody there by my side. I didn't want to be alone anymore. I wanted a warm body next to mine.

* * *

When I picked up the phone the next time, it was Clark's voice that I heard on the other side.

"Jess!"

"Clark!" Relief washed over me. "How are you?! What happened to you?!" I asked quickly.

"I'm fine. I'm on Oliver's jet… Listen, Jess… I… I'm so sorry… about Lex," he said awkwardly.

"So you don't know what happened to him?" My last hope for finding out the truth just shattered.

"I don't, I'm sorry. Last time I saw him the fortress was collapsing… Listen, I'll be home soon, but first… we need to help Chloe."

"You know where she is?"

"Yeah, in one of LuthorCorp's top secret facilities," the answer was.

"You've got to be kidding me!"

"Oliver told me that you've searched for her, but I guess one of your associates went rogue," Clark informed.

I had a lot to take care of, I thought. And I had no idea how to run a business.

I needed Ollie more than I thought. After all, he owed the Queen Industries.

"Just get home safely," I told Clark and hung up.

* * *

I went to the farm to wait for them and after a couple of hours, they finally arrived.

"Clark!" I exclaimed when he walked inside the house. Something in my chest ached at the sight of him. I realized how much I'd actually missed him and how badly I needed him. I always needed him.

He seemed more than fine. Shouldn't he have some bruises on him? After all, he'd been working in that Russian work camp for months.

"Jess!" His face illuminated when he saw me and the well-known smile appeared on it. "I missed you so much!" He got to me fast and swept me off my feet, taking me in his arms and hugging tightly.

I had my best friend back, one of my oldest friends. I could be ok again, I could be whole again. After all, I'd been through so much with him. I thought, snuggling into his body and raveling in the feel of him alive and by my side.

When he finally let me go, putting me back on the floor, I saw Chloe behind him.

"Chloe!" I hugged her too, and then I noticed Oliver standing in the door. He just walked over to me and kissed me.

"I told you, you wouldn't lose them all," he said and smiled.

Our strange relationship wasn't anything new to Ollie's team, but it was for Clark and Chloe who were now looking at us, stunned. The only difference between them was that Chloe actually smiled after the shock wore off. Clark didn't, he looked hurt. Oh, shit.

I avoided his eyes, looking down on the floor.

"Wow… good for you, Jess." Chloe patted my arm. "If you don't mind my saying it, once for a change you fell for the right billionaire."

"I didn't… I mean… I…" I stammered. What should I say? I didn't even know myself what it was that I felt for Oliver.

"It's… complicated," Oliver explained. "We're not… technically together together, but we are… together."

Suddenly, we laughed, at least me, Ollie and Chloe. Clark still seemed to be in a painful shock. I couldn't not suspect that he'd been probably thinking that with time, we could finally be together when Lex…

It was too late now.

"I need to go see Jimmy!" Chloe demanded.

"I'll drive you," Oliver offered. "I think that Clark and Jess have a lot to catch up on and he's just got back home, so…" his voice trailed off.

"Actually, I could get Chloe to Metropolis faster than you. Using my powers," Clark finally spoke.

"You have your powers back?" I got interested.

"Long story…" Chloe cut off. "Sorry, Clark, but as much as I want to see Jimmy, I'm not a fun of your speeding, besides… you two need some time alone to settle things."

She was right there. We really did. I hadn't seen Clark since… God, how long had it been already? First I'd come back to Lex after he'd gotten shot and then I hadn't had time for Clark and… I'd been attacked by Brainiac.

Soon, we were left alone and Clark told me what had happened during Chloe's rescue.

"So…" Clark finally dared to ask. "You and Ollie?"

"Well…" Suddenly, I'd gotten very interested in my nails. I didn't feel like looking Clark in the eye right now. There was too much history between us. "As Ollie said… it's complicated."

"It isn't really," Clark said what made me raise my eyes to him. It was a very strange thing coming from his mouth. "I mean… I understand. You were left completely alone with no one close to you. Me, Chloe… Lex…" he spoke his name like he wasn't sure he could. He clearly didn't want to bring up painful memories. "Ollie was there to give you some comfort. He was the closest connection to my world, to your world. It's completely normal you two… and it would be foolish of him not to notice how amazing you are."

"Clark… I'm sorry if I hurt you," I said honestly, covering his hand with mine.

"It's ok, I understand. I know you ended things with me a long time ago." He took my hand and sent me a sad smile.

"I still care about you. The last thing I want to do is to hurt you."

"I know."

"I… I don't know what I feel for him exactly," I finally confessed, clearly talking about Oliver. "I don't even know if I'm able to really fall in love with somebody again. I feel like my heart was stolen once and for all… by Lex… like he ripped it out and took it with him to his grave. Ollie makes me forget, makes me feel a little more alive."

"I could do that too, you know," Clark suddenly said, like he still had a faint hope of us getting together.

"Yeah, but Ollie was there for me when you couldn't," I said and watched the pain and guilt reflected on his face. "I can't blame you for that, Clark, it wasn't your fault. God, it wasn't even Lex's fault. It was Brainiac's… But I feel like it's too late for us. I care about Oliver and he cares about me. I owe him for putting me back together."

"But will it be enough for him? Or you?" Clark dared to ask. "I want the best for you, you know that. Will you be happy with him if you won't love him like you should?"

"You mean… really love him? Maybe with time… I don't know… we'll see."

* * *

"Jess…" Oliver came over to the mansion two hours later. "You weren't at the farm…"

"Yeah. I've just got home," I told him. "How's Chloe?"

"Probably celebrating her engagement with Jimmy in bed," Ollie answered in his usual joking way.

"Good for her. At least she can have the happy ending she deserves," I sighed heavily.

Ollie made his way to me and put his arms around me from behind, so I leaned back against his chest.

"Where will we go from here?" he asked quietly, straight into my ear.

"I don't know… I'm sorry. I know I should have some answer for you, but… I just don't," I said helplessly.

"It's ok. You've been through a lot and the healing process takes time… But I'm willing to go through with this with you. You know, I…" he hesitated. "I love you," he finally confessed in a husky voice that felt like a caress against my skin.

I didn't know what to say. I couldn't tell him that I loved him back. Not now. It would be a lie and he would know it. I just wasn't there yet.

"I don't expect you to tell me you love me," he said like he was reading my mind. "I don't expect anything. I just... I want to be with you."

"You deserve better than this, Ollie," I said, closing my eyes and sighing.

"I'm the one who gets to decide what I deserve. Lex broke you, but I can mend your heart if you only let me. Listen, I know that Clark has feelings for you…" he stopped like he wasn't sure what else to say to that. "I just want the best for you. I want you to stop looking into the past and start looking into the future. I just want you to be happy. I realize that maybe you will never be able to feel for me as deeply as you felt for Lex, but… it's ok… just... please, give me a chance and choose me," he begged me.

"Ollie…" I turned around to face him. How could I not respond to something like this? "I never was with Clark for real and whatever there was between us, it ended a long time ago. I don't think we were ever meant to be," I assured him.

Ollie's worried face suddenly lightened up in a smile.

"You have no idea how happy I am to hear that."

I smiled too, taking his face in my hands and pulling him into a kiss that soon grew hot and needy.

We'd gotten rid of our clothes as fast as we could. I felt like a hard fuck would be good for me and apparently, so did Ollie.

He'd gotten hard very quickly.

I needed him inside of me to fill the emptiness that was there again.

Maybe it was selfish of me, maybe it wasn't right to use him like this, but didn't he just tell me that he would agree to any terms?

I supported my hands on the table and let him shove his cock into me from behind. I closed my eyes in pleasure when he started fucking me with long and deep strokes. His balls were hitting my clit in this position and I couldn't help but moan and scream, "Harder!"

"I don't want to hurt you," he panted into my ear.

"I'm not a fragi…" I didn't finish that sentence, because it brought me more pain than I could handle.

_I'm not a fragile girl, you know._

The echo of memories appeared in my head, making my heart ache in an impossible pain.

"…you won't!" I shouted back to Ollie instead and as he kept on fucking me, I finally forgot.

The precious moment of oblivion… moment without any pain in my chest… it was coming again. Hard.

* * *

**AN **I don't want you to be angry with me or stop reading. I understand you might feel disappointed because of Jessica & Oliver pairing, but I really want to keep this as real as possible.

Lex is dead for the world. At least all the evidences point that out, so it wouldn't be much realistic if Jessica (while being a 20-something) just got old, still being faithful to a dead man. It would destroy her. Losing the one you love most is painful and one can't just hold on to the memories all their lives. People need to move on. And that is why I write what I write.

Also, in my opinion Jess and Ollie turned out to be a pretty good idea. Now I can lead the plot in the right direction and everything will have its reason and explanation: )


	22. Chapter 22

(_committed, Identity, Bloodline_)

I hated engagement parties.

At least I hated them now, because they reminded me of what I'd lost, of how much in love I'd been once before everything was taken away from me.

I just couldn't watch Chloe and Jimmy being so happy, but I knew I should be happy for them, so I did the best I could with some help of alcohol.

It didn't matter what I would look or feel like later when I would go back home. I had to be strong just now, for them. Life went on and just because I was miserable didn't mean that everybody around me had to be too.

"Hey, are you ok?" Ollie asked me, looking at me with obvious care.

Poor guy, he cared about me so much and what I was doing? He must've been so hurt when seeing me like this, so hurt that I couldn't just return his feelings and…

"I'm sorry, Oliver," I said, shaking my head. "I'm just a mess."

"It's ok," he assured me, rubbing my back. "It's nothing to be ashamed of, I understand."

"Listen, I'm not what you deserve," I said honestly. "You deserve somebody who would be one hundred percent committed to you and..."

"Sshh…" He closed my mouth by putting his finger to it. "Let me be the one to worry about what I deserve, ok? There's no place on earth right now that I want to be more than here with you. I'm a patient man. We'll get there."

He was so good and understanding. I should really appreciate him more and try my best to give him the love he needed. Only… could I? Could I grow to love him? I really didn't want to hurt him.

* * *

I'd been so immersed into running the LuthorCorp and managing the Daily Planet that although Clark was working in the latter, I hadn't seen him recently at all.

I finally saw him when I was spending a nice evening with Oliver. We'd eaten dinner and then he started kissing me, slowly getting to my bra when the door burst open and Clark walked inside.

We all got embarrassed and confused.

"Damn it, Clark! Can't you knock?!" Ollie scolded him when I quickly jumped away.

I noticed the hurt look on Clark's face and it also made me feel this way. _Why?_

"I'm sorry, but it's an emergency. I need your help," Clark said.

"Yeah, yeah, it's always an emergency if you appear at such late hour in my place," Ollie sighed and rose from his sit, buttoning his shirt back. "What is it?"

"Jimmy took my picture!" Clark yelled in an exasperated voice.

"And why is that a bad thing?" Oliver asked, watching him closely. "Do you want me to hurt him, because you're not photogenic?" he snorted.

"It's not funny! Here it is! I'm saving Lois!" Clark handed him over the picture and I got interested too, so I came over to them.

"It's just some… red blue blur," I said. "No one would be able to tell it's you."

"Yeah, but Jimmy already put it all together when he saw my family picture and dag a lot of old Torch articles! He's onto me and I have to prove him it's not me!"

"But it is you," Oliver gave him a witty remark.

The look on Clark's face was unforgettable and I found myself laughing.

"Sorry…" I said when his expression got even funnier. "No, I can't…" I started laughing all over again. "What is it, Ollie?" I asked on seeing the strange and slightly hurt look on his face.

"Nothing, it's just… how many times I tried to make you laugh? Never succeeded like this," he sighed heavily. "Give me a minute, Clark. I need to change into my gear." He left the room.

"Clark, why are you being such a stranger to me lately?" I asked while turning to my friend.

"I… I'm not…" Clark stammered.

"I know you too well to be deceived by this innocent look."

"Ok," he sighed. "I just… needed to let you go, so you could be happy with Oliver. He's the one who put you back together, Jess. I can't take the credit for that, so I…" his voice trailed off.

"Don't beat yourself up, Clark. You weren't there."

What would've happened if he'd been there? I suddenly asked myself and decided not to think about it.

I looked into Clark's eyes instead and that was a mistake too as I saw such longing in them.

Before I managed to say something and probably screw everything up among me, Ollie and Clark, Ollie came back.

"Let's get this party started!" He eagerly clasped his hands. "Come on, Clark. I want to be back home as soon as possible."

* * *

"You sent me that crystal." Clark said when visiting me at the mansion.

"Oh, God… Clark, I'm so sorry. I knew you didn't want to see me in person right now, so yes, I did, but… I had no idea that it would send you to the phantom zone!" I tried to defend myself when I already felt like crap. My good intentions having gone to hell.

"No, it's ok. I actually wanted to thank you. I brought Kara back safely," Clark explained.

"Then at least one good thing came out of it," I said, still feeling guilty. "I really didn't want to…" I started again.

"It's ok. I came to let you know that it turned out just fine. There's one thing that bothers me though… Chloe," he added.

"Chloe?" I raised my eyebrows in surprise. "What about her?"

"Ever since Brainiac attacked her she's not herself. I thought maybe she could use a girl friend, you know."

"Sorry, Clark, I know I've been avoiding her, but… happy engagement and the wedding on the horizon… it just made me feel…"

"I understand, but when you're ready, please talk to her."

"I will and… Clark?" I called him because he was about to leave.

He turned around in the door to face me again.

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about the crystal before."

"It's ok."

"I was holding on to it. You know, it was all that was retrieved from the Arctic along with the… tissues…" These words didn't want to go through my throat.

"Jess…" Clark made a step toward me and I was sure he wanted to hug me to give me some comfort, but Ollie showed up in the very same time.

"Hey, what is it?" he asked when seeing me like this, almost broken again. "What did you do to her?" he turned to Clark, an accusation evident in his voice.

"Nothing, he did nothing," I told him quickly. "It was all me getting rid of… stuff I was holding on to," I finished while stealthily wiping a tear from my eye.

"For what it's worth," Clark directed to me, "I know how you feel. I know how hard it is to lose someone you love."

Oh, yes, he had. Lana. And his father.

"Why was he here?" Oliver asked when Clark was already gone.

"He thanked me for the crystal since it brought Kara back."

"And caused him a lot of trouble down the road," Ollie signed, making his way to me and kissing me.

"He's worried about Chloe," I told him.

"And he should be. I saw her making some superbrainmojo over that crystal and then… she just threw me into the other room while using only one hand. You should've seen her eyes. They were plain white!"

"I guess I really do have to check up on her."

* * *

I went to see Chloe and I happened to pass by a very handsome paramedic in the door.

"Oh, Jess, hey!" Chloe got to me. "It's good to see you!... Meet Davis."

Davis, oh, so that was the new friend of hers I'd heard about from Ollie.

"Nice to meet you." Davis smiled to me and shook my hand.

"Likewise," I said.

"Sorry, but I really have to run. See you later, Chloe."

"Sure."

"Chloe…" I started warningly when he was gone.

"What?" she asked me. "He's just a friend!"

"Really? Have you noticed the way he looks at you?"

"He knows I'm engaged."

"So what?"

"Jess…" Chloe said in a hard voice. "Stop this. I love Jimmy."

"I know you love Jimmy, but I can recognize a spark when I see one… Now, do you know that everybody's worrying about you?"

"Clark sent you here, didn't he?" she sighed heavily. "Listen, firstly… I understand it's hard for you to see me so happy with Jimmy when you… but it's ok, I know you'll find your way back here one day. I can manage Isis on my own now." I could sense she was desperate to change the topic of our conversation.

"And I should thank you for running it. I'm so busy with my new responsibilities right now…" I followed.

"Yeah, and by the way, I'm really capable of controlling my abilities."

"If you need help or just want to talk…"

"I know, Jess." She smiled, cutting me off. But I thought it was a rather fake smile.

"Is there anything that could make you …" my voice trailed off.

"What? Normal? No, sorry. I guess we just have to live and see where it takes me."

"Promise me you'll tell us if it gets bad."

"Sure, I will. That what friends are for, right?"

"Yes. That what they are for..."

* * *

_(Abyss, Bride)_

"What the fuck did you do to Chloe?!" I stormed into Clark's barn, furious as hell.

"Jess…" he turned to me, slightly surprised by my outburst. He seemed to be shocked with the condition I was in. After all, I was crying and shaking. "What happened to you?" he asked in a soft voice, making a step toward me.

"No! Stay away!" I told him, putting my hands in front of me and making a step back myself. "How could you?!"

"It was… for her own good. You know that people who know my secret are in constant danger… I couldn't…" he started explaining.

"And now what?! You're gonna do the same to me?!"

"What?" Shock appeared in his eyes.

"Don't pretend," I warned him and shook my head. "Just don't, Clark," I met his blue eyes and the pain I felt in my chest only doubled. "If you can do this to Chloe, you can as easily do this to me and then what? Can't you understand… can't you…" I sobbed a little, but wiped my tears and pulled myself together quickly. "You're the one constant and good thing in my life that I'm one hundred percent sure of! If you take this away from me… if you… I will be left with nothing, do you understand?! I don't care about the danger! I just care about what we have! I need you! Please, don't take my memories away! This is my decision! I've already lost Lex… I cannot lose you too! Who I'll become then?"

"Jess…" Clark voice grew soft and tender. "Jess… please, just calm down." He reached his hands to me while coming closer. "I never wanted to take your memories away. Chloe was infected by Brainiac and I saw a good opportunity in this. I gave her the happy life with Jimmy she deserved, life with no need for lies. I won't do that to you, I promise," he assured me, looking me in the eyes so intensely that I was drowning in his.

"And… you… you weren't thinking about it?" I made sure, still shakily. My world had seemed to be crumbling down just a moment before.

"No. Maybe I'm a little selfish, but you… you I can't lose," he admitted huskily as he finally stood right in front of me.

"Oh, thank god!" I suddenly felt like a huge burden was taken away from shoulders. "Thank god!" I repeated and threw myself at him, really needed a hug. Clark's arms closed me in his strong embrace. I still wept, but eventually I managed to stop, feeling like I was truly fine now. Like everything fit into place because he held me. Because he needed me that much.

"I'm sorry that you thought I could…" he whispered straight into my ear, then he took a deep breath and pulled back while keeping me at his arms' length. Our eyes locked again. "I wouldn't do that to you without permission. Chloe was a different case. Jimmy is not a part of our world."

"It's ok, I believe you," I reassured him and put my hand to his cheek. "I promise I'll never draw a conclusion like that ever again."

"Good." He managed to smile at me. "I wouldn't be able to do this to you," he repeated once more.

Just now we realized how intimate a moment we shared together. I took my hand from his cheek, suddenly scared of what I was doing.

And then Clark leaned forward and kissed me.

For a moment there I kissed him back, suddenly feeling warm and save, feeling better, right for the first time since Lex had been declared dead. I wanted this kiss. I wanted the man who was kissing me. I could feel it. I could tell by the sparks that were flying between us and the delicious feeling of his mouth on mine. I knew that ever since we had started being friends, it had been growing into something much deeper.

Clark pulled me closer to his body and I could feel his heat. I opened my mouth to meet his tongue and I moaned in pleasure. His muscular arms closed around me once again and then his hand slid down my back…

"Clark…" I said, moving away from him and closing my eyes while wincing. Dear God! I was in a relationship with his best male friend! "I'm sorry, I just can't…" I started, now jittery from a entire different reason.

"It's ok. It's me who should apologize," Clark admitted, making a step back as well and breathing heavily, trying to pull himself under control.

"I just… I'm with Ollie now and Chloe's getting married soon and… there's so much to do. I'm her maid of honor after all and…" I was rambling now.

"I understand," Clark said, but I could see the pain on his face. I was also pretty sure it reflected my own.

"I'm sorry," I repeated and turned around to walk away.

I couldn't see him so hurt right now. I wouldn't be able to restrain myself from giving him the comfort he needed and… giving it to me as well. I couldn't just break Oliver's heart like this when he'd been so patient with me.

* * *

When I came back to the mansion Ollie was waiting for me there.

His face was different somehow like he was yearning for something or maybe somebody he couldn't truly have. Probably for me, but I was here, wasn't I? Or maybe I really wasn't, but why the sudden change now?

"Ollie?" I asked in a worried voice, watching him closely and wrinkling my forehead. "What's wrong?"

He didn't answer, he just came over to me with the same strange and puzzling look on his face and just kissed me.

"Nothing's wrong," he said with his lips still on mine. "I just want to be with you for real." Even if that sounded a little crazy, I understood. We were together, but we weren't in the same time because of my distance and suddenly, for the first time, I thought that maybe I would be able to be there for him the same way he was for me. Maybe I would fall for him, maybe I'd already had a little.

So I kissed him and let him in.

Also, for the first time my thoughts didn't leave his person while we were making out and slowly getting rid of our clothes. He wanted to make love to me and I let him. Was I feeling guilty? Was I truly falling for him? I was so confused.

He sank into me slowly and gently and then started sliding in and out of me in the same slow rhythm.

"I love you so much," he whispered into my ear.

Was I ready to say it back?

Or should I just be honest?

"I think I'm falling for you," I finally dared to say. I'd been keeping him hanging for too long and it would soon start to be cruel.

He looked me in the eye.

"Oh, thank God… finally."

Maybe I would really fall for him eventually, but it wouldn't be this kind of a passionate love he would expect. I would fall for his goodness, for his patience, for the way he cared and loved me. For the way he was always here. He was the one who stayed.

I knew I would never love again the way I'd loved Lex, but it was ok. Such a love should happen only once and that made it special.

* * *

_Chloe's wedding day._

All I had to do was to put my happy face on and keep it till it would all be over, I told myself.

"Clark…" I finally caught him while looking for Oliver. "Have you seen Ollie? He doesn't answer his phone and I can't find him anywhere."

"Ollie may be a little late, but he promised he'll be here," Clark assured me.

"Late? What do you mean late? Where is he?" I asked in surprise. "He promised to be here for me."

I didn't understand this. It wasn't like Ollie at all.

"Clark, what is it that you're not telling me?" I asked him when putting my hand on his shoulder, but taking it away the next second. He didn't want me to touch him and I understood his reasons.

"Ollie will be fine. He's caught up in his work, but he'll be here," he repeated and walked away.

I guessed I had to take his word for this.

Then, after a couple of minutes Ollie finally called.

"Ollie!" I got angry with him. " Why are you so late? Recently you keep traveling in business and I'm getting sick of it!" It was true, he was distant ever since that night I'd kissed Clark, but he didn't know about it, so what was his real reason?

"Jess, I'm sorry, but I can't talk right now… I have to do a couple of things and then I'm going to Chloe's wedding to be there for you. I promise. I just called so you wouldn't have to worry. I love you. See you."

What was it, Oliver, that you didn't want to tell me? I wondered.

* * *

"How's the bride?" I asked Chloe.

I still couldn't quite believe she wanted a wedding in Clark's barn, but it was her decision and who I was to argue? My job was being here for her.

She turned to me and smiled.

"You look beautiful," I paid her a well-deserved compliment, followed by a hug.

Her phone rang and when Chloe looked at the screen, she winced.

"What is it?" I asked her. "Who's calling you?"

"Davis," she sighed and ignored the call. "He's been calling all day. You know, deep down he's a really good guy. I just think… he's a little confused. He kissed me last week and told me he wouldn't let me marry the wrong guy."

"I told you, Chloe, that Davis has his eyes on you," I said.

"I know, I know and I should've listened to you and maybe pushed him away, but… it's too late now," she sighed. "Well, nothing will spoil my wedding day, you can be sure of it!"

"Chloe… are you sure of Jimmy? I'm only asking this, because I really care about you and I want you to be happy," I added quickly. I didn't want to pry after all.

She smiled and put the phone back to her purse.

"All I want is to marry the man I love. Today," she said with a genuine smile on her face.

"Ok, then. Let's get you to the altar."

_Altar_

Chloe wouldn't have the real altar.

I'd had.

I remembered the day of mine and Lex's wedding. I'd been so happy. We'd just been about to have a baby and everything was so good back then. It was just before the storm that had ruined us. That day I'd been the happiest with Lex… Well, if I didn't count Clark's appearance.

Now I had nothing left. No baby. No husband. They were all dead.

"Jess…" Chloe suddenly rubbed my arm. "It's ok to be a little sad," she told me.

"I'm sorry." I wiped a stray tear from my eye. "I'm good now."

"No, it's really ok. I understand. He was the love of your life. You have the right to be sad today. Don't worry about me."

I smiled to her and hugged her again.

"Ready?" I asked, my voice a little shaky.

"Ready."

"And I'm here to give you away," we heard Clark's voice from behind us.

"I better get to my place first," I said and left them.

_His eyes were so happy when I was walking toward him. I've never seen him so beaming, never… Now he was marrying the right woman and finally had the chance to have a good, full of love life, he wouldn't follow into Lionel's footsteps._

_His hands took mine, his eyes were looking at me closely. He swore to me. He put a ring on my finger and then bent over to kiss me…_

I shivered. I had to stop reminiscing over the past. I had to move on. To live. To love again.

I couldn't keep thinking about Lex. It would break me and I had to be strong. I was a Luthor. I would survive this.

Also, I had Ollie now, so I wasn't completely alone.

* * *

Chloe and Jimmy got married.

Clark was dancing with Lois.

They actually looked quite good together and I could've sworn that Lois wasn't herself at the moment. Was it possible that she'd been having feelings for Clark all this time? That would be good for him. He needed someone who would give him more than me, because I was a wreck.

I was standing in the corner, hidden, all alone, watching the happy guests and couldn't stop thinking about Lex's face in the day of our own wedding. So happy, so full of hope.

"Sorry I'm so late," I heard Ollie's voice from behind me. "You all right?" he asked me, putting his hand to my cheek and gently raising my chin up so I would look at him. "Are you crying?"

"I'm… I'm sorry…" I stammered and buried my face in his neck, sobbing.

"It's ok… I understand," Oliver's voice hardened and he pulled me into his tight embrace, giving me comfort, but I could still feel the gaping hole in my heart.

I was sick of him asking me if I was ok. I was sick of him telling me he understood. I needed to stop this. I needed to truly move on. I knew Oliver didn't deserve how I treated him.

Only it felt like Lex wasn't dead at all. It was like he was somewhere out there, yearning for me as much as I yearned for him. Still, I had to wake up. He was dead and there was no coming back from that stage.

"D'you wanna get out of here?" Oliver asked me quietly and then placed a soft kiss on my head. There was still something wrong with his voice, but I stopped caring at the moment.

"Yeah." I nodded and let him lead me to the exit.

Just then…

We heard some disturbing rumble in the attic.

"What is it?" I asked, moving away from Oliver to take a better look.

Suddenly, the roof collapsed.

"Jess! Run!" Ollie took my hand and pulled me toward the door, but our way was blocked by falling rubbles.

"Oh, God!" I yelled when I saw… a beast. There was no better explanation for this. It was just a big ugly beast.

Clark got to it, but one move of its hand was enough to send him flying up to the attic.

"Clark!" I yelled and wanted to follow him to make sure he was ok.

"He'll be fine! We have to go!" Ollie took my hand again and pulled me in the opposite direction, but I didn't move.

Something was wrong.

Clark didn't come back as he should have.

I ran to the stairs and climbed it.

All the guests were almost gone by now and soon, I heard Chloe's scream, "Jimmy! No!"

"Clark!" I yelled while finally getting to the attic. "CLARK!"

He was lying on the floor right next to kryptonite.

I got to it and closed it in a box that it had fallen from.

"It's too late." Oliver followed me. "That thing took Chloe."

* * *

Here I was. In the hospital while they were operating on Jimmy.

Lois was standing right beside me, broken. Her cousin had just been abducted by some supernatural beast and her new brother in law was lying on the operation table, fighting for his life.

"Lois, Jess…" Clark finally got to us with Ollie who immediately wrapped his arm around me.

"Any words on Chloe?" I asked.

Clark just shook his head.

"She's gone."

"Oh, God." I wiped another tear from my eye. What an awful day! I could still remember Chloe telling me that she wouldn't let anything spoil it.

"I'll bring her back," Clark said, very sure of himself.

"Bring her back? You?" Lois raised her voice while crying. "And what if you can't?"

"Lois…" he started.

"No, just… don't… I need… I need to be alone for a moment." She left.

"I'll go after her," I said, but Ollie stopped me.

"Trust me, if she says she wants to be alone, you better leave her alone."

I guessed I had to listen to him since he'd been in a relationship with Lois long before I'd appeared in the picture.

"I will find Chloe," Clark repeated while clenching his fists.

"I believe you will," I told him. "Now, don't waste your time. Go."


	23. Chapter 23

_(Legion_)

"I've checked everywhere… there's no sign of Chloe," Clark said when he came back.

"And the beast? What was it?" I asked, trying not to panic. We couldn't lose Chloe now.

"Jar-El warned me. It's my ultimate destroyer. From Krypton," Clark explained.

"Oh, God…" I put my hands to my head and turned round.

"Jess…" Oliver started, but I pushed him away.

"Why Chloe? Why didn't he take you?" I asked Clark.

"I have no idea," Clark sighed heavily. "And I have no idea what to do next!" The was helplessness in his voice and I really wanted to hug him in this moment. I didn't though. I knew I shouldn't.

"I'll go to Isis, maybe I'll find something," I suggested instead. "Lois's staying with Jimmy, so he won't be needing me."

"I'll help you," Oliver offered Clark.

* * *

"Hello, Jessica," I heard a feminine voice when I was searching through Chloe's stuff in Isis. The stranger was a pretty blonde wearing red leather and she seemed to be a little younger than me.

"I'm sorry to scare you, Jessica, but I desperately need your help." She made a few steps toward me.

"How do you know who I am?" I asked her, facing her. There was something about her like some mystical energy surrendered her and I already felt like she was kindred spirit.

"I'm from the future," she followed with an explanation when slowly coming closer. "My name is Imra."

"Look…" I raised from my sit, convinced that she was just a lost meteor infected that needed help. Pity she chose the worst moment to come to me. "I understand that this feel real for you, but we can get you some help."

"You're looking for Chloe Sullivan. You're worried about her," she said, ignoring my remark.

"What do you know about Chloe?" I asked, pretty concerned and a little bit afraid by now.

"That she's changed… She's been taken over by Brainiac."

"We'll find Chloe and we'll figure out a way to stop him," I told her. Clark had saved Chloe once before. He could easily do it again.

"The only way to stop Brainiac now is to kill his host… and I need you to convince Clark to do that. That's why I came to you. He won't listen to us," Imra was unyielding.

"Excuse me?" I raised my eyebrows in surprise. Kill Chloe? What the hell that girl was saying? Who the hell was she to even dare?

"I'd never ask Clark to kill anyone," I said sharply. "Do you understand?"

"Ever since I was little I've read stories about you," she started again, "about the hardship you overcame and the incredible things you will are still destined to do. You are part of the reason Kal-El becomes the hero we look up to and… you are the only woman that could stop Lex Luthor. Your love is epic."

"You wanted to say 'was' epic," I corrected her, feeling hurt at the memory of Lex.

"I'm sorry." She frowned. "I shouldn't have said that. You're not there yet."

"What do you mean I'm not there yet? I didn't stop Lex! I was attacked by Brainiac myself and Lex almost killed Clark! Now he's really dead and I…"

"Jessica," Imra interrupted me quickly. "I'm sorry, but we don't really have time for any complications or explanations right now. You will do so much yet. You really have no idea what kind of amazing things you will achieve. You will save Kal-El from his opponent just… Please, Chloe has to die or billions of people will die in her place. I came to you, because you understand sacrifice more than anyone."

I'd been willing to kill Lex when Zod had taken over him, but it hadn't been Lex anymore, just his body.

"Sacrificing my friend's life isn't an option," I said adamantly.

"If I know you, you'll eventually realize that taking Chloe's life is the only way to stop Brainiac."

"Because of what? Because I almost killed the love of my life?" I finally asked. "It that what you're implying? You don't know me! If you really are from the future, all you know is a bunch of written stories!"

"Just remember, Jessica," Imra continued, again ignoring what I told her, "there's nothing that's lost that can't be found again."

"Wait… what did you…"

But she was already gone.

That was Lex's line! But he was dead, wasn't he…?

* * *

"Jess!" Clark appeared in Isis. "That creature is the least of our worries! Brainiac is behind all of this!"

"I know… and now he's taken over Chloe," I sighed heavily while sitting by my computers.

Clark sent me a strange look.

"I had a visitor. She seemed to know a lot about us," I explained.

"Oh, so you've met Imra," Clark understood and nodded.

"I'm searching for power surges anywhere in the world. Clark…" I suddenly changed the topic of our conversation, "she said something weird about Lex…"

"Lex? Why?" he asked in surprise, but I had the impression that he was also concerned.

"She just... said a lot of stuff that seemed so incoherent to me… like Lex… like he was alive," I finally dared to say and avoided Clark's look.

"Jess…" Clark sighed, "don't you think that he would've contacted you by now? He loved you so much that he was willing to become a better person just for you."

"Ok, ok, stop," I said, raising my hands. "It still hurts, you know and… you're right. I shouldn't have thoughts like that. He is dead and there is nothing I can do about it. Let's come back to Chloe. That girl said that the only way to stop Brainiac is to kill his host."

"What if she's right?" Clark suddenly asked and I just had to look at him in shock. "Jess, I've always put my loved ones in front of everything, but this time… I'm putting Chloe's well being before lives of billions of people."

"Clark, what happened to you?" I asked when standing from my seat and facing him. "I know you, you would try to save Chloe _and_ the rest of the world. You wouldn't give up like that."

My computer beeped and turned back to it.

"I found it! A surge of power… coming from the Daily Planet!"

The screen blackened and then something strange appeared on it…

_Blank._

_Oh, no, not again… Clark… Clark…_

But I couldn't speak.

I was out of control over my body once again.

* * *

After some time I found myself lucid again.

I looked around. There was no sign of Clark, but the computers were up and running.

I just hoped he didn't kill Chloe. I hoped he managed to save her.

"Jess!" Oliver burst inside. "Oh, you're fine!" He got to me and took me in his arms.

"Yeah, I guess I am. Are you?"

"Sure. Chloe's save by the way. Clark managed to save her."

"That's a relief!" I moved back a little to look at Ollie's face. "And what about the creature?"

"No sign of it, but we hope that it got weakened and maybe died."

"I hope that too," I said. "But we can't really be so optimistic about supernatural judging from our experience, can we?"

"Is everything all right? You seem a little… distracted," Oliver noticed.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I lied. "Where's Chloe now?"

"Probably by Jimmy's bed in hospital and… before I forget, she remembers Clark's secret, so you can talk to her freely."

"Really? Looks like that memory erasure was a big fiasco, but I'm glad. I would kill Clark if he did something like that to me."

"And that is probably the reason why he didn't tell Chloe what he'd done," Oliver murmured under his breath.

* * *

_I heard his voice coming from the darkness._

_I turned around, not sure if I should head in that direction. The light was behind me and there was only getting darker and darker ahead of me._

_"Jessica…" I heard him again._

_I started walking toward it._

_Then, when I found myself completely immersed in the darkness, somebody put a hand on my shoulder._

_I turned around with a scream and finally, I saw his face._

_"There's nothing that's lost that can't be found again," he said._

"Jess! Jessica!" I finally opened my eyes, waking up.

Oliver was there, right beside me, shaking me a little to wake me up.

"What…?"

"You had a nightmare," he told me. "You were throwing in bed. I had to wake you up. Are you ok? What was it?"

I watched his hazel eyes for a while, eyes do different from those in my dream, but then I just shook my head.

"Nothing, it was nothing. I don't even remember it now," I lied to him again and went back to sleep.

What that dream meant? I thought. Did Imra really want to tell me that Lex was alive? Maybe I'd given up on him too easily? I wondered. Maybe I should've been looking for him until I would find an actual body? Or… the rest of it? Maybe I should've listened to no one when he'd been presumed dead?

One I knew for sure – Lex would never give up on me like that.

Maybe I'd been afraid of the condition I could find him in? He'd killed his own father, so maybe there was no coming back from that? Maybe even I couldn't help?

I wouldn't be hurt more If I tried, so…

I would try.

I would try to search for him.

Imra must have known what she'd been talking about.

* * *

(_Bulletproof, Requiem_)

I'd done everything I could. I'd had the whole globe searched once again. I'd searched everywhere! I'd told my men to check every inch of that freaking Arctic snow and what? Nothing.

I shouldn't have believed that Lex was still alive in the first place. It only made everything worse. I shouldn't have let myself hope.

I'd become slightly distant. I'd had to conduct the search while not telling anyone and the hardest part was to hide it all from Oliver who'd been my constant visitor.

But I'd managed to do it all and it looked like Lex was gone for good.

That final night when I'd dropped all my hopes I just sat down in my chair by the fireplace and sipped red wine. I needed alcohol and I needed to reevaluate my priorities. Even such a patient person like Oliver would finally get tired of the situation I'd been creating. Above all, I didn't want to cause him pain when he was so patient and good with me.

The door opened and I saw him, still in Green Arrow's outfit. He staggered inside and walked over to the sofa, collapsing on it.

"Oliver!" I called his name in fear, putting my glass on the table and getting to him. "What happened? Are you hurt?!"

"Nah." He winked at me. "I almost got shot tonight, but I'm fine. I'm alive. It's just a couple of bruises."

"Shot?!" I exclaimed in horror, suddenly realizing that I would be so devastated if something happened to him. "Oh, God…" I cupped his face. "I'm glad that you're ok," I whispered, feeling some bizarre mix of emotions inside of me. "Oliver," I started again, this time very serious. "I can't lose you."

He looked me in the eye and smiled.

"You won't, I promise."

"I need you and I think… maybe… I… I love you," I finally dared to say and it stunned him.

"What did you just say?" he asked like he wasn't sure he'd heard it right.

"I love you," I repeated and got closer, placing a gentle kiss on his lips. It wasn't the kind of love I knew by loving Lex. It wasn't even the electricity I'd grown to feel in Clark's presence. It was something entirely different. But why wouldn't I call it love just the same? All loves were different and you couldn't feel the same way twice, I thought. [_If only I knew back then how wrong I was…]_

"I love you too," Ollie whispered and kissed me again. First gently, then more passionately and finally he was lying on top of me, our tongues dancing.

And I should dare to think that it felt right for the first time. Lex was gone for good, I needed to accept that truth and move on. Oliver should be my new future. I had to stop holding on to the past and look at what was right in front of me.

"Are you… ok?" I asked when we were in the middle of taking our clothes off. "You're hurt…"

"Nothing severe." He smiled and then his lips traced its way down toward my belly.

I spread my legs for him, taking him in, feeling the real pleasure. Was it the very first time I really enjoyed having sex with Ollie? The very first time it gave me not only the psychical comfort, but also the physical?

I guessed so.

Maybe future could be much brighter than I anticipated.

* * *

Just when I was finally getting back on my feet, I was crashed again. This time more painfully than ever before.

Because somebody betrayed me. Betrayed my trust. Deceived me like no one had ever done before.

A week later I went to Ollie's apartment. He hadn't met me at lunch like he'd promised to and then he hadn't picked up his phone. I was tired of him working all the time. I could understand that he had to do his job, but why the hell he couldn't just call me and tell me he wouldn't make it?

So I went to him to give him a lesson.

I was welcomed by a completely empty apartment and started getting really angry. When I walked over to his desk to write him a note I noticed an electrical device on it. A device that was beeping and when I took a look at it… there was a green dot with a name tag: Lex Luthor.

I could just stare at it with my eyes widely open, couldn't believe what I was seeing..

Then, slowly, it all came to me and I understood.

Oliver had found Lex.

Why couldn't I find him, then? Because Ollie was now the closest person to me. It didn't matter that I'd done everything to cover my tracks. He'd known I'd been looking for Lex and he'd sabotaged me while finding Lex himself!

I suddenly remembered that night when Ollie had come to me, his face with such a strange indescribable expression. I could've sworn back then that he'd just found out about something. That he'd been afraid of losing me with no reason. Now I knew what that reason was.

It was Lex.

If Ollie didn't tell me he'd found him, it meant only one thing – he wanted to kill my husband.

I had no time for crying, no time for disbelief, no time for anything but running to the door with the device in my hand. I had to save Lex before it would be too late.

* * *

The closer I was getting the faster my heart was hammering in my chest.

I was afraid. Of course, I was! I was afraid of the stage I would find Lex in! I was afraid that there would be nothing that I could do for him, nothing that would make him better. I was sure by now that he'd been really hurt, probably both physically and emotionally. If he hadn't contacted me yet, it simply meant that he didn't want me to see him like this. I had no illusions. If Lex had been able to move like a healthy human being, he would've known about me and Oliver and if he'd known, he would've appeared in the mansion immediately and had him thrown out of there while getting me back.

I finally reached the alley. There was just one more corner left and…

I suddenly stopped, pushing on the brakes in my car.

I saw Clark standing by some wreckage of a van, dropping a handful of earth on it.

"Cl…Clark?" I stammered while getting out of the vehicle. My whole body was shivering. I didn't want to understand this situation. I wanted to be kept in the dark. I wanted to see Lex here. I wanted… "Clark?" I repeated and he turned to me with an expression on his face that told me everything I needed to know.

"Wh…what…?" I squealed. "What…?"

"I came too late," he said heavily while looking at me with sadness in his eyes. "I'm sorry."

It had to dawn on me eventually.

Lex was dead for real this time.

And I'd gotten here too late to save him.

And I wasn't even the one to blame for being late. Clark had gotten here long before me and still…

I suddenly walked to a side and bent down, vomiting on the ground.

Then I straightened myself up and finally burst into tears.

"Tell me…" I was still shivering. "Please, tell me that he wasn't inside…"

"Jessica…" He used my whole name and it was the final confirmation.

"No… NOOOO!" I screamed and found myself on the ground.

Clark got to me and put his arms around me.

"I… I… I just fucking gave up on him! I gave up!" I was sobbing. "He would've never given up on me and I have! I turned my back on him, because of what?! I didn't want to face the truth?! I was scared of what I might've found when finally seeing him face to face?! That he wouldn't have been the same man that I married?! That I fell for?! That he would've been evil, so much evil that I would've had to run? That he would've been so evil that it wouldn't have been my Lex anymore?! And Ollie… Oliver fucking killed him!" I stood up, jerking Clark's arms off of me and getting back to my car.

"Jessica…" he started, trying to stop me.

"Clark, please, don't. It's my battle now," I said hard, got inside and started the engine.

Where would I find Oliver Queen?

* * *

I came back to his apartment, because after all, It was closer than the mansion. I could check it first.

Bingo.

He was here.

I walked inside, doing everything I could to fight back the tears, so he wouldn't know right away that I knew.

"Jess." He smiled. _Smiled_ on seeing me and made his way to me. "Hey, honey… listen, I know you've been calling me all day, but… listen, I…"

"You son of a bitch!" I raised my voice when he found himself right by me. I reached my hand and slapped his cheek as hard as I could.

"Easy there… that was just one lunch…" he started, but then I slapped his other cheek.

"You forgot something," I said with strangely calm and emotionless voice and reached to my pocket to show him the device.

His face changed in a second, recognition and fear in his eyes.

"Now you understand?" I asked while raising my eyebrows and throwing the device across the room where it smashed against the wall.

"Jessica…"

"Stop!" I cut him off, shaking my head and closing my eyes. "Just… stop…" I was being sick of people calling me Jessica today. It was only reminding me of what I'd lost. Of the one person that… "You killed the one man I loved. Why?" I demanded an answer.

I must've been more effective with this strange voice that seemed not to belong to me than I would've been while crying. Oliver sensed this change and got quite disturbed.

"Jessica… I…" he started again, stumbling over the words.

"You didn't want to lose me?" I followed with a possible explanation. "You didn't want Lex to kill anyone else? Oliver, _you_ killed _him_, so what that makes you, hah? You're just the same now. You're a cold blooded killer!"

"It's funny what people are capable of when they lose you or are afraid of losing you," Oliver suddenly said bitterly.

He hurt me. Deeply offended. Lex had turned evil because he'd thought I would've never woken up from the alien coma and now Oliver…

"You make me sick," I hissed at him. "You're no better now than he was."

"Jess…"

"Just tell me why. Why did you do this?"

He suddenly avoided my eyes.

"I wanted the world to be free of the Luthors. They are like disease, destroying everything on their way."

"I didn't get destroyed! I was the reason he…" I started, but Oliver interrupted me.

"Oh, it would've been just a matter of time. Besides, Lex knew Clark's secret. He would've killed him eventually."

"He wouldn't!"

"I love you!" Oliver exclaimed. "Is this what you wanted to hear?! Yes! I got rid of him partially because I didn't want to lose you and because I thought he was a threat that had to be stopped! I knew that if you knew he was still alive, you wouldn't spend another second in the same room with me! I still had no idea what that guy had that was actually better than me, but… I just couldn't lose you or Clark! Lex would've killed him!"

"You don't know that," I told him, still calmly. "And you just did lose all of us. Also, I regret saying I love you. I never loved you, Ollie. It was some kind of a delusion, guilt even, because you seemed to be so patient and caring. Well, now I see I just wasted my time trying to feel for you, because this is who you truly are," I pointed my finger at him. "And for your information, the only person I've ever loved was Lex."

"Jess… please…" Oliver's voice was pleading now, begging even.

"Are you actually counting on my forgiveness?" I snorted.

"I love you."

"Oh, are you gonna cry?" I asked him when I spotted tears in his eyes.

"Don't do this to me…"

"You did this to yourself!"

"I did him a favor!" he suddenly screamed. "He was a wreck, Jess! If you'd seen him, you would've understood! He's better off dead!"

"_You are_ the one who still doesn't understand!" I cocked my head while reaching to my pocket again. "Love isn't about the body, Oliver, it's something much more than that. You took it all away from me… you took him away… I hate you!" I finally dissolved into tears again and took the gun from my pocket, putting it to Oliver's chest.

"Are you going to kill me now?" he asked strangely calm, remaining on his place, not trying to move or snatch the gun away from me. "Then you'll become one of us. A killer."

"Don't turn this all around."

I was ready to pull the trigger.

Then I heard the door bursting open and the gun was gone. Clark was standing right next to me.

"Jessica…" he spoke gently.

"Don't!" I screamed and moved to get the gun back, but he stopped me. I ended up beating his chest with my fists while crying.

"I'm sorry," Oliver went on. "You have to know that Lex had a bad influence on you. He would destroy you. Now you have a chance to finally start a new and good life. Please, Jess…"

"I don't want to see you ever again," I spat while finally giving up and letting Clark hold me tight and then take me out of there.

* * *

I was lying in my bed, alone and crying.

Lex's official and this time real funeral was going to be the next day.

It turned out that Imra, the girl from the future, had been right after all. Lex had been alive, but then… then he'd fucking died just before I managed to reach him and that left me with what?

Maybe she'd made a mistake by telling me too much? Only if she hadn't, I would've still found that device in Oliver's apartment, I realized.

Maybe it was all a part of some stupid bigger plan? Maybe the time travel was something that had to occur? Maybe she had to tell me those things, but… again, the question was _why?_

I had to stop thinking about it. There was no point now. Lex was already gone.

I would only go mad while going through all the details of my conversation with Imra over and over again.

_There's nothing that's lost that can't be found again._

Obviously there was, because Lex was gone forever.

And no one could raise from the death.

At least I knew now why Lex hadn't contacted me in the first place. I was right with my assumption that he hadn't been able to move. Destroyed medical equipment had been found in the wreckage along with Lex's DNA.

I had the ultimate proof that he didn't want me to see him like this.

Did he think I was that shallow? Did he think that I wouldn't be able to see past his hurt body?

No, there must be something else.

Still, I had no idea what that might be.

Maybe he had a plan to cure himself? But I was the one who was in charge of LuthorCorp and there was no way that he had some classified project going around…

* * *

_Funeral_

I was just standing in the rain, crying. My tears were mixing with the water that was pouring down from the sky, soaking my clothes wet.

I felt completely numb.

Then Clark appeared by my side and took my hand. He was the comfort I needed, I realized. He was always there for me as I was for him. With him I wasn't truly alone.

I saw Oliver in the distance but ignored him completely. He was right. I would turn bad if I took his life. Now he would suffer while being all alone. After all, he'd lost me and I knew he really loved me.

There was no proof that he'd actually killed Lex, so prison was also out of the question as well.

Maybe I should seek justice one day, I thought, but now I was simply too tired.

I was tired of living. I just wanted to cower myself in bed and fall asleep for the rest of my life. Sleep was good. When you were sleeping you didn't feel anything. There was just this blissful ignorance and sometimes even happiness. I hated those moments to wake up though, they were always too painful when you realized that the real thing was the pain you were feeling inside, eating you up.

_Because your presence still lingers here_

_And it won't leave me alone_

_These wounds won't seem to heal, the pain is just too real_

_There's just too much that time cannot erase (…) _

**Song: My immortal**

* * *

"Jess?" Clark knocked on my bedroom door and a moment after that, he came inside. "Jess?" he repeated, keeping his voice quiet.

I squirmed on my bed. "Yeah?" I finally uttered.

"How are you feeling?" he asked and soon sat down on the edge of the bed. "Is there anything I can do?"

I raised myself to a sitting position and looked him in the eye.

I'd made a mistake while pursuing a relationship with Ollie with Clark so close to me, I knew that now. I probably lost them both.

Or maybe it wasn't too late?

The truth was that there was always something between me and Clark. If only I hadn't known Lex, I would've been head over heels in love with my alien friend.

I was still in pain, still grieving after losing my love and I needed consolation. Clark could give it to me and he could be there for me until I would be ready.

I just knew I couldn't be alone. I couldn't live like that. I saw what it'd done to Lex.

I leaned toward Clark and I kissed him, feeling the familiar sparks that I'd felt when he's kissed me a while ago in the barn.

He was surprised, but managed to move away from me.

"Jess… I don't… I don't think it's a good idea," his voice was hoarse and his blue eyes fixed on mine.

"Why?" I asked, rising my hand to touch his face and I caressed his cheek. "I need this, Clark, so just please, make love to me. I need a distraction," I said, watching his eyes closing in pleasure.

"No," he refused, shaking his head. "Not like this. I won't deny my having feelings for you, but… not like this," he repeated.

"But… I'm so alone… and there's this gaping hole inside of me," I sobbed.

He pulled me into his embrace, holding me in his arms for a while.

"Clark, I need you." I wasn't giving up. I could feel this was right. I really _wanted _him. I never wanted to be away from him now when I lost everything and everyone else. "You're the only one who can help me. You're the only one alive that really knows me. I'm sorry for Oliver, I was fooling myself that I could eventually love him. Can't we just… go back to the place we'd been once?" I looked up into his eyes. "I feel it this time, Clark. I promise," I assured him.

"Jess…" he sighed heavily. His arms were still around me as he couldn't bring himself to let me go. I could feel his body getting tensed though. "As much as I want this… you should sleep on it. You're grieving now. You don't think clearly."

"I know what I need," I repeated in a more confident voice and I reached for his lips again.

He didn't pull away this time, but didn't make any effort in kissing me either.

When I nibbled with my tongue on his lower lip, he just moaned and suddenly opened his mouth to let me in, then started kissing me hungrily, causing my head to spin.

I was surprised by that sudden outburst of feelings, but I didn't complain. I needed the distraction from pain and I knew with Clark it could finally be right.

I took his shirt off, baring his muscular chest to my eyes and I put my hands to it, sliding them down toward his crotch until I would cup it and massage it bgently through his pants. God, he was getting hard and I could feel how huge he actually was.

He groaned deeply in his throat as I touched him and he reached to my shirt, taking it off as well and then quickly getting rid of my bra.

His lips suddenly slid down and he kissed, then sucked on my nipples.

In this moment I finally forgot about everything that was around us and about all those feelings I'd been having inside of me. I just gave up and enjoyed the pleasure Clark was finally giving me.

When we got rid of the rest of our clothes, we laid down on the bed, him hovering above me, kissing me, touching… I savored in the feel of him, touched his strong arms, his muscles, cupped his butt cheeks. When we were both too far gone, he just parted my leg and positioned his hard twitching cock at my entrance, sliding inside of me with one quick stroke.

He was so good at this. He'd obviously leant how to control his powers and now he could just fuck me without hurting me in the process, well, at least not with his powers.

I gasped, releasing a moan that first indicated pain. Clark was too big and I needed to adjust, but then, boy, then I felt so much pleasure that I could feel the climax building already. Clark filled me whole and then retreated to come back inside.

"Is it… good for you?" he asked with stifled groan and met my eyes.

"Oh, god, yes! Don't you dare stop!" I gasped.

"Am I hurting you?" he asked another question, not really sure of himself.

"God! Clark… you're not! Just… fuck me." He was enormous and thick and beautiful, but he wasn't causing me any pain anymore as I'd got used to as deep penetration as possible with Le… I needed to stop thinking about this. I forced myself to focus back on Clark.

And then…

"Oh, yes! GOD! Clark! Clark!" I came, squeezing him inside me, feeling his cock twitching and then he gave a few jerky pushes into me and froze, coming hard himself.

Next thing I knew he was collapsing on bed right next to me, probably afraid that if he did it on me, he would crash me.

"Jess…" His breathing was still heavy, his glistering from sweat chest raising and falling, but his voice grew serious. "I don't want to use you." He supported himself on his elbow and looked me in the eye. "I want to be with you if you only let me in. I love you. That's never changed," he confessed.

I knew it was way too early to say it back and he knew it too, but he wasn't expecting such an answer.

I would fall in love with him eventually, truly fall as this was so different and so much intense than it'd ever been with Oliver. There was so much history and ache between me and Clark.

Maybe my life wouldn't be so miserable as I thought after all.

In my answer, I just pressed my lips against Clark's and kissed him hard.

We understood each other. He loved me.

This was my acceptance of the inevitable.

And the inevitable was us.

* * *

**AN1: **I love Imra's character too much to let her go. You will see quite a lot of her in the future sequels. And you will be struck with a few shocking surprises along the way as well.

**AN2: **To this chapter I have a short vidlet. I made it a long time ago, so I'm sorry about the quality, but I think it's still worth seeing:

Youtube

* * *

watch?v=CFIMvK4G_Oo

* * *

Full link in my profile!


	24. Chapter 24

(_Infamous, Turbulence_)

A week went by and I hadn't heard from Clark ever since we'd had sex.

I didn't know what to think about it. Did he regret? Did he feel guilty? Was he ashamed? Or maybe… he didn't love me? Maybe he just thought he did.

I guessed I would have to stop waiting for him and make the first step myself. I was determined to find my happiness again and Clark seemed like the perfect choice. Like the right one. The right step into the light.

I was done thinking about it, I just drove to the farm and walked into the barn.

"For a guy who works in the Daily Planet you keep spending too much of your time here," I said when I reached the top of the stairs and saw him in his usual brooding place.

"Jess…" He turned to me immediately, his voice trailing off like he didn't really know what to say.

"Are you avoiding me, Clark?" I wanted to know.

"What? No… I mean… I didn't know what it was exactly that happened between us," he admitted. "I wasn't sure if it was just your way of dealing with grief or…"

"It was something else," I answered and watched his face changing. It was cheerier now, like there was hope for us.

"Really?" he made sure. "I would understand if it wasn't… I just… I can't handle another rejection, Jess, so I decides it would be better to keep my distance."

Poor guy, I suddenly realized. Had I been playing with his heart all this time? Had I done it too much? I'd never really thought that I was hurting him so deeply. It made me feel like a total bitch. I needed to make it right now.

"You know, we can't deny anymore that there's something between us," I said while making my way to him.

I was surprised by the fact that my heart started beating faster and warm enveloped my whole body. I was tensed, feeling the pleasant anticipation of what was about to happen. I wanted Clark by my side, wanted his body next to mine. I wanted him to touch me again.

It was a good sign and I didn't have to feel guilty for such feelings since Lex - still, the memory of him brought me so much pain - was dead. I'd also certainly never felt this way while being close to Oliver.

"I'm sorry if I went too far the other night," Clark apologized.

"No, you didn't." I smiled, not agreeing with him. "Actually, I liked it very much."

"You did?" He raised his eyebrows in surprise.

"I did." I smiled to him and reached up to kiss him.

His lips caught mine, his strong hands pulled me into his embrace and I felt the hotness building inside of me. I needed him. I craved for him.

I moaned into Clark's mouth when our tongues met.

"You're gorgeous," he whispered into my ear when he started nibbling at it.

I could say nothing more. I was too busy with feelings that overwhelmed me. I let Clark sweep me into his arms and superspeed with me to his bedroom in the house.

He laid me down on the bed and slowly started undressing me while kissing every part of my body that was being uncovered at the moment.

I opened my mouth widely and a powerful moan escaped it when he sucked on my nipples.

Soon, we were completely naked.

He lowered his face to mine and captured my lips again.

"Mmm… Clark…" I sighed deeply. I was rather impatient. I was so wet that I thought I would start dripping soon and his hard cock pressing into my stomach didn't make it any better. "Too slow…" I whispered.

He grinned at me and kept kissing me.

I reached my hand between our bodies and grasped his cock, stroking it hard and fast, enjoying how thick and big he was.

Who was laughing now? I thought with satisfaction when Clark's face contorted like he was close to lose it.

I finally felt him pushing at my entrance.

"You're bossy," he complained in a husky voice.

"I just take what I want," I said and gasped almost immediately when he slid inside me all the way.

"You're so beautiful…" he whispered while moving in deep, filling strokes.

I felt so loved. I felt like I was his whole world, like he would do anything for me, sacrifice anything to protect me. He really did love me and he was showing me that in his every move.

* * *

A month later for the first time since like forever I was starting to look into my future with hope again.

Not everything was lost. I could still be happy in some way. I could still have my chance with the right person.

"Good morning." Clark woke up right beside me. "How was your night?"

"Wonderful," I said honestly, smiling to him mischieviously.

I started to think that my life was easier than ever before. I'd loved Lex with my whole heart and there was still a gaping hole in it, marking that lost, but I had to admit that a relationship with Clark was so much easier. There was no pain, no fear of what he might've become in the future, of what he might've done.

I didn't want to make any comparisons between him and Lex, because it was always Lex… but now, Lex was gone and I really started to feel more and more for Clark.

He leaned forward and kissed me. Soon, pulling me into his strong arms and I could feel his erection pressing against my thigh.

"Need a little help with that?" I asked him.

"He… help?" he stammered when I sank down into the sheets to grasp his cock. "Jess… what are you…"

"Relax." I almost laughed. "You never had a blow job?" I asked him.

He just exhaled the air soundly in response.

"Well, then you're gonna have a ride," I said and got down to business, sucking on the tip of his cock, massaging his balls and slowly taking him deeper.

All the time I'd spent with Lex had taught me a lot…

And now I was getting a reward while hearing Clark's moans... not Lex's.

I needed to stop. I just had to. Couldn't do that anymore. Couldn't let myself bring Clark to a climax like this now. I couldn't have his semen inside my mouth. Not his. It was too intimate, it was something I'd done only for one person… I… I was starting to panic, I realized with horrification. I couldn't let Clark notice! It would damage him and squash my hope for a healthy relationship with him.

I did the best I could to control myself and I just raised myself up, letting his cock slip out of my mouth and I straddled him instead.

"Sit," I told him.

He must like me being commanding, because he did sit up with no questions asked, his eyes devouring my naked body.

I impaled myself on his still hard cock. Then I leaned toward, put my arms around his neck and started kissing him while riding him.

"Oh, god…" he moaned. "It's so…"

"Aha…" I sighed deeply when finally forgetting of Lex or Lex's erections for that matter. Much better.

Now, I was with Clark again.

And it felt right.

I just couldn't get down to the part with my mouth ever again. That was something that belonged to only one person and that person was unfortunately gone.

* * *

"Clark, what happened?" I asked him when he barged into the mansion in the evening.

He'd called me a while earlier, informing that he'd had something very important to tell me.

"I was blackmailed this morning," he said.

"By who? Why?" I stood up from behind my desk and made my way to him. "You look nervous…"

"There's this reporter, Linda Lake…"

"Wait, I remember her. Isn't she working for the Inquisitor?"

"Yeah. She's meteor infected and she has the ability to turn herself into water and… she knows my secret."

"What are you going to do?" I got really scared for him right now. I knew how important it was for him that no one would find out about his true origin and his powers.

"I'm going public. Tomorrow," he told me.

"What?!" I burst. "You're not serious! Oh… you are? Clark… I…" I was speechless.

"I need to know if you stand by me." He suddenly took my face in his hands and look me in the eye. "And I'll understand if you don't."

"I do," I assured him, meeting his blues. "Clark, how could you even think that I wouldn't? I'm with you right now and I stand by your side no matter what. I'm proud of you. Making this decision must've taken a lot of courage."

"Well, it was this or working with Linda, giving her scoop every couple of weeks."

"So she won't write your story?" I made sure.

He moved back now, his hands dropped from my face. He calmed down when sure that I was with him one hundred percent.

"Lois will," he replied.

"You told Lois?"

"Tomorrow the whole world will know. I figured that Lois is the right person to tell my story. She deserves this."

"Or she just happens to be your friend," I said. "I'm joking!" I added while seeing the look on his face. "It had to be someone whom you could trust. Someone you know. Lois seems like a perfect choice to me when Chloe isn't a journalist anymore."

"I'm glad that you agree."

"I guess I should be ready to become the Metropolis's biggest hero's girlfriend?"

* * *

It was so much bigger that I'd imagined it would've been! But it was still great. Clark was a hero and had hundreds of fans now that were admiring and loving him.

He was giving people hope and keeping them safe and I couldn't be more proud of him.

I had to admit I'd been rather skeptical in the beginning. I'd understood he'd had no choice with going public, but I'd been afraid it might've actually done more damage than good.

It turned out that it wasn't that bad.

"How is it to be a superhero's girlfriend?" Reporters finally got to me on the street.

It wasn't pleasant. I never liked too much public attention and I'd already had some once since I'd been Lex Luthor's wife, but it'd never been like this. I had to make my way to the LuthorCorp while using all my strength to push through the crowd. Finally, the guard by the door noticed me and made it easier for me.

"Thank you." I sent him a faint smile.

"You're welcome, Mrs. Luthor."

_Mrs. Luthor._

It was still my name. It hurt every time somebody called me by it, but I wouldn't change it. It was a part of who I was now. I would never change it.

* * *

"How are you, honey?" Clark walked inside my office in the afternoon.

"I think the proper question should be how are you?" I asked him and stood up to come closer to him.

He took me in his arms and then kissed me.

"I didn't expect so much attention, but it's good at some level, you know? People are inspired by me."

"Even the girl who jumped from her balcony today so you would save her?" I raised my eyebrows at him while watching his face.

"Well, she promised never do that again," Clark answered a little bit worryingly.

"Clark, I understand you want to make everything right, but you have to be prepared for crazy fans too. I mean… people do stupid things all the time."

"I know."

"And you won't always be there to safe them. I support you, I will always support you. I just want you to understand the consequences."

"You are special, you know that?" he said while putting his hands on my shoulders and looking me deep in the eye. "You are by my side, but you also have that wonderful ability to make me understand different points of view without even making me mad when we disagree."

I smiled at him. "Glad to hear that," I said. "See you at home?"

"Which one?"

"I guess it'll be more quiet at the farm…"

* * *

Wrong, I thought when finally appearing there.

Reporters and fans were just everywhere!

"Clark!" I screamed and knocked hard on the door. Even the simple way to it took me like forever. I had to constantly keep avoiding the microphones pointed at me and bite my tongue every time I'd heard some annoying question about Lex and Clark.

"Clark! It's me! JESS!" I yelled once more.

Finally, he opened the door, but before he managed to close it back, dozens of pictures had already been taken.

"God, it's like you were hiding a president here or some big move star!" I huffed when finally getting some air. "Clark, you're so famous!" I started laughing out of the sudden.

"What's so funny?" he asked in confusion.

"Nothing, just… who would've thought? That farm boy from Smallville… and now every single person in the whole world can hear about you and love you without even getting to know you to realize that there's so much to love." My voice got a little softer at the end of that sentence and I realized something.

"What is it? Why are you looking at me like that?" Clark asked me, quite uncertain.

"I just realized something," I said slowly.

"What is it?" His eyes were piercing right through mine, making me shiver, making me want him.

"I love you, Clark," I confessed and his face changed. I could see so many feelings on it right now, from surprise to disbelief, happiness and tenderness.

"I love you too, Jess, but you already know this." He smiled and took my face in his hands while pulling me closer to kiss me.

"Guys, I don't want to break the mood, but… we have a problem," I heard Chloe's voice coming from the living room.

"Chloe…" I got disconcerted. "I didn't know you were there."

"It's ok. It's nice to see you're finally together and happy, but," she bit her lip, "we have a huge problem. See for yourselves." She turned the volume in the TV up.

It was Linda Lake saying that people shouldn't trust Clark Kent. "… he is no savior, he isn't here to help. He is the very first wave of… an alien invasion!" she told the whole world. "The real hero, the one person that was brave enough to stand up to Clark Kent, is now dead. He wanted to save us all and paid the highest prize. It was Lex Luthor... and Clark Kent... killed him."

"Oh, my god." I covered my mouth with my hands.

"Let's not forget that Jessica Luthor, who is now in a relationship with Clark Kent, was Lex Luthor's beloved wife. She herself was attacked by an unknown alien disease and put into a sanctuary. She finally miraculously recovered when Lex Luthor was already gone. Who is to blame for that sad ending to the greatest love story in Smallville? Clark Kent. Maybe Mrs. Luthor is not even the same Mrs. Luthor from before her mysterious recovering? What if she's somehow changed by the alien force to be a perfect mate for Kent?"

I was just sitting there, on the couch, with my eyes widely opened and tears storming down my face.

Linda Lake had managed to destroy our lives within a minute. Now I was possessed by aliens and Clark was a murderer of my…

"Jess…" Clark turned the TV off and sat by my side, then pulled me into his arms. "Jess…"

All I was able to do was to sob into his chest uncontrollably.

"I'm so sorry…" he kept whispering and stroking my head to soothe me. I could tell that he shared my pain and was hurting because he couldn't take it away from me.

"Clark!" Chloe suddenly screamed from her place by the window. "The police's here! You have to go! They want you!"

"Get out through the back door, Chloe! Be safe!" Clark told her while getting up and walking toward the front door. He opened them, ready to face the police.

I was shaking on my seat and had no idea what to do now.

"Clark Kent? You're under arrest," I heard a hard, manly voice.

Only Clark refused to be arrested… and then they kept him at gun-point.

They finally noticed me and got to me, dragging me off the couch.

"Leave her alone! She has nothing to do with this!" Clark roared, his rage reaching its peak.

"Oh, she has everything to do with this, boy!"

Before I even noticed, their guns fired toward Clark, toward me…

I closed my eyes, ready for death, ready to meet Lex at the end of the tunnel I was expecting to find myself in.

But then when I didn't feel any pain I opened my eyes again and found myself in the woods instead.

Clark was standing right beside me.

"Clark… what the...?" I looked around in confusion.

"Jessica… I'm sorry, I am so sorry… It was a mistake…"

"To go public? I know, but there's nothing we can do about it now."

"There is," he sighed heavily and looked me in the eye. "Remember when Chloe was possessed by Brainiac? Remember the Legion?"

"Yes," I nodded while feeling some bitterness inside of me. I was still angry at Imra for lying to me and I couldn't even ask her about her reasons, because she was from hundred years in the future.

"They gave me a ring, so I could go forward in time to meet them," Clark informed me.

"And you think you can go back… and stop Linda?" I guessed.

"I hope so. It's what they did."

"But, Clark…" It dawned on me. "I… I…"

"What?"

"I won't remember for what I love you. I won't remember that I told you that… I…" I started crying, shaking in fear I would have to forget. "We'll be right in the place we were a month ago and…"

"Jess…" Clark put his hand to my face. "I will know you love me. I will know you told me that."

"You have to make me love you again! Promise me! You have to…" I was saying. "Clark, you're the only good and constant thing in my life and I realized it all too late… You have to…"

"I will," he reassured me, his eyes intense and fixed on mine. "Don't worry. I will."

"And you have to give me some time. Maybe even more than I needed now. You going public… it made me realize how wonderful you are, how you try, how righteously you act. You would never give up to Lake's blackmail and you're so brave… I realized that I would stand by you no matter what and…"

"I promise you that we will get there and I will tell you what happened. I will make you know it."

"You have to give me some time. Tell me the details when I will love you."

"I promise," he repeated, also with tears in his eyes. Then leaned for a kiss.

Passionate and hard kiss. Goodbye kiss for now.

"I… love… you…" he said slowly until it sunk in and then he was gone.

* * *

_Not everything was lost, I could still be happy, I could still have my chance with the right person._

"Good morning." Clark got to bed when I woke up. "How was your night?"

"Where were you?" I asked him while raising my eyebrows in surprise. "I thought you would stay here with me."

"It's a long story, but we'll get there." He just smiled to me.

There was something different about him. His eyes were different. They were looking at me… I couldn't explain it, but it was like his whole presence was illuminating with some kind of happiness, like he was sure of something, like I was the cause, but how come?

"Clark, are you ok?" I asked him. "You look… you're not on red kryptonite, are you?"

"What? No! No!... It's a long story, but I'll tell you when the time's right," he told me and leaned to me to kiss me. He pulled me into his arms and soon, I felt his hardening cock pressing against my thigh.

…

_I needed to stop. I just had to. Couldn't do this anymore. Couldn't let myself bring Clark to a climax now. I couldn't have his semen inside my mouth. Not his. It was too intimate, it was something I'd done only for one person… I…_

"Clark?" We heard Oliver's voice coming from downstairs.

"Oh, come on!" Clark huffed in indignation, but got out of bed anyway.

Thank God, I thought, for a change happy about that turn of events. I really had no idea how to deal with the feelings I started having and not hurt Clark in the process.

"Clark…"

"Sorry, it may be important. Oliver never do house calls unless it's something really…"

"…important. Yeah, I got that," I sighed while finishing after him.

"Are you ok? I mean… I can get rid of him if you…" he hesitated when he put his pants back on and was about to leave the room.

"It's ok, go," I assured him.

First those thoughts about Lex and now Oliver was here? Too much like for one morning. I decided.

I put my clothes back on as well and got downstairs. Seeing Oliver would be painful for me, but hiding from him wasn't my intention. I was strong. I was a Luthor. I could survive that. He was the one who should feel ashamed of what he'd done! He should've avoided me!

"Clark, Linda Lake's dead," I heard Oliver informing him.

Who was Linda Lake? There was something in the back of my head, but I didn't bother trying to remember.

"How?" Clark asked, clearly surprised.

"Somebody strangled her. They have no idea who."

I finally got down and Oliver's eyes met mine. I didn't turn my sight away though, I needed to show him how strong I was.

"So you finally won her over, hah?" Oliver said while not revealing any emotions himself, although I knew they must've been boiling somewhere deep inside of him. "Was it your plan all along?" he asked when turning to Clark. "Let me find Lex and do nothing to stop me until it would be too late?"

"Wait… what?" I suddenly stopped and looked at Clark in shock. "What did he just say?" My eyes were as big as plates and I could feel myself shaking. "You _knew_ the whole time?! And you didn't tell me?!"

"Jess, I had no idea that Oliver was capable of actually killing somebody!" Clark defended himself.

"I was hurting! I was miserable! I felt…" I stopped. It was too much for me right now. I could understand why Oliver hadn't told me, I really could. He'd been blinded by love and jealousy, but… "_YOU_ didn't tell me?! Clark! You of all people should know how much Lex meant to me!"

"I'm sorry, I just didn't… I didn't want to give you any false hope. We didn't even know if that was really Lex. I didn't want you to be hurt even more by the condition he might've been in…" he started explaining himself.

"Ok, I'm sorry… I had no idea…" Oliver started.

"Really?" Clark turned to him. "You told her on purpose!"

"She has the right to know! I've already lost her because of not telling her the truth, so you think she would be fine if she found out in a year?! Ten years?! How long exactly would you keep her in the dark, Clark?"

I was standing there, right next to them, shaking and having the impression that there was no floor under me. That I would just fall into some big bottomless hole.

"Clark…" I took a deep breath, tears in my eyes, pain on my face. "I… I trusted you… For a god's sake I had feelings for you! I would've never thought you would lie to me like that! How could you?!" He was the only one I trusted so badly and now… now it was all broken. I was broken. I was all alone. And it was more than just a broken relationship. It was a broken friendship. Everything we'd shared for better and worse was just gone now. After so many years… "I understood you might be worried about me and not tell me right away, but… we are together now for a god's sake!" I screamed. "You owed me the truth before! You fucking owed me that when you saw me by that fucking wreck of a truck!" I couldn't comprehend it anymore. I couldn't comprehend that Clark was capable of betraying me like this. "You were the only one I had left," I said silently, but with so much pain and emotions that I watched his face crumbling. "The only person _I trusted completely. _I could always count on you… how_ could you_? You know what's the worst part? I could've really loved you," I hissed.

"Jess…" he started again, his voice breaking. "I have to tell you something. There is something I promised you and…" he suddenly stop like he realized something else. "Never mind, it's too late." His face was reflecting such a pain right now that I realized I hurt him with my rejection as much as he hurt me with the truth and I could feel myself aching for him. Still, I just couldn't be with somebody who'd lied to me about something that had been my whole life once. Lex had been my very _meaning_. And now he was gone. And my friend deceived to me. I had nothing left. I was stripped of everything that had ever meant something to me.

[_Clark wanted to tell her, but then he realized she would probably ask him to go back in time to bring Lex back. And he couldn't do that. Wouldn't. It would mean messing with the past and it was too dangerous. He broke a promise she would never even remember he'd made. Maybe it was meant to be._]

"I'm done," I said in a hard voice while walking right past both Clark and Oliver.

"Jessica…" Clark turned to me and grabbed my hand, trying to pull me closer. Maybe to kiss me or simply to stop me from leaving, I didn't know. "I love you!" he said with tears in his eyes.

"It's over and you did it to yourself," I told him, pushed him away and walked out of his farm.

They all loved me… But was it really love when you lied to the person you loved, because you knew otherwise they would just walk away?

I got to my car and cried the whole way over to the mansion.

Then I headed straight to my room, to my bed.

The bed I'd been sharing with Lex once. The bed I'd been making love to him and fucking him.

Now it was all gone.

And I was all alone.

And… _I don't wanna be all alone._

But what kind of a choice I had right now?

_Just cower in bed, wait through the storm… wait for the sunlight… that may never come…_

* * *

After Lex's official death some stuff had been sent to me. I was now in the possession of Lex's crystal – I wasn't going to give it to Clark this time – and Lionel Luthor's journal.

After having read it, I needed to send Clark a message. I was still angry with him, still couldn't forgive him for what he'd done, but I had to warn him. He would die if I didn't.

I called Chloe and asked her to come over to my place as she was the only contact I had with Clark's world now.

"Chloe, nice to see you." I smiled faintly at her sight.

"Hey, Jess. How are you holding up? Are you feeling any better?" she asked me with care in her voice.

"No," I answered. I figured she would see the truth on my face anyway. "But I hope I will someday. Did you know back then that Oliver found Lex?" I suddenly asked, wondering about it.

"No," she said, "and to be honest, it's all kind of a blur to me. You know, with the whole Doomsday's attack and then Brainiac."

"I understand. How's Jimmy? Is he feeling any better?"

She just sighed, but I could read everything from her face.

"Oh, god, Chloe! What happened?"

She told me about Jimmy who'd been taking too much morphine and accused Davis of being a murderer.

"…and of course I told Jimmy I could help him, that he could get a special care, maybe help from some very good psychologist, but he left because he thinks I don't believe in him…" she almost cried. As she told me this. "Come on! Davis a killer?... What is it, Jess?" she asked when seeing the look on my face.

"Chloe…" I hesitated, because that was exactly what I'd wanted to talk to her about. "I hate to tell you this, but… Jimmy was right." As her face was stunned when the truth was sinking in, I walked over to my desk and showed her the journal of Lionel Luthor.

"What do you mean?" she just asked, not really understanding.

"There was another boy that landed on Earth the day of the first meteor shower and it was Davis," I began explaining. "Lionel took him, because he thought he was the traveler and then when he found out that Kents needed a fake adoption, he just threw Davis out." I told her everything I knew.

After I finished, Chloe was shaking while fighting back tears.

"I'm so sorry, Chloe," I said. "I need to warn Clark, but we don't speak… Could you please, tell him?"

She just nodded.

"I'm sure Jimmy… will understand." I tried to comfort her, but knew already that there was nothing I could say to make her feel any better. And I knew that from my own experience.

"I need… to be alone for a while, ok?" she just asked.

"Yes, of course. Whatever you need."

"Thank you, Jess. I really appreciate you telling me."

"I'm not a murderer, Chloe," I said. "I wouldn't let Clark die. It doesn't matter what kind of a resentment I have toward him… he's doing a lot for the people in Metropolis. They need him alive."

"Thank you."

She gave me a quick hug and walked away while wiping the tears from her face.

* * *

**AN **Next vidlet:

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Youtube

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watch?v=VcR5OtJtif4

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**AN2: **I think it's actually very plausible what happened to Jess. She hangs on one guy, her first love, because she's so young and doesn't know any better (Lex). When he dies she can't handle it and stays with another (Oliver) in fear for breaking his heart and then when she finally takes what she wants (Clark), she's crashed again, because her trust in him is violated. I find it very real as she's gaining some experience in relationships and keeps making so many mistakes. She can't forgive at this point because she's too broken.


	25. Chapter 25

(_Original half-episode, Doomsday_)

I was left all alone and felt miserable. I felt like I was a ghost, like I was only living and breathing with nothing inside of me. I slept, ate, took care of business and went back to sleep.

What kind of a life was that?

Dreams were always my sweet escape, the moment I could finally forget about the pain and everything that had happened to me and just stop existing for a while…

…until I would wake up in the morning and the pain along with the agony would start all over again.

Now even that blissful oblivion that used to come from sleeping was gone.

It usually started pretty good. I closed my eyes and soon Lex was right beside me.

_His blue-gray eyes were looking into mine, his hands caressing my face._

_His body was soon hovering above me when he positioned himself to slid inside of me._

_When I finally felt his hard length inside, I gasped while opening my mouth and cocking my head aside. It was heaven. I found myself in paradise. He was there, beside me, moving inside of me. He was real. He was all I'd been dreaming about, all I needed. _

_I had him back._

_First he moved slowly, but then we got so overwhelmed by the sensations that we started fucking and just when I was about to come…_

_I could feel the climax building inside of me. I could feel Lex's cock that kept pumping into me, his balls banging against my ass. All my nerves were awoken, slowly sending me over to the moon when…_

_...suddenly his body exploded and I stilled. Lex's body wasn't there anymore. It was blown into hundreds of pieces that now dropped on me like a bloody rain of tissues._

All they found was a tissue

_I started screaming._

And I woke up with a scream.

I shut myself up as soon as I realized that it was just a nightmare, that it wasn't real. I didn't want my security guard to burst into my bedroom in the middle of the night to check if everything was alright.

It was, but only from the outside, because on the inside I was one open and gaping wound.

It felt like it didn't matter how many times I'd tried to heal it. It was always opening as soon as it was so close to disappear. And every time was worse, every time the pain was just too much.

I sat up and hid my face in my hands while sobbing quietly.

* * *

That horrific dream just kept coming back and I decided to go to a doctor for some sleeping pills.

They didn't help much, so one night I just washed it down with a glass of scotch.

Maybe that would help, I thought, desperate for some results. I could feel myself slowly going crazy.

_I was standing naked in the middle of some undefined room._

_The surrounding wasn't yet that much important, my company was. Clark and Lex were standing in front of me. Both in their clothes, both devouring my naked body with their eyes._

_I felt the familiar pang between my legs that was a pleasant feeling of anticipation, but scary in the same time. I was just about to have a threesome with them. I'd never done something like this before. I wouldn't, because I wasn't one of those girls that could have meaningless sex with multiple partners._

_Right now it didn't seem to matter. I wanted this and what was most important, Clark and Lex both didn't seem to bother either._

_Clark made a few steps toward me and he finally found himself inches from me. He leaned forward and kissed me, immediately pushing his tongue into my mouth._

_A second later Lex put his hand on his shoulder and when Clark stepped back, the bald billionaire started kissing me as well._

_Clark circled me and put his hands on my breasts while standing behind me._

_I shuddered, feeling that I would explode before we would even get down to business. Then a brilliant idea came to my mind._

_"If you want to fuck me," I started, clearly enjoying the power I had over them, "you have to fuck each other first."_

_They didn't answer. _

_Clark just took his hands off of me and came over to Lex. _

_I couldn't believe what I was seeing, but he put his hand on the back of Lex's bald head and pulled him closer, finally capturing his lips with his. Their tongues soon entwined and I was a witness of them mouthing each other. Then, still with no words, they parted and started stripping._

_They were standing right in front of each other, completely naked, both with evident erections._

_Clark got to Lex again and kissed him, but his lips soon slip down his neck, then his chest, he licked one of Lex's nipples and immediately got on his knees while taking Lex's hard cock in his hand. I watched his lips closing around it as Clark took it into his mouth, sucking it and stroking with his tongue._

_Lex eyes suddenly met mine and I watched the ecstasy on his face. I really wanted to put my hand between my legs and drive myself to orgasm while watching them, but I didn't. They wanted to do that and I wanted to be tortured with the sight of them having sex while I wasn't able to come myself._

_When Lex was close to climaxing, Clark stopped and stood up while turning around._

_I understood. He wanted Lex to finish while being inside of him. My body twitched and I was so wet at that point that I started dripping._

_Lex held his cock and got to Clark to put it to his entrance. Then he slid it inside and I was astonished and turned on beyond my body's limits while watching his cock disappearing inside Clark's ass. Lex gave him a few strokes and came with a loud animalistic groan of pleasure._

_It was Clark's turn now. He was still hard. Too hard. I could see his cock twitching painfully. He turned his face to Lex, so Lex took his enormously big cock in his hands and started stroking it._

_"No," Clark grumbled. "Let me…" He turned Lex around and positioned himself at his entrance._

_Clark's cock was too big, I thought, he would hurt…_

_But then it didn't matter what would that cock do to Lex. Clark just shoved it right into Lex's butt with one quick stroke. Lex's face immediately winced with pain and I could notice his clenched teeth. Still, he didn't say anything in protest. Clark wasn't going to be gentle at all. All that mattered to him was his physical release, so he immediately pulled back and pushed back in. He started fucking Lex._

_I could see Lex's body shivering, his face contorted, sweat breaking all over him. It looked like Clark was punishing Lex, showing him how superior he was over him. Then I noticed something horrifying. Every time I saw Clark's cock coming out of Lex's body… it was covered in blood… and then even more blood._

_Suddenly, Clark stopped. He didn't reach his climax, but he stopped._

_Lex staggered, but managed to maintain his balance._

_Clark's eyes were now fixed on mine and he made his way toward me. In that moment my gaze lowered down to his cock which was still stained with Lex's blood._

_I knew what Clark was going to do and somehow it made me even more horny. I was done waiting. I needed somebody to fuck me hard right now or I would just die._

_Clark spread my legs and shoved his bloody cock inside of me with one powerful stroke. My mouth opened widely as I moaned in pleasure when finally feeling something filling me up._

_"Oh, God… oh, yeah… Yes!" I was moaning when he was riding me hard, his pelvis meeting mine every half second, his balls hitting my flesh._

_Lex's blood inside of me, on Clark's cock… it was all helping me reach my best climax ever._

_Then when we both started moaning and frantically thrusting our pelvises toward each other as to gain more friction. When I was so close to coming, I felt Lex's presence behind me and he put his arms, that were still shining from sweat, around me, then he parted my buttocks…_

_Oh, God… that was just too much… too much…_

_He entered my back door and now I had two cocks inside of me._

_I started screaming in ecstasy when they finally drove me to the best climax I'd ever had._

I opened my eyes and immediately raised myself up to a sitting position.

I was all wet from perspiration, so the shirt I was sleeping in unpleasantly clang to my body.

I looked around. I was in my bedroom. Alone.

God, what a dream!

I realized that mixing the strongest sleeping pills with scotch had turned out to be a very bad idea and…

Was I really aroused? I realized and felt physically ill on the thought of it.

My dream was so bizarre, horrific, disgusting even.

I got out of bed and ran to the bathroom when I fell to my knees by the toilet and threw up.

When I finished I just collapsed on the cold tiled floor while taking a lot of deep breaths.

I sobbed quietly and started realizing the significance behind the dream I'd had.

Lex and I had had anal sex, because he was the darker one, the evil one. Clark had hurt Lex and that was the reason he had his blood… I couldn't picture that in my head. No, not again! I knew that although Clark hadn't killed Lex, he still had his blood on his hands. All those secrets, all those lies. It'd all driven Lex to madness.

But Clark superior to Lex?

No, that would never happen in my perspective.

My head started pulsing with thumping pain. I had to move on and leave it all behind me. Otherwise I wouldn't be able to live.

My life was so fucked up!

And if I had such dreams… Did that mean that something bad was happening to me?

I didn't know who I was anymore. I was starting to change into some kind of a dark twisted person.

I knew one thing though – I needed to do everything in my power to stop the pain from destroying me.

* * *

**AN: **I wanted to show Jessica's transition here. She's stepping into darkness like Lex did once and for the very same reason – the lost of him like he'd lost her before. She's finally giving up and accepting Luthors' legacy.

I put such a harsh and drastic scene here to emphasize that darkness that is inside of her now.

* * *

_She didn't have Lex in her life anymore, but she could learn from him. She could become darker. She could become him as not to feel such a pain ever again._

_She suddenly didn't care about anything and anybody else. Only the alleviation of her pain mattered._

* * *

A week later Clark managed to defeat Doomsday AKA Davis Bloom.

…but there was a prize.

I'd done my part of the job with telling Chloe all there was to know, so I'd stayed away. I hadn't felt like reconciling with Clark… or Oliver for that matter.

That was why I was so shocked when Chloe called me, crying and sobbing through the phone that not only Davis was gone, but Jimmy as well.

"Jimmy? Chloe… oh, God… What do you mean?" I stammered, but already knew the answer by the way she was acting.

"I… I used the black kryptonite…" she started explaining, still sounding terrible. "I split… Davis from the Beast… and then… then Clark managed to destroy it, but… Jimmy bought me a beautiful place… a beacon in Metropolis… he took us there… Davis killed him when… when he heard that I escaped with him only to protect Clark…"

"Escaped? What do you mean?" I admitted, I was out for too long, but I'd had to keep myself busy with work. Otherwise I would've gone crazy… if I wasn't crazy already. Since that night when I'd dreamt about me having a threesome with Clark and Lex, all my dreams had stopped. I only hoped they wouldn't come back.

"I escaped with Davis earlier… to protect Clark… I was the only one who could calm down the beast inside of him… but they found us… and… well… we did everything we could to save Davis… Jess… everything! And what he did in the end? When he saw me kissing Jimmy and heard me tel… telling him that I escaped with… with Davis to protect Clark… and that was the only reason… he … Davis… he killed him… and then Jimmy killed Davis to protect me… and died in my arms…" there was more frantic sobbing on the other side.

"My God… Chloe, I am so so sorry… I know there are no words that would make you feel better, I do, because I've been through it."

"I knew you… would… understand…" she added quietly.

* * *

Funeral.

Another one.

I was standing right by Chloe's side and seemed to reflect her own pain since I was in pain too. Always in pain.

Would it ever end?

When Chloe was putting her and Jimmy's pictures on the coffin, I turned around, feeling someone watching me and I spotted Clark standing in the distance.

I ignored him, wouldn't talk to him. I knew he was blaming himself like he always did, but I wouldn't go to him. It was too early for any forgiveness even if my heart ached a little at his sight.

I also completely ignored Ollie who was standing not so far away and when Chloe didn't need me anymore, I just walked away.

* * *

Some strange noise altogether with illuminating light woke me up in the middle of the night.

I didn't know what to do. Should I call my security? I wondered.

The light seemed like not from this Earth and it was coming from the back of the mansion. I decided to check it up myself. I wasn't scared of dying at this point. I didn't care about my life anymore, because I had nothing to lose.

I got up from my bed and followed the source of the light.

When I peeked through the window, I saw Lex's artifact floating above the ground. It exploded and I had to turn my head away as not to hurt my eyes.

When I finally looked I saw a naked man standing in the middle of my backyard, his back turned on me.

For a moment there I thought…

_Lex, is this you? Please, please, let it be you! I need you! I want you back…_

For a moment there I had hope. Hope that maybe Imra hadn't been lying after all. I knew that Lex was dead, but this was alien technology. What if it could bring him back?

What if there was really nothing that was lost that couldn't be found again?

But my hope was squashed, because the man wasn't bald and then I felt sudden fear when I noticed the letter burnt in the ground and the same tattooed on his back.

Z

Zod.

* * *

(_Savior, Rabid_)

I opened my eyes and felt a thumping headache.

Slowly, it all came back to me. I'd seen Zod's sign through the window and then, suddenly a lot of people had appeared in my mansion. One of them had knocked me out.

The door burst open and some stranger in military clothes walked inside. He looked and acted as he was in charge, that I could tell with no doubts.

"Oh, hello there again," he spoke with strange, but yet appealing accent and he smirked at me.

"…aa…again?" I stammered while sitting up on the bed and looking around. "Who the fuck are you?!" I asked, bringing myself together.

"Easy there, Jessica," he said and made his way to me, then leaned toward me to look me in the eye from up close. "Don't you recognize me? Come on, I know I was possessing another body, but really, cannot you tell?" He raised his eyebrows.

"Zod," I whispered in astonishment and he smiled.

After all, it wasn't difficult for me to associate the facts and his attitude.

"What are you doing here?! This is my house!" I decided to be strong. I had nothing to lose anyway.

"Don't worry, I will not hurt you," he assured me, completely ignoring my question. "You might be useful… What happened to your precious lover when I was banished from his body?" he asked.

Pain.

White pain striking right to my heart, piercing it through.

I closed my eyes and turned my head away to avoid him seeing my weakness, but obviously it was too late for that.

"Oh, I see… My condolences." Although, he didn't look like he was sorry at all and it shouldn't surprise me.

_I am not a fragile girl anymore_, I dared to think. I had to be strong. My past was only bringing me pain and misery. I had to end it or it would end me.

"It's in the past and I'm looking into the future," I said while looking into Zod's eyes again.

There was a slight resemblance of a smile on the corner of his mouth. He shot me a look full or appreciation as straightened himself up.

"I like the attitude." He nodded. "You're strong, but again… you were strong before. Now you just more mature. You see how the world works. You've lost all your hope for happing endings, haven't you? Good. You're worthy now."

I didn't quite understand what he was implying, but I didn't care.

"Are you hurt?" he asked while shooting a quick look at my bruised cheek.

"Nothing that won't heal itself," I answered him back and stood up. I managed to maintain my balance and walked right past him.

"I set the rules here now." He stopped me while putting his a hand on my shoulder.

"It's still my house," I said calmly, turning to face him again.

"Obey me."

There was such determination in his eyes that I relented, but I wasn't finished with him yet. First, I needed to do my research, find out what he was doing here, what his people were doing here and then I would have to defeat him. And I would do that without Clark Kent's help.

* * *

Zod assembled his people and me in the study.

There were dozens of them what made me think everything over. There was no way I could deal the whole army of aliens.

Only then I found out that they didn't have any powers and they didn't know why. They should have under the yellow sun, just like Clark had.

"You don't know why we were sent here?!" Somebody from the crowd stood up to face Zod. "I ask… why should we listen to you if you don't even know what you're doing?!"

Maybe I remembered Zod as a strong leader, but here, in his own body and with no powers, he wasn't as remarkable. Maybe he would be overthrown soon? But then again, wasn't I more safe with him than with them? They didn't know me while he admired me at some level.

"Silence! Listen to me!" Zod raised his voice. "I am from the house of Zod and I am your leader. You will not disobey me! You will listen to me! If we were sent here… then there is only one explanation for that!"

"What's that?" someone asked.

"It means that our home was destroyed."

There was silence and Zod used it to give a long speech while benefiting from his people's bewilderment.

"…I will find the answers we are looking for or I will die in the guest!" he finished in such an intense voice that even I was impressed.

Suddenly, all at once knelt before him. Zod looked like a victor and I could just stare at him in astonishment and fear. He was after all, the very reason I'd almost killed the man I loved in the past.

When the assembly was over, Zod walked over to me, grabbed my arms and pulled me into another room, one for the guests.

Then he just violently turned me around and smashed his lips against mine in a savage kiss.

I pushed him away in disgust while using all my strength.

"What's the matter, beautiful?" he asked and clenched my jaw in his hand, forcing me to look at him. "You didn't complain the last time we had sex, although I hardly felt it, because your lover still had most of the control over his body. You must've felt me then, fighting his will."

He turned me around again and pushed toward the window sill, so I had to support myself on it as not to lose my balance.

Then I felt his hands on my butt.

"NOOOOO!" I screamed once again and kicked him as hard as I could. "You won't touch me!" I turned around to face him and slapped his face.

The next time he caught my hand in the air.

"You will succumb eventually and you know it," he just said with a smirk. "I like the attitude. It'll make sex that much better when you finally decide to have it with me."

"Never," I said firmly.

After that he just smirked again and hit me, causing me to lose my consciousness.

* * *

The next morning they were all gone.

I woke up on the floor, the same place when I fell after Zod had hit me. I noticed with great relief that he hadn't used me. My clothes were still on and I didn't feel any pain. Good, looked like even Zod wouldn't be satisfied with an unconscious woman.

I got up and ran out of the room, but… there was no one left in the mansion. Not a single Kandorian.

Where had they gone?!

What surprised me even more was that all the camera footage was gone too.

I needed to find them, I decided.

* * *

A week passed by and I still had no idea where Zod could be.

I wanted to be the one to stop him. I didn't need Clark Kent or the Red-Blue-Blur like people were calling him now. I could do it on my own.

I realized that I started sounding like Lex. He'd been always justifying his research on alien technology by saying it was for the good of all humanity. That it would be a weapon against them in case of an invasion.

"Nothing?!" I screamed to my phone. "Are you su… Nelson?" I asked, surprised on hearing dead silence. "Nelson, are you there?!"

Great, now people working for me were hanging up on me! I had to show them who was the boss!

The door opened and Oliver Queen strode inside. He looked terrible, tired, worn down and had fresh bristle on his face.

"What are you doing here?" I asked in an exasperated and supported my chin on my hands while leaning over the desk. Ollie was the last person I wanted to see right now.

"I'm saving you," he just said and closed the door behind him while looking around with a suspicious look on his face.

"Saving me?" I raised my eyebrows in surprise. "From what?"

"Well… you know… zombie… and stuff…" he shrugged in his usual joking way.

"Excuse me?" I stood up, completely baffled. "Oliver, you don't look so good. Are you on something? Or maybe zombies are your ridiculous excuse to come see me? A little advice for later: you can do better." I didn't know if I was about to laugh or cry. I hated him for what he'd done to Lex, but right now he was such a mess, such a wreck that I was hit with feeling pity. And I shouldn't. I should be cold.

"Well…" he looked at me like he didn't really care what I said to him. "You know what they say… when it's too weird to be truth it usually is."

In this very moment the door burst open showing my guard.

"Nelson!" I yelled to him, ready to give him a lesson when…

I couldn't describe the stage he was in any other word than… a zombie.

"Are you two playing with me?" I asked Oliver, but he just grabbed his shotgun and… shot my guard.

"Now you believe me?" he asked and turned to me.

I was left speechless.

Then another two creatures came through my second door, heading straight toward me.

"Hang on!" Oliver screamed and covered me with his body while firing to them.

"What the…" I started, but then instead of finishing that sentence I screamed on feeling something biting into my arm from behind me.

Oliver reacted immediately, turning me around and shooting that zombie as well.

"What the fuck?!" I finally screamed in fear while putting my hand to the wound to stop the bleeding.

"Perfect question," I got in answer. "Fuck, he bit you!"

"Does that mean… I… I'm gonna be one of them?!" I was starting to panic.

"Relax, you won't…" Ollie calmed me down, so I could take a deep breath, "as long as you don't fall asleep," he added.

"What?"

"It's some kind of an alien rage virus. Watchtower's working on the antidote right now."

"Watchtower?" I asked again in confusion.

"Yeah… you know… Jimmy…" I could've sworn that there was something wrong. Oliver said Jimmy's name and I already knew that maybe I was a part of the reason why he was such a mess, but Jimmy's death was another.

"You can't blame yourself for his death," I found myself saying before I bit my tongue.

"You suddenly care about me?" Oliver snorted and sit down on the couch. "Anyway, Jimmy bought Chloe this beacon…"

"Yeah, I know."

"And I gave her the gear, so she's kind of the best sidekick in the world now."

"So she's hiding there, brain behind the operation? That's not life, Ollie, that's seclusion. It's not healthy."

"Yeah… well… she's still standing and that's a plus. She'll get to the right point someday."

"God, this virus's making me really sleepy…" I rubbed my eyes.

"Don't worry, I'm here. I won't let you fall asleep," he told me with familiar care in his eyes. It only made me turn my own sight away from him.

"You just decided to come to my rescue?" I asked.

"Yeah."

"Where's Clark?"

"Lois," Oliver simply answered. "He sent me to you while he took care of her, but I would've come anyway."

I didn't say anything to that, but I thought about Clark and Lois. I could've had it all if only I'd forgiven him and tried to understand him. I wouldn't deny that I still felt something confusing toward him and the fact that he was already moving on hurt, but it was too late. It seemed like we were so different now. I'd changed so much.

"You see…" Oliver continued when I remained silent, "Clark moved on," he confirmed what I was suspecting. "He won't admit it, but he does have feelings for Lois… I never stopped having feelings for you," he suddenly added, catching me off guard.

"Ollie…" I finally looked at him, but this time he was the one who avoided my eyes while staring at the floor.

"God, you're a mess," I said while taking a closer look at his face.

"I know." He took some pills out of his pocket and swallowed it.

"You shouldn't…" I started.

"It keeps me awake and we need me being awake right now, don't we?" He looked at me and I saw fondness in his eyes along with longing. He made a step forward, then hesitated, but then came over to me anyway and reached his hand to brush my hair off my face.

Surprisingly, I didn't push him away.

"I am so, so sorry," he suddenly apologized for the very first time. And it was honest.

"What?" I looked deep into his eyes, couldn't believe what he'd just said.

"I am sorry for killing him," he rephrased. Were that tears in his eyes? "I want you to know that… that there is not even a single day that I don't think about him and about what I've done. I am a murderer. You were right. And I know that I don't deserve to be forgiven, but… I just wanted you to know how much I regret it," he confessed in strangled voice.

We were looking at each other. He just opened himself up to me and still didn't look away in shame. I admired his braveness and then, completely out of the blue, it just slip from my mouth, "I forgive you." I was just as surprised about this as he was.

He turned around, so I wouldn't see his face anymore. Now there was too much going on there.

Did I really mean it? Had I just forgiven him? I kept thinking in awe.

I guessed so. He needed it. He really did regret killing Lex, because otherwise he wouldn't have been punishing himself like this.

There was silence and it dragged on for too long. I was so…

"Jess, I know it's difficult for you right now, but I want you to know… Jess?!" He finally turned to me, but it was too late.

I already felt the rage.

"Shit! Jess! No! Don't leave me like this!"

* * *

It felt like I opened my eyes after a very long dream that had exhausted me somehow, if it made any sense.

The next thing I knew was that it was raining and I was standing out in the open. Somebody was holding me in his arms while standing behind me.

"What… what happened?" I stammered and turned around to face… Oliver.

I remembered that he'd come over to the mansion and then… zombies… and our talk.

"You're safe now," he said with a smile on his face and brushed a stray hair from my cheek. "You're safe and healthy. Clark's blood did this. It's in the atmosphere," he explained.

"Oh…" was all I could utter.

"I'm sorry for letting you fall asleep," Ollie said with obvious change on his face. He felt guilty. "I screw up again. You were right, I am a mess."

"It's ok… we're safe now… wait… did I… bite you?" I asked. "I mean… I was raged and you got me all the way up here and…"

"Actually, yes, you did." He laughed. "But I can't say I didn't deserve it."

I found myself laughing too and then stopped almost immediately.

"I meant what I said back there in the mansion. You're forgiven, Oliver, and you must put yourself together. I still hate the fact that Lex is dead because of you, but Metropolis needs as many heroes as it can get, don't you think? Isn't it time for the Green Arrow to make a comeback?"

"Jess… I…" he started, but I put a finger to his lips. I knew what he was going to say.

"Don't… It's too late for that now. We can't be together… and you have to move on, do you understand? Stop brooding over the past and start looking into the future."

"But…"

"Oliver," I interrupted him again and closed my eyes, then after a couple of seconds opened them again. "You and me… it's never going to happen. Don't torture yourself with those feelings, just… try to move on, try to be happy. I promise you that one day you will." I reached to his cheek, placed a soft kiss on it and then I just walked away, leaving him all alone in the rain.

I finally felt like we'd gotten some closure. We so needed it.


	26. Chapter 26

_(Echo, Crossfire_)

Apparently, it didn't matter what I'd told him. It didn't even fucking matter that I'd forgiven him! No, Oliver Queen hadn't changed at all, or maybe he had, but for worse.

Right now he was in Mexico, getting himself in trouble.

I didn't know why I felt obligated to help him. Maybe I was started to be scared of myself, of the darkness appearing inside of me and I wanted to do something good to make myself feel better. It was selfish, but maybe it would help Oliver just the same.

I followed him to some bar in Mexico and when I entered it, I saw him being held at gunpoint by some Mexican accusing him of seducing his wife. I wouldn't even hold it against that wife, because her husband had his best years long behind him.

I didn't know what to do, so I just grabbed my own gun and fired at the ceiling.

As I hoped, the crowd quickly disappeared while leaving me and Ollie alone.

"Really?" I asked him, raising my eyebrows and hiding my gun.

He ignored me and came back to drinking straight from the bottle.

"Do you give a damn about anything anymore?" I got closer to him.

"Well, I did," he finally spoke, "but she screwed me up and left." There was an obvious accusation in his voice.

"Ollie, this is not a game," I said hard and sat by his side. "You're still a mess! You have to get up and do something with yourself!"

He snorted and took another sip from the bottle.

"Why are you here?" he asked, looking at me. There were no emotions on his face right now. "You're worried about me? That's just bullshit! Don't waste your time on me since you were the one who told me to leave you alone. Besides, you never loved me and you know, what? You should've told me that earlier instead of just screwing with me. What it was that you wanted then, hah? To make yourself feel better? And then what? And I was such a desperate fool in love that I screwed up my life for you!"

"Do you realize how screwed up speech that is?" I asked, remaining calm. He was drunk and he wanted to provoke me or he was just telling me what was on his mind. Was it true, though? That love when unrewarded could be so destructive that it could lead you to a murder?

"Oliver, please, stop drinking," I repeated and put my hand on his arm.

"Don't tell me what to do! Don't you dare!" He stood up, pushing me away and throwing the bottle at the wall where it shattered into pieces. "You wanted nothing to do with me, so you go!"

"Ollie…"

"GO!"

I had no choice but to listen. There was no place for me there anymore. No place for me in his life and still, I couldn't understand while I suddenly wanted to be there.

I wanted light, I wanted to do something good, but failed again. Failed miserably. Maybe I was more like Lex than I thought. Now I had an inkling how it was to be him, how it was to try to do the right thing and fail over and over again.

Since I couldn't help anyone and since no one actually wanted my help, I was left with nothing but darkness and loneliness.

* * *

Two days later Chloe called to tell me that Oliver had almost killed himself.

"What?!" I burst to the phone. "What do you mean? Did he try to commit suicide?"

"Well, kind of, on the spur of the moment. He was giving a speech to his shareholders and somebody planted a bomb on the stage. When he stepped on it, it got activated and one move would be enough to…"

"Oh…" I uttered, suddenly feeling sick. One man I knew - and loved - blowing up was enough for a lifetime. It hit me as I realized that I didn't want Oliver to die.

"The bomber wanted him to plead guilty to Lex's murder," Chloe followed with her explanation. "Fortunately, Clark was there and I helped with setting the fire alarm off, but when Ollie was left alone he just stepped aside. Clark managed to turn this thing off in time, thank god!"

"He wanted to die…" I whispered while putting my hand to my forehead and closing my eyes. "I tried to help him, Chloe. I even forgave him! I had no idea what pushed me toward it, but seeing him like that… I just succumbed and decided to get it over with. Holding a grudge wouldn't help me."

"I understand and I appreciate it, Jess. He needed it, but obviously, it wasn't enough."

"He threw me out the last time I tried to talk to him."

"Could you try again, please? It's very important. Clark's doing everything he can to keep Metropolis safe, but it doesn't mean that we don't need the Green Arrow. Even The Blur can't be in two places at once."

* * *

I went to Oliver's place.

It was the last time, I promised myself. The very last time I was reaching my hand out to him.

"Ollie…" I didn't expect my voice to break on seeing him, but it happened.

He was sitting on his couch. No alcohol. He was just being miserable.

He didn't answer, didn't move.

What should I do now? I had no idea how to act. There were times when he'd been there for me when I'd thought Clark was dead along with Lex. When I'd been all alone and Ollie was my only support. My only hope for survival. Thanks to him, I hadn't broken back there. I had no idea what I would've done without him.

He was such a good guy deep down inside and I knew it. I knew it despite everything. He deserved better than me and yet, he'd done such a horrific thing. He'd killed the one man I loved more than myself, more than life itself.

Still, we were here now, just about to finally reunite after all of this.

It was so bizarre, so confusing. Why didn't I hate him anymore? Why did I feel sorry for him? Didn't I remember Lex?

But Lex had been a mess too. He hadn't even tried to contact me when he'd been alive while I'd been so certain of his death. Hadn't he cared about me? Hadn't he cared that I was in pain? What had happened to him?

I would never get answers to those questions and I would have to live with that.

I had to forget about the past, forget about Lex and just look into the future. It was easier to say it than to do it, though.

I made my way to Oliver and sat by his side. I just put my arms around him, hugging him tight.

He rested his head on my breastbone for a while and then he raised his face to look me in the eye. Before I even realized, he kissed me, but pulled away a moment later.

Shouldn't it be the other way around? Shouldn't I be the first to stop?

"It's you," he just said.

"What?" I didn't quite understand what he meant by that.

"You are the reason I'm like this."

I didn't know what to say, so I just let him talk.

"When you get closer to me… I… I see Lex everywhere. Like my remorse takes a corporeal form."

"Oh…" I just uttered.

"You have to stay away from me, because it keeps getting worse. I was a mess before, I admit that, but I didn't feel so guilty that I had to reach for alcohol. When Jimmy died I thought I couldn't do anything right, that I was just causing people death and pain. And when I saw Chloe… it was like seeing you in pain all over again."

"Jimmy's death wasn't your fault," I told him.

"It was all of us, Jess. Not you, you stayed away, but Clark, Chloe, Davis, me, Bart and Dinah… we were all together in this. And we all failed."

"Let me help you," I asked him once again.

"You can't. I can't keep seeing you right now. You have to leave me alone. Like you said, we were never meant to be. I have to deal with it all alone. It's the only way."

"Can you promise me one thing?" I asked, strangely calm. I should be devastated while being rejected again, but suddenly, I didn't care at all. It seemed like I'd gotten used to people leaving me, people that didn't need me anymore. I was a Luthor. Nothing less, nothing more.

And a Luthor would always be a Luthor.

"What is it?" Oliver asked me.

"Just… live. Don't try to kill yourself ever again."

"Ok, I can promise you that."

"Thank you."

I walked straight to the exit door and didn't look back even once.

My life around Clark, Oliver and Chloe was officially over.

None of them needed me anymore.

Clark had Lois.

Oliver didn't want to see me anymore.

Chloe had chosen to be a hermit in her Watchtower.

I was left alone.

* * *

Zod finally made an appearance. I probably hadn't even needed to put so much effort into finding him since he was the one to come to me.

He wanted to know who the Blur was. He knew that the blood in the atmosphere that had cured the rage virus had come from him. I played dumb. I couldn't expose Clark to somebody so dangerous and instead, I managed to make a deal with Zod: LuthorCorp would build a first clear energy tower that would power the whole Metropolis. I knew Zod was trying to get his powers back, but I had the situation under control. I could use the info he would give me to actually create a clean source of energy and get rid of him once and for all.

* * *

(_Pandora_)

I see his face. He's smiling to me. I can see the happiness in his blue-gray eyes which depths I know so well…

_I could watch him like that forever and never get bored…_

_I opened my eyes._

_Yet again, I had to wake up to this brutal reality._

_I'd used to hate my recurring dreams about Lex, partially because we'd been always suffering in them and partially because they'd been hurting me too much. Now it was a blessing. It was the only thing that kept me on my feet, the only thing that was preventing me from giving up, the only thing I had and no one could take it away from me. It wasn't a body that Zod could rape nor a food that I could be denied or a piece of jewelry that could be taken away from me._

_It was something precious, something that was in my mind, something that was coming back to me every single night, something that no one could ever take away unless they would just kill me. _

_And Lex was always so happy in my dreams. I'd had them for a year now, always the same, never changing and paradoxically, keeping me from losing all my senses. It was better than the horrible reality I had to live in. It was a pure moment of happiness that was taken away from me every morning when I had to wake up…_

…_and the nightmare was starting all over again._

_Zod had been using me on regular bases. He was that evil. He liked to have power over everything and everybody. Liked causing people pain._

_The worst thing was that I'd given him that power. I was the one who'd helped him build that fucking tower. Only how could have I known I would lose control like that?_

_Zod disgusted me. I felt sick of even thinking about him, but I'd learnt how to switch off my mind while he was using me. I couldn't deny him that physical abuse, because otherwise I would end up dead and I really wanted to live. I wanted to live not because I valued my life so much, actually I would prefer to be dead, maybe I would finally meet Lex once again. I needed to live through it to be able to reverse the damage I'd done. I wanted to save the earth since I was the one who'd helped to destroy it. I needed to redeem myself before I would go._

_I hadn't seen Clark or anyone else for a year now, but I knew that when the sun had turned red, he'd been stripped off of his own powers, leaving the Earth unprotected and vulnerable. Perfect for Zod's attack._

_That was how we'd all been living now and it didn't seem to end anytime soon, if ever. Maybe we would all just die out, leaving Earth corrupted and destroyed._

_Another planet would go to waste after Kandor and Krypton._

* * *

_Finally, the opportunity for escape presented itself when Zod's people captured someone in the streets of Metropolis. No one except aliens could possibly go there, so it was a sensation number one for all of them._

_Then I realized it was actually Lois._

_What was she doing there? Why wasn't she with Clark? What had happened between the two of them? I had no chance to find out, because I needed to run. I needed to run now when Zod's people were temporarily off guard._

_Maybe Clark would manage to forgive me for what I'd done if I told him that Zod had Lois. I couldn't save her, probably no one could, but we could always try. Maybe it was the right time for the rebellion to start?_

_I ran as fast as I could, away from the streets controlled by Zod, to a place where I hoped I would find somebody I knew, because otherwise I would end up dead._

* * *

_Few hours passed by and still, there was no sign of anyone. _

_Had I been wrong? Maybe they were all dead by now? I shivered on the very thought of it. Clark, Chloe, Ollie… all dead?_

_Then I finally sensed somebody's presence behind me. I stopped, didn't dare to move._

_"Jess?" I heard a familiar voice._

_I turned around slowly and finally looked in the face of the man I knew so well or... I'd used to._

_"Clark," I just said._

_"What are you doing here?" he asked me, making his way to me. "Are you ok? We thought you were dead… that… Zod killed you."_

_Suddenly, he swept me into his arms and then let go just as fast._

_"Are you ok?" he repeated, cupping my face._

_"Yeah, now I am. Listen… I came here… they found Lois. Zod found Lois," I informed._

_"Lois?" Something shifted on his face, making me realize that there had been something wrong with him from the very moment I'd seen him._

_"Clark?" I started while being clearly confused. "What is it?"_

_"Lois has been gone for a year now."_

_"What?!" I was left in deep shock. "What do you mean? So where did she come from?"_

_"I have no idea."_

_"Zod practically picked her up from the Daily Planet."_

_"But that area is…"_

_"…restricted and guarded, I know."_

_"Come with me." He took my arm and pulled me somewhere._

_"Are you all ok?" I asked, now really scared for the rest._

_"Yes."_

_"Where are you staying?"_

_"Not far from here."_

_"So why didn't you notice me before? I've been wondering around for hours!"_

_"We noticed you, but we had to be sure that you were alone. I know that you wouldn't betray us, but someone could follow you. I had to practically stop Oliver by force, he wanted to run to you so badly. He really missed you. We were all missing you, only he…"_

_"I know... but don't forget that he was the one who pushed me away in the end," I noticed bitterly._

_"He's better now," Clark assured me._

_"I hope so."_

_I was kind of afraid of the upcoming meeting with Oliver. A year ago I'd had no idea what it was that I'd been actually feeling for this man and now… now I was even more confused since I'd been really missing him. I didn't know how I would react on seeing him again._

_We finally reached the right building and Clark opened the door, holding it for me._

_"Jess?" That was Oliver's voice coming from the inside._

_The room was dark, so I couldn't see anything at first, but then, after a few seconds, my sight finally adjusted to it and I noticed Oliver and Chloe._

_"It's me…" my voice suddenly seemed too hoarse to speak._

_"I thought you were gone forever!" Ollie gasped and got to me, sweeping me into his arms and closing me in his tight embrace._

_I suddenly felt something stirring inside my chest, tightening in my stomach and then tears came to my eyes. I let him hold me and I put my arms around his neck tightly as well, really liking the closeness to someone who, for a change, didn't want to hurt me._

"_Jess, are you ok?" He let me go and held me at his arm's length when studying my face closely. "You're crying… What that son of a bitch did to you?" his voice grew hard._

_I didn't say anything, I just cried._

_"Oh, my god! He hurt you! I'll kill him!" Oliver got angry. "He used you?"_

_"Don't… even… ask…" I sobbed, this time into his chest as he pulled me close again. _

_"It's ok, you're safe now. I won't let anybody hurt you." He stroked my hair gently._

_"Zod found Lois. They've got her," Clark spoke while closing the door and securing the lock._

_"Lois?!" Chloe raised her voice. _

_She was standing right next to Ollie now, waiting for him to let me go, so she could greet me herself._

_"Yes," she heard the confirmation._

_Oliver loosened up his embrace, but still wouldn't leave my side._

_"Jess, it's so good to see you alive." Chloe hugged me and then immediately let go. "So how Lois got there?"_

_"I have no idea. I thought she was with you guys," I told her._

_"We have to rescue her," Clark said with determination in his voice and clenched his fists._

_"Yeah, but we have to have a plan. It's too dangerous to just go over there and fight."_

_"She's right," Oliver backed Chloe up._

_"Can you call your people?" Clark asked her._

_"Your people?" I repeated after him, wondering what those people were._

_"Chloe's kind of our boss," Oliver started._

_"Kind of?" Chloe raised her eyebrows. "I am your boss and don't go all he-man on me."_

_"And we have a lot of allies living nearby," Clark added._

_"Ok," Ollie said. "I'd better take her to my room, so she can rest." He took my hand._

_"She can stay in my room," Chloe suggested._

_"Jess?" Ollie turned to me. "Do you mind…"_

_"No, Ollie, just… take me with you." I sighed heavily. I couldn't help but wanting him close. There was still some connection between us and I didn't have that with Chloe._

* * *

_I woke up late in the night and looked around._

_This time I hadn't been dreaming about Lex what was weird, but then I realized I wasn't in the mansion anymore where Zod was now living. I was in a house that my friends were hiding in._

_I remembered that Oliver had left me here a few hours ago, so I could rest and then he promised to come back when I would be awake._

_I found a bathroom behind the other door in the room and took a quick shower, then I put on the robe that was hanging around and washed my clothes._

_When I came back to Ollie's bed, somebody knocked on the door._

_"Jess, I heard the water running. May I come in?" I heard his tentative voice._

_"Sure," I agreed, my voice strangely quiet, but he heard me anyway and walked inside with a tray full of food._

_"Hungry?" He smiled to me in his usual way. I loved that smile. I always brought warm to my heart._

_"Yeah! I could eat a horse!"_

_He placed the tray on the bedside table and I started to eat._

_"You have to tell me how badly he hurt you," Oliver asked and reached his hand to put my hair behind my ear. _

_"It doesn't matter now," I brushed him off._

_"It does to me," he prompted._

_"No, it doesn't, so please, just stop asking. I can't go through it again."_

_He was just watching me in silence and when I finished eating, he pulled me into his arms again. Then a moment later his lips found mine and he kissed me gently but stopped almost immediately._

_"What happened?" I asked him, confused. It surprised me how much I'd enjoyed the kiss. Maybe there was a future for us after all. Who else could be good for me in such times? Clark had Lois. I had no Lex. Only Ollie. And obviously I cared about him even if I didn't want to._

_"Are you sure you want this?" Oliver asked me in a serious voice. "I mean… you've been through a lot and I don't want to take any advantage of you."_

_"And that is exactly why I want this," I told him and put my hand to his cheek, then I kissed him. Our kisses soon grew deeper, more passionate, more needy. He laid down while pulling me after him_ _and opened the robe I had on. I gasped when his lips traced off mine and wandered down to my neck, then finally to my breasts. He stoke one with his hand and licked the other what made me gasp._

_Soon we were both naked and he gently slid himself inside of me. I took him all in, I needed closeness that night and he needed it too. Desperately. We didn't know if there would be a tomorrow for us. We didn't know if we would be alive the next day. After all, we stood almost no chance against Zod and his people._

_I thought I finally truly felt for Ollie. I was falling for him fast. Of course, this love was nothing compared to what I'd felt for somebody else in the past, but it didn't matter now. That was long gone and Oliver was my future. I couldn't be alone. I just wouldn't stand being alone anymore._

* * *

_We woke up in the morning to the shining of the red Sun. It seemed like it was giving away more warm that the yellow one, which wasn't for the best. It was too hot and it was just another advantage of Kandorians over us. They couldn't get tired when it was hot, they didn't even sweat. People, on the other hand, were suffering what made them even more exhausted. _

_Our species was truly doomed._

_"Hey, there." Oliver noticed I was awaken and he kissed my temple. "How are you feeling?"_

_"Terrified," I said on sudden realization. It was the perfect description since I felt the knot in my stomach even tighter than before._

_I got up, took the sheet with me, so I could wrap it up around my naked body and came over to the window, looking up into the sky._

_"I wish it would turn yellow," I sighed when watching the Sun._

_I felt Ollie's presence behind me and he put his arms around me. _

_"It will, I promise. I'll see to that," he whispered into my ear._

* * *

_They were gone to save Lois and I was biting my nails while waiting, scared for their lives. They were so fragile, they didn't have as much strength as Kandorians did._

_I remembered how just before they took off, Oliver had said his goodbye to me in our room. He'd pushed me gently against the wall and kissed me deeply. We hadn't even realized when our kisses had deepened so much than we'd needed something more to have our release. He'd been hard by that time and his cock had been pressing against my stomach, so I'd pulled my pants down, then my panties and he'd unzipped his flies, taking me as we'd stood._

_Then he'd kissed me goodbye again and left._

_They hadn't agreed to take me with them. They'd thought it would've been too much of a risk of my life. I wasn't trained, so I wouldn't be useful in a battle. I would've just been a burden for them, one more person to protect._

_Yet, staying here all alone when not knowing if any of them would be back, not knowing if my Ollie would be back… it was too much and was sending me up the wall._

_Finally, a couple of hours later, they did return._

_Every single one of them._

_I was so happy on seeing my emerald archer that I immediately jumped to my feet and ran to him to thrust myself into his arms._

_"You've made it," I gasped when holding him close._

_When we finally let go off each other I noticed Lois by Clark's side._

_"Lois," I said and nodded._

_"Hey, Jess." She sent me a faint smile. _

_"Where were you?" I asked her._

_"She slip the Legion ring on her finger," Clark explained. "She's from the past."_

_"The ring?" My eyes were suddenly as big as plates. "This… This means… we can change it all! I can still redo the damage I've caused this world!" Realization dawned on me. We still had a chance. Not everything was lost._

_"Yeah, but Zod took the ring," Lois huffed. "Now we have to fight for it."_

_"It doesn't matter," Oliver said. "It doesn't even matter if we all die in the fight. All we have to do is get the ring and slid it on your finger and we're saved," he turned to her._

_"At sunset we're going to Watchtower. I'll turn it on and try something with this power tower. If we succeed, we'll only have a slight chance in a fight, but it's all we need. The rest is up to Clark," Chloe decided._

_"Have I gotten lost somewhere?" Lois raised her eyebrows in surprise. "Clark? Why Clark would be our savior? Last time I checked…"_

_"Come…" Ollie pulled me to our room. "We can stand here and lie to Lois or we can spend some more quality time together."_

_I followed him and when we found ourselves separated from the rest, my face changed._

_"Jess, what is it?" he asked while coming to me and taking my chin between his thumb and index finger. _

_"It's just… ok, we'll reset the future, but… what will happen to us then?" I asked, my voice cracking. "Will we find each other again? Will we get to this point?"_

_"I promise you… whatever is meant to be… will happen. If we are meant to be, Jessica, we will be together. In this world or another. It doesn't matter."_

_I shivered at the sound of my full name coming from his mouth. It still seemed wrong for somebody else that wasn't Lex to call me that, but I quickly pulled myself together and started looking into the future again._

_"Oliver," I started while taking his face in my hands, "I just want you to know that I… I love you," I finally said and saw a wave of emotions in his hazel eyes._

_"You have no idea how long I've waited to hear those words."_

"_Oh, I do."_

_We kissed again. Like there was no tomorrow... and actually, whether we would live or die, there really was no tomorrow in this world for us._

* * *

_Sometime later I was standing in the middle of the street, armed with a kryptonite knife for Kandorians. Clark would have his powers back soon, but his target was Zod alone, so we had to make sure he would get there, get the ring and deliver it to Lois. That was the only thing that mattered._

_Chloe and Lois were on the other side of the building and myself with Ollie here, alone._

_"Ollie, I…" but I didn't finish._

_Oliver turned around and I could see his mouth opening in preparation to scream, fear evident on his face._

_It was too late though._

_"JESS!" He roared, but I already felt an unbearable pain in my stomach._

_When I looked down, there was a dagger sticking out of my guts._

_Oliver did his best to pull himself together and shot the Kandorian, that must've been standing behind me, with his kryptonite arrow._

_The stranger was soon lying dead on the ground, but so did I._

_"JESS!" The pain in Oliver's voice was even more hurtful to me that the wound I had now._

_He thrust his arch to the ground and got to me to hold me._

_"Jess, don't… please, don't die on me…" I could see the tears in his eyes. Tears of despair and lost. "I love you…" his voice was suddenly so quiet that I could barely hear him. "We're so close to winning…"_

_"You were… the one… who told me… that it… didn't matter… we're all alive… in the past… Clark will change it all…" I stammered. I could barely remain conscious now. It hurt too much. I felt so cold and I just needed to plunge myself into the oblivion as not to feel this agony anymore. "I… love… you…" those were my last words and with difficulty and enormous pain shooting through my whole body, I reached my hand to his cheek to touch it._

_Then it slumped inertly._

_"No… Jessica…"_

* * *

**AN1**: You're probably wondering how they found out about that future since there is no Tess in my story. Well, simple: Lois remembered and Emil did the procedure and wiped out her memories later on.


	27. Chapter 27

(_Hostage, Salvation, Lazarus, plus half-original chapter_)

I'd been burying myself in work as usual for the last couple of weeks. I really needed to bring Zod down and still, I built that solar tower. I had to cooperate with him, so I could gain more of his trust to be able to betray him in the end and maybe, just maybe, to redeem myself.

Because how deep into that darkness I'd gone? Me turning my back on everybody? Me working with Zod? It was too late to change myself back into the innocent girl who'd come to Smallville for the first time. Yet, it still wasn't too late for defending the Earth from the aliens' army. For carrying out Lex's legacy, because I needed to face it - he'd been right. He'd been always right when believing that we weren't safe, that we could be attacked again and we needed to be ready for it.

As it just happened, I didn't need to be worried about the solar tower anymore, because it was destroyed. I made an official statement that it was a technical dysfunction, but deep down I knew it was the Blur – meaning – Clark Kent.

I wondered whether he thought of me nothing now. Whether he really believed I was supporting Zod, the very same Zod that had almost caused Lex his life so many years ago. I wish I could just talk to Clark and tell him the truth, but I couldn't. I knew he liked to forgive and give people second chances, but I wasn't ready to look into his eyes just yet, if I ever would be.

"Mrs. Luthor, you have a visitor," my servant announced.

"Who is it?" I asked without raising my head from the paperwork on my desk.

"Senator Martha Kent," came in answer.

Martha Kent? What could she possibly from with me now? I knew her very well, through Clark of course, but I hadn't talked to her for years!

"Let her in," I said and stood up. Suddenly, my work didn't seem that much important at all.

Clark's mother walked inside my study and closed the door behind her.

She looked much older than I remembered. Her beautiful red hair was now gray and she had more wrinkles on her face. Her eyes though, remained the same. Those were wise and warm eyes and even now, when I'd done so much evil, they still looked at me with affection.

"Jessica!" she said and spread her arms so I could embrace her.

I hesitated because she surprised me with this gesture, but eventually I gave her a rather awkward hug.

"Mrs. Kent," I started, "it's so nice to see you. What brings you here?" I pointed the sofa and we sat down.

"I'm worrying about you, Jessica," she admitted and looked into the fire that was burning in the fireplace. "I asked Clark how you were doing, but he couldn't tell me much."

"I'm sorry… Clark and I… we're not at best terms right now." I looked down at the floor to avoid her eyes.

"I am really worrying about you," she repeated, putting an emphasis to those words. "I want you to get better. You can still be friends with my son, you know that, don't you?"

"Well, I'm not so sure," I sighed and looked back at her. "Mrs. Kent… I've got so lost," I confessed. Whom else could I tell about my fears if not her? She was the only woman that was the closest to a mother figure for me.

"It's understandable that you have, honey, and I understand your reasons for being mad at Clark. I know my son and what he did… he did it to protect you, but sometimes when it comes to him… he's too…"

"…too protective, I know," I finished after her, "and he's always carrying the world on his shoulders."

"He didn't give you enough credit, you know. He thought you would break on hearing the truth."

"Not hearing it broke me much more."

"He needs you," Martha Kent suddenly said. "You are still very important to him. You two are something more than friends, you always were. You were there for him almost from the beginning, so please, do not turn your back on him now when he needs friends the most. You both need each other."

"I'm starting to think that it's too late, Mrs. Kent. We've grown so much apart that maybe we're just a lost cause."

"There is no such a thing, my dear," Martha Kent told me and covered my hand with hers. "Try to fix it and see for yourself."

I looked down again and sighed deeply, then I started watching the flames in the fireplace.

"I understand how it feels to lose somebody," she went on. "It's been years and still… I can't get over Jonathan's death," she suddenly confessed, earning a sad look from me. I knew what she was talking about. No one understood me wholly, because no one had lost their love like that. Martha, on the other hand, had.

"Lex was my life," I found myself opening myself up to her. Maybe I had to do this because such an opportunity wouldn't come twice. "And you know what's the worst, Mrs. Kent? I screwed up. I screwed up so badly. I left him when I should've been there for him. I thought that the right thing to do was to give him some space, so he would realize what was important in life, what was worth fighting for and… damn it, I even faked my own death so he could look at things clearer! Still, I only made it all worse. You don't leave a Luthor to figure out love for themselves, you show it to them! Now, I know it and I have so many regrets, so many… so many blew chances I have to live with."

"You can't keep blaming and punishing yourself, my dear. It's all in the past now and you have to leave it there. I know it hurts, but all you can do is to learn from your mistakes, because otherwise it all happened for nothing."

"Thank you, Mrs. Kent." I had tears in my eyes now. I was really grateful that she'd come over. She must've known that I needed an advice, that I needed to talk to somebody who reminded me of a mum.

Mrs. Kent stood up and smiled to me wistfully.

"I hope that I helped you, my dear. You should've seen the sadness in Clark's eyes when I mentioned you. He really does need you."

I hugged her, this time more affectionate and it didn't seem weird or uncomfortable anymore. Then she turned to the door.

"Jessica," she turned back to me again, "word of advice… don't wait, because soon… Clark might not be here anymore."

"What do you mean?" I wrinkled my forehead in confusion. "Is he going somewhere?"

She nodded.

"He might be going somewhere beyond the Earth limits." And she walked away, leaving me in the dark, curious and confused.

* * *

I was going to see Clark. I was ready, I thought. After all, when looking at things from a different perspective, he always did try to protect me, even when he was wrong his intentions were good. Then something else came to my mind. Clark might've not told me about Lex being possibly alive to shield me from an unnecessary pain, but he didn't kill him. On the contrary, he'd been there when I'd arrived. He'd tried to stop Oliver from taking Lex's life. I really had no reason to hold a grudge anymore.

Just when I was about to leave the mansion, Zod paid me a visit.

"I'm tired of waiting," he said angrily. "Listen to me!" He painfully grabbed my arm and turned me to face him. "You either become my mate or there will be no place for you on this Earth, do you understand?! You're unique. You've proven that you're worthy of Zod."

"Well, my answer is, as always, no." I snatched my arm from his grip. "Now, get out of my house!"

"You will obey me!" This time he grabbed my jaw and clenched it in his hand.

I opened my mouth in sudden pain and looked at him in panic. I tried to get away, but his grip was just too strong, almost like steel… like…

"Oh… God…" I managed to articulate.

"Yes, I am your god now. I have powers. In fact, my whole army has powers, so you either kneel before Zod or you die."

He let go off me what give me enough time to support myself against the desk. I needed to keep my blood cold if I wanted this to work. I pretended to be sore and dizzy when really I just reached to my drawer to pull out a kryptonite.

As I expected, Zod's face contorted in pain in reaction to the alien rock, what gave me enough time to grab another one while leaving the previous with Zod and just run. Run as fast and as far away as I could.

Clark wouldn't be able to use kryptonite on Zod, so I had to be the one to stop him.

The opportunity presented itself almost immediately when I spotted on my phone, that was connected to the LuthorCorp satellite, that Zod was heading toward Arctic. It was time for me to finally reach the place that had destroyed the one I'd truly cared about – Lex.

Unfortunately, I had no time meet Clark now and I could not come back from the place I was heading to, so I decided to leave him a voicemail. It wasn't exactly what his mother had had in mind when she'd told me to talk to him, but it would have to do for now.

"Clark…" I said and hesitated. What should I tell him? How to put this into the right words? I took a deep breath and continued, "I am so sorry. I never meant to abandon you…" I stopped again. No, that was bad. "I… You probably think that I'm working for Zod right now, but it's not true. In fact, I just found out that he has powers and decided to take him down. You can't do that with kryptonite, so let me… I wish we could meet again if I succeed… I still care about you and I need you to know that I forgive you. I had a visitor that made me realize I should turn to my friends and stop punishing myself. I should stop holding on to what could've been in the past… I hope we'll get a chance to see each other again…" A sharp beep interrupted my call.

It wasn't my best message, but it was done. Actually, it turned out better than I expected it would, so it was a plus.

Now – Arctic.

* * *

I didn't think I would be so lucky to still catch Zod in the fortress, but I did. He must've been spending a lot of his time there.

He noticed me right away and turned to face me.

"Well, well, well… isn't that my future mate?" he asked while making his way to me. "Have you decided to agree to my terms?"

"You know what, Zod?" I asked in my casual tone of voice. "I would guess that one denial would be enough for you, but you just don't take no for an answer and I'm not only talking about recent times. I'm talking about that time you wanted me to be your mate when you possessed my boyfriend's body!" After having said that, I took a swing and hit him in the face with kryptonite. Then I hit him again and again. I couldn't stop. He could easily run and heal himself in the distance.

Soon, he was lying on the ground, bleeding profusely.

"Satisfied?" he asked me while slowly standing up and wiping the blood from his face.

"Not even close!"

"You can't defeat me, Jessica!"

"Maybe, but I can finally redeem myself."

"Kneel! Kneel before Zod!" he roared and I was so taken aback by the sudden outburst that he managed to make a few steps back.

"Never!" I yelled.

That was a mistake. I should've just gone after him again or maybe I should've made kryptonite bullets for my gun.

It was too late now.

He set fire with his eyes, shooting it directly at me.

A savage, full of pain and agony scream came out of my mouth as I was lifted into the air by the force of Zod's fiery stream and then fell on the cold ground.

I saw everything like through a really thick fog or maybe I didn't see at all. I didn't know what was real or what wasn't anymore. All that existed was this unbearable pain. They said that burning and frost-bite were the two most painful injuries that could happen to a person. What an irony, Lex had gotten frostbitten in this exact place and now I…

Suddenly, in the moment of the greatest pain the alleviation came. I saw his face, Lex's face, and when I saw it I started crying, what probably only made the pain worse for me. The salty water coming from my eyes was making me feel more pain on my burned face.

I wanted him back so badly. I missed him so much. My heart was broken. I realized that it'd been like this ever since the moment he'd died and it never healed. I'd kept stepping into new relationships to feel something else beside the pain and lost. To feel anything beside the huge hole in my heart. Maybe I'd been feeling something remotely true for Clark, but it'd never gotten strong enough to overcome what I'd felt for Lex. What I still felt even though he was gone.

I heard somebody calling my name and then that somenone picked me up from the ground into his arms.

"Lex…" I moaned. "Lex…"

"No, I'm sorry. It's Clark." I heard his voice full of emotions and pain. "I'm sorry, Jess… I am so… I'll get you to a hospital. Just hang on…"

* * *

Pain. Pain. Pain.

Unending pain.

It seemed like I was feeling it even when they'd given me morphine.

They isolated me with a safe barrier and Clark finally could come inside my room to see me.

"Jess…" his voice was so soft and tender, but in the same time so hurt.

"Clark… I'm so… sorry…" I gasped. I had difficulties with talking and breathing. Half of my face was totally burned and the injuries had caused a deep damage.

"Is there… a chance for us… I mean… for being friends… I know you're happy with Lois… I just… I'm afraid that there's no place… for me in your life… anymore," I sobbed.

"There will always be a place for you in my life," he reassured me while making a step closer and reaching his hand, but then dropping it again. He couldn't touch me and it was killing us both. Such an irony, we'd been healthy for so long and hadn't spoken to each other and now, when we really wanted to hug or to just touch each other's hands, we couldn't.

"You're happy with Lois, aren't… you?" I asked. I knew I would never be able to love Clark as much as I'd loved Lex, but if he wanted to be with me, I wouldn't hesitate. It was better than being alone.

"Yeah…" There was hesitation evident in his voice.

"Clark… what is it?" I would've frowned if it didn't hurt so badly.

"It's just complicated with Lois, because I may not be here tomorrow," he finally replied.

"Your mother… mentioned something… What it is?"

"My mother?" He seemed surprised. "Well, I want to open a portal to another world. I can do it with my father's artifact, but… it will suck all the Kryptonians in, including me," he explained, his expression hard.

"Don't…" There was panic in my eyes. "Don't leave me… don't leave us…"

"I don't have a choice, Jess. I'm sorry."

I wanted to tell him so much. I wanted to tell him that I loved him, more as a friend than a lover, but still. I wanted to tell him that I regretted everything, that I wish we could start all over again. I wish we could be friends again.

Only I didn't tell him any of it, because suddenly I felt so sleepy… so dizzy… like I was floating away.

"It's ok… you should rest..." I sensed that he really wanted to stroke my head right now, but again, he couldn't. "Just remember me. Remember that I love you, no matter what. You're one of my oldest and dearest friends, Jess."

* * *

I found myself plunging into darkness and this time literally. I sensed that I was leaving this world, going to another. I was dying. The injuries Zod had caused me were too extensive. They meant my death.

_Good,_ I thought. _Good, maybe I will finally be reunited with my dear love. With my Lex._

_I was sitting in a chair in the Talon._

_I looked around and noticed the familiar decorations. That was how Talon had looked like the moment I'd arrived in Smallville._

_"Jess…" I heard a familiar voice._

_I looked at her, couldn't believe that it was her I was seeing._

_"Lana?" I opened my eyes widely._

_She was sitting right there, across the table, looking at me and smiling to me._

_"Lana, I missed you so much!" I yelled and reached my hand to touch hers. Her smile only grew._

_"Finally," I said. "I want to be with you, and with Lex. Where is he?" I looked around. I was so sure I was dead. He had to be here somewhere. I couldn't wait until he would just take me into his arms and I would feel whole again, I would feel home._

_"Lex is not here," Lana answered to my horror and my smile faded away immediately._

_"What do you mean he's not here?" I wrinkled my forehead. "He's dead. Where is he, then?"_

_"He's waiting," came the answer._

_"Waiting for what?!"_

_But she just smiled again and then stood up._

_She came over to me and when I also raised myself from my seat, she put her arms tightly around me._

_"I love you, Jess," she whispered into my ear._

_"I don't know what to do without you… you were my oldest friend…" I sobbed into her hair._

_"You have a lot of friends. You have Clark."_

_"Clark's gone."_

_"No, he's not. Just trust me on that."_

_She let me go and looked me in the eye._

_When I blinked, I suddenly found myself in some other place._

_I felt like I didn't have any control over my body, like I was in my head, but my hands – well, in that case – lips were moving without me ordering them to._

_And I was just giving somebody a blow job._

_I felt a cock in my mouth. It was familiar though, too familiar, the taste was too good to forget. I felt my tongue twirling over the head and then I lowered myself down, sucking, taking him all inside my throat and deriving a great pleasure from it myself._

_The man I was giving the blow job to was sighing and moaning with pleasure, murmuring my name as his hands entangled in my hair. He was wearing a white suit._

_And he was coming, powerfully, hard, spilling his semen into my mouth as I was swallowing it all._

_I still had no control over my body, but I felt great. I felt pleasure. I wanted this because I loved him._

_When he softened in my mouth I let him go and wiped my face. _

_I raised up to my feet, watching his legs clad in the spotless white suit, his chest and then… I finally got a glimpse of his face._

_I was shocked and surprised in my head while my body was still acting without me, my mouth smiling now._

It was Lex_._

_"That was… amazing." He smiled and reached his hands to me, so I could sit on his laps and kiss him._

_"Oh, thank you, Mr. president," I found myself saying and almost sat when…_

_NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!_

Something pulled me from the limbo I'd been immersing myself and I opened my eyes.

I was lying on a hospital cot in the darkness.

And there was no pain.

Instead of it, I had a strange sticky feeling on my face. Like something was stuck to it.

I sat up and touched my cheek, feeling only a smooth surface and no burning marks underneath my fingers.

What the…?

I spotted a mirror on the wall, so I came closer and looked into it. I saw my face with some strange gluey substance on half of it, ripped it off with my hand and…

…my face was flawless again. There was no marks, no scars. Nothing but impeccable skin.

I could only stare at myself in a silent awe.

I'd never been a narcissistic type. Of course, I knew I was quire pretty, even beautiful, but I never really delved into that. Now I could stare at myself forever.

I'd thought my life was lost, wasted. I'd thought I'd been dead and now…

I almost staggered when I remembered the strange and so vivid dream I'd just had. Or was it really a dream?

I could easily agree that maybe I'd really encountered Lana, because I'd been dying, but nothing justified the fact that I'd seen myself with Lex and what more, he was the president of the United States.

He was dead and nothing could change that, I reminded myself. Maybe it was just a delusion, something that my mind had projected when I'd come back to life.

Who had fixed my face? Another question appeared in my head.

Suddenly, somebody burst through the door.

"JESS?!" It was Clark. "JESS!" He got to me and swept me off my feet, locked me in his tight embrace. "They told me you were dead!" he gasped into my ear and then let me go. "How…" He looked at my face when bringing his hand to it. "How is it possible that you came back from the dead and your face is miraculously fixed?"

"I keep asking myself that. Where am I?" I asked in confusion.

"Hospital morgue," he answered.

"What… I need to sit down…" I came back to my cot and sat on it heavily. "And you're still here. Have you sent the Kandorians away?"

"I have," he told me and followed me to sit by my side. "I was fighting Zod. He had blue kryptonite and I let him stab me so he would be sucked into the other world. I, on the other hand, was stripped off my powers and I fell from the roof. Luckily for me, Lois took the knife out of my guts and the sun did the rest."

"So you aren't going anywhere?" I needed to be sure.

"No, I'm not, I promise." He smiled to me.

"Good. How long I've been out?"

"Two days."

"And they told you I was dead?" I opened my eyes widely, still trying to process that fact.

"Yeah, but I needed to see it on my own eyes and thank god, I did."

"Clark, when I was… dead," it still sounded too weird to say it out loud. "I saw Lana… and… Lex…" I added carefully.

"Lex?... Jess, there is something I have to tell…" he started, but I interrupted him.

"Let me finish. Lana could be a near death experience, but Lex… it was more like a future. He was wearing a white suit and he was the president."

"I may have an answer to that, Jess, but first… Lex is dead, you do realize that?"

"Do you think I'm stupid?"

"I guess not… I've had a near death experience myself and also seen Lex. The fact is that when… when I came back to life, it turned out… Jess, he cloned himself."

I was horrified. I could only stare at Clark with my mouth widely opened.

"Does it…" I started. "Does it mean that someone who looks like Lex and has his memories is out there somewhere?" I squealed in horror.

"No," Clark denied quickly. "It was a failure. The clone, I mean. I discovered a secret LuthorCorp lab and I guess you didn't even know about it."

"Of course, I didn't! I would've never… no copy could ever replace…" I was too shaken to speak.

"I know… and I understand." Clark covered my hand with his. "That clone was aging fast, too fast. He didn't even look like Lex, he was just bald. He kidnapped Lois and when I saved her… to cut a long story short, he died before he could do any more damage."

"Do you think he could've fixed my face?" I dared to ask. That thought had been hovering in my mind for a while now.

"Yes, definitely," Clark agreed, what made me look at him in surprise.

"Really? You don't think I'm crazy?"

"No, I don't. He could do that. There was enough living tissue in that lab to fix your face."

"Please, tell me you destroyed the lab."

"I did," he confirmed.

"Good."

We were sitting in silence for a while and then, "Look at you," I told him. "Where is the Clark I used to know? I miss the red T-shirt, you know? You were more… yourself then, now you're like Mr. Kent, the reporter." I laughed.

He'd changed indeed as he was now wearing an elegant button-down blue shirt..

"I missed you so much," he said and put his arms around me, hugging me tight once again.

"Can we be friends again?" I asked.

"I thought we already were."

"Can we come back to what we'd had before I married Lex?" I suddenly asked. "You know, before you fell for me."

"You don't understand something, Jess," Clark sighed and explained, "I always loved you. I've loved you ever since…" he stopped and looked down.

"Since you didn't have Lana to love," I finished after him.

"No," he denied to my surprise. "My love for you was real. Don't you ever dare to think otherwise. I felt something for you even when Lana was alive, I just…"

"I know, Clark, I know. You are too noble." This time I also avoided my eyes. "But right now you love Lois and… I need a friend, so everything's settled between us."

"I guess."

"I really do need you. I'm all alone and I don't know what to do anymore. Lex is gone and he was my whole world since the moment I came to Smallville and that was the moment my life actually started. Before it'd had no real meaning and now… now it's even worse when I know what I've lost."

"You didn't lose everybody. I am here. By your side. And I will always be." He hugged me again and I buried my face in his broad shoulders with pleasure.


	28. Chapter 28

_(Supergirl, Homecoming_)

Clark pushed the door open.

"After you." He gestured me inside.

I looked at him, then at the door and finally, I walked inside.

"So this is the famous Watchtower," I gasped while looking around. "Impressive."

"Yeah, it is. Chloe did a great job." Clark closed the door behind us.

"Speaking of Chloe, where is she?" I asked him when not seeing my blonde friend.

"Chloe is gone." We suddenly heard Oliver's voice and saw him descending the stairs.

I was quite afraid of our meeting, but it wasn't that bad after all. Something had changed in him and…

"What is it?" I wondered. "Oliver, you seem… different somehow," I dared to notice. I would expect him to shoot me his usual guilty-loving-missing look, but no. This time he didn't.

"Chloe and Oliver…" Clark's voice trailed off. "They're…"

"Oh…" I understood. "Wow… that is… unexpected, but… it's good. I'm happy for you two. I'm happy that you are happy, Ollie," I finished quite awkwardly.

"Oliver, what do you mean by Chloe's gone?" Clark asked, pretty concerned and I started to be too.

"She… uh… I think she… saved… uh… me…" Ollie sat on the last stair and looked up at us. "Somebody took me and they tortured me. Before they hit me with their best shot, I was rescued. Chloe sent me an e-mail telling me that she loves me and she doesn't want me to look for her. I checked it up… there is no record of Chloe Sullivan… anywhere. It's like she never existed."

"The only person that can erase Chloe is… well, Chloe," I said.

"I can't let her go like that."

"Oliver, I hate to tell you, but if Chloe doesn't want to be found…" I started.

"Jess, I won't give up on her!" he suddenly growled at me.

"Oliver!" Clark raised his voice. "Don't snap at her. She's just come back."

"And where was she when you needed her?!" Ollie snorted and stood up, coming to the door.

"Oliver, you were the one who wanted me out of your life," I dared to notice.

"I never said that you had to disappear from Clark's life too."

"Well, I'm here now," I said. "I want to help you. I came back. I know I've made a lot of mistakes and I'm sorry. I screwed up, but you screwed up too, so let's forget about it and stop holding on to it."

"You wanna help?" He turned to me. "Then help us find Chloe."

"This is exactly what I was going to do," I told him.

* * *

We met again in Watchtower at night. It was raining outside and there was a huge lightening storm.

"Chloe faked her own death," Oliver informed us.

"What?" I was surprised. Had she learnt from me? But I should be a proof to her that doing it never worked.

"I found the place I was being kept in. I found the guy. He told me that Chloe traded herself for me and that she died. Too soon."

"Wait… died?" there was fear evident in Clark's voice. "Are you sure she's still alive?"

"Yes. Thanks to this." Oliver showed us a small bottle. "She drank a poison, so the people that took her wouldn't have enough time to hurt her and… she appeared to be dead."

"But then she came back to life and left for good," I finished after him.

"Yes," he confirmed.

"Oliver, she can't come back to us. At least not now," I started. "It would put you and her in danger."

"I need her back!" He raised his voice, not really listening to what I was saying. "I don't know what to do without her! My life is just… empty."

"Oliver, we have to deal with those guys first. We don't even know who they are!" Clark cut in.

They started arguing.

I was sick of their blaming everybody for everything. Hadn't they learnt anything? Was I the only one who understood it all? I understood Chloe. I'd also fakes my own death once and it'd been also to save somebody I'd loved, but I'd done it for all the wrong reasons.

Chloe could make it right this time.

I sneaked out of Watchtower, leaving Ollie and Clark alone. I didn't feel like listening to their quarrel.

I walked outside and soon, I was soaked wet because of the rain. I didn't mind though, it just reflected my mood. I was miserable. I could just stand here on the pavement forever.

Couple of minutes later I noticed that I'd been crying and my tears were mixing with the water pouring down from the clouds. I had my friends back, at least I had my dearest friend back, Clark, and I knew Ollie would calm down soon. I understood him. I would've reacted exactly the same if…

I realized what those strange feelings inside of me were. I just didn't feel needed and still, I couldn't shake off that feeling I'd had while having near death experience. To be more precise, the feeling of Lex's cock in my mouth again, just being close to him.

I almost choked on my tears and the pain inside of me became unbearable. If Oliver was feeling something even remotely similar to what I felt right now, I really couldn't blame him for snapping at everyone around.

In this very moment it dawned on me: I would never be happy again. At least not like I would like to be, because there was no one like Lex in this world anymore. I would never stop loving him, even after his death and that meant that I would never love anyone like that ever again.

_"Here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide) And this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart. I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)" _

_E.E. Cummings_

Lex would live forever – in my heart.

I was broken and all I had left were my friends, so I had to help them. I needed to be there for them. I couldn't keep running away from them and their problems.

But then… if Chloe was back… how would I deal with all those happy couples around me while being all by myself? I would have to leave it for the future. It would be hard, but I knew I would be able to count on all of them.

I would manage. I was strong. I was a Luthor, after all.

I turned around and came back to Watchtower.

When I got inside they didn't argue anymore. Instead, they looked at me and Clark immediately asked, "Jess, what happened to you?"

"A little walk or standing in the rain for that matter." I shrugged. "Let's get to work, guys."

"Are you ok?" Oliver suddenly asked.

"No, but maybe someday I will be," I answered honestly.

* * *

It was such a shock for me! What the fuck was he thinking?!

I got to his penthouse as fast as I could.

"Oliver!" I screamed his name in indignation.

"What?" He looked up at me from behind his desk, quite surprised. "And hello to you too, Jess."

"You know why I'm mad at you! How could you tell the whole world that you're the Green Arrow?!" It was exactly what I'd just seen on the news.

"Jess, I had to."

"First shock was seeing Kara again," Clark's cousin had come back in a great style, I had to admit, "and now this! How can you protect the people of Metropolis if they know who you are?"

"I can't hide anymore. It was my decision, Jess," Oliver said and then I heard him sighing and he stood up from his chair.

"It's because of her, isn't it?" I asked, clearly meaning Chloe.

He didn't answer.

"She won't come back to you just because the world knows who you are," I said carefully.

"Did you come here to lecture me or to be my friend? Because I had the impression that you wanted the latter," his voice grew tired.

"Of course I stand by you," I assured him. "I'm just worried."

"Well, don't be."

"Has Clark showed up yet?" I asked.

"No, I would expect him to, but…" Ollie's voice trailed off.

"Oh," I noticed the obvious sadness and kind of disappointment on Ollie's face.

* * *

"Clark!" I walked into the barn in the afternoon. "Wow!" I saw him wearing his old blue shirt and Smallville High jacket. "This is my old friend, Clark." I smiled and came over to hug him. "I miss those happy times. Why are you wearing this anyway?" I asked when I let go off him.

"Well, today's our high school reunion. Don't you remember?"

"Reunion?... Oh, yeah… I've got an invitation, but…"

"You're not coming?" he finished after me.

"Exactly. There's no one out there that I would like to see. There will be no Chloe, no Lana…" I stopped. "It's just too painful for me."

"I understand. I didn't wanna go either, but Lois figured it would be nice."

"The past should stay in the past," I said and turned to the window. "It's been a while since I was standing here…" I sighed. "And so much has changed… It's the thing about reunions, even when you try not to think about them, they have a way of bringing up… just everything."

"Do you want me to stay with you? Would it make you feel better?" Clark asked with care in his voice and put his hands on my shoulders from behind.

"No, no. Go. Lois must be jealous enough that I'm back in your life anyway."

"Lois knows she's the one," he said and it pained me. Not that I still hoped for something to happen between us. My dream/near-death experience made me stop, but it hurt that everyone seemed to be moving on when I couldn't. Clark had Lois. Oliver had Chloe. I… I couldn't shake Lex off no matter how hard I tried.

"Does she?" I asked Clark while turning to face him again. "Clark, you have to tell her the whole truth about yourself. This relationship won't survive if you don't."

"I know."

"If you truly care about her, you'll tell her. You will only hurt her if you don't."

"Yeah, I've already made some mistakes about that one." He looked at me significantly.

That was true, Lana, then me…

"Exactly." I just nodded.

"Smallville, are you rea…" Lois just appeared at the top of the stairs and stopped talking on seeing me. "Oh, Jessica. Hello."

"Hey." I smiled to her and then got to her while reaching my hand to shake hers. "How are you, Lois?"

"Yeah, Clark mentioned something that you two are ok again…" thre was obvious hesitation in her voice.

"Don't worry, we're just friends." I told her quickly. "Clark has his eyes set only on you," I added while getting closer to whisper that to her. "Trust me."

"Yeah… eh… thanks…"

"Nice dress by the way," I paid her a complement.

"Thanks… Smallville, are you going?" She turned to her boyfriend.

"Yeah, coming."

"Clark…" I said, so he stopped right by Lois and turned around.

"Yeah?"

"I think you should go see Oliver. He needs you. He's just came clean."

"You know what, Clark? I think you really should." Lois patted his shoulder.

That was the moment that a thin line of understanding was created between me and Lois. I only hoped for the future that we could be friends.

"Hmm… ok…" he just said and they disappeared, leaving me all alone.

I turned back to the window and watched the sunset.

_Fucking reunion_, I thought bitterly. I didn't even have to go to it, because all the memories already resurfaced.

I remembered the day I'd met Lex. I'd been sitting with my new friends in the Talon when he'd walked inside and I'd liked him immediately.

I almost giggled, because it'd been such a high school girl crush. I'd even tried to interrupt his wedding to save him from Helen. I'd come too late then…

Even when I'd been just a silly girl crushing on the town billionaire, I'd still been in so much pain when I'd thought he'd been dead. Then when he'd come back, our friendship had started for real and that had been the moment when we'd really fallen for each other.

Now I was mature, I'd been through a lot and it'd changed me, hardened me, made me look at the world through different eyes.

I remembered my very first conversation about Lex with Clark.

_"(…) You don't know him like I do. Lex is… not easy to love. He's a Luthor, after all. He's trying his best not to become his father, but I can see him slipping sometimes and it worries me. I guess loving him must be a challenge, even our friendship is very hard to keep."_

_"You know what, Clark? I would take that challenge. I think I could."_

"I miss you so much, my love," I said out loud. There was no one near me that could hear me anyway. "I miss you every day, every hour, every second… and I keep asking myself _why_…" I sobbed quietly and then wiped the tears from my eyes.

* * *

(_Ambush, Patriot, Luthor, Icarus_)

Before I even noticed, I was spending more time in Watchtower than in my own house. My reasons were simple: here, in Watchtower, there was nothing that could bring the old memories back and I was actually more useful to all the heroes out there. I really appreciated what Chloe had done with the place and I only hoped that I would see her again soon. I couldn't replace her, I wasn't that good with high tech.

One night Ollie barged in while holding his arm close to himself and wincing with pain.

"Are you ok?" I asked him, raising from my desk immediately.

"And you would expect to find the first aid kit the first place you'd look!" he growled while closing the nearest drawer.

"It's in here," I told him and retrieved it, then made my way to him. "Sit down and take off your shirt."

He gave me a significant look.

"What? It's not like I haven't seen it all before." I rolled my eyes at him. "Come on. Let's take a look at you… You're overworking yourself, you know that?" I told him when I saw his bruised back.

"Well, at least I do something good for the world."

"As long as you can," I said. "You have to be more careful, Oliver. People may need you, but they don't need a wounded hero."

"Spare me the lectu… auu!"

"Oh, I'm sorry, did I hurt you?" I asked him sarcastically while cleaning his wounds. "Do you have a tattoo?" I took a closer look at his wrist and frowned.

"No, why?"

"This wound shouldn't look like that… wait a minute…" I took an ultraviolet lamp and… bingo!

"A skull?" Ollie raised his eyebrows. "The hell I must've been drunk when I got this!"

"Oliver, that is not a joke. I've seen it before. It's a tattoo under your skin. It's The Suicide Squad's mark."

"The… what?"

For the first time I could be glad that I'd done something good in Watchtower. If I hadn't been for me, they would've never discovered those tattoos and even Clark had one! Clark!

* * *

Ollie came back the next night with a six pack.

"What is this?" I asked him while raising my eyebrows in surprise. "Your attempt of being my friend?"

"I think it'll take a little longer to call us friends again, but I can be friendly. At least it's a first step, isn't it?" He smiled to me. "I wanted to thank you and apologize to you. If it wasn't for you…"

"Don't mention it." I waved my hand, smiled and stood up. I took a beer and opened it, taking a sip.

"The truth is that I was so raged by Chloe's disappearance that I treated you… it just wasn't right, Jess. I'm sorry for it. I did a lot of bad things to you and then I…"

"It's ok, I understand. Let's just forget about it."

"I won't be coming to Watchtower anymore," he suddenly said. "Someone may spot me here and I can't jeopardize everyone else's safety. I can't expect them to come out of the shadows like I did. Besides, Watchtower is in good hands right now." He smiled to me. "And… it's too many memories. I just can't come here anymore."

"I understand, because I feel the same when it comes to the mansion… After all, it's a very mature decision, Ollie. You know, to protect the others, but I have to tell you that I'll be missing you."

"Come on, it's not like we won't be seeing each other anymore." He winked at me.

* * *

I was busy in Watchtower all the time what was actually kind of perfect for me. More work, more helping equaled less thinking about how my life turned out.

After another successful action Clark finally brought Lois in to show her the place. They were getting more and more serious. I admitted I was a little jealous, but not because of Clark in particular. I was jealous, because they made me constantly think about what I'd lost. It was the reason why I was keeping myself busy and the circle was closed.

"Clark, you called." Ollie just dropped by.

"Didn't you tell me that it wasn't save for you to come here?" I asked him with a lifted eyebrow.

"It took me two body doubles and three cars to get here, so it better be good!" the answer came.

I was just about to laugh when I looked at Clark and my face changed. He was dead serious.

"When I sent the Kandorians away through the portal I might've opened the door for something else… the Darkseid, dark power that is affecting hero haters and people working against us," he informed us.

"Wait…" Oliver waved his hand. "Are you seriously trying to tell me that out of all the intergalactic bad boys we've ever faced, this one is actually worse?"

"This is much worse. We can't even see it to fight it. This thing is like evil spreading over the Earth. It preys upon the dark side that we already have… If we can't stop it, the darkness will affect every single person on this planet."

I was standing there, listening to him, but somehow I wasn't afraid at all. I had nothing to lose, so I would do my best to help them win, to redeem myself. I needed to purify myself from Luthors' corruption and I wouldn't let that darkness plant inside of me.

* * *

A week later Clark appeared in my door, smiling to me seductively.

"Hi," I said while frowning and standing up from my chair. "Are you feeling ok?"

"Never better," he answered with the same strange smile, walked over to me and just… kissed me.

He took me by surprise, so I didn't pull away right that moment and then when his lips parted and he slid his tongue into my mouth, penetrating it, I sighed and suddenly found myself kissing him back. I lost myself into that kiss, remembered how we'd been happy together once. It was a short period of time, but it'd happened. For that brief moment when he was kissing me, the pain was gone, the hole in my heart wasn't so gaping anymore and I didn't feel so terribly alone.

He soon raised me up and put me on my desk, so I put my legs around his waist to bring him closer, feeling the obvious hardness in his pants while he grazed himself against me, making me want more, making me want to have that physical closeness to somebody again.

And then it hit me. It reminded me of some similar event in my past with a slight difference that it hadn't been Clark then, it'd been Lex. He'd been split into two versions of himself: good and evil. That evil one had come to me, acting completely out of character, wanted to seduce me. I'd figured out that something had been wrong pretty soon or... maybe too late, because I'd already gotten hurt then.

And this time Clark was acting exactly the same. Besides, he wouldn't act like this when he was in a honest relationship with Lois. That wasn't Clark at all and he loved Lois more than he'd ever loved me or even Lana.

I pushed him away as hard as I could, what was difficult since he had superpowers and I didn't. I managed to take him by surprise and it gave me enough time to run.

But he soon caught me anyway and brought to Watchtower.

* * *

The Mirror.

Clark had come across it while scanning some old LuthorCorp lab that I'd had no idea of.

Now I was watching him coming back to his old self. Lois was the one to recognize him. She got to her knees right next to him and after having looked into his eyes, she just knew it was truly him.

The kryptonite knife I was holding dropped to the floor and I just stared at them. They were so much in love that it broke my heart.

"Jess, are you ok?" I heard Ollie's caring voice and felt his hand on my shoulder.

I just nodded and walked out of there.

* * *

"Jess…" Clark came back to Watchtower in the evening. By that time we'd all managed to clean up the other Clark's mess and the place was ready to run.

"Yeah?" I raised my head to look at him.

I was sitting on the sill by the stained-glass window, just thinking. Clark soon sat right by my side.

"How is Lois?" I asked. "You should be with her now."

"She understands that I need to talk to you as well," he just said.

"Yeah, I bet she does," I sighed. "She's perfect, Clark. She loves you so much that it reminds me…" I stopped. "You deserve that kind of love. I would never be able to give it to you. She does."

"Jess…" Clark sighed heavily too. "I don't know how to apologize to you…" he finally started.

"For what? It wasn't your fault. You had no idea what would happen if you touched that Mirror."

"Not for that. The other me… from the other world… he… he killed Lex there."

For a while we were sitting quietly. He was waiting for my answer. I was digesting that information.

Finally, when I didn't say anything, he added, "You didn't love him back there. You sacrificed him to be with… the other me."

That did it. Tears came to my eyes and I sobbed, putting my hand to my mouth.

"Jess…" Clark whispered and took me into his arms. "I'm sorry. What can I do to make you feel better?" he asked while holding me. "How can I apologize? A simple sorry doesn't seem right."

"Clark, that world was some kind of a bizarre reflection of this one," I said, "and it wasn't your fault. You don't have to apologize. I just… I… don't feel good that there's someone that's evil me, some evil reflection and… How can I not love Lex there? I can't even comprehend it. He is dead and I still love him with my whole heart." I sobbed again and Clark's embrace tightened around me.

"He wasn't special enough for you there. You preferred somebody that was superior to you," he followed with an explanation.

"So I'm shallow in that world."

Suddenly, we laughed. Maybe I was slowly going crazy.

"Yeah, I guess you are," Clark confirmed.

"Here I prefer equal over superior. It's much healthier."

I knew I'd had to go a long way to become Lex's equal, but I'd matured enough to be that woman for him. The woman he'd fallen for.

* * *

The life as we knew it was over.

Clark and Lois got engaged and had a chance to be happy only for a moment, then it started.

They started hunting us down. They declared war against us and we were forced "to go underground", to shut down Watchtower.

What was I supposed to do now?

Shortly after that, my whole team went off the grid. I was seriously concerned. Where the hell were they? I knew they wouldn't just bail. They must've been taken, but by who? And the more important question was - how could I help them?

Just when I thought I lost them forever, that they were either dead or taken over by the Darkseid, they appeared again.

When I saw them on Queen's satellite's image, I was stunned.

"Chloe…?"

I drove to the farm as fast as I could. I ran out of my car, leaving the key in the ignition and bursting through the door.

The satellite didn't lie. Of course it wouldn't. That picture was an undeniable proof.

"Chloe?" I asked while seeing her there with everybody else.

"And look who's back in the team." She smiled to me. "A lot has changed since I was gone. Hey, Jess! How are you doing?" She got to me and hugged me.

"Chloe, where were you? What happened to all of you?" I wanted to know.


	29. Chapter 29

(_Beacon, Fortune, Finale_ /no, not the actual finale of this story, it's just the last episode of Smallville called "finale"\)

"Your credit card has been blocked." I saw on the screen.

What? How was that possible? No one could do that expect me or maybe Chloe, because she was so good with computers, but why would she?

My question was answered when I strode into my company. Or maybe I should say ex-company?

I was taken aback by the figure of Lionel Luthor sitting behind my desk and I could only stare at him in shock.

"Oh, hello, Jessica. I was wondering how long it would take you to figure it all out," he welcomed me with a sneer.

"You're dead. Lex killed you… You… You are from the other world! You came through the mirror, isn't that right?" I quickly figured it out. There was really no other explanation anyway.

"Smart girl. Quick on the uptake." Lionel clapped his hands, then he raised from his sit and faced me. "It's still me. It doesn't matter what world I come from." He spread his arms in gesture that emphasized those words.

"So you just took over the company and cut me off?" I asked. "I'm still a Luthor. You can't just…"

"Yes, I cut you off and if you try to get your company back… well, I would have to report a murder," he threatened.

"What are you talking about? I didn't kill anyone!"

"Oh, who cares? I will make it look like you killed Lex," he said with satisfaction and cruelty in his eyes while he got closer so our faces were separated only by inches. He knew how to intimidate people, but I wouldn't back out, I was strong. I'd learnt from my husband.

"You have no proof," I said hard.

"Oh, I'll find one. It won't be difficult since the real killer didn't come forward."

I knew that Oliver would stand up if Lionel pointed me as Lex's killer. I just knew it, but right now he was happy with Chloe and, what was more important, Chloe was happy. After Jimmy, Doomsday and her crush on Clark, she was finally happy. I couldn't jeopardize that, but I couldn't let Lionel lock me up either. I was being needed somewhere else.

"I loved him!" I told him instead of arguing. I couldn't help but show off my emotions. "He was my whole life! I'm not some Helen Bryce and you know it! Why are you punishing me?!"

"Oh…" Lionel made a step back and smacked his lips. "That is the very reason. What do you expect me to say, hah? I don't care how much you loved him! That love destroyed him! It made him week! And then when you got sick, it turned my son mad and finally killed him. You are the one who destroyed Lex! His affection for you destroyed him!"

"No! You did it!" I yelled back to him. "You were the one who raised him without love!... And don't worry, Lionel, I don't want this company back. I don't even want the mansion. I can't even stand to look at you, so you win, I'm gone!" I just turned away and walked out of there.

I was homeless, I realized and then cried the whole way to the farm. I just couldn't stop. Lionel wasn't right with blaming me, I was. He was the one who'd destroyed the man I loved, not me. Still, I had to protect myself and Oliver right now.

When I walked into Clark's house, the first person I saw was Martha Kent.

"We did it, Jessica! The vigilante registration act is down! People saved… What happened to you, my dear?" She just now took a good look at my face. "Oh, my god! Are you ok?"

I must've looked terrible. My face must've been puffy and red from crying.

"Jess, what happened?" Clark just got inside the kitchen and I could see the rest of my team in the living room.

"Lionel… Luthor… is back," I said slowly.

"What? He's dead," Chloe said on hearing me.

"He must've come through the Mirror," Clark sighed. "I'm so sorry, Jess, but I can't send him back. I destroyed the Mirror."

"It's ok… I just… every time I seem to get just a little bit better and deal with a little bit of my past, it's all back, resurfacing right away."

"It'll be ok," Clark said and got to me, putting his arms around me.

"Did he hurt you?" Oliver asked. Lois was standing right by his side.

"No, but he took everything away from me, Lex's legacy… He threatened me that… that…" I sobbed and took a deep breath while still in Clark's arms. "He told me that he would accuse me of murdering Lex and knowing him, he would probably find a very good reason. You know, money and power… and… and if the real killer stood up… we would lose either way."

"It's ok, Jess." Clark stroke my hair. "You can stay here. You always have home here."

"Yeah, and you still have a job as our sidekick. Even with Chloe back, we can always appreciate another pair of hands. I'll keep paying you," Ollie added with a grin on his face.

"Thank you, guys," I finally let go off Clark. "Lionel just… hurt me… even when I knew it wasn't true… it did hurt me. He said that I was Lex's ultimate downfall, because... you know, his love for me was so strong that he went mad after losing me and…"

"Honey," Martha Kent got to me and she was the one to hug me now. She gave me the illusion of having a mother, at least for the time sake. "It's not a bad thing. It's actually a good one. You should be happy that he loved you the way you wanted him to. The reason why Clark couldn't trust him enough to tell him what was going on with you, was Lionel all along, not yourself. Lionel was the one who raised Lex and he did it all wrong."

"I know, that's what I told him," I said.

When I managed to calm myself down and suppress my tears, we all went to Watchtower to open it again.

We could since the registration act was down.

* * *

It was the worst hangover ever!

Although I'd probably felt great last night, what I could tell after having watched the tape, now I was worse than ever. Why? Because everybody around me seemed happy. Everybody except me, of course! Chloe and Oliver had 'accidentally' gotten married when we'd been all drunk and now they were a happy young couple leaving Metropolis as Chloe had gotten a job in Star City, Oliver's family town. Clark and Lois, on the other hand, were preparing for their wedding.

And who was I? I was a young widow left with nothing since Lionel had taken my fortune and my home away.

I had friends, but it wasn't enough, especially when they were so happy and couldn't even help it. I didn't blame them, I wished them the best.

I even thought about getting myself drunk again, but then I remembered that I was being needed. Sober.

* * *

The wedding day finally arrived.

I kept smiling, kept helping everybody, kept myself as busy as I could be. Then I went to see Clark.

"Wow, look at you! Aren't you gorgeous in that suit?" I asked him while admiring his firm posture.

"Thanks… And look at you, you're beautiful." He pointed the short and tight red dress I was wearing.

I could sense that he was a little nervous.

"Clark, Lois will be there," I assured him. "This is your happy day. You have nothing to be worry about."

"Actually, Lois wasn't going to be there," he suddenly said.

"What?" That surprised me. "What happened? Did you two have a fight or something?"

"No, nothing like that. She just thought that she would be taking my time when I could be somewhere else, you know... helping people."

"Clark, you are not a machine. You are human. At least you were raised like one, so no one would expect you to…"

"I know, I know, and she does know it too now, fortunately."

"You know, you could look at the bright side. She's just given you the ultimate proof of how much she loves you." I came over to him and fixed his tie.

"Jess, I haven't seen a real smile on your face since like…" he hesitated while trying to figure it out, "forever," he finally finished. He didn't remember the last time I'd been smiling too. "This one here," he put his hand to my cheek, "it's all fake. You won't deceive me, Jess. You may everybody else, but not me. I know you all too well."

"Sorry, Clark," I sighed and turned around. "I'm probably spoiling your wedding."

"Not at all," he told me while circling me and looking into my eyes again. "And you know what they say, it's always the darkest before the dawn."

"I don't think it applies to my case, but thanks anyway." God, it sounded like sarcasm. "It's your day," I said, "so don't you worry about me. I can manage. I'm strong."

"I know you are. I don't know how it happened, but all the women in my life are unusually strong. Look at you, Lois, Chloe, my mom…"

"Maybe it's something special about you that brings out the strength in us or maybe… you just prefer such a company." I winked at him.

"Here," he told me happily. "There it is! The smile I was waiting for!"

I smiled again, couldn't help it.

"I'm happy for you, Clark. You know that, right? Even when it doesn't show."

"Sure, I do. Come here." He took me in his arms, closing me in his strong embrace.

* * *

The general was absent what was pretty strange since his older daughter was just getting married, I thought as I was watching Clark and Lois going down the aisle. It was actually very romantic when Clark had decided that he would make that way with his wife-to-be since her father couldn't.

I couldn't help but remember my own wedding again. Lex had been so happy then. We'd been so happy! If not counting the little episode with Clark, it'd been just a perfect day. A perfect start of our future together.

Everything had seemed perfect until I'd lost the baby. That was when the darkness had come, when Lex had started producing clones, so he wouldn't lose me. All that because of some stupid prophecy dream he'd had… and I… I'd turned my back on him.

Suddenly, something happened, waking me up from my sad reverie.

Just when Lois was about to put a ring on Clark's finger, Chloe snatched it away.

Was she still…

Wait…

It was Ollie! He was marked with the darkness. I could tell since his eyes just turned black!

I understood that he wanted to give Clark a ring made out of golden kryptonite. Chloe noticed it on time and protected Clark once again.

I'd heard about that kind of a meteor rock when Clark had come back from the mirror world. It could permanently take away his powers. Where had Ollie found it? I wondered.

"Go! Everybody just… run!" Chloe screamed at the crowd.

I remained on place, being a little shocked. I didn't know if I should run too or maybe stay and help them, but help them how?

Oliver couldn't die! Chloe wouldn't handle another loss! Was all I could think at the moment. There was way too many deaths around us as it was.

But if I was going to trust anyone with Oliver's life – it was Clark. I knew he wouldn't kill him. He would do anything in his power to stop him, to make him better. He would never give up on him.

"Jessica!" Martha Kent took my hand and guided me toward the exit. "Come!" I finally listened.

* * *

Clark was really worth all the trust. He managed to help Oliver and they both came back to the farm.

"There is a planet coming toward Earth…" Clark started.

"We can see that." Martha pointed the window. They were all scared, even Clark, even Oliver, all but me.

I had nothing to be afraid off. I wasn't infected with the darkness and I wasn't afraid of dying. I had nothing to live for but my friends and it didn't seem enough anymore. I could as well die today.

But I would fight till death.

"Jess, are you ok?" Clark came over to me. "You look so…"

"Yeah, I'm fine," I shut him down quickly. "Just because I don't seem to be scared doesn't mean that there's something wrong with me."

"I'm heading to Watchtower. Maybe it still works," Chloe said.

"Phones are down," Oliver noticed when turning to her.

"I'll check it up anyway," she decided. "I need to do something. I hate feeling useless."

"And I have something to do as well…" Ollie started, but then his voice trailed off like he didn't really want to divulge what that was. "Jess…" He came over to me. "Hold on, I hope we'll see each other again."

"I hope that too, Ollie," I told him and let him hug me.

Then Clark gave me a hug and then Chloe.

Everybody seemed to say their goodbyes.

"There is no need," said Martha Kent. "I believe in you, son, you will stop it. Now go, it's your destiny. It's what I and your father have been preparing you to do all this time." She sent her son a faint smile, but a smile full of hope nonetheless.

Soon, I was left on the farm alone with her. I was no use anywhere right now since Chloe was back in Watchtower.

* * *

"Jess! Jess!" Clark burst inside the house a while later.

"Clark, what it is?" I got to him.

"Did something happen?" His mother followed me, her voice full of worry.

"Yes…" Clark stopped, looking at me strangely like he wasn't sure how to say what he was going to say. "Jess… I don't have much time, but there's something you need to know now… Lex is alive," he just shot out, leaving me in complete and total shock and bewilderment.

I could only stare at him like he was an alien… well, actually, he was an alien, but…

Then I felt my heart pumping hard, racing. I felt my blood boiling inside of me, my body trembling and my hands getting sweaty. I felt like somebody hit me very hard in the head, so all my perceptions were a little bit distorted.

Finally, I managed to calm myself down, put myself together again and shook this fucking feeling of fake hope off.

"No!" I denied while raising my voice. "No! Don't tell me about some another fucking clone! I refuse to meet some shadow of my dead husband! I will not survive that again, Clark!" I warned him with tears in my eyes, a heavy feeling in my guts.

"Jess…" Clark made a step forward and put his hand on my shoulder. His eyes were so…

"No!" I pushed him away. "NO!" I screamed, crying.

"Jessica!" he called me by my whole name and it hurt me even more. He was being dead serious and those freaking eyes of his were so…

"What?" I almost whispered and hugged myself like I was cold.

"It's not a shadow," Clark said slowly, making an impact and I felt like I was going to faint. Not a shadow? How could it possibly be that _my_ Lex was back? My feet were going to bend under me. I was suffocating while waiting for more information.

"I saw him," Clark added.

"You… _what_?" I had to support myself on the table.

"Here, my dear," Martha Kent, probably as astonished as I was, pulled up a chair for me, so I just fell into it. She came over to the sink to bring me some water as well.

"His body… it's a clone's body," Clark continued, "but he looks just like Lex and the real Lex is inside of it." Why his voice was so sure?!

"H…how?" I stammered while taking the glass of water from Clark's mother and gulping it down. I didn't know if I should keep listening to Clark or just run wherever Lex was right now.

"I think this should explain everything. Sorry, I read it." Clark took some piece of paper out of his pocket and handed it to me. "It's for you… from Lionel. He sold his soul to Darkseid. I've just defeated him in the barn."

"The barn?" I raised my eyebrows. It all sounded so surreal.

"He was looking for me and probably for you too. There was no Lionel inside, but I think he really wanted to give it to you. It was all that was left from him when I defeated him."

I put the glass back on the table and reached for the letter with my extremely shaky hands.

_Jessica,_

_I wanted to bring my son back to have another chance, to redeem myself, but I realized that it's impossible. There is no redemption for me anymore. It's too late for that. _

_Lex needed a heart to be alive and I wanted to give him yours, only I realized that if I did it, he would hate me forever for taking you away from him. So I decided to sell my soul to the Devil in exchange for Lex's life. My heart will be his and he will live. Not as a clone, but as the real Lex. It's amazing what you can gain when dealing with the darkest powers of the universe, isn't it? _

_I am condemned for the whole eternity, but he has a second chance now. You said you love him… he needs you. Don't let him become me, Jessica. Don't let him repeat my mistakes. Make him happy. It's your job now._

_Lionel._

The letter slip from my hands to the floor.

"Jess, I saw Lex and I talked to him," Clark started again, looking at my shaky presence. "Jessica, you are the only one who can stop him now. I won't get rid of him, it's not who I am. I never give up on people, but Lex seems to be a lost cause. You are the only one left that can tame him. He didn't even know that you were actually alive. You should've seen his face when I told him. The only real feelings inside of him are for you."

_"We have a destiny together, Clark… only on different sides," Lex was saying._

_"I'll always be there to stop you. _Always._"_

_"Oh, I'm counting on it. You took _everything_ away from me and I will make you suffer."_

_"You mean I took Jessica away?" Clark asked. "Lex, she's alive."_

_Lex's face twitched._

_"What did you just say?" For a moment there the cold mask was replaced with real strong emotions that even the master of disguise, Lex Luthor, couldn't hide._

_"She's fine, she's healthy, she is still single and she is still your wife. She suffers every day. She still loves you with her whole heart and it kills me to see the pain in her eyes every time I look at her, but there is nothing that I can do. You, on the other hand, can."_

_"Where is she?"_

_"I can get her to you."_

"I am sorry I couldn't safe Lex," Clark continued, "but you, you still can, Jessica. His fate is in your hands now. Change it."

"There's nothing that's lost that can't be found again," I suddenly found myself saying, remembering those words.

The shock wore off, now it was replaced by faith and anticipation.

I'd thought it'd been all gone. I'd thought I would never see him again, touch him again, kiss him, make love to him…

…and now he was back. The real Lex was back. He was waiting for me and I seemed the only one who could make him a better person. Through my love. I suddenly felt so special, so lucky, so unique.

Because I was.

I _was _special.

I was special to him and finally, years of pain and hardship, years of agony were over. Now came time for light. Something clenched inside my heart as it dawned on me that I would be able to have his arms around me again. In this life. I wouldn't have to wait till death would join us again.

Clark was right, it was always the darkest before the dawn.

I stopped shaking. I stood up and looked him straight in the eye with confidence.

"Take me to him," I asked him.

I felt Mrs. Kent's hand on my shoulder.

"You deserve true happiness, Jessica," she told me, "and if Lex Luthor is the one who can provide it to you… then run to him. Save him and save the whole world from him."

For the first time in my life, _I knew._

"I know my destiny now, Clark," I said in elation. Every piece of the puzzle finally finding its rightful place. "It's him. It's loving him, saving him. Suddenly everything makes sense and… oh, god!" I put my hand to my head. "Imra! She knew this would happen… and I thought she was mistaken, crazy since Lex was dead and…"

"Jess, I'm sorry, but I don't have much time. Either you fly to him now or after I send that planet away," Clark hurried me up.

"Fly?" My eyes opened widely as I looked into his again.

He just smiled to me and hushed away only to be back in his new costume.

"Wow," was all I could say. "You look…" Clark in a red cape? I would have to get used to that, I decided.

He took me in his arms and then he flew. Up, up and away…

It was only a matter of seconds and we were already in Metropolis. I was left by him right by the entrance to the LuthorCorp building.

"Thanks." I turned around, but there was no Clark anywhere.

I smiled. He must've already been heading toward that planet. He was really fast. He finally learnt how to fly, finally had a new costume, knew what to do, knew his destiny.

And I knew mine.

I turned to the entrance again and while taking a deep breath, I crossed the threshold.

I ran to the elevator and then to the very last floor just to came to a sudden stop right by the door to Lex's office.

It started again. My body had so many different and confusing reactions. I was hot and cold, my heart was racing again, but then it seemed to stop completely. I also had difficulties with breathing.

_Pull yourself together_, _Jess, it's not a dream. It's reality. You've been waiting for this moment for almost three years. You are special, you are chosen. Your love is waiting for you behind this very door. _

_There's nothing that's lost that can't be found again._

I took a deep breath and pushed the door open.

* * *

You let me violate you

You let me desecrate you

You let me penetrate you

You let me complicate you

You let me fuck you like an animal

I want to feel you from the inside

I want to fuck you like an animal

My whole existence is flawed

(You get me closer to god)

* * *

**AN: **If Jessica was a real character in Smallville and there would be season 11, I would like the 10th to end just like this. With a cliffhanger like hell for them. The best one ever:P

From now on… THERE WILL BE A LOT OF ORIGINAL CHAPTERS AND… then the originals sequels!

I know you love me XoXo… LL.

* * *

Here you go: A vidlet: HE'S BACK:

* * *

Youtube

* * *

watch?v=eBn4aAKNfMA

* * *

whole link in my profile: To the end


	30. Chapter 30

(_JEX REUNION_)

A heavy heart, Beloved, have I borne

From year to year until I saw thy face,

And sorrow after sorrow took the place (…)

_Elizabeth Barret Browing_

* * *

Here I was, standing by the door, trying to catch my breath and do my best to calm myself down. He was waiting for me behind it. I finally had to believe it. It wasn't a dream, it was reality. As it hit me full on, I thought I might faint.

If anyone could ever come back from the grave – it was Lex Luthor. I had no doubt about that. Lionel had finally done something good after all the misery he'd put his son and also me through. I was able to forgive him now, after his death, but it was forgiveness after all.

I would not waste my second chance at happiness, neither I would let Lex waste it. I knew I had to be prepared for the worst. He could be evil, but I would bring him back. I confident I could

I still had that beautiful tight and short red dress on which I'd bought specially for the wedding. There had been no time to change, but it was good that Lex would see me in it. I looked gorgeous today.

I finally took a deep breath and pushed the door open, then made that one step forward, over the threshold and finally, I dared to look up.

He was there, standing by the window, looking through it at the world that was going to end soon… or not, because I believed that Clark would save us all. His back was turned on me, but I could tell it was him. I knew every inch of his body, I could recognize him by any part of it. And yes, that distinguishable bald head, the silhouette of his skull I knew so well.

I discovered that I couldn't move. I really wanted to, I really wanted to make my way to him, to say something, but I just couldn't. What should I say anyway? What would be the perfect thing to say after such a long time? After being so sure that I would never see him again?

Something in my stomach tightened, making me feel very uncomfortable and uneasy.

He must hear that somebody came in, because he started turning around. I saw everything like in a slow motion and then he was finally facing me.

Still, I could not move, could not speak. I could only stare into that blue-gray eyes I loved so much.

His face – exactly the same as I remembered – lightened up in a smile, but it wasn't a smile of total happiness, it was a smile showing me all the emotions running through him. He was truly moved. I saw that his eyes got a little glassy - tears. Actual tears coming from Lex Luthor. The moment was priceless for me.

His mouth opened and I heard the one word I'd craved to hear for so long. I'd craved to hear it while coming from his lips, through the sound of his wonderful textured voice, "Jessica."

It finally caused me to move a little and then suddenly, I was able to make that one step forward and then another.

Lex smiled again and then he also started coming toward me as well, closer and closer.

I was still too stunned to say something, unaware of anything coming from the outside world but his presence.

There, we made the final steps, we met near his desk, inches apart from each other. So close, yet still so far away. His eyes were so deep and so teary, his breath uneven just like mine. I could almost feel it on my face.

Every part of my body was reacting to him now, yearning for him, desiring him, yet I was afraid that if I reached my hand to him, if I touched him, he would just disappear and I would be left alone once again.

Lex was the one who reached his hand to me, slowly, then he gently placed it on my face while sighing heavily. I closed my eyes, feeling that innocent touch on my cheek with my whole body and I leaned my face into his hand, grazing against it and sighing with pleasure.

Finally, I opened my eyes and met his once again, just then I realized I was crying too. My face was wet.

"Lex…" I finally whispered, my voice breaking over the letters.

It was enough. He just took me by my arms and swept me into his embrace, closing his arms tightly around me, invading my senses with his scent, with the feel of his body next to mine.

(…) Only – but it's rare—

When a beloved hand is laid in yours

When, jaded with the rush and glare

Of the interminable hours,

Our eyes can in another's eyes read clear (…)

_"The buried life" by Matthew Arnold_

"Lex…" I whispered again, sobbing into his neck. I put my arms tightly around him too, pulling him even closer. I didn't want any barriers between us. I just wanted to feel him with every inch of my body. I wanted to believe it wasn't a dream.

Everything felt just like I remembered and I cried harder, shaking as he held on to me.

Clark had told me that Lex's body was new, replicated, but even if – somebody had done a great job and I could only thank them or… thank Lionel, I realized.

"Lex… Lex…" I kept repeating his name like a mantra, like I wanted it to finally sink in. I wanted to believe that he was here, because it still seemed so surreal and so dreamy.

Then I managed to pull back a little and I cupped his face. For a second I was looking into his eyes from so close that our noses were barely touching. Those eyes were so full of emotions now I could drawn in them. I knew he was fighting tears. He didn't want more to show and finally, he just closed them. I pulled his face to mine and placed a soft kiss on his mouth. My hands slid up to stroke his smooth head. He opened his mouth immediately, taking me in, sliding his lips against mine, then finally his tongue slip in.

I was wetting his face with my tears that didn't want to stop flowing. He put his arms around me again, because I was still shivering like I was cold, only I felt hotter inside than ever. He was giving me comfort, giving me relief, finally making me believe. His kisses were burning me, setting me on fire, finally bringing me back to life. I'd been cold all this time he'd been gone and now we were both back, both truly alive. I couldn't get enough of him and I wouldn't let go, not ever. I'd just gotten him back.

I pressed against him once more, desperate to feel more of him and I did. He was already hard and his cock was poking into my stomach, sending millions of electric sparks through my body, ending between my legs, driving me crazy.

I gasped into his mouth and moaned when he licked the rim of my lower lip and then preceded to suck on my pulse.

My agony was gone. One second it'd been there, it'd been there even when I'd been just about to walk through the door to his office and then, in the next second, when he'd pulled me into his arms, it was all gone. I was home now and I could only stay here with him all around me, inhaling his scent and feeling too much.

"Oh, Lex…" I gasped and this time my mouth wandered to his jaw and then his neck. I needed to taste every part of him. My hands also fell from his neck and now were sliding down his chest through his shirt.

"Jessica…" He suddenly stopped me while taking my hands in his and then pushing them away from his chest. He made one step back while still holding them.

That was strange, that actually… hurt me. What was wrong?

I looked up into his eyes again in confusion. Everything should be ok, I thought. I could see in them how much he wanted me, how much he loved me, damn, I'd felt his hardened cock just a moment ago before he pushed me away!

"What is it, Lex?" I asked, my voice trembling.

He looked down, avoiding my eyes. I had the impression that he was… ashamed… but of what?

"You can tell me. We love each other, don't we? We're married," I prompted.

"Yes, we do love each other. I love you so much it hurts… Now that I see you alive and well… I just…"

I got closer again, so we were separated only by inches and he winced.

I looked down to make sure. His erection was really nagging.

"Lex, I don't understand," I admitted and then I noticed something that I hadn't paid any attention to before. "Why are you wearing only one glove?" I took his hand in mine and looked at it.

He quickly snatched it away from me.

"Is there something wrong with your body?" That was the only explanation. "I can see that everything's working properly." I shot another look at his cock through his pants.

He groaned deep in his throat, but resisted the urge to push his pelvis against me.

"Lex, you can tell me," I reassured him, taking that as a confirmation. "In sickness and health, remember?"

He was still avoiding my eyes, so I cupped his face again and forced him to look at me.

"I love you and nothing will ever change that. I saw a picture of your… cut chest. When I came out of that coma… I saw it, Lex, and it didn't change the way I felt about you. I knew you could've been frostbitten after Arctic, but I still didn't care!" my voice grew urgent.

"This is not some symbol engraved into my chest and not some frostbite, though after Arctic I was looking much, much worse," he finally admitted.

"You see? So you have nothing to be afraid of," I said and took his hand into mine again, then slowly took the glove off.

I was preparing myself for the worst as not to show any shock in my eyes, but it wasn't that bad. He was injured. His hand was probably looking like this because it didn't replicate properly, but still, it was just a hand that looked like it'd been burned.

"A little red and crinkly skin won't scare me away." And to proof it I run my finger through it and then put his hand to my cheek. "You see?... Does it hurt?" I suddenly asked.

"No…" he cleared his throat. He must've been really touched by my attitude.

"If it only was the hand…" he started but didn't finish, because suddenly I took his shirt into my hands and ripped it open. Buttons fell to the floor with a clatter. "Jessica!" he yelled warningly and then he just looked at me with pain in his eyes, watching for my reaction.

I saw scars, lots of scars. His body must be assembled from different body pieces… and then they'd been put together, I realized.

"Are you happy now?" Lex asked me bitterly. "Yes, I have a cut on every joint. I'm a monster and I look like a monster."

I still didn't care. If this was the price for bringing him back… bring it on! I thought. I could manage, I loved him so much that I could easily overlook that flaws. In fact, I loved those flaws as much as I loved him because it was _him_.

"Lex…" I raised my eyes from his chest to his face. "Look at me."

When he finally did, I added, "You are beautiful, Lex," I said and there was so much honesty in my voice that one stray tear run down his cheek. I kissed it off.

"I don't mind, really," I added, kissed him on the lips and again slid my mouth down his smooth jaw.

"Jessica…" He was shocked. I took the shirt off of him and while he was standing there with his exposed and naked chest, I kissed every single of his scars that I saw and then licked his nipples and finally sucked on them.

He stopped whatever he was going to say and just gasped loudly.

I needed to show him how big my love truly was. How big it'd always been and always would be.

I sucked on his nipples until they were peaked and then slid my tongue down his stomach. Soon, I was fumbling with his belt and then with his pants until they dropped to the floor and I freed his painfully erected cock.

"Oh, God…" Lex rasped and supported himself with his hands on the desk behind him as to maintain his balance.

I smiled and took his cock into my mouth, licked it, sucked it, twirled my tongue around it, savored the feeling.

He made a few involuntary pushes into my mouth, so I took him all in while trying to relax my throat muscles.

I enjoyed having him there. I loved his cock, the texture of it, the head… I felt my inner muscles clamping and I was so wet…

It was still not enough for me. I was on fire. My body was desperately craving his. I needed him. Giving him a blow job wouldn't satisfy me, not now.

I suddenly released him from my mouth and stood up.

"Lex, get inside of me," I told him.

"What?" He tried very hard to think straight.

"I need you inside of me. _NOW_," I demanded.

"Oh… ok…" he said and took me into his arms, turned around and placed on the desk. Our breaths were heavily as we were both hot and horny.

He just pulled my dress up (thank god I'd chosen a short one!) and pushed my panties aside.

And there he was, sliding inside of me with one firm stroke.

A loud roar came out of his mouth when he found himself buried deep inside. Sweat appeared on his face and he winced, probably using all the strength he had not to come right away.

"Oh, God, you're so fucking tight," he panted into my ear, because I put my arms around him in the same time to pull him even closer. I put my legs tightly around his waist, so he could go inside all the way, filling me in completely. "So deliciously tight…"

Hell I must be tight since I hadn't had sex for months! I thought.

"Just stay like this. Don't move," I whispered, deriving the greatest pleasure from him just being inside me, him all over, of his scent, his presence.

I must've died and gone straight to heaven.

"I need all of you," he rasped and unzipped my dress, then slid it down until I was chest naked.

He touched my breast, played with my nipples, then put his lips to them and sucked hard, one after the other.

"Oh, God… Lex… Lex…" I kept moaning while leaning my head back and arching my back.

"Jessica… I can't… anymore…" he whispered through greeted teeth when he raised his face from my breast and gave two involuntary thrusts into me.

The sound of my name coming from his mouth in ecstasy, the sound of his very voice, his touch, his presence… it was all enough to send me over to the moon, but I was doing my best not to just yet.

I was finally able to.

"It's ok, do it," I said.

So he did. He started fucking me fast, powerfully until the whole desk was moving with us. He retreated completely and then slammed his cock hard into me all the way.

The orgasm came soon, hard, overwhelming, making me scream his name in ecstasy, making my vision go white.

When my muscles started clamping rhythmically over his cock, a loud roar came out of his mouth and he came too, pushing spasmodically into me, riding his climax out.

He stayed inside of me afterwards. I didn't even want to think about letting him go. We were just there, me sitting on the desk, him standing and embracing me, his cock softening inside of me, his sperm flowing down my thighs, my breasts flattened against his chest. Then he found my lips again and we kissed leisurely, softly, with tongues.

I'd thought I'd been in love with Clark, then I'd thought I'd been slowly falling for Oliver, but now when Lex was back, I understood that it'd all been just about filling up that empty hole in my heart with whoever had been there for me. Yes, maybe eventually I would've managed to be happy with either Ollie or Clark, but Lex was the one. He was the one I craved for, the one that made me breathe, the one that was sending me over to the moon, the one that made me think I could fly, the one I'd given not only my heart to but also my soul a long time ago and nothing had changed ever since.

I knew my mistakes now. I figured it out when I finally found myself into his arms again. I should've never let him go in the first place when I'd found out about the clones. I should've stayed, known that love could conquer it all. I'd known who the man I'd married was. I shouldn't have run from his dark side. I should've stayed to make him better. Maybe now he would understand, now I would make him realize. I'd gotten a second chance and I didn't intent on wasting it. Now I could finally do what I should've done years ago.

In this very moment we were connected on the most basic, primal level, but our souls were always calling to each other, were one. We had to be together and there was no alternative. We were just meant to be. Hell, the ultimate proof was that even death couldn't keep us apart. He'd come back to me. We were one of their kind in this world. What we had was so special. We were written in the stars and maybe like they said: we were star-crossed lovers, but we would get our happy ending eventually. I would see to that. I was determined to be happy again now when I knew what I'd lost and what I'd found again.

"You were right," I suddenly said when our lips parted to catch a breath.

"About what?" he asked me, still not changing his position.

"There's nothing that's lost that can't be found again."

He smiled to me and put a wet strand of my hair from my cheek behind my ear.

Imra was right, I thought. Our love would be the stuff of legends. I was the light to his darkness, but I'd had to go into that darkness myself first and then got out of it to fully understand him and finally become his equal. Now our lives were starting and I wouldn't run. This was my love. My soul. The essence of my being. This man that was now deep, intimately inside of me and by it he was marking our union, claiming me. We were one. Forever. Together we were one being.

I wouldn't feel like that with no one else in this world.

"You're the only one, Lex, and I will never take you for granted again," I assured him.

"I don't think you were," he answered in a thick voice.

"Back… before you… died… I was. That was why I kept you waiting for me for so long..." _and I needed you to change_, I finished silently in my head. I knew I'd have to have that conversation with him eventually, but not now. Now we were happy. Now we were screwing.

"Why didn't you call me when you were in that van? You know, after your accident in the Arctic?" I asked after a moment of silence.

"I don't remember much from that time…" he sighed. "There was so much pain… I… I just can't recall much, what you can tell by the fact that I had no idea that you were ok when I came back. Clark told me…" he stopped on mentioning Clark. He still had feelings of resentment toward him. Boy, I had a lot to do, hadn't I? "But knowing me…" he smiled, "either I was in such an agony that I didn't bother to check up on you while thinking you were gone or I just didn't want you to see me like this."

"Yeah, I can understand that," I said, "because you didn't even want to show me your body today. What were you thinking anyways? That we would just have sex without taking our clothes off for the rest of our lives?"

"To be honest, I didn't think."

"I think you didn't check on me," I said again. "If you had… believe me, you would've come back." Or he wouldn't, because he'd thought I would've been happier with somebody healthy, though that didn't really sound like Lex. Especially when the guy I'd been involved back then was Oliver. No, Lex took what he wanted.

I suddenly thought about Ollie being Lex's murderer and decided that I couldn't tell him. Oliver would be in serious danger.

"You son of a bitch!" I suddenly called Lex after a little thinking. That must've given the most comical effect because in the same time I was still clinging to his body.

"What?" He was shocked. "What did I do?"

"You should've just checked up on me or told me that you were alive and maybe all of this wouldn't have happened! You had your clones back there, so you could easily heal!"

"That was probably my intention, but I didn't get a chance to do that. If only Clark trusted me enough to tell me who he really was, if only he told me that he could heal you eventually or at least that there was a slight chance since he knew what it was that put you into that coma. I thought there was nothing anyone could do for you and I just… gave up. I lost everything and then I lost my life in the process. I'm sorry. If I'd known…" his voice broke a little.

"I've been through so much pain," I squealed. "It hurt so badly… like I couldn't breathe… like I would never be happy again…"

"I know, my love, I know," Lex said softly and caressed my face with both of his hands. "I've been there too. I know how this feels."

"I've been there longer… Hey…" A smile suddenly appeared on my face. "You're getting hard again." I could feel it inside of me and it was all the distraction I needed.

"Well, that is how you affect me every time you're around," he said and pushed his pelvis into mine.

"Mmmmhmm… God, fuck me again."

"As you wish." He laughed and took care of my breast first.

Every time he licked one of them, touched or slightly squeezed, I felt the pleasure shooting down directly to my clit.

"Oh, God… you feel so good…" he murmured when we were kissing and he was slowly rocking into me.

"Yeah… yeah… Lex…" was all I could utter.

When we reached our peak and again – came hard and loud…

…we heard some people screaming with joy and clapping.

"What the…" Lex said and finally got out of me, leaving me strangely empty and cold, then he put his pants back on and made his way to the window.

"He did it," I said after I adjusted my dress and joined him.

"Who?"

"Clark. He saved us all. The planet is gone."

Lex didn't answer, but I could see determination painted on his face.

"Lex, he just gave us more time," I noticed.

"But honey, we have all the time in the world. With my new technological improvements we can live forever," he said seriously. "My body is a living proof of that."

"But not the soul within," I said hard, looking back at his face.

"Well, we don't have to die anymore. None of us will be a clone. We can just simply…"

"Lex, no, it's deceiving nature. You can't just…"

Only he pulled me into another kiss and I forgot about everything I was going to say for the moment.


	31. Chapter 31

(_Original chapter_)

"Let's get out of here. What do you say, my love?" Lex suggested, took my hand and pulled me toward the door.

"Let's go home…" I said while savoring those words. I had my home back and this time it wasn't only the mansion in Smallville, which was ours again after Lionel's death, this time it was also the person. Lex was my home wherever I would go.

"Wait, how will we get there?" Lex stopped right by the door.

"I think one of your Porsches is still in the LuthorCorp's garage. Come on!" I led the way.

"Good. We'll get there fast… although, now they probably have better models on sale, don't they? I have to get one," Lex decided.

"Oh, stop it, you're so greedy!" I laughed when pulling him toward the elevators.

We got to the parking garage.

" I don't like that name anymore." Lex pointed the logo of our company that was on the wall. "It reminds me of my father. Maybe we should bring this company into a new era? I was thinking… my genetic research can save a lot of lives," he suggested.

"That's a great idea. You can do so much good in this world," I said, giving him a small hint of what he should do once he'd gotten a second chance at life.

"Let's change the name." He stopped by the logo and took a closer look. "Something with our names in it, not surnames. Anything on your mind?"

"How can you join Jessica and Lex?" I asked, wondering.

"Maybe… JeX?" he suddenly suggested and looked at me with light in his eyes. "With capital J and X."

"JeXCorp?" I raised my eyebrows in amusement, but then I thought about it. "Ok," I agreed. "JeXCorp sounds good and the name is short."

"You see? We're already starting a new life together."

Lex took the keys, but before he opened the car for me, he pushed me against it and placed a savage kiss on my mouth, devouring it with his lips.

"Mmm…" I moaned. "That would do with sealing the deal on the name." I sent him a dazzling, but in the same time mischievous, smile.

He released me from his arms, stepped back and finally opened the door.

"Here you go, Mrs. Luthor."

"Thank you, Mr.…" I suddenly stopped, remembering something.

"What is it, my love?" Lex asked me with concern evident in his voice.

"Nothing… just… I had a dream that seemed... no, I had a near death experience and…"

"You had _what_?"

"It's a long story."

"It's Zod, am I right?" he asked me.

"How… how do you know… that?" I stammered.

"Do you think I was wasting my time when I came back? I read the news. They said you were dead, but then that it was a mistake. I also recognized the burning marks of a letter Z around the city."

"Oh, ok, anyway… I saw Lana," I finally confessed.

"Lana?" Lex eyes softened. "Honey, I know you miss her, but…"

"I wanted to see you too, but she told me you weren't there. To be honest, I didn't quite understand, I was afraid you were in hell or something."

Now he was looking at me with amusement.

"Hey! I'm serious!"

"Go on," he prompted.

"When she disappeared, I found myself… well…"

"Are you actually blushing?" he asked me and got closer to take my chin between his thumb and index finger. "After all those naughty things we've done…"

"Ok, so I was giving you a blow job, happy now?" I said, rolling my eyes. "And when I finished, I noticed that it was actually the future, not a memory neither some another meeting with dead people. You were wearing white suit and you told me that I was incredible, so I said…" I sighed. "I said: Oh, thank you, Mr. President."

"I was the president of The United States?" Lex got even more interested now.

"Yes," I confirmed. "Wait a minute… is that really your plan?"

"It wasn't, but I saw myself as a president in the future too."

"I'm so sick of knowing what's gonna happen." I got angry. "Ok, I admit I would prefer to know that you would be back when I was so down and miserable, but other stuff… I would like to find out in my own time."

He laughed and finally, I got into the car.

"By the way, what's with the dress?" Lex asked me when taking a seat right next to me and starting the engine.

"Why? Don't you like it?"

"That's the problem. I like it too much and after such a long separation from you, it affects me," he explained.

"Affects?" Oh, he was hard again, I understood. "That's nice to see and hear. But… long separation? Shouldn't you just remember the explosion and then… wake up alive?"

"It's not that. You'd been comatose for a long time, remember?"

"Oh, yeah, I do… And to answer your question, today was Clark's wedding."

"That's explain his fancy clothing. Who's the lucky girl?"

"Lois Lane."

"Lois?" Lex burst into laugh. " I would never guess that one!"

"I know, but they're actually perfect for each other," I defended the couple.

"Sure, they are. The chemistry must be rolling."

"They didn't manage to get married though. You know, the apocalypse happened."

We drove out of the parking garage and found ourselves on the road.

"So much people out here," Lex complained, clearly impatient because he had to drive slowly.

"Clark just saved the day, they're happy."

"Yeah," Lex just murmured under his nose and soon we were on the road toward Smallville. "Now we can go fast." He was glad as there was not much traffic here and soon there would be corn fields on our both sides.

"I can take care of your predicament," I offered and before he could say something, I bent down and undid his belt.

"God, woman!" Lex gasped when my hand brushed his cock while I was opening his pants and he swerved the car a little.

"Ok, if you can't drive, then we can wait until…" I started, pretending to be serious.

"No!" he denied quickly. "That's a very long drive and the chopper wouldn't be safe now after so many disruptions in the atmosphere."

"Ok." I laughed and took his cock out of his pants.

"Oh, god…" I heard him rumbling when I licked the length of it and then kissed the head. "Oh, yeah, just like that… Jessica… Jessica…" he strained his body, but kept driving, focusing his eyes on t he road.

I took him in my mouth and just then, my phone rang.

"Just let it ring," I heard Lex's husky voice.

It rang and rang.

"I can't…" I sighed and straightened myself up. "They're probably worrying about me." I searched for the phone in my bag and finally, I fished it out.

"Great," Lex huffed in indignation. His cock painfully erected and throbbing.

"Don't worry." I laughed and took the phone with my right hand while starting massaging his cock with my left one.

It was Clark.

"Jess, finally!" I could hear the obvious relief in Clark's voice. "I thought something happened to you! I thought he…" his voice trailed off significantly.

"You're crazy! You shouldn't have taken her to him in the first place! He's a psychopath! Don't you remember what he did after she fell in that coma?!" I could hear Oliver screaming in the distance.

"Clark, tell Oliver not to worry about me!" I got angry.

"So Lex's all right?" Clark asked a little uncertain.

"Yeah, he's fine and I'm fine too... I'm so happy!" I couldn't hide the elation in my voice. "Everything's fine. I have it all under control. I'm with Lex right now. We're heading back to Smallville, back home."

"Oh, ok. Is he… better?" I was sick of the obvious fear and doubt in Clark's voice.

"Yes, I think he is," I answered anyway, just to put Clark's mind at rest. "I'll talk to you later, ok? I'm kind of… busy right now and… I may be busy for a long time."

"Ok, sure, just… call me. I need to know if you're ok."

"Sure."

"Give me the phone!" I heard Ollie's scream again.

"No, Clark, don't give him the phone," I said quickly, this time couldn't hide my angriness. "I am fine! Tell Oliver to take care of Chloe and stop worrying about me!"

"Jess…"

I hung up.

"You wanna tell me something?" Lex asked and turned his sight away from the road to look at me.

"Nah," I said and sank down on his cock again. "Later…"

"Argh… ok…" came the answer.

Soon he emptied himself into my mouth.

* * *

We'd been driving in silence for quite some time now and I was watching his face, his strong hands on the steering wheel, his posture. It seemed not to bother him. Good.

"I wish we could go back, you know… to the beginning," I found myself saying. "Those were such great times. Everything was so much easier, we were easier."

"That's the thing about moving on," he spoke and then looked me in the eye, "you can never go back."

"Yeah, I'd better stop dwelling on the past and focus on what's right in front of me," I smiled while looking into his blue-gray depths.

"Exactly." He leaned forward and kissed me.

"Watch it." I pointed the road.

"There's no one out here, relax."

"It's just…" I started again after a couple of minutes. "One day I'm lonely and miserable, I have a broken heart and no hope for a better future and in the next… I'm finding out that you're back. It's a lot to take in and the thing is… when something important happens in life, it's happening so fast that you wish you could just stop for a second and be able to contemplate it. It's the same about falling in love."

"I know, but better not to stop, because then you might pass on an opportunity and regret it forever. I say… you'll have time for contemplating when you get old."

I forgot how easy it was for him to actually cheer me up.

"Yeah, you got that right," I agreed.

* * *

"Home, sweet home," Lex said when we stepped over the threshold of the mansion.

"No," I disagreed and turned to him, "this is home." I put my hand to his chest.

"You got that right," he said, repeating my earlier words. "And suddenly I don't feel like looking around. What do you say…" He looked at the stairs significantly.

I just smiled and let him sweep me off my feet and take me to the bedroom where he placed me gently on the bed and just stood over me, watching me.

"Aren't you gonna do something?" I asked, feeling like a sculpture on an exhibition.

"I'm enjoying the view. Let's go slowly. We have all the time in the world now."

"Oh, yes, we do." I couldn't stop smiling. My jaw would soon hurt from it or… from kissing. I was so happy I could actually explode with it.

Lex finally leaned over me, placed his hands on the bed by my both sides so he could hover over my body. He looked me deep in the eye, lowered himself down and kissed me softly, gently, then he deepened the kiss and added his tongue, sucking on my lower lip.

"Mmm…" I moaned and soon put my legs around his waist, bringing him closer.

"Oh, no, for that you'll have to wait," he said, chuckling. "You've already explored and enjoyed my body. I haven't yours…" He lowered his lips to my neck and kissed it, then trailed his way down to my cleavage.

God, I felt like I was on fire. Every inch of my body responded to his touch. I couldn't get enough of him. I wasn't even sure if I ever would be fully satisfied. All I saw was a long road of pleasure and orgasms to come. Long way of just dirty fucking and making love. Long way of just being together and enjoying each other's company. I wanted it all.

Lex mouthed my right breast through the dress.

"Oh, God!" I gasped when the fabric got wet what gave me so much pleasure.

Soon, he slowly undressed me, kissing every part of me, licking my skin, touching it, sucking on it.

"You're… torturing… me…" I sighed, my body trembling as I was so wet and needed him inside so badly.

"Not for long, my love, not for long," I just heard in response.

He was here. All over me. I wondered if it would ever stop surprising me. It was still hard to believe that I'd gotten him back.

He finally reached my clitoris and placed a soft kiss on it.

"God, Lex!"

He chuckled again and licked it. My back arched.

He was soon sucking and pushing his fingers into me, one by one until there were four and then he begun stroking me from the inside.

It was too much. I was too overwhelmed. I orgasmed hard, clenching my inner muscles over his hand.

Then I just was lying down for a few seconds before I was able to sit.

"I can't get enough of you," I said while placing my hand on Lex's cheek and stroking it. "I want to feel you all, everywhere. How we're gonna do that?" I asked the perfect question.

"You know, we can always…" he hesitated, but did not stop looking into my eyes, "repeat our wedding night… but only if you're willing to," he emphasized.

"You know, what? I really do. I'm more mature right now and immersed in sex more than ever before. I think that will give me more pleasure than discomfort, but… only if you want it too."

"Why do you think I suggested it?"

Naughty smile appeared on my face.

"Ok, then, let's do this. Hard."

He finally shed his clothes and I got aroused again when I saw how hard he was.

Fourth time this night? After all, he was a newborn now, wasn't he? Sex was new to this body, but not to the mind of his.

He gently turned me around so he found himself behind me and he started massaging my breast. Both his hands on them, stroking, twirling, cupping and squeezing.

"You know, you were a virgin in this body. A very… experienced virgin…" I wheezed as the pleasure overtook me.

"So we're even," the answer came as he started mouthing my pulse.

It was all enough to make me ecstatic again.

Then when his right hand remained on my right breast, the left one wandered down to my clit and rubbed it skillfully.

"Ah…" I opened my mouth. I could feel his hard cock pressing against my back, just above my butt and then those skilful hands of his…

He slowly moved his left hand further until he reached my back hole and started slowly stretching it. Soon, he was able to put two of his fingers inside.

"It's enough. I'm ready enough," I said while panting heavily. It was pleasurable. I derived pleasure both from his hand on my breast and from his fingers inside my asshole. Only the second one was giving pleasure to him and me, I was simply filled. There was no pain, just that feeling of him inside me.

It was a great idea, indeed. This way he could be all over and inside of me.

"Are you sure?" he asked once again.

"Honey, I can see you won't hold on for long," I said. I couldn't see his face or his body because he was behind me, but I could feel his wet skin against mine, see his arms glistering with perspiration from the exhaustion and anticipation."Fuck me hard," I demanded.

That did it. He wouldn't back out or hesitate now.

He positioned me over him and slowly lowered my body down on his cock, sinking into me.

"I want you all the way," I told him while relaxing my muscles. "Do not hold back!"

He listened and soo, I opened my mouth and arched my back into him, taking him even deeper. It felt good.

"Oh, yeah, this will satisfy me," I informed him.

"Me, too… so tight… so fucking tight…"

Before he started fucking me, he placed his right hand back to my breast and the left one found itself on my clit and then he slid his finger to my entrance. He was all in me, both ways. And it was was… oh, God…

There was no pain, not at all, only the upcoming orgasm in my pussy because of his fingers and the feeling of him also filling me up from behind.

I was sitting on him and he soon began pumping his cock in and out.

I came so hard and loudly that I felt like there was nothing left of me but Lex. It was an amazing experience and then he came powerfully too, roaring into my ear, clenching my body firmly in his arms, riding his climax out.

We just slumped to the bed, panting hard, still embracing ourselves and he spooned me from behind.

"Never let me go ," I whispered while slowly falling asleep. I was so tired…

"Never..." came the husky response and his glistering, slightly muscular arm held me even tighter.

* * *

I woke up in the middle of the night.

"Lex?" I asked. "LEX!" I called his name in panic. I was so scared that I didn't even notice his arms still around me.

"What is it, my love? Are you ok?" he asked me immediately.

In this moment I was finally able to feel him. He was here and he was real. It was all real.

"I had a nightmare that… that it was all just a dream and when I would wake up, you wouldn't be here," I whimpered, both my voice and my body shaking.

"I am here and I will always be. You can count on it." He stroked my hair and kissed me softly on the mouth. Soon, on the feeling of his lips on mine, I calmed myself down and shook that nightmare off, then I returned the kiss and he found himself on me.

He kissed my neck, sucked my nipples for a while until I was wet enough and then he slid himself home, slowly rocking into me, uttering sounds of pleasure.

It reminded me of our Christmas together. The one when I'd come back to him because I'd been feeling so lonely without him. We'd been separated then and when I'd appeared in his door, we'd found ourselves just making love to each other.

When we came, he slid out of me and laid right next to me.

I positioned myself on his chest, with my head over his heart. He soon put his arms around me again.

"If something ever happens to you… I won't survive that the second time," I cried.

"I'll be fine, I promise." He put his injured hand to my cheek and I closed my eyes with pleasure. "God, you really do love all of me." Emotions were evident in his voice.

"I've told you." I smiled at him. "When will you finally believe me?"

"I do. I do believe."

Maybe that was all I would have to do, I thought. I just had to love him and it would make a good man out of him. Maybe I didn't even have to try that hard?

"The sound of your heart beating is so calming, so wonderful," I said while listening to it.

"It's my father's heart." There was reluctance in Lex's voice.

"Hey," I looked up at his face. "Doesn't matter. He gave it to you, so it's no longer his. It's yours and I love it."

"It loves you too," Lex said, "it does. It doesn't matter what my body is made of, it always loves you."

"You see? So it's _your _heart…"


	32. Chapter 32

(32 original chapter - _Villain_)

I woke up but left my eyes closed for a while. I was hot, maybe even too hot, but I didn't move, because the closeness felt so good. Lex's arms were around me, one under my neck and the other over my waist, his body right next to mine. I could feel his warm breath on my temple - breathing in, breathing out. His chest steadily going up and down. I smelled his semen on my hair and I smiled to myself. It wasn't some another bizarre dream. Lex was really alive! He'd come back to me. Could I be possibly more happy at this moment? Suddenly, I had a bright future ahead of me instead of a dark and gloomy one.

I finally opened my eyes and the first thing I saw was Lex's injured hand right next to my face. I slowly turned my head to him and cocked it a little to look up at his face. I didn't want to wake him up just yet, but I needed to study his expression. He was calm, so peaceful, relaxed while sleeping that he reminded me of a child. There was no concern, no worry nor hate marring his face. I watched his eyelids that were now covering his eyes, his light eyebrows, shiny bald head, the small sweet scar on his upper lip that I'd kissed and licked so many times. I wondered how it was possible that his body was replicated so precisely. Then I looked down on his arms that were put around me and his chest and I saw the scars on his body, slightly glistering in the morning light as both our bodies from the exertion of the previous night. Now they seemed even more horrific, but I could only love them as they were a part of Lex. I gently ran a finger through them, then his chest. His collarbone looked the worst, this scar was the biggest, but still, I didn't care.

I was gradually getting hotter and hotter, Lex's body as an oven, but I still refused to move. I was fine, perfect actually. I was where I wanted to be. I was with whom I wanted to be. I could spend the whole eternity just lying in his arms and watching his peaceful face while he was sleeping. That somehow felt as good as sex with him. Sometimes the intimacy didn't have to involve penetration to be fulfilling. A kiss, tight hug, lying in somebody's arm, feeling so safe… that was just as much amazing.

I kissed the part of him next to my mouth – his neck just above the collarbone. His skin tasted salty.

"Good morning," I heard his sleepy voice and then he opened his eyes.

"Good morning," I repeated when finally changing my position. I raised my head from his arm, because I didn't want it to be too sore.

He rubbed his eyes and then pulled me closer into a sweet, promising kiss.

"I'm so happy that it seems impossible," I said. "I still can't believe…"

"Well, it's true, so get used to it." He smiled at me and kissed my nose.

"Mhmm… with pleasure," I said and changed my position. Now I was straddling him and I bent down to kiss him again.

"Morning erection?" I asked while feeling his cock hard against my thigh.

"Gladly, I have you by my side," he answered, placing his hands on my hips and squeezing the flesh there.

I smiled and slowly impaled myself on him while his hands wandered up to my breasts.

"Uuhhh… I feel all sticky. What d'you say for a shower?" I suggested when we climaxed and I just fell into his open arms, burying my face in his neck.

"Great idea," he agreed, but none of us actually moved.

"I'm sore," I moaned, my voice muffled by his skin.

"Me, too," came the answer.

" But it's that good kind of sore. Pleasurable," I added and then felt the ripples of his laugh on his chest.

"Yeah, the same about me," he agreed again.

"Get up, Lex, you slept enough. You can say that you'd been sleeping for three years!" I scolded him and raised myself up from his body with a sigh.

Finally, we managed to get up and go to the bathroom.

I clang to him again under the hot stream of water. I was so tired.

"Maybe I'll wash you?" he suggested and I just smiled.

It all turned out to be a very erotic massage. His hands were sliding over my body, cleaning me up, pleasuring me and I returned the favor, accidentally giving him another erection.

We couldn't take our hands off each other, yet we were so sore, me especially.

"You know, it's unhealthy," I said while still in the shower, my arms around his neck, his back leaned against the cabin wall.

"From what I heard, sex is healthy," he disagreed, chuckling.

"Yeah, so is food, it keeps you alive, but you can always overdose." I grinned up at him.

* * *

"Clark? Chloe?" I finally managed to pull myself together, put some clothes on and say a temporary goodbye to Lex, then leave the mansion and drive all the way to Watchtower. Lex, on the other hand, had stuff to deal with in his… our… company. The other reason for my going to see my friends so quickly was that I also had to help Lex and I needed Lois for that.

"Jess!" I heard them calling my name as I stepped inside.

They were all there in the corner, sitting, eating lunch and talking.

"Congratulations, Clark!" I said. "You saved the world yesterday!" I made my way to them.

"Yeah, which time is it already, hah?" Oliver asked in his usual joking way.

"Jess... how…" Chloe started and then stopped, embarrassment evident on her face.

No one knew how to start this conversation.

I decided that first I would just sit down, so I took the free seat right next to Clark on the sofa, Lois sitting on the other side of his.

I quietly hissed when I did do.

"Are you ok?" Clark asked in a concerned voice. "Did he hurt you?"

"No… nothing like that," I answered. "I'm just… a little… you know… sore…"

"Oh…" His face reddened immediately.

"Okey..." Ollie's voice sounded so funny now. "Let's move on. We don't wanna know any details of your big reunion."

Suddenly, we found ourselves laughing.

"How is he?" Clark finally asked."Is he… better? Or my hands will be full of work very soon?"

"Honestly, I don't know," I admitted. "When he's with me, he's wonderful. That I can tell you for sure."

"You know what they say," Chloe started, "total absence of love is the definition of evil. I think we should leave it all to Jess. At least for now."

"Ok, but we need a daily update on Lex's condition," Clark prompted.

"No problem," I agreed.

"Can I ask now about the most important issue here?" Lois finally cut in. "What about the news? How are we gonna tell the world that Lex Luthor came back to life? I mean… they'll lock him up if they find out about cloning. It's still illegal for all I know."

"We won't tell them," I said. "Lois, I also came here today to ask you to write an article on his big comeback."

"And you want me to lie?" She wasn't very happy about that.

"Well… how else can you imagine it? You and Clark are the only reporters I can trust with this. Lex agreed."

"I guess he'll blackmail any other reporter to write what he wants, so I can, at least, land a huge story," Lois said.

"Great. You just tell the world that the evidence of Lex's death was fabricated and that he was actually alive, but in a state of coma for almost three years. You may write that I didn't know about it and that his father, Lionel, kept the truth from me as well as the fact that he himself was also alive."

"But Lionel is dead now…" Lois started.

"Yes, because Lex's heart gave up when he started waking up from the coma and Lionel gave him his since his… liver disease returned," I came up with.

"And you think people will believe it?" Lois raised her eyebrows. "That's just too much."

"Lois, we'll give you proof. People will sooner believe this than the actual truth. You cannot proof that Lex came back as well as you cannot proof that he is the real Lex and not some clone, because that would have to involve Darkseid."

"Jess is right. It's a good story and it will help your career, Lois," Chloe backed me up.

"Ok," Lois agreed. "Can I get a interview?"

"That can be arranged… in our renamed company, which you can also mention in the article."

"Renamed?" Ollie got curious. "You're changing the name of LuthorCorp?"

"Yes, it was actually Lex's idea. Now it's called JeXCorp. Lex's taking care of it as we speak."

"That is…" Oliver laughed, "very thoughtful," he finished, but I had the impression that it wasn't really what he was going to say.

* * *

"Jess…" Clark followed me to the door when I was leaving.

"Yes?" I turned to him with a smile.

"With Lex back…" he started. "I just want to say that I don't want to lose you. I still want you in my life."

"Clark, I will always be there, be your friend. You will never lose me," I told him, quite touched. "Just because the last time I was with Lex, our friendship… got a little loose… it doesn't mean that it will happen again."

"Ok, I take your word for that." He smiled and hugged me. "I'm happy for you, I really am. I'm just…"

"…worried, I know," I finished after him and he let me go.

"As always you can finish my sentence. Just take care of yourself, Jess."

"I will."

* * *

Lois Lane wrote the article.

The company name had been changed.

I and Lex were together again and we could go public since everybody was familiar with our tragic story now. Some people on the streets or in restaurants were actually coming over to us and telling us how happy they were for us, how hard it must've been for me while thinking that my husband had been dead. It was all nice to me, but started annoying Lex very quickly. I had the impression that his softer and loving side were reserved only for me and when I wasn't around, he was cold and cruel. I had to do something about that, but I didn't really know what just yet.

I tried to talk to him, tell him that I was worried, that I didn't want him to become the person who'd killed his own father again. He calmed me down, told me he was fine now, that I had nothing to be worry about, but still, I knew him all too well and I had my suspicions.

They all turned out to be very much true when one day I picked up the phone on my way out of the mansion.

"Jessica Luthor," I spoke into the receiver.

"Mrs. Luthor! How good that I've managed to catch you!" I heard a quite disturbed manly voice.

"Who is this?" I asked in confusion, feeling my heart beating faster. I could almost predict what that was all about.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I'm just so concerned right now that I forgot… I'm doctor Richards. I'm Lex's genetic engineer."

"Genetic engineer?" I parroted, surprise evident in my voice. "I didn't know Lex has…" He was supposed to be telling me everything, just everything about his work. JeXCorp was ours, after all! And he'd hidden this from me?! "He's still conducting genetic experiments?" I asked.

"Yes, that's all he's doing, actually. And examining alien technology," the doctor confirmed.

Shit! Shit. Fuck. And shit!

"Right now he's dealing with a very dangerous substance out of space. I tried to call him, but he wasn't picking up. You're my last hope, Mrs. Luthor. He's probably in his lab right now. If he starts the experiment today… it may all blow up, taking half of Metropolis! People's lives are in danger!"

"I'm on my way! Where is it?"

* * *

Coming back to life wasn't fucking enough for him? I thought on my way over. Just then I thought I should call Clark. It was safe, he wasn't Oliver, he would never give up on Lex. I told him everything he needed to know. Maybe he could stop the explosion if I wouldn't get there on time.

Finally, I was in the right place and I got out of the car to run inside.

"Miss, this area is restricted!" I heard, but when I turned to that guard and he saw who I was, he let me through. "I'm sorry, Mrs. Luthor."

"Lex!" I saw him. I saw him in the lab at the end of a very long corridor. "LEX! YOU HAVE TO STOP!" I waved my hands to him, screaming as loudly as I could.

I was too late though. Lex already pushed the button.

"NOOOO!" I started running to him. Why? I knew it was too late and that I would die, but so would he. And I couldn't go through with losing him again.

Suddenly, something swept me off my feet and I found myself standing on some hill. The factory was just exploding in the distance.

"JESSICA! NO!" I heard Lex's terrified and full of pain voice.

I looked on the right. Clark just saved him too, put him there and flew back to stop whatever he could now.

"Jessica!" Lex finally noticed that I was safe and wasn't caught in the explosion. He got to me and swept me into his arms. "God, I thought you were dead."

"I thought we were both dead," I gasped into his neck. His embrace was very tight.

"Do you want to tell me what the fuck you were doing?" I asked him, suddenly pushing him away and he stumbled backwards. "Lex, what the fuck?! Are you back to doing your best to destroy us?! To destroy the world?!" I wanted to know.

"Jessica, my research…" he started, but I cut in.

"Fuck your research! You lied to me! You promised you wouldn't! I thought you've changed!"

Clark came back in this very moment. Lives saved. The crisis gone.

"Lex…" he started warningly when making his way to his ex best friend.

"Why didn't you let me die? It would be all over then," Lex just said bitterly. "You wouldn't have to worry about the mess I can make."

I saw them together for the first time since Lex had gotten back and my husband's attitude along with the hatred in his eyes scared the hell out of me.

"I'm not that kind of a person, Lex," Clark told him in answer. "I save people, not kill them. That is why I will never be like you. What I've learnt is that it doesn't matter how much somebody has hurt or betrayed you, or how much it seems someone is evil at their core, everyone is worth saving. Besides, I did it for her." He looked at me, then back at Lex. "She loves you too much. If only you saw her after your death. She was a wreck, Lex. She won't survive if you hurt her again." Then he just flew away.

"What's with that ridiculous cape?" Lex turned to me.

I sighed heavily, tears welling up in my eyes, then I turned around and walked away.

"Jessica!" Lex caught up with me, put his hands on my shoulder and turned me around, so I would face him. "What's wrong?" he asked.

"You tell me!"

"I am sorry."

"Really?" I looked him in the eye. "God, when I saw you there talking to Clark… you were somebody else, Lex. A completely different person. A cruel, cold… evil man! I love you so much. Can't you see that?"

"I love you just the same. Maybe even more."

"But you still don't get it, do you?"

"Let's go home, then we'll talk, alright?"

* * *

"Let's take a look at that," I said while coming to Lex who was sitting on his sofa in the study.

He had a bump on the head and a bloody lip.

"Ouch…" he hissed when I started cleaning that lip.

"Don't be a baby."

I hated myself for taking care of him like this when I was so angry, so disappointed with him.

When I was doing it, something started crystallizing in my head. Would he repeat his mistake from the past if I told him to make a choice again?

I knew my future, didn't I? I knew what would happen. I just had to make it happen. If that seemed a great idea, although I'd promised myself once that I would never leave him again, then maybe it actually was the right thing to do. He thought I would never be capable of it again. He thought that after losing him and going through those three years all alone in agony, I would never dare, but he had no idea how strong I actually was. Besides, our future was at stake here.

"Lex…" I started, my voice growing serious. I moved back a little.

"Yes?" he raised his gaze to meet mine.

God, it was so hard to say when he was looking at me like this.

"I want to spend my life with you," I started. "I want to be with you every minute, every day, every moment till I die. We were parted for too long, Lex and I've been through so much, so much pain and hardship. Most couples in this world don't even experience half of what we have… So, why won't you just let me in? Why won't you stop pursuing things that don't really matter? That are dangerous, that can destroy us? Only people and love matters, don't you understand it by now?"

"Jessica, I know I'm taking a lot of risk, but think about how many people I will be able to save…" he started.

"You're not god, Lex," I warned him.

"I can heal them."

"I understand that you want to, but what those dangerous procedures have to do with it? I know it was some kind of an alien artifact that created that explosion and I don't need a specialist to tell me that it had nothing to do with fighting illnesses. It was a weapon, wasn't it?"

He was actually pale now. He had no idea that I knew.

"You see? You told me you would be honest with me, yet you just lied to me again. I know how you think. I know how you act. Don't forget that I've learnt from the master. What is more, I'm sharing with that master a bed, a life. You won't hide anything from me."

"What are you trying to tell me?" he got irritated, stood up and walked over to his liquor table to pour himself some scotch.

"I'm telling you that I'm leaving you," I said in a hard voice.

There it was. He froze and then turned to me slowly with emotions running through his face.

"Wh… what?" His hand was shaky so he put the glass back on the table. "You can't be serious! Not after…"

"I am dead serious." I came closer and stopped right in front of him, looking him in the eye, managing to keep my blood cold.

"You… how…" There was shock in his eyes. It wasn't easy to push Lex Luthor to behave like this. To made him actually speechless. Only I had that power. "But you were so shaky when I came back, so afraid of losing me…" he finally articulated what he was trying to say.

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, does it?"

"Jessica, please…"

"I will be back," I assured him, fighting tears that were stinging my eyes. I couldn't see Lex so deeply hurt. "But on one condition," I added.

"And what that would be?" his voice grew harder, bitter now like he was trying to protect himself from the pain. I could also notice that he was nervous. Perspiration appeared on his forehead and he was doing his best to stay calm, but I knew that he was actually afraid. He was afraid of losing me now as much as I was afraid of losing him.

"If you change, leave the blind pursuit of unexplained behind, stop dealing with alien technology, decide to be one hundred percent honest with me… then I promise you, I will come back and we will live happily ever after," I began saying. "I know you just want somebody to love you, Lex, and I know you've been denied love all your life. Your father couldn't love you, your mother died and left you, you're no longer Clark's friend… You can still change all of it. You can change your destiny. It's we who decide about it, not some fate. Fate is just a stupid excuse. It's easier to blame it than actually face your own mistakes and failures. I love you. I will come back when you decide to do the right thing." After having said that, I turned around and walked to the door.

"How can you be so sure I will do the right thing?" he asked me, so I turned to him again and said, "Because I believe in you. You can have it all back and all you need to do is to make that first step. Clark can still be your friend. I can be your wife who's madly in love with you. Just… do the right thing, Lex."

An idea appeared in my head, so I came back to him, stopped with my face inches from his. I didn't kiss him, but our lips almost touched. I reached my hand and put it to his chest, then slowly slid it down to his crotch. As I thought, he started getting hard.

"I know you want that simple, full of pleasure and love life," I said and this time I turned around and left for real.

* * *

I almost broke when I found myself in my car, driving to the Talon where I was going to stay, but I managed to pull myself together. My morals wouldn't let me stay even when my whole being was screaming for Lex to touch me, to love me, to kiss me. I'd given him an ultimatum and I knew, just knew he would do what I was expecting him to do.

I realized it was me walking out on him again, but only that could work. I wasn't faking my death this time. I knew better than that now. I knew that Lex would miss me. I knew that the next thing he did after me leaving was probably going to the bathroom to jerk himself off and then he would probably hide his face in his hands and start thinking hard.

I knew he would choose me.

Because, damn yes, I was special!

Now I needed to be strong for that final act, final test.

And there was nothing to be afraid of.

I knew the future.


	33. Chapter 33

(_33 original chapter – Ghost_)

Lex's POV:

_I was sitting in my leather chair in my study, drowning my sorrows in alcohol. It was what I'd once used to do. Now I should've known better._

_It was late, night had fallen. I didn't know how much time had passed since Jessica had walked out on me._

_What should I do now?_

_Another glass of scotch._

_Why the fuck was I drinking? Why hadn't I run after her the moment she'd left? She was my life, after all. She was the only thing that had ever mattered to me, that I'd ever truly lived for, the only thing that meant something more than anything else. Still, I knew that if I truly changed, it wouldn't be just on the spot. The decision should be obvious to make, but in the same time it was difficult, because I had to leave my old life behind me. _

_I knew what I would do. I couldn't live without her. I'd been through that once and I couldn't do it again._

_So why the fuck…_

_My thirst for knowledge… that was the answer. It kept me going, it was always there, it was always pushing me, making me want to discover more, making me conduct all those dangerous experiments. Before Jessica it'd been all that I'd had. It'd been my life's meaning. Something that had kept me going, something that had given me the reason to live when my father had denied me his love and my mother had died. Yes, I was finally able to admit it. My life had had no love in it until Jessica had appeared in the picture._

_The real question was: was I able to drop whatever I was pursuing and become just… a family man?_

_There was one thing I was sure of – I couldn't lose Jessica again. She was the only one that made me feel loved, the only one that hadn't walked away for real, because I couldn't really blame her for giving me that ultimatum. I knew she wasn't giving up on me. She was only giving me the needed push._

_Now it was all up to me._

_The final decision had to be made tonight._

_I pictured my wife. I remembered when I'd first seen her and overlooked her, because she'd been so young then. I remembered how much I'd enjoyed her company when we'd become friends. I remembered her smiles, her light eyes, her red hair sparkling in the sunlight. She'd always been accepting me for who I was. She'd never judged me. I hadn't let myself think of her as a potential lover then because she'd been so young and… she hadn't deserved a life as a Luthor. She'd been so much more than that and I hadn't deserved her, she'd been too wonderful. Finally, I'd just given up, stopped fighting the feelings I'd been having. She'd been always bringing up the most powerful emotions in me. First, I'd thought it would pass, but it'd never actually had._

_Just then, when thinking about her, I fell asleep…_

* * *

"Lex… Lex, wake up, my son!" I heard a familiar voice. A voice that I hadn't heard for years. The last time was when she'd showed me who I was destined to become.

I opened my eyes. My body was stretched out in the chair I'd fallen asleep in and the person standing right next to me was… my mother, Lillian.

"Mom?" I winced my face in disbelief. "Is that really you?"

"Yes, Alexander, it's me."

"Is this a dream or I'm dead again?" I asked while raising from my seat. Judging from the position I'd fallen asleep in, I should've been sore now, my muscles should've been aching, but I didn't feel anything. Only a blissful comfort.

Mother just smiled and reached her hand to me.

"I am here to show you something, my son. Come with me."

I looked at her hand, then back into her eyes and again, at her hand.

Finally, I took it.

The world started spinning around us and I had to close my eyes.

Next thing I knew I was standing with her on the bridge in Smallville, watching my Porsche speeding toward Clark.

"Clark?" I asked in surprise. "Is that my…"

"…past," mom finished after me. "Yes, son."

For the first time I really saw what exactly had happened on that bridge. I knew I'd hit Clark, I'd known it for sure from the moment I'd found out that he was the traveler, but now I could see it, almost relive it.

I watched with my eyes opened widely as my car swerved and then hit Clark, taking him down into the water. Then I saw Clark bending the roof of my car, taking me out of there to the shore and resuscitating me.

"You two became such good friends," I heard my mother's voice and felt her hand on my shoulder.

"But it's my destiny to be Clark's ultimate opponent, isn't it?" It was ,yet, another thing that kept me from Jessica that I hadn't even thought of when drinking.

"And you used to say that you didn't believe in destiny," Lillian continued. "You only believed in what you were able to do with your life on your own. What happened to that, my son?"

The world span once again and suddenly I saw Jessica.

She was just getting out of her car, running to what was left from the truck I'd been killed in.

Clark was standing there, dropping a handful of earth on it.

When I saw her face… everything inside of me stirred, twisted in pain when she screamed. Terrifying yelp full of agony came out of her mouth. Agony of losing me.

"Can you see how much she loves you? She has always loved you, Lex," Lillian said.

"Why are you showing me this? I can't look at her like that!"

"That's what she'll become again when you'll make the wrong choice," mom's warning voice sounded.

"Who said I will?" I turned to her with pain evident on my face.

"It won't be easy, Lex. You can finally give up and surrender to your dark side or be a fighter. I believe in you. I know it will be hard, but you are not alone in this. You have Jessica, you can do it for her and she will help you."

"Take me back," I asked. I couldn't watch my wife now sobbing hysterically in Clark's arms.

"No, I still have a lot to show you, Lex," Lillian said in a hard voice and took my hand. "That is what will happen if you decide to let Jessica go and plunge yourself into the darkness," she whispered into my ear.

_Clark was sitting in the barn, devastated._

"_Clark?!" Jessica just appeared at the top of the stairs. Tears welled up in her eyes when she saw him. "Clark! I am so, so sorry!" she sobbed and got to him. "But I'm afraid I'm bringing even worse news…"_

"_Don't tell me he hurt you…" Clark said, his voice hoarse from crying, but there was also hate and warning there._

"_No, not me, but… Chloe and Oliver…" Jessica stopped and started crying for real._

_Clark was in agony now. He felt like his heart was ripped out from his chest. _

"_He killed Lois!" he suddenly roared, jumped to his feet and smashed the desk nearby him with his fist. "And now Chloe and Oliver?!"_

"_Clark, please, calm down!" Jessica cried even harder. "Please, I have only you now. Please, come back… we need each other…"_

"_I won't let you out of my sight!" He turned to her with determination on his face. "I won't let him hurt another person I love!"_

"_I'm so sorry… it's all my fault… I thought he…"_

"_It's not," he told her, doing everything he could not to break. "It's Lionel's."_

_Jessica made her way to him, took his hand and pulled him back to the couch. _

_When they sat down she put her arms around him. It was all she could do now, just hold him and at least try to give him some comfort.__His body shook in crying spasms and his head landed on her chest. She embraced him and was just sitting there with him, hugging him, letting him cry._

"What is this? Are you trying to show me what kind of a monster I can become?" I looked at Lillian in shock. "It can't be me! You're lying!"

"But it is."

"I know how it is to lose someone! I've been there! When Jessica was attacked by Brainiac…"

"That is the very reason you will kill Lois," my mother answered calmly. "You know exactly how much it would hurt Clark."

"What about Oliver and Chloe?" I asked, not understanding that part.

"Oliver was the one who blew up your truck. He is responsible for your death and Chloe… Chloe is his wife. She was in the wrong place at the wrong time."

"Oliver Queen killed me…" I realized and felt my first clenching.

"You see? That is what I am talking about, my son. The rage is already there."

"Show me more," I demanded through my clenched teeth.

"_Lex!" Jessica burst through the door to the study. "What the fuck?!"_

_He just turned to her, glass of whiskey in his hand and a smirk plastered to his face._

"_You're either with me or not. It's your choice or… it was since you've already made it," he answered in casual, not bothered at all voice._

_She looked at him in shock, doing her best not to cry. His eyes were cold and emotionless._

"_Is there anything human left in you? What happened to you, Lex? What happened to the man I fell for? Remember those Christmas I came to the mansion where we were separated? You were so gentle then, so delicate, so loving and then, after you got shot and came back to me… you told me you would stop everything and that you would just be with me," she stopped for a moment, because those memories hurt her even more. She closed her eyes, winced, but soon put herself together and continued, "You almost lost your hope then and I gave it back to you. Now… now you are not the man I fell for. I still love you and it shatters me every day. Seeing what you've done to yourself hurts me the most. Sometimes… sometimes I even wish Lionel hadn't brought you back!" she suddenly raised her voice and there was hatred in it._

_Something changed in Lex's eyes, but they remained cold._

"_No one has ever hurt me as much as you have," Jessica continued. "This is over forever, Lex. I'm sorry, I can't see you ever again. I won't go down this road one more time. I want light, not darkness. You're just a poison to me. You're poisoning me and… I really wish I hadn't come to Smallville in the first place! I regret falling for you! I regret giving you so many chances! I can't take it anymore! You are dead to me now!" Before he could answer something back, she just turned around and walked away._

_His posture changed when he was left alone. The glass of whiskey shattered in his hand, wounding him, because he'd squeezed it too tight. He had to support himself on his desk to maintain his balance. _

"How could she mean something like that? How could she regret ever loving me? Regret everything we had?" I asked my mom, looking at her in shock and pain.

"She doesn't," Lillian simply said, "she doesn't. She just said so. You killed her best friend's fiancée and two of her friends, one of them her former lover. What did you expect?"

"Oliver?" I asked in another shock, receiving only a nod in response.

"You will keep hurting her. Actually, your intention will be to hurt Clark, but her being so close to him will cause her more pain that you can ever imagine, son."

_Next scene._

"_Clark… but… I… I am… pregnant," Jessica just said._

"_What?" There was shock in his eyes._

"_I'm pregnant with Lex's child. It happened the day he came back, in LuthorCorp, when you stopped the apocalypse. I hadn't been on pills from a very long time back then. I had no reason to be," she explained._

"_Jess, it's ok," Clark suddenly said. "Me being an alien… I'm not even sure if I can have children. I will raise it as my own, I promise."_

"_You would do that? Clark, he killed Lois."_

"_How could I blame an innocent child that was conceived out of love?" Clark just asked._

"_You're too good for me. Too good…" Jessica was close to crying again._

"She's… pregnant?" I whispered, bewildered and turned to my mother again.

"Yes," Lillian nodded.

"Will I know?" I asked.

"No." She shook her head.

_Clark just kissed Jessica gently._

"_You know I've always had feelings for you," he whispered to her._

_She nodded, avoiding his eyes, her head down._

"_We can make this work. We don't have to be alone. We can be together. You won't be so hurt anymore." He gently raised her chin and made her look at him._

"_So won't you," she told him and kissed him while taking his face into her hands._

_They kissed and slowly got rid of their clothes._

"No! Come on!" I shut my eyes and turned back to Lillian. "I won't watch this! I can't!"

"Oh, yes, you will!" she just told me and forced me to while putting her hands on my smooth head and turning it in the right direction.

_They were kissing more passionately now and soon Clark took Jessica into his arms, then went to bed while carrying her and lowered her down on the sheets. He kissed her neck, her collarbone, slowly getting to her breasts. She closed her eyes and sighed deeply. She was ready enough, so he rubbed her clit and then himself into her, making her gasp. They slowly made love to each other._

"How can she…" I stopped, couldn't take it anymore. "STOP! JUST FUCKING STOP IT!" I roared.

"They can't hear you. It hasn't happened yet, remember? You can still change all of it," I heard the same calm tone of my mother's voice.

"I've seen enough!" I growled at her when glancing at the copulating couple.

"No, you haven't seen the most important part yet," she insisted.

"What? Climaxing?!" I asked sarcastically. I'd seen Jessica's face while she had her orgasms, with me, and that was enough.

_When they finished, Jessica just got up, left the bed and naked trotted to the bathroom._

_When the door closed behind her, she burst into tears and slowly slid herself against the tiled wall down to the floor._

_The door opened again._

"_Superhearing, you forgot?" Clark sighed and crouched by her side. "Everything will be alright, Jess. It will be, I promise. I'll see to that."_

"_You've also lost so much, Clark." She shuddered when he put his arms around her. She seemed so small and fragile when in his strong, broad arms. _

"_We both have, but we have to learn how to live with that. And what's the best way to do this as not together?"_

_She clang to him and kept on sobbing quietly. _

"She plays safe with Clark Kent," Lillian spoke. "Her heart still belongs to you, but not for long. Lex, it's only so much you can do to ultimately kill love. Just watch…"

_The surroundings changed once again and there were Jessica and Clark in the bedroom._

"_I just put little Jonathan to sleep." She smiled to Clark and got to bed he was sitting on the edge of._

"_We finally have some time for each other." Clark reached his hand to her, so she sat on his laps and put her arms around his neck._

"_Clark, there's something I've been wanting to tell you…" she started._

"_Yes?" he prompted._

"_I've been truly falling for you for the past couple of months," she confessed quickly and buried her face in his neck._

"… _really?" he finally spoke._

"_Really." She changed her position and looked him in the eye. "I love you, Clark Kent," she confessed._

"_You have no idea how long I've waited to hear those words." His voice was a little hoarse._

"_Oh, I think I do." She smiled and lowered herself down until she found herself between his legs._

"_What are you doing?"_

_She just opened his fly and freed his cock, ready to give him a blow job, ready to take him inside her mouth._

"Ok, that's it! I'm done here!" I was furious and turned around, but when I didn't see anything I could still hear moans of pleasure coming from Clark's mouth. "Stop torturing me!"

"It is necessary, Lex, to help you make the right decision. Seeing things puts us into perspective," the answer from my mother came.

"What will I do next, then?" I asked while sighing, but didn't really want to know the answer.

"Oh, the usual. You'll see that boy once, Jonathan, and you'll notice the red hair on his head and his age. You'll realize that he's your child and then…"

"Then what?"

That sounded ominous.

_Clark was locked up in a cage made out of kryptonite and Lex was standing over Jessica who was lying on the floor._

"_Lex, no, please…" she begged him._

"_How could you not tell me that I have a son?!" Lex's rage had no boundaries._

"_Because I knew you would turn him into yourself. It would be like Lionel and you all over again!"_

_Lex pulled out a gun._

"_If I can't have you, no one else will, especially not Clark fucking Kent," he spat and a shot went out._

"_Nooooooooooooooooooo!" Clark roared in the same time. "JESSSSSSSS!" But he couldn't help her. It was too late._

I was looking at my wife's bloody corpse and just couldn't shake the hatred for my future self off. Would I become such a monster? Was I capable of it? Would I be able to kill… my Jessica? I was bathed in cold sweat at the very thought of it.

"This is how it all ends," Lillian finally said and turned me away from that scene to show me another picture.

I had tears in my eyes by now.

"Is this… me?" I asked in shock and made a few steps toward the older bald man that was sitting in a chair in the mansion study, drinking alone and looking at old pictures of a beautiful red-headed woman.

"Yes, it is you," the confirmation from my mother came.

_The man's posture shook and he cried over Jessica's images, then his fingers touched her face on the paper._

"_It was the wrong decision…" he said to himself. "Wrong one… I should've stayed with you and given up everything else…"_

_There was a gun lying on the table right by his side and he barely reached for it when the door to the study burst open._

"Is this… my son?" I asked in total bewilderment on seeing a young grown-up man with beautiful dark red hair and handsome face.

"Yes, yours and Jessica's. He is handsome, isn't he? He has your both slim bodies and beauty."

"I never considered myself beautiful," I said, quite embarrassed.

"You are very handsome, Lex. A lot of women think that. They think that the baldness suits you, give you spice. Jessica especially."

"_Do it," the older Lex told his son. "Just do it and get it over with. I have nothing to live for anyway."_

"Will I look like this?" I asked my mother.

"No if you choose to do the right thing. Evil always leaves a permanent mark on us, Lex. All those evil things you did… it's all on your face now," she referred to the other version of me, "it made you old, it made you ugly, made you bitter and winced all the time."

"Oh."

_My son just took the gun and shot… well… me._

I jumped when I saw my bloody body sliding from the chair to the floor.

But the bigger shock was the smile on Jonathan's face.

"Be careful, because you may create another monster and that monster will create another as well… and the vicious circle of repeating our ancestors' mistakes will proceed. Luthors' blood may be cursed forever, but it may also be finally redeemed."

"I would never hurt Jessica…" I still couldn't believe what I'd just seen.

"But you will. The road to darkness isn't a light switch, it's a journey. Remember that? You said it yourself. And believe me, if you start that journey, this is where you'll finish it. That life will be full of misery and pain. Do you really want to hurt Jessica like that? The only person who ever truly loved you? The one that loved you with all her being? Despite your flaws? You can't have it both ways, my son, you can't have her, happiness, family… and darkness. Don't be your father. You can still change your destiny."

I looked at her with determination on my face.

"Are you done?" I asked her coldly. What kind of a mother hurt her child like this? She'd just caused me pain while showing me this life. She could've spared me some disturbing images, after all.

"I still have something to show you," she said.

"Oh, no, I'm done!"

"Really? I left the best one for the very end."

"I won't go with you."

"You have no choice, Alexander."

Suddenly, we found ourselves in the very same study in the very same mansion, but everything was different. Instead of a gloomy, dark atmosphere, there was light and a Christmas tree in the middle. My alcohol bottles were gone.

I turned to the chimney and saw something that shook me even more than everything else I'd seen tonight.

It was a happy family.

I hardly recognized myself sitting down by the chimney, smiling and laughing. My mother was right, I was handsome, the hell I was beautiful while being so happy! My eyes weren't so hard, cold or emotionless anymore. They were warm and loving. Jessica, beautiful as always, was resting her head on my shoulder while I was holding a child on my laps. A beautiful four year old girl with red hair.

_My wife kissed me in the cheek, then in the mouth and whispered into my ear, "Put her to sleep, I'll check up on little Alexander and then you can join me in the bedroom." Her hand smoothly brushed my crotch when the little girl wasn't looking and she disappeared in the hall._

"A baby girl? And a son?" I turned to my mom. My eyes were full of tears. "Does this mean… she… she won't…" those words couldn't even pass my throat.

"…die at childbirth? No," Lillian denied. "That was the other possible life I'd showed you once. If you had changed the moment I'd done it, you would have had it all now."

"And she would've been dead!" I yelled at my mother. "Why?! Why that would've been any better than this?!" I pointed myself by the chimney. He just stood up and took the girl to her room.

"You still don't understand," mum sighed heavily, shaking her head.

"I do! The reason why I walked that dark path in the past was her! I couldn't let her die! Why couldn't I have had this life then?! Everything would've been so much easier!"

"I showed you the best possible future for you back then," Lillian started explaining in a hard voice, emphasizing her every word. "Since that time you've killed a lot of people and hurt dozens more. It was never only about you, my son, it would be selfish. It was also about others. If you'd chosen the path I'd showed you once, you would've saved so many lives… including your own, because you wouldn't have died in that van explosion. But you decided to do otherwise and that is why now your future has changed. It's not better because so many people have already died because of you."

I was silent. What could I say to that?

"Jessica loves you with her whole heart," my mom continued. "She's special. She's always loved you. You don't even deserve somebody like her, but yet she does love you. She had from the very first moment she saw you. You were pushing her away, hurting her, though I know you loved her too, with your whole heart. Save that love, don't let it die because what you two have is so rare and precious. It's the only thing that can save you right now, the very last hope, so take it. The people you hurt and killed will still be with you, haunting you, but with Jessica's help you can do this. You have to be strong and follow her. The decision is only yours."

"Mum…" I started.

"No," she stopped me. "Listen to me. Love can easily replace that thirst inside of you, that pursue for power. It can heal it. Trust me."

"But Jessica saw me in the future… as the president," I finally said.

"Nobody said that you can't be a good leader. You still can be the president of the United States, just different. You can actually do something good in this world and pay for your sins that way."

"Mum… thank you," I found myself saying, understanding at last why she'd had to show me all of those horrible scenes tonight.

"You're welcome, my son, you're welcome. Just remember, there's nothing…"

"…that's lost that can't be found again. I know," I finished after her.

"Those are your own words, Lex, and you can still apply them to yourself. You can still find your heart under all that coldness. Jessica is the only one who can bring it up, she's the key, but you have to learn how to use your heart toward others as well. I love you and I believe in you. Don't you dare to forget it. I'm here." She put her hand to my chest where my heart was and then she just… disappeared.

"Mum?" I asked while looking around. "Mum?"

"_Mum!" I woke up and accidentally knocked the glass off the table. It fell to the floor and shattered, spilling the remaining liquor on the carpet._

_I looked around. I was still in my chair in the study. I'd just woken up from last night's drinking, but somehow I knew I hadn't imagined the whole thing with my mother, that it hadn't been just a dream._

_I was sure of one thing: I made my decision._


	34. Chapter 34

(_34 original episode – Choice_)

_If you had a choice_

_Then what would you choose, to do?_

– _I could live without money,_

_I could live without the fame, _

_and if every day was sunny, _

_I could live without the rain_

_If I ever went up to heaven_

_I would fall right back down_

_Because you're the one I couldn't live without (…)_

_Without you, Chris Brown_

* * *

_It was the very first time I was running so fast to somebody. I'd never been rushing like this before in my life. Everybody was always waiting for me, so I was taking my time. Now I was speeding like somebody was chasing me, like my life depended on it._

* * *

I woke up the next morning in the Talon and the first thing I did was to check my phone for any messages. There was nothing. Nada. Still, it was just one night. Knowing Lex, he'd been drinking when I'd left the previous day and now he was still sleeping or nursing a massive headache.

I got up and went to the bathroom to take a shower and brush my teeth.

When when I walked out of there in my bathrobe and got to the kitchen, the door to my apartment burst open.

It scared the hell out of me and I jumped, then I immediately turned around only to face… Lex.

Lex who was breathing heavily, nearly panting, trying to catch his breath. Had he been running? I wondered. He'd definitely taken his Porsche, but he'd had to run to his car – the mansion was, after all, very big - and then up here from the parking lot.

"Don't be with Clark!" was the first thing he said to me.

"What?" I frowned in confusion. "Lex, I…" I didn't understand a thing. Lex knew that Clark was with Lois and he loved her. What was more, I had no feelings for Clark at this moment. I only cared that way about one person, the person that was now standing right in front of me. "What on Earth…?" I started again, but then he quickly cut in, "I love you! I just want to be with you! You are my better half! Thanks to you I am a better person! Damn, I cannot live without you, Jessica! So what I'm trying to say here is… I am so, so, so sorry!" He actually had tears in his eyes now.

I was nearly crying too, but I was also smiling. I squealed with joy and jumped to him, covering the distance that was between us as fast as I could. I didn't even let him say anything more. I just put my arms around his neck and kissed him hard.

He kissed me back, devouring my mouth hungrily, sticking his tongue inside, exploring it, taking my breath away while humming quietly with pleasure, making me gasp. Then he pulled away and took my face in his hands, looking me deeply in the eye.

"I don't know why I should deserve somebody like you, but somehow you do love me, you always have, haven't you?" he asked in a thick voice.

I just nodded, too touched to utter an actual word.

"And I don't intend on letting you go ever again," he continued. "I promise I will never ever hurt you again. Just… please, I beg of you, be my wife, be my lover. I am here and I made my decision that somehow turned out to be a very easy one. It is you and it was always supposed to be you. I want to cherish you for the rest of my life."

I thought that officially, that was the best speech about love I'd ever heard coming from Lex's mouth.

Still, I was looking for my tongue to speak. I was so happy I wanted to jump and scream with joy. I knew I'd believed that this would be what he would do, but still… Now the burden was taken from my shoulders and we could finally start our lives together for real and with no looking back.

"Say something," he asked me in a whisper and then gently wiped a tear from my cheek with his thumb.

I smiled at him. "I love you, Lex Luthor," I finally said and covered his hand on my cheek with mine. Then I reached to his lips and kissed him, this time slowly and softly, putting as much affection into it as I could.

He slid his hands down my face, then to my neck, brushed my breasts though the bathrobe and reached to the knot, untying it, letting it drop to the floor.

I just stood there, completely naked in front of him while he still had all his clothes on. He kept looking at me and devouring me with his eyes.

"Stop staring like that. It makes me uncomfortable," I told him.

"Why? You are beautiful." He put his both hands on my breasts and I sucked the air in. They were already peaked and I could feel I was wet.

I couldn't wait. I unbuttoned his shirt and let it slid down to the floor as well, right next to my robe. Then his pants. I could already feel how hard he was and he gasped when I finally freed his cock.

"You are beautiful too," I told him while making a step back and looking at him being also completely naked now.

He looked aside, ashamed of his cut body.

"I mean it." I cupped his face and then took his hand to lead him to bed.

"Our bedroom is much bigger," he remarked.

"Well, it's because of you that we're here, so don't complain." I pushed him to the bed and straddled him. He sat up, facing me and I took his cock, slowly impaling myself on it, closing my eyes, gasping and going up and down on it.

"I will… never take you… for granted again," he promised with interrupted voice, because of the pleasure, then closed my lips with his once more.

"So it should be a good news…" I licked the side of his jaw and his smooth head, biting his earlobe gently, causing him to shiver underneath me when still going up and down on him. "I'm pregnant, Lex. We made that baby the day you came back to me, but… aaahh…" I stopped moving for a moment to be able to speak clearly. "I'm not sure where and which time actually did the trick." I moved my head back to looked into his eyes. "Say something," I asked him.

He just smiled, emotions running through his face and then he started kissing me again and pushing into me from under me. I opened my mouth while my climax was slowly building inside of me.

"Aargh... I love you… so much…" he kept saying and we were both fucking each other. He kept pushing his pelvis up into me and I was jumping and moving back and forward on him. Then, when I almost climaxed, I leaned back as far as I could while with him buried deep inside of me. His arms quickly brought me back into his embrace and we reached our peak.

"Can I ask you something?" Lex panted straight into my ear. His hot breath was tingling on my skin, his arms were still around me, he still inside of me. "I need to know…"

"What is it, Lex?"

"Why do you love me? What have I done to deserve it? Why me?" He met my eyes evenly, looking for an answer in them. I cupped his face again. "Because it's you. I can't explain it. I just knew it the moment I saw you… and you know… you cannot ask why about love."

"Anna Karenina." He chuckled.

"Correct." I smiled to him.

We finally parted and lay down on our sides, facing each other.

"But… just look at me," he asked and touched my cheek. "I'm bald, I was evil, maybe I still am, I don't know… but I'll fight it… I'm not Clark Kent who saves people and takes no credit for it. I don't even have his body and now add to that those scars…"

"Your muscles are pretty great. I always loved them, you know?" I answered with a smile. "All of you is what makes you… well… you."

"Mhmmm."

"Stop being so insecure. It's funny, you know, Lex Luthor and insecurity." I actually laughed.

"Yeah, very funny," he pretended to be offended. "You made me the happiest man today," then his voice grew serious. "We're together again and you're pregnant. It'll be a beautiful baby boy."

"Why are you so sure that it'll be a boy?" I raised my eyebrows at him.

"First a boy, and then we'll have a girl."

"Really?" I laughed again.

"Yes and we'll finally have a family. We will be a family," he said.

"We already are, you fool!" I kissed him. "You know, what? I feel pretty special."

"Really? Because you're the one I love?" he chuckled in an obvious joke.

"No," I denied. "Don't be snotty!... I feel special, because I'm the only one who could fix you, put you on the right path and… don't mind me saying that, but I'm the one who saved a lot of people in the future, people you were going to hurt. Now they're safe and you're mine completely."

"Yes, my love. I am. We're the stuff of legends."

"We will be," I said seriously and supported myself on my elbow. "I talked to a woman from the future once. She told me."

"Ok."

"I'm serious."

"I have to tell you something too," Lex's voice also grew serious again. "Something that I've never told you before."

"You've lied to me again about something, didn't you? Please, tell me…"

"No, I didn't," he denied quickly. "I just have to confess... I think I've loved you from the very first moment I saw you."

"Wait, you…"

"Let me finish, please. You were always somebody special to me. It confused me how I felt around you, but I didn't let myself think of you as of anything more than a friend, because you were so young, so innocent and I didn't want to use you."

"I'm not a fragile girl, remember?" I snorted.

"I do. I underestimated you. I just wanted to tell you that I've always had powerful feelings for you. _Always_."

"And I thought that you fell for me when I finally became more mature. Look, all that work for nothing!" I joked. "To be honest… me, too. I think I liked you from the very first sight."

"Like? I'll kill you for that like!" He took me in his arms and I squealed, burying my face in the pillow when he started teasing my body. One hand was on my breast, the other between my legs. "Or I least I'll torture you a little before I'll give you release," he corrected.

"Love! Love!" I screamed while giggling. "Loved you from the very first sight!... What was it about me that captured you? I mean… my body? That's attracting a lot of men," I got serious again.

"No, not only your body, but I have to admit it's impressive. You are everything, just everything to me. You've awaken sides of me I had no idea I had. You made me love you like I had no idea I could love somebody and I'm probably sounding like a totally pathetic and romantic sap for the very first time in my life, but this is the truth."

"I like that pathetic sap. It's so hot," I said huskily. "Now, will you please stop torturing me?" I asked while reaching for his cock. It was hard. Again.

"As you wish."

He entered me slowly and started rocking into me while looking deeply into my eyes.

When we climaxed, he just lay on me, embracing me, our bodies still joined, hot and wet from the exhaustion, our breaths as one, man and wife, one being that wasn't whole when apart, only painfully cut in a half.

* * *

We quickly came back to the mansion.

"You'll have to finally talk to Clark, you know that, right?" I asked Lex.

"Yeah, I do realize that. You have to give me some time though, to prepare myself."

"No problem, but it has to be done and… our company… we can still do some genetic research to be able to cure some diseases, but nothing dangerous, nothing hazardous, no harming anybody. Just let's do it the normal way."

"It's a deal."

* * *

When I woke up the next day, Lex wasn't lying next to me. I was curious when he'd gone, so I put my bathrobe on and got downstairs.

To my astonishment, I found Lex in the study, fully clothed, sitting down by a table with a chess board on it.

"We never finished our lessons." He smiled on seeing me.

"I couldn't get it," I told him.

"Because we'd been seeing each other all too rare."

"I didn't want to spend too much time with you when I had feelings for you," I admitted.

"I know."

"It's beautiful." I sat on his laps and his arms quickly embraced my waist. "Back to the beginning. I can remember how we played."

"Actually, we never technically played…" he noticed.

"Oh, shut up!" I swatted him gently and he laughed deliciously.

* * *

I opened the door and let Lex in first.

"So, this is our Watchtower," I informed him and followed him inside.

They were all there.

"Ehm…" Lex cleared his throat while looking at them. He didn't feel comfortable and I knew he hated that.

"You could start from… shaking your hands?" I suggested, trying to help him out a bit.

"Lex, I haven't given up on you. I hope you know that. I just thought that Jess would be a much better person to help you," Clark started and came over to us, reaching his hand to Lex. "Welcome back, my friend."

"Friend?" Lex finally spoke and looked at Clark's hand like he didn't truly believe it could be so easy.

"Well, you do want to be friends again, don't you?"

"Yes, Clark, I really do."

I was a witness of the beginning of a new era. Lex and Clark finally forgave each other and decided to move on, to try be friends again. With Lex and mine resources we could help the world, we could help Clark and the heroes that were out there fighting for our peace. We could be a team.

* * *

"Have you seen Mr. Luthor?" I asked the staff when I couldn't find Lex anywhere in the mansion.

"Yes, Mrs. Luthor. He's downstairs in the sauna," the answer came.

"Thank you."

Sauna, hah? That was going to be interesting, I thought.

I got downstairs to our cellar and took all of my clothes off, then I put a towel around me and entered the sauna.

Lex was there, sitting on a bench, completely naked. His body shining in the heat.

"Jessica, I was wondering how long it would take you to find me." He smiled and gestured me toward him.

I returned the smile and let the towel drop from my body, then I made my way to him and straddled him , kissing him and putting my arms around his neck.

"I haven't seen you here before," I noticed.

"It's because of doctor Hamilton. He told me to take care of myself and exercise more to stay healthy. This…" he looked around," is just another way to keep my body this way."

I was the one who'd suggested Emil as Lex's doctor since no one could know about his body. Any common doctor could figure out what the scars meant.

"I like it," I said and slid my hands down Lex's glistering chest to his crotch. "And what did he say about sex in such a place?"

"He didn't." Lex's voice grew thick.

"Well, never mind." I started kissing him. "Let's get down to business. After all, we haven't done it in here yet."

* * *

"_Jessica?" I came back home late this evening. I'd been held in my office, but I knew she would understand. There was a long way ahead till JeXCorp would be cleared off of my old secret projects and ready to run a genetic research that could actually help people in need. "Jessica?!"_

_Where could she be at nine o'clock pm?_

"_Have you seen my wife?" I asked the staff._

"_Last time I saw her was about an hour ago. She was heading upstairs to your bedroom with a book in her hand."_

"_Thank you."_

_I ran upstairs – seriously, what was wrong with me? Since we'd really gotten back together I had the impression that I kept running to her, because I needed to see her face right away and make myself sure she was still there. I knew it was foolish, I knew she wouldn't leave me again, but I'd been doing it anyway._

"_Jessica…" I opened the bedroom door with a smile on my face, but that smile immediately faded away. _

_I stared at the wall above the bed with my eyes widely opened._

_There was a symbol burned on it that reminded me of a letter Z._

* * *

"_Clark?!" I knocked to his and Lois's new apartment in Metropolis. "CLARK?!" I knocked harder._

_The door opened and I saw Lois Lane._

"_Lex?" She looked at me, surprised. "What is it?"_

"_I need to talk to Clark!" I said and just walked inside, completely ignoring her._

"_Hey! Watch it, buddy! You may be Jess'…"_

"_What is it?" Clark interrupted while appearing in a hallway, putting his shirt on._

"_It's Jessica," I said. "Clark, I think Zod has her."_

"_Zod?" Clark got frowned. "Are you sure? The last time I saw him was when I sent him away. He must be in the Phantom Zone right now. Kandorians probably sent him there."_

"_Well, he must've found a way back, because I found this burnt on the wall just above our bed in our bedroom!" I showed him the picture on my phone._

"_Oh, God… he must've gotten out… because I gave him my blood once…" Clark said in a sudden realization._

"_Clark, I need her back," my voice quavered, almost begging._

"_Boy… I've never actually seen before how much you really love her, Lex," Lois said while studying_ _my face._

"_Yes, we definitely have to get her back!" Clark clenched his fists when ignoring his fiancée's remark. "Lois, call Oliver and Chloe!_

"_How dangerous is he?" I asked, clearly meaning Zod._

"_Do you know exactly what he'd done to her the last time he was here?"_

"_Yes." I swallowed hard, seeing the disturbed look on Clark's face._

"_Exactly."_

"_Clark…" I stopped him while grabbing his arm. "Clark, she's pregnant." _

_Something shifted on Clark's face._

"_Clark, please, I am begging you. I cannot lose another child!" I was probably desperate right now, but didn't care as long as Jessica would be safe._

"_I'll do my best. I promise you, Lex," Clark said honestly. "Now we have to get to Watchtower."_

* * *

I woke up with a terrible headache.

Wait… I remembered somebody knocking me down… so where was I?

I sat up with slight difficulty and looked around.

I swallowed hard. My eyes opening widely when I saw the son of a bitch that I'd intended on never seeing again.

"You," I said.

"Oh, yes, me. Hello again, Jessica." Zod smiled to me.


	35. Chapter 35

(_35 original chapter - Coda_)

"_It wasn't that hard to find him after all," Chloe said while checking her satellite on one of the computers in Watchtower. "He just can't resist to leave marks behind him. I spotted a lot of burning Z… wait a minute… ok, I've got a location."_

"_Oliver, I need you. You can use kryptonite on Zod, but you have to sneak up on him, so he wouldn't stop you before you reach him," Clark started._

"_I'm going with you, I have to!" I cut in. "It's my family we're talking about!... What?!" I asked Chloe, because she shot me a very strange look._

"_Nothing." She shook her head."It's just… you've really changed, Lex."_

"_You thought it was just another act, didn't you?" I sighed. "After all I can't blame you. Everybody would think that. I could've as well go underground with my experiments, but I can assure you it's not me anymore. I've truly changed."_

"_Chloe, give him a break. He loves her and it's enough for us. Besides, if there was something secretly going on in JeXCorp, you would know, wouldn't you?" Clark queried._

"_Well, yeah. All Ollie's gifts for me are upgrading the Watchtower," she huffed._

"_Hey, I thought you liked it. It was… you know… kind of a unique and special thing we do!" Oliver looked at her, quite surprised. "You should've just told me that you preferred some twinkle once in a while…"_

"_Ollie, not now!" Chloe nearly growled at him. There was really no time for this._

"_I love when you're like this!… Here you go, buddy." He walked over to me and handed me a knife made out of meteor rock._

_I could just silently stare at him. He was the one who'd killed me according to what my mother had told me. _

"_Lex?" Oliver asked me in hesitant voice. "Are you alright? It'll be fine, we'll get her back." He patted my back._

_I was in shock. _

"_You…" I cleared my throat. "You know that I know that you were the one who blew up my van, don't you?" I finally spoke._

_Oliver made a few steps back, didn't know what to say._

"_It's ok. If I were you, I would probably do the same. You were just protecting her. If anyone can understand that, it's me," I assured him, not even believing myself that I said that._

"_Who are you and what you've done to Lex Luthor?" Chloe asked in astonishment._

"_I just… I saw the future… at least I think I saw it," I said, not quite sure of their reaction._

"_Well, me too, at some point," Clark said. "So it's ok, I believe you."_

"_I saw two versions of it that depended on my final decision. I hated the dark and lonely one. I… I hurt you all and in the end… I did something unforgivable."_

"_Glad to hear you've chosen well," Chloe said. "We don't have much time," she also noticed, obviously cutting the conversation short." Zod may not stay in one place for long. Lex, on the second thought, I think you should go first. I don't think he'll kill you right away. He would like to talk to you since he's so interested in Jess."_

"_That's fine by me," I agreed._

"_I'll be covering you," Oliver suggested in a strange voice that didn't sound like his._

"_Fine, I'll get you there. Hang on…" Clark told us._

* * *

"Jessica!" I heard.

"That's Lex!" I stood up from my sit, but Zod was there, right by my side again.

"Sit… down…" he told me slowly.

"Why do you even care about me?" I asked him. "I stood up to you and you burnt my face. Why would you want me now?"

"Your face isn't burnt anymore, is it?" He smirked at me. "And I still want you by my side. I like the fire and strength you carry inside."

"You'll never get me."

"Then it'll only be more interesting." Zod smirked.

"JESSICA!"

"LEX! IN HERE!" I screamed until he finally appeared in the door.

"Stay where you are!" Zod reached his hand out. "Not even one step closer or I'll kill her!"

"Ok, ok, I'll stay here." Lex agreed.

In that very moment something whooshed around us and took me.

Clark, I thought. It must be Clark!

He took Lex as well and put us safely outside, on some empty street.

"Now, run!" Clark yelled to us and I could notice Oliver ready to attack, armed with kryptonite arrows.

Lex took my hand and pulled me toward the waiting car, but it was too late. Zod already landed in front of us, cutting our way out.

Lex let me go and reached to his pocket. A moment later he was holding a kryptonite knife. Zod was standing too close to us so he soon bent down, weakened by the green weapon. Lex made his way to him and that was the moment I realized what he was about to do.

"Lex, don't!" I yelled and he jerked to a stop, then turned his head to look at me.

"Why? He hurt you! He used you and then you almost died, because he burnt your face!"

"This is just not the way," I said calmly. "You were supposed to be different, remember? You kill him and you will make a step toward the darkness once again."

His face twitched like he remembered something very painful.

"You're right. I need to protect my future," he agreed after a while.

I had no idea what that meant, but I didn't ask. There was no time.

Lex turned away from Zod and made a step back.

Suddenly, Zod started laughing.

"Look, powerful Lex Luthor tamed by a woman. She is something, isn't she? I know! I tasted it!" he tried to provoke him.

"Shut up!" Lex screamed.

"I'll open the portal to the Phantom Zone and trap you there again," Clark said to Zod.

"And I will go right back down, because your blood is in me now, remember?! You will all kneel before Zod!" He raised up even though it was still difficult for him, the kryptonite knife still being near.

"No if I destroy the crystal that opens the portal," Clark just said, but Zod only kept on laughing like his time in the Phantom Zone had made a mad man out of him.

It happened so quickly. Lex was facing me and then Zod suddenly stabbed him from behind and pulled the knife out of him immediately, letting him bleed, letting him fall down.

"LEX!" I screamed my heart out. "NOOOO!" I got to him quickly enough, his knees just hitting the ground, so he landed with his head on my own knees. "Lex…" I sobbed while stroking his face and his smooth head. "Please, hold on!" I begged him. Inside I was a stir of confusing emotions and I knew I wouldn't handle losing him this time.

"I… love… you…" he just said and started losing his consciousness.

I heard a whoosh of an arrow and the kryptonite head of it was now buried deep in Zod's chest.

"Oliver!" Clark yelled. "You shouldn't have!"

"He probably just killed Lex, Clark! You saw him back in Watchtower! He's truly changed! He didn't even get angry with me for killing him four years ago! I think I owed him that! I just wish I shot Zod earlier!" the bitter answer from Ollie came. I didn't even have the strength at the moment to feel grateful for what he said.

"Clark… hurry… we need to take him to doctor Hamilton," I told him while sobbing and still stroking Lex's head.

Clark took the crystal and opened the portal. Zod's body was soon sucked into it and the portal closed on Clark shattering the crystal.

"Now if he even survives, he will never come back," he said, meaning Zod. "Let me take him," he finally turned to me and then disappeared with Lex, leaving me crouching on the ground in a pool of blood.

I felt Ollie's hands reaching to me, helping me up to my feet.

"He can't be dead," I just whispered while looking into Oliver's eyes.

"He won't be, you'll see. Emil will stitch him up and he'll be just like new," he tried to comfort me.

"Thank you," I said. "What you did and said means a lot to me."

"Don't mention it. It was the least I could do to repay for my previous… well…" his voice trailed off significantly. "Nothing I'll ever do will be enough to pay for that."

"It will be. We've all forgiven you, Oliver."

He put his arms around me.

"I'll be ok," he kept on telling me as I was still crying.

Clark came back in that very moment.

"He'll live," he told us. "Emil took care of him immediately. Now I can take you both there."

* * *

I was sitting by his hospital bed, not leaving him even for a second. He still hadn't woken up, but Emil said he would any moment now. He promised me that Lex would come back to me.

It was good to have such a doctor like Hamilton. He was now Lex's official doctor what made him practically the only one that could touch my husband in this hospital. That way everybody won. No one knew Lex's body was a clone's body and Lex had the best care we could think of.

Suddenly, his hand moved.

"Lex?" I asked while raising my eyes to his face. "Honey?"

His hand squeezed mine and after another minute, he slowly managed to open his eyes.

"Oh, honey, you're awake," I said, tears wetting my eyes once again. This time tears of happiness.

His hand slowly raised to my face and touched my cheek.

"So, I guess… I'll live…" his voice was hoarse.

"Do you need some water?" I reached to the bedside table for it and put the rim of the glass to his mouth.

"Thanks," he said much clearer now when he gulped it down. "What happened?" he asked.

"Zod's gone. Oliver killed him and then Clark sent him back and destroyed the crystal."

"Oliver killed him?" Lex seemed surprised.

"He wanted to save us when he was the one… How did you know anyway?" I asked while holding his hand and gently stroking it with my fingers.

"I saw my mother. It was like that near death experience I told you about once… when I was shot."

"So you saw her now?"

"No, I saw her the night you left me. She showed me what would happen if I was bad and what if I was good, so I would make the right decision."

"How was it?" I just asked as experience had taught me well not to question such things.

"Horrible. And then, wonderful, but it wasn't what changed my mind. I knew from the moment you walked out that door that I couldn't choose differently than to choose you," Lex assured me. His blue-gray eyes fixed on mine.

"And she told you that Oliver was the one who…" I wanted to know.

"She showed me what was left from that van and… well, I saw you running from your car toward the wreck, screaming, crying and… Clark was there. To hold you."

"So you really did see her, because that was exactly what happened that night."

He only smiled at me.

"And you're really sure that it's a boy, hah?" I asked.

"You're quick with connecting the dots," he said with admiration. "Another thing I love about you."

* * *

Lex was sent home soon, but he had to stay in bed for a while as he couldn't overtax his body.

When we came back to the mansion I put him to bed and went to make some tea, then I just lay next to him. We couldn't have sex, because he was still sore and his wounds had to heal properly, but we appreciated just being together. We didn't have to screw all the time, although the temptation was always there. I just loved being near the man I loved.

* * *

"Superman?! Really?!" Lex snorted while I walked into our bedroom the next day, bringing breakfast.

He was reading that day's edition of the Daily Planet.

"What?" I asked.

"Lois Lane wrote that the Blur has officially changed his name for… Superman that starts with that S he's wearing," Lex notified in a funny voice.

"Oh, yeah, I was wondering when you hear about that." I chuckled when putting the tray fill of food on the bedside table.

"Tell me, honey," Lex started, looking at me with amusement on his face, "why would you choose some bald, scarry me over… an actual superman?" he teased me.

"It was Lois who came up with that name and it's actually from Nietzsche," I said while sitting right next to him and placing a kiss on the side of his mouth. "Besides, you are my superman in life, bed..." I started counting out and was rewarded with Lex's laugh.

"Well, not right now when I'm still in recovery," he noticed with a sigh.

"You may still be sore, but who says you have to move?" I said and kissed him again, then opened his PJs and slid my hand down his smooth chest. "I can still take care of you…" I smiled mischievously while freeing his hardening cock and taking it into my mouth.

"Mmmmm…" he started uttering, tilting his head backwards in pleasure.

When he finished inside my mouth, I swallowed and raised myself up.

"Marry me," Lex suddenly asked.

"What?" I asked, amused. "Did you hit your head? Oh no, don't tell me that something's wrong and you're losing your memory…"

"Hey, calm down. Everything's fine in here," he said while putting his hand to his bald head. "I just think that we should renew our vowels. Till death do us part, remember? And death did us part. Besides, the last time we got married it was quick, we loved each other, yes, but then Clark wanted to win you over and you lost… I'm sorry… I guess I did it right the first time I proposed," he finished, a little embarrassed.

"It's ok, after all, you've just climaxed," I smiled at him mischievously. "And yes. I will marry you, Lex Luthor. _Always."_

* * *

We just did it.

We had a huge happy wedding with a big reception.

This time we hadn't left right away. We'd stayed with our friends. Everything was like it was supposed to be and everyone we cared about was there: Clark with Lois, Oliver with Chloe, even Mrs. Kent with Perry White. It was perfect.

I would've never thought that one day I would see them all there at mine and Lex's wedding, all happy and living in harmony.

I guessed miracles happened after all.

Or maybe when I'd been through so much more pain than most people in their entire lives, I finally deserved to be truly happy. I deserved to live my fairytale now.

And as for our vowels… Lex told me about how I brought him back from the darkness into the light, how _I was_ his light, his salvation, the only one constant and good thing in his life. I told him how much I loved him, how much he changed me, gave my life a new true meaning, how he'd brought me back from that dark hole when I'd been all alone and lost. Then I quoted a poem, "Don't steal from me, don't lie to me, don't cheat on me. But if you're going to steal – steal my sorrows; if you're going to lie – lie with me all the nights in my life; and if you're going to cheat – cheat death, because I can't live without you." The last line had a special significant meaning for us that only some of the present people understood.

"What about your wedding?" I asked Clark and Lois when they were congratulating us.

"Well… we'll get there when the time seems right. I'm sure of it." Clark smiled to me and gave me a hug. "I'm happy for you, Jess." He kissed my cheek.

"And I'm happy for you," I told him.

Then our 'first dance' as a married couple started. We were just rocking in the rhythm of slow music when… not it was impossible, I thought while seeing a glimpse of a blonde girl in red.

But then when Lex swirled me around, I saw her again.

"Imra," I said straight into Lex's ear.

"What?" he asked, pulling away a little to look into my face, but we kept on dancing.

"Imra is here. That's the girl from the future I was telling you about."

"Really? So she does exist? That should be interesting."

When the dance was over I took Lex's hand and we made our way to her.

"Oh, my god! Imra!" I said happily and let go off Lex's hand to hug her. "I'm so surprised to see you!"

"You really think I would pass on one of the most important weddings in history?" She winked at me and then looked at Lex. "It's an honor, Lex Luthor." She reached her hand to him, so he shook it.

"Oh, no, I think it's mine," he assured her.

"I'm so glad to finally see you happy," she turned back to me.

"What about messing with the future while traveling through time again?" I asked with a smile.

"Well, it's just an appearance to see you two getting married. What's the harm in that?" She winked at us.

"The Legion knows you're here?"

"Not exactly… but they won't stay mad for long."

"You know, you should've told me that Lex would come back to me," I said. "That wasn't fair. You left me there thinking that you were a complete lunatic or… that you confused the actual date."

"And I am so sorry for that… it just slip my mouth. I even thought I messed up the future, but fortunately nothing changed."

"So, will you tell us what will happen to us now?" I asked her.

"That's for you to find out," the answer came.

"I see you've learnt from your mistakes." I smiled warmly at her.

"Yes, I have, besides… your husband already knows what is going to happen," her voice grew serious now.

"Yes, he does." I looked at Lex.

"I can tell you one thing though," she started, "no more pain. What happened in the past stays in the past. And now, I have to say my goodbye. I already am here for too long."

She hugged me and then Lex what surprised him a little, but he returned the hug.

"It's really an honor. Your legend is almost as big as Kal El's." She nodded at us.

"Will we see each other again?" I asked her. I liked her and I thought it was such a shame that we weren't from the same timeline. We could be really good friends.

"Maybe," Lex nudged me, "if JeXCorp succeed in prolonging life without causing any damage..." he started, but then Imra interrupted.

"Goodbye," she said, smiled to us again and disappeared.

"Was that…?" Clark just came over when she was already gone.

"Yes, she was," I said while turning to him.

"Did she want to give us a warning or something?"

"No, Clark." I laughed. "Not at all. She just wanted to wish us happiness in our wedding day," I said while looking at Lex and taking his hand.

"And to meet your wonderful husband, the famous Lex Luthor," Lex added, causing me to laugh again.

"Can I dance with you? Just once, Lex," Clark said to him. "One dance for me and one for Oliver, then she's all yours."

"Fine by me. I can dance with Lois and Chloe."

"Thanks."

* * *

_Two Years Later_

Our lives went on.

Lex was, of course, right. We had a son, little Alexander junior and we were just watching his very first steps.

"Come to mummy… only two steps left… come on, Alex!" I was encouraging him from the other side of the room.

A sweet little smile appeared on his face and he ran straight into my arms.

"Perfect!" Lex said while filming the whole thing.

When Alex finally sat down, Lex put the camera away and swept me into his arms.

"I am so happy," kiss, "thank you, Jessica, for giving me the lifetime full of love." Another kiss.

"You're welcome." I beamed happily at him.

* * *

_Another Five Years Later_

I knew he could do it! I believed in him and now Lex was freshly elected the president of the United States.

I walked through the corridor in my coat that was covering me whole and kept smiling at the people were passing me.

"Mrs. Luthor."

I kept on nodding and smiling at them and finally, I reached the Oval Office and pushed the door open.

"Happy Birthday, Mr. president," I said.

I hadn't seen him today yet. I'd had to take care of Alex and Lily when Lex had been settling in the White House. We would follow him a little while later. After all it was a big change for our kids.

He turned to me from the window and I gasped. It happened to me every time I saw him in that impeccable white suit. It was so fucking hot!

"So…" I started when he smiled, waiting for me to speak. "I have two presents for you. One…" I put a bottle on his desk, "this is 38 year old scotch. The same as you. The next one…" I took the coat off and let it drop to the floor.

His eyes were hungry for me, his mouth opened in surprise.

I was standing in front of him in my new red and lacy lingerie.

"Naughty," Lex said, "considering the place."

"So you can easily predict what I'll do next." I smiled mischievously. "Oh, don't worry, we'll still make it for Clark and Lois's wedding."

"Sure. You know, we can even be late. I have a private plane ready, after all." His voice grew husky, his pants significantly bulged up on his crotch.

"Exactly," I said and made my way to him.

I sat him down in his chair and knelt before him.

The future became the present, I thought when I reminded myself of the very same moment I'd been experiencing while having a near death experience once.

I sucked his cock, enjoyed the texture, the taste, its sweetness, size… then he released himself into my mouth.

"It was… amazing." He smiled to me and reached his hands to me.

"Oh, thank you, Mr. president," I found myself saying.

"It's so hot when you say that," he whispered into my ear when I straddled him, let him slowly undress me, then kiss, caress and lick my whole body.

When after ten minutes he finally reached my clit, he was hard again, so I took him all in.

"Naughty…" I said and licked his earlobe. "After all, you're still in this white suit. I think you're gonna have to change later…"

"Yeah, definitely. We don't want any cum on it, don't we?" He suddenly stood up with me still impaled on his cock, my legs tightened around his waist and he placed me on the desk. Soon I was lying on it, seeing the white ceiling above me, seeing the president crest on the wall and Lex was just fucking me hard.

* * *

The plan was great. Once Lex won the election, he wanted to block anything that could resemble the previous vigilante registration act and what was more, he wanted collaboration with those vigilantes. He wanted to make peace and let them fight under the mask of the night for our safety. The first step was shaking Superman's hand during his next public appearance as a president.

I couldn't be more proud of my husband!

What was amazing, Lex discovered that he had a half-sister, Tess Mercer, who was a biologists. She was Lionel's daughter and it turned out that he'd given her up, because he hadn't wanted her. Lex, on the other hand, did and now she was the one in charge of JeXCorp. Of course, the company was still ours, but she got her shares too.

We finally made it to Clark and Lois's wedding.

"This reception is so much better than the previous one," I told Lex. "At least the general is here now."

"It's funny, you know," Lex said. "The general keep fighting Superman, but loves Clark."

"Yeah." We both laughed at this fact.

"Look, there's Tess and… oh, she brought a date! It's Emil!" I noticed.

"That's nice. I just want her to be happy," Lex said with a smile.

* * *

Our children were very happy with their dad finally coming back home from Washington, so I left them and just stood in the door, watching Lex telling them goodnight and kissing their foreheads.

I still couldn't believe how good a father he'd turned out to be. It was such a lovely image.

He loved Alex and Lily and always had time for them. Even when his campaign had been running, even when he'd been so busy with settling us down in the White House, he'd always had time for them.

He finally stood up, switched the lights off and closed the door.

"So, now we can head to the bedroom for some pleasure," he said, raised me up and swept into his arms.

"Wow…" I put my hands around his neck and let him carry me. "You're very tense today and after all, it was a long day. What d'you say for a long… and naughty… bath?" I suggested.

"Sounds perfect to me."

I'd taken the challenge of loving Lex and I won, I succeeded, I thought, feeling that I couldn't be more happier than in this very moment. I buried my face in his neck and inhaled his scent. I was home. This was my place, always had been and always would be.

Although I was used to the mansion, I could spend some days in the White House too, because Lex would be there, my love, my life.

* * *

_Jessica fell asleep in my arms pretty quickly._

_I still couldn't get enough of her, of her beauty and I never would. Sometimes I thought I loved her more and more with every day, if that was even possible. _

_I looked at her sleeping and slowly pulled her hair, that was still damp from our bath, away from her face and just then she shifted her position to the other side of the bed._

_I stood up and naked came over to the window._

_It started snowing outside. _

_I found myself thinking about my mother. I did it every day. She, on the contrary to my father, had loved me. _

Thank you, mom_. I thought like I did every single night._

_Then I thought about my newly discovered sister, Tess. I was sure that if my mother had been healthy and known about her, she would've made Lionel keep her. It was too late now and maybe it was even better for Tess to be raised away from the Luthors. She'd turned out to be a very good and compassionate person and who knew if she would've had if she'd stayed with her father._

_Christmas was coming and I started planning that I would take my children and my wife outside, to make a snowman._

_And we would have a big Christmas tree in our study, I thought and came to a sudden realization that that would be the Christmas my mother had showed me._

_A smile appeared on my face._

_Yes, everything was just perfect. I knew I'd been overusing that word recently, but it truly was._

_I got cold, so I came back to bed and got under the covers. I spooned Jessica's warm body and already felt better. I kissed her bare arm, the skin just under her ear and then the back of her head. She pulled me closer to her while still sleeping and moaned with pleasure. Her back was next to my chest, her breast just above my arm that was now on her diaphragm, her buttocks touching my pelvis. I just had to be careful to not think too much, because I would hate to wake her up now, because of the impending erection._

"_I love you," I just whispered and plunged myself into sleep too._

* * *

_Sonnet 43, From the Portuguese_

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

I love thee to the depth and breadth and height

My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight

For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.

I love thee to the level of everyday's (…)

_Elizabeth Barret Browning_

* * *

THE END

* * *

**AN **Next I will post here an alternative ending with Jessica & Oliver - for those who are interested.

**AN2**: Next part in the series is called _JeXPolis_

**AN3: **Also, I have two more videos!

One: _I Survived You_

* * *

Youtube

* * *

watch?v=k0ZdbTw8XSc

* * *

And **video consisting out of 79 different songs pieces to show every single chapter! **(you can now remember the whole fic:P)

* * *

Youtube

* * *

watch?v=_v71FdsCQ6s


	36. Chapter 36 - crack

**AN: **This is kind of a crack chapter. Just a silly, naughty thing after all the heavy stuff in JeXVille.

* * *

**Bonus chapter  
**  
_From JEX's life:_

_**Split**_

Mine and Lex's life was just perfect now. He kept his promise, kept his goal, never let me down again.

Right now he even got to the point where he was able to help me with my Isis Foundation that I was bringing back up.

And just that first day when we decided to officially join it with the JeXCorp, the accident happened.

I can't say it was actually a bad one, quite on the contrary.

It all started with one teenage boy that came to Isis that morning. Lex was there with me, signing some papers.

"Hi, my name is Jessica Luthor. How can I help you?" I asked the boy.

He was terrified, I could tell that much.

"I..." he stopped, playing with his fingers. "I am…"

"…meteor infected?" I finished after him. "It's alright, that's what we're doing here. We help people like you. Did something bad happen? I want you to know that it's not your fault. We can teach you how to control it." I made a few steps toward him.

"Whenever I get… angry or… scared…" the boy started again while keep playing with his fingers. "I… I… something happens to me and I… kind of… What is he doing here?!" he suddenly raised his voice when Lex walked into the room.

"I finished with the papers, honey…" His eyes shifted to the boy. "Are you alright?" he asked him.

The boy certainly wasn't alright. He was clearly perturbed by Lex's presence.

"There's nothing to be afraid of," I assured him, my voice soothing. "Don't worry, he's not that bad. He's better now. He's my husband. I know him and I trust him."

I could tell it was too late though.

I had no idea what kind of a power that boy had, but I decided to pull Lex back to my office.

Clearly, I was too late. It happened halfway there. The boy's body shook, some green light illuminated the room and then…

I had to rub my eyes to make sure I wasn't hallucinating or seeing double.

There were two Lexs in the room, not just one.

"Wh… wha… what?" I stammered, looking at the boy and at two Lexs again.

"I'm sorry!" The body covered his face with his hands to hide his embarrassment or guilt.

Then Lexs looked at me like not understanding and then…

"What the fuck just happened?!" they both yelled when they noticed each other's.

"Eh… I…" I stammered again, not even paying attention to his… their… language in front of the child. "Oh, God." I covered my mouth with my hands. "Wait… are you both… good?" Terrifying images of Lex being split in two from the past emerged.

"Yeah…?" they both started.

"What does your power exactly do?!" I quickly walked toward the child and shook him when grabbing his arms. "Tell me!"

"I… I just split people. Instead of one… there are two… exactly the same copies. I just don't know how… how to put them back together!"

"So you didn't notice any change in the behavior of those two parts? Like one is bad, but the other is good?" I prompted.

"No, nothing like that," he denied quickly.

"Uh, great then," I sighed with relief.

"Great?!" Lex number one snorted. "Are you kidding me?! I can't be two people at once!"

Suddenly, I wanted to laugh.

"You can think about the bright side. One of you can work and one can be with me…"

"No way! I love you!" they both shouted at the same time.

"Oh, fuck me… you two are really…" and suddenly… oh, no, naughty girl… I thought about myself.

Two Lexs. Two cocks. To pair of mouth. And it was still _one_Lex.

"Don't curse in front of the child" one of Lexs said and then the both of them noticed the look on my face.

"You've got to be kidding me!" they said.

"Kid, what's your name?" I turned back to the child, so I could get rid of the mischievous thoughts in my mind.

"Bryan."

"Ok, Bryan… you have to tell me exactly how many people suffered like my husband."

"Uh… a couple…"

"And no one was put back together?"

"It started happening only yesterday. I doubled few people in my school, so I ran back home and closed myself in my room. Then I accidentally did it to my parents and… I found your Foundation."

"Ok… It looks like we have a huge problem here, but there's nothing we can't deal with." I started thinking hard. "Ok, please, try to remain calm. I know it's the last thing you want to hear, but you have to try… Lex, stay here… I have to call Chloe."

* * *

After a phone call to Watchtower, long conversation with Clark, Chloe, Oliver and Emil, we all finally got there and made Bryan write down all the names of the people he'd hurt already. Chloe and Emil started to act immediately. They were experimenting with meteor rocks. They figured if the green one made Bryan split people, then maybe black, blue or red would help put them back together. They also sedated Bryan, so he was asleep and therefore unable to hurt anyone else. Then they called his parents. Soon they were two of them each in Isis, talking to Clark and Lois, because Chloe and Emil needed their p_e_rmission to check up their son's system to find an antidote. Of course, they didn't say no, they wanted to be back to one form as much as having their son back.

That left me with Lexs with nothing particular to do, so we just quickly sneaked out. I could've sworn Chloe noticed that, but didn't say anything. Well, I was sure that if she was in my position she would do the exact same thing.

"Jessica, you can't be serious," I heard coming from two men that were my husbands. God, it was so hard to put my mind around it!

"Why not? It's not like I would cheat on you, Lex… Ok, I can't keep saying Lexs, so I'll just pretend I'm talking to one person."

"Fine." One of them walked over to the table and poured himself some whiskey.

"If I was the one to split, wouldn't you like to fuck two versions of me at the same time? I mean… get inside one, then switch and use your fingers while the other…"

"Ok, stop!" The second Lex that was still standing by my side, quickly approached by the first one and he took his half-empty glass to gulp down the rest.

"Oh, and you're both hard! How convenient," I said casually and I closed the door. Then I started undoing my blouse.

"Jessica…" they started, but then… "Oh, you're right. What the hell!" They both quickly got to me and while one ripped the blouse off me, the other undid my skirt and pulled it down my legs.

I got wet immediately. Lex was always bringing me up to that stage easily and two of them… Would I even survive this? It was a threesome without cheating!

The first one quickly covered my mouth with his, sliding his tongue inside, skillfully penetrating my mouth. Just the way I wanted to. The second one got rid of my bra and then ripped my panties off. The lips of the first Lex descended to my neck and his hands cupped by left breast, soon his mouth was on the right nipple.

"Oh, God," I gasped in pleasure and almost fall over as the other Lex rubbed my clit.

They brought me to the couch.

"That's not fair," I moaned, playing a pouting child. "I'm all naked and ready and you're both still in your clothes."

I reached my hands to both their crotches and massaged them in the same time through their pants, one with my left hand, the other with my right one.

They sucked in their breaths and hissed.

It was hard to undo their pants in the same time, but not impossible, so after a little fumbling and using all of my fingers, I finally did it.

Lex usually never wore any underwear, so two the exact same cocks sprung free.

"Gosh, this will be fun," I sighed, feeling my inner channel contracting, wanting them inside, wanting them everywhere. It was one in a lifetime opportunity!

I stood up and started giving them both a very skillful hand job. They were in ecstasy, clearly restraining themselves from coming too early.

"Stop!" they both screamed and caught my hands in the same time.

I used my hands to get rid of their clothes then, running them through both their chests.

"We'll have so much fun tonight… and we will not stop until there will be a cure," I decided and let them lay me back on the couch.

I had two pair of mouths on my nipples, sucking hard, twirling their tongues around it, massaging and slightly biting. It was driving me so crazy that I started wriggling wantonly and keep looking for their cocks with my hands.

One Lex remained by my breasts, sucking the nipple and massaging the other one while the second got to my count and started sucking on it.

That was my first orgasm.

Soon, they changed their positions, the first one got up and the second replaced him, sliding his painfully erected cock into my tight channel. I hissed and moaned with pleasure again. I knew I would come again soon.

"In my mouth, quickly," I told the one that was standing now.

"It was exactly my intention." He smiled mischievously.

Soon he managed to position himself on the couch behind me, so I could suck on his cock while the other Lex was inside me.

"Fuck my mouth," I managed to articulate. "Fuck me," I told the other one.

The sensation was too overwhelming. Too fucking good.

Lex was sliding his cock in and out of me, hitting harder and harder with his every stroke, finding the right spot while also Lex was thrusting his cock into my mouth. I was licking it, sucking as much as I could, what was hard when I was so distracted by all those different sensations.

"Oh, yeah… baby… Jessica… yes! Yes!" Lex between my legs was yelling and then he spread my legs more open so my knees would bent and he pushed them close to my chest. He couldn't get any deeper at the moment and he was diving into me wildly.

I could feel my impending orgasm. It was so powerful, so big, so…

"AAAAAHHH!" got out of my mouth loudly, but was slightly muffled by Lex's cock.

When my muscles started contracting around his cock in my pussy, they both let go. One into my inner channel, the other into my mouth.

I was just left breathless, sated and so satisfied.

One Lex collapsed onto me, still being inside while the other took his soft cock out of my mouth and after a few wobbly steps also found himself on the other end of the large sofa.

"That was…" I was out of my breath. "Fuck, yeah."

"Yeah…"

* * *

"Why not?" I asked them after a while and after a long sessions of foreplay that left us horny and in their case, hard again.

"I'm not gay," they both said in the same time.

"It's not gay," I told them. "You masturbate, don't you?"

"Not when you're around." One of them grinned at me.

"But you'd been doing it before you got together with me," I tried to be persuading. "Come on, for me! It would be so hot!"

From some time now we were filming it. I never was the one to make a dirty movie, but this… this had to be documented. Chloe had called twenty minutes ago to tell us that the cure would be ready in a couple of hours.

"If you do this, I'll let you two fuck me in the same time, down there," I pointed my abdomen. "Come on!"

They looked at each other. Then they kissed.

Oh, God, I got even wetter, if that was possible.

I was just watching my husband… kissing himself… and placing his hands on the other self's cock… stroking it…

"You were right," one of them said after the kiss.

"It's not gay at all," the other agreed.

"Sure it's not! If I was split into two, I would bring myself to pleasure as well!" I encouraged them."

"But no fucking!" they both warned me.

"Of course! That would be… well… or if you want to…?"

"No!" they both denied. "That _would_ be gay."

I laughed, but did not push.

I was just watching as one of them got to the other's knees and took his cock into his mouth.

The Lex that was sitting closed his eyes and his breathing accelerated, but then he opened them again.

"It's not that good," he said while looking me in the eye. "_You_are working better for me!"

"I would probably agree." The other smiled to me when he stopped trying to give a blow job to his copy.

"A little longer, please," I said and sat with my legs wide open. They could see how ready I was, how wet I was and how swollen my clit was. I was dripping on the couch right now.

"Fine."

So I watched for a couple of minutes Lex sucking on his own dick.

"Enough… I can't hold any longer!" I yelled to them and straddled the one sitting, almost immediately impaling myself on his large protruding and proudly standing against his belly cock. He hissed.

"That's what I'm talking about, baby," he moaned and grabbed my hips.

I sank deeper.

"Yeah," I sighed. "You can start working," I told to the one behind me.

"Are you sure I won't hurt you?"

"You did it before," I told him.

"But it was just one cock in one hole in your body."

"I'm not a fragile girl, besides, if I feel uncomfortable, I'll just tell you."

So we did it and it was a very interesting experience. Ok, maybe it was a little too much. Lex was big after all, but I didn't complain and it didn't hurt as much as I would think it would.

I managed to come quickly and before they both came, they got out of me and fucked me, one by one, spilling their semen into me and it mixed together.

* * *

As quickly as it happened, it was over.

Few hours later Chloe called to tell us that she had an antidote and if we wanted, we could get one. If she meant to be funny, it didn't work.

Of course, Lex was having doubts that he would be able to satisfy me alone after what had happened, but I reassured him he would. What had happened had been great, but it wouldn't be for the long run.


	37. Chapter 37 - Alternative Ending

As promised, here you have the alternative for JeXVille's ending. I took to Oliver's character when I was watching Smallville for the second time and writing JeXVille as to figure out how to alter the plot for Jessica. I started loving Lex's character when I was watching the show for the first time, to be more exact, I loved him ever since the episode Hourglass of season 1.

* * *

**Alternative ending (in case Michael Rosenbaum wouldn't have come back for the couple of final episodes LOL)**

* * *

(Imra didn't hint at Lex being alive, so Jess did not look for him and _Lazarus _happened)

* * *

_(Supergirl)_

(…) "So, this is the famous Watchtower," I gasped while looking around. "It's impressive."

"Yeah, it is. Chloe did a great job." Clark closed the door behind us.

"Speaking of Chloe, where is she?" I asked him.

"Chloe is gone." We suddenly heard Oliver's voice and I looked there to see him descending the stairs.

I was quite afraid of our meeting. I didn't even know where we were standing after our last conversation. I also couldn't tell if I felt something for him or not, but this wasn't the issue right now. I was scared that he still wouldn't want me around.

When I looked up at his face, I saw nothing. It was blank, cleared of all emotions. First I felt betrayed, but then I understood that it was Ollie's way to deal with things. He must've been concerned about our meeting himself.

"Oliver…" I started when he finally found himself right by me and Clark. "I… hi," I finished dumbly.

"Hey, Jess. Nice to see you." Something that resembled an unsure smile appeared on his face.

"Are we…?" I started, but he interrupted me before I managed to conclude that question.

"Yeah, yeah, we're fine. I'm fine. You have nothing to be worry about. We'll work it out," he said.

"Good." Relief washed over me, but still, there were so many issues between us and the most important right now was that I was afraid I might still be feeling something toward him. I knew I should hate the murderer of my husband, but I finally grew to understand Oliver's reasons. It wasn't just me. It was everything. Lex was an evil man whether I liked it or not and I couldn't know if I would've actually managed to make him better. After all, I'd failed when I'd come back to him after he'd been shot.

"Oliver, what do you mean by Chloe's gone?" Clark asked, pretty concerned.

I could sense him fidgeting by my side and I was pretty sure he just waited with that question until I and Ollie made things clear for each other.

"It's my fault," we heard someone's voice and turned into that direction.

There was somebody else in the room as well, somebody I hadn't noticed before.

"And you are…?" I asked, pretty dumfounded.

"Campbell. Stuart Campbell," the dark-haired and handsome stranger said. "Nice to meet you." He came over to me and reached his hand to me.

"Nice to meet you too."

"Stuart helped us retrieve some memories that Lois had from her trip into the future. Then he helped her forget. Chloe and Stuart…" Clark's voice trailed off.

"Oh, that's nice for you two. I'm happy that Chloe finally found somebody after... I'm just happy that she's happy." Why did I feel so awkward and out of place? Probably, because I hadn't talked to my friends for so long, if I could still call them my friends.

"Chloe… uh… I think she… saved… uh… me…" Stuart started. "Somebody took me and they tortured me. Before they hit me with their best shot, I was rescued. Chloe sent me an e-mail telling me that she loves me and she doesn't want me to look for her. I checked it up… there is no record of Chloe Sullivan… anywhere. It's like she never existed."

* * *

_(Homecoming)_

First, I found out that Chloe faked her own death, then Kara, Clark's cousin, came back to town and now… I just couldn't believe what I was seeing on TV.

It was Oliver Queen.

"The truth is… I am the Green Arrow."

I knew there was that stupid vigilante registration act and that Ollie just thought he could make it easier for the other heroes if he came out of hiding and let the world know how much good he and them could do, but…

"What the hell have you been thinking?!" I burst into his office late at night.

"Good to see you too, Jess," he said sarcastically, sighed heavily and raised from his chair to face me.

When our eyes met, I felt uncomfortable. I'd been having that strange impression that our gazes were too much lingering and yearning and tried to fight it as not to show how much I'd started to care.

"How could you do that?" my voice suddenly became a rather harsh whisper. "What good could that possibly bring you?"

"You don't have to worry about me," he just said.

"That's not the answer for my question, Oliver."

"Somebody had to! Somebody had to do this, so the others could be safe. We don't know what that registration act can do to us. We don't know what the government is really up to, but I volunteered to check it up."

"Volunteered?" I snorted. "Have you asked others what they think about it? Exactly. Oliver, you don't know what they can do to you!"

"Neither do you. Besides, I have nothing to lose."

Those words hurt me. I did my best not to show it, but it did hurt a lot. Nothing to lose? What about me? But on the other hand, Oliver might as well not care about me anymore.

"What?" he asked while seeing the look on my face. "Jessica, what is it?" his voice grew urgent.

"I just… I care about you and I would hate to see you get hurt," I said and turned around to walk away. I couldn't stand it anymore. He was too close. The room suddenly shrunk and I couldn't breathe normally.

"Why would you?" I heard another question when I was by the door.

I stopped and turned to him.

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Because of what I've done to you."

"I thought we were past that and I don't want to come back to that, Ollie. Just… leave it."

"How can you look at me and… not see the murderer of…"

"Stop!" I raised my hands. "Just… stop! I told you that even if he'd come back to me, I wouldn't have known if I would be able to help him. It took me a long time to admit this, Oliver, but maybe… maybe Lex was irredeemable. Maybe there was nothing I could've done for him. Maybe I would've ended up hurt even more, but… I refuse to think about "what if". It happened. That's it. If not you, it could've been somebody else since we both know how many times he'd been shot!"

"I'm sorry. It's ok, Jess, calm down, please… Is there anything I can do?" Oliver's voice was carrying now.

"No, but… maybe it's high time you start treating me like… a friend. Stop acting all careful, ok? I remind you that you were the one who pushed me away."

"I know." He looked down.

"And I don't want to hear about our past ever again."

"Ok."

"Has Clark showed up yet?" I suddenly asked, changing the topic.

"No. I would expect him to, but… no." There was something wrong. I could sense the sadness in Ollie's voice.

"Oh…" And there was nothing I could for him now. It was Clark's job to visit his friend to see how he was doing after such a big scoop on the news. And Clark failed. Again. Just liked he'd been doing in the past, so I decided to have a talk with him.

"Ok, I'll go, then," I said, doing my best to fight that overwhelming urge to just throw myself at Ollie and hug him tight. He looked like he needed it, but I wasn't sure how he would react or if he would even want me to.

"Be careful," I heard coming from him.

"I will be."

* * *

Oliver's _be careful_ turned out to be ominous.

When I got out of the Queen Industries, I quickly started walking toward Watchtower. I was spending almost every night there on my duty since Chloe was gone.

Just then, one street away from my destination, I heard them. It must've been some gang that was preying on lonely women. I tried to ignore the offensive remarks about my body and fastened up. All I had to do was to reach the beacon and as soon as I would be behind the door, they wouldn't be able to enter it.

"Wait a minute, pretty face!"

"Doll, just wait!"

Finally one of the guys stood right in front of me, effectively cutting my way out since the rest of them was behind me.

"Back off!" I said sharply and reached for the pepper spray I was caring with me.

It was me against four other guys, so those behind me snatched that spray away from me and threw it out.

"If you don't stop, I'll stop being so nice," I heard the one right by me. His hand reached to my chin and raised it.

"Let me go!" I pushed him away and started to run.

There was no point, because another one caught my arm and turned me to face him while painfully clenching his hands on me.

I started screaming. What else could I do? I knew that if I was lucky, Clark would hear me and if not Clark, then some other hero might.

"Hey! Isn't that the Luthor girl?" one of the guy asked when he took a good look at my face.

"You're right! The Luthor widow!"

"Guys, we're gonna have fun! Luthor wouldn't marry just some girl!"

I tried to kick one of them in the crotch, but he managed to make a step back while two of the others caught my arms and my legs, raising me up. I started struggling. There was no way I would give up without a fight.

"Shut up!" The guy hit me in the face so hard that I unconsciously listened to him while moaning in pain.

"Here! Over here, guys! No one will see us here!"

"Better gag her, so she won't be able to scream anymore!"

No, no… I thought when I felt a hand slip up my thigh.

"NO! LET ME GOOO!" I roared, trying to fight.

Before the man hit me again to keep me quiet, I heard a whoosh of air and a green arrow stuck in his arm.

"Ouch! Man!" He jumped while holding his hand.

"The lady said to let her go." I was so glad to hear the steel voice that belonged to Green Arrow. I wanted to scream his real name, but stopped myself just in time. Maybe the world already knew who the Green Arrow was, but they didn't know how deep a connection we had. They could easily track the rest of the heroes if they found out.

The guys were soon either gone or knocked out.

"Ollie…" Finally, I was able to speak and it surprised me how weak and trembling my voice was right now.

Oliver just looked at me and crouched by my side, reaching his hand to touch my cheek.

"Ouch…" I moaned.

"They… stroke you pretty hard…" I could sense that he was doing his best not to break. His voice was a little shaky too. "Jessica… I'm sorry, I shouldn't have let you leave alone like that… it's almost the middle of the night… I…"

"It's ok. It wasn't your fault. Besides, there was so much tension between us that I would've probably refused if you'd asked to walk me to Watchtower."

"Can you stand?" he asked with care in his voice, then cleared his throat and reached his hand to me, helping me out.

"Yeah, thanks." I took his hand and let him help me.

"It's no far from here. Come on." His put his arm around me, took the bow with the other and we walked.

Soon, we were safe and sound in Watchtower.

"I should get to the computers. There's so much work," I started, but Oliver just pulled me gently toward the couch.

"Sit. I have to take a look at your face… Where the hell is first aid kit?"

"There." I pointed him the right spot.

"And you would think it should be the first place you'd look," I heard his exasperated voice when he fumbled in the drawer beside my desk.

Then he was back and after he took off his glasses and the hood, he immediately took care of my face.

"It's not that… bad…." I said and of course, I hissed while he touched it again.

"Not that bad, hah?" He was working on my cheek for a few minutes. "There. But you'll still have a big ugly bruise tomorrow."

It was then when the truth strike me. The moment I was least prepared for it. I was watching Oliver's intense face while he was so focused on me and I felt it. I loved him. I was deeply in love with this man. My heart wanted him. My body wanted him. Only he probably didn't want me anymore.

"Are you ok?" he asked me while looking into my eyes instead of at my bruise. "You look… kind of shaky."

"You know, what? You too," I noticed.

"Sorry… I just…" He dropped on the seat next to me. "I heard a scream and then I was in the alley, ready to act, ready to save a woman's life. Then I noticed the hair and then… I realized it was… you. You have no idea how terrified I was," he suddenly confessed in a husky voice.

"You're saving people almost every night."

"Yes, but this is different. They're strangers. I care about them, of course, but not like I care when somebody close to me is getting hurt. I wanted to kill those sons of bitches." I could see his fists clenching.

"You did just fine," I told him, suddenly feeling hot. My heart started hammering in my chest when I was watching Ollie's face and then his lips when he was speaking.

"I should've come earlier."

"Ollie, I'm fine. I really am."

Out eyes met again and for a moment there, we were just staring at each other. I could just sink into his hazel gaze. I felt hot and now I was also aroused.

Somebody walked inside and the mood was ruined. I wasn't sure where that night would take us and now I would never know.

"Oh… sorry," we heard Clark's sheepish voice. "Have I interrupted something?" he asked while coming closer.

I was just about to tell him that he did when he took a closer look at my face.

"God, Jess, are you alright? What happened?"

"It's… she was attacked." Oliver stood up and walked over to Clark, moving away from me and he told him everything.

"Ok, I have to go. There'll probably be more people to save tonight," Ollie said and put the glasses and the hood back on.

"Oliver, are you sure it's safe for you to be out there right now?" Clark asked.

"Why?"

"You know, the whole Green Arrow is Oliver Queen news?"

"I'll be fine, Clark. Those people need us."

"Sure, they do," I snorted and finally, got to my computers.

"Jess?" I heard Clark's voice. He was clearly still interested in something.

"Shouldn't you be out there too?" I asked him, not bothering to face him.

"Do you want to tell me something?" he prompted and found himself right by my side.

"No. Why?"

"Hey, look at me." He put his hands gently on my shoulders and whirled me around. "You and Oliver," he said.

"Me and Oliver what exactly?" I asked.

"You still have feelings for each other."

"Your mistake, Clark. Obviously, I'm the only one here who has them." I tried to back out again, but he held me in place.

"How do you know that?"

"Don't you see how he's acting? If he was truly interested, he would've done something already. It's Oliver Queen after all!"

"Yeah, but this situation is different. He's afraid you'll reject him."

"And why is that?" I sighed and finally stilled, so Clark took his hands away.

"You know… your… past. He's just afraid."

"Yeah, but the last time I tried to come back to his life, he pushed me away, because he saw my dead husband's ghost. I kissed him then, he was the one who pulled away," I noticed bitterly.

"He's over it now. He's better. Trust me."

"Clark, did it even occur to you that we missed our chance with Oliver?" I asked him.

"No. You can still fix it. Don't you love him?"

I looked down.

"Exactly. Just trust me. He loves you too. He never stopped. You should've seen his face when I told him about that burn Zod gave you. He was devastated."

"Sure he was. He was expecting that my skin would always be beautiful and impeccable," I said drily.

"Jessica," Clark said warningly.

"Sorry! I can't help it! When I feel insecure, I switch the sarcasm mode on!"

"I just think that he hasn't told you how he feels yet, because he's afraid that it may sicken you after everything he's done."

"We're already close and I'm not…"

"Relationship is different, but I'm sure you'll work it through. Just give it some time."

"Yeah… now I would prefer if my new personal therapist would change back into the Blur superhero and head off to save the day… or night for that matter."

"Ok." Clark grinned at me. "Just remember what we've talked about!"

"I will…" I sighed and said it to myself since he was already gone.

* * *

_(Fortune)_

After waking up in the morning with _I-have-no-idea-what-happened-last-night_, nursing a headache from the biggest hangover ever, solving a mystery and making things right, we finally sat down in Watchtower to watch the tape. We were all a little bit unsure about doing it, but we were all good friends. What could have possibly happened overnight that we couldn't handle?

I was kind of jittery. I'd been singing in a club this morning with Emil while others had been in deep trouble. Chloe had found half a marriage certificate while she'd woken up in a room with Clark. Fortunately, it'd turned out that she'd actually gotten married to Stuart and they were happy about that turn of events. Clark had stole a military car full of money. Emil had almost gotten himself killed. Lois had lost her engagement ring…

It was leaving me and Oliver without any serious trouble. Something in my guts was telling me that it wasn't true though. I felt weird like some flashbacks of last night started coming back together, but it didn't make any sense. Because what kind of sense was the lingering memory of Ollie's lips on mine?

The answer came when the tape was almost over. _Almost._ I felt relieved and then it struck me when I least expected it.

Me. And Ollie. In our underwear. Well, ok, there was nothing to be ashamed of when it came to actual bodies, we were both quite well-built, but then… kissing… and…

"Wow!" I jumped at the very first sign of me only in my bra and panties. Good I hadn't taken it all off at once.

I caught the camera that was on the table with my shaky hands and started fumbling for the right button. Finally, it was over. I managed to turn it off.

We were all just sitting in silence for a moment. I felt like a marble statue. I didn't dare to move. Didn't dare to look up at Oliver standing behind the couch. I could only feel his presence. He must be feeling just like me in this moment and had no idea what to do or say.

"Well… what do you say for some bear?" I finally heard Clark, trying to defuse the situation. "I'm sure no one wants a champagne anymore."

I had to stand up. I had to act. I had the ultimate proof that Oliver really did want me. Otherwise he would've never slept with me. Of course, we didn't watch the tape as far as to be able to say that we'd slept together, but I was pretty sure. I could feel it. I'd even been kind of sore this morning and now I knew why. I hadn't had sex for a very long time and I must be tight last night.

I stood up and turned to Oliver, but… he wasn't there.

I wrinkled my eyebrows and looked around the room. I didn't see him.

"He left," I finally heard Clark's voice as he approached me. He must've guessed who I was looking for.

"He… left?" I parroted him like a lunatic. "Why?"

"I don't know. He was probably hurt or uncertain. He couldn't predict how you'd react, after all, we were all drunk."

"I have to…" I started, but then stopped. "If he left, then it means that he doesn't want this."

"Don't be stupid," Clark said. "What? Don't look at me like this! I'm sick of watching you two sending each other that lingering gazes and then doing nothing about it."

"He's right, you know?" Suddenly, Chloe was by our side. "You and Oliver are perfect for each other and do I really have to tell you how good you two look together?"

"But…" I started, only to be interrupted again.

"Go after him. Trust me," Clark said while putting his hand on my back and gently pushing me toward the exit.

"Any idea where he might've gone?" I asked.

Clark and Chloe smiled at me.

"To his place, of course," Chloe answered. "If you hurry up, you may actually catch him."

"Wish me luck!" I just said, took my jacket and ran to the exit.

When I found myself on the street, there was no sign of Oliver. I vaguely remembered that he'd driven here in his car today and now the car was gone. Shit.

Added to that, it started raining.

Oliver's penthouse wasn't that far, I thought, I could walk. Or run for that matter, because with my every step the rain was getting worse and worse.

I felt strangely good. I was getting soaked wet, but it felt good. There would be no lies and uncertainty in a moment. Just the truth. And I had my hopes very high. Clark and Chloe weren't blind. Oliver must love me.

* * *

I ran to the building, sneaked to the elevator and finally, stopped right by the door to Oliver's penthouse.

Now I hesitated. That was it. All I had to do now was to just knock and tell him how I felt, then ask him if he felt the same. I could just stand there, breathing heavily, trying to gather all my courage. Now or never.

I knocked.

A Minute later the door opened and I saw Oliver wearing only his pants, no shirt, giving me an excellent look on his perfect chest.

It distracted me and I just stood there, not able to say a word.

"Jessica?" he was surprised. "What are you doing here? Why are you all wet? Have you walked here?"

"Run, actually," I said. Really? I asked myself. Run?! That wasn't what I wanted to tell him!

There was surprise evident on his face.

"Listen… about that video… I wasn't trying to take any advantage of you. I just…" he started.

"I want you," I suddenly interrupted him.

"What?" He was staring at me, totally dumbfounded. "What did you just say?"

"Let's forget about the past. Forget it ever existed. Let's just start from here," I went on. "I love you, Oliver, and I can't help it. All I want is you."

He was speechless, but I could see everything clearly in his eyes. Awe. Love. Desire.

And where it came to desire, I could also notice the hard bulge in his pants what was probably caused by my wetness, because my clothes were sticking to my body very tightly and my nipples were peaking.

I realized it all in less than a second and in the next one, I was throwing myself forward, landing in his arms, his lips capturing mine and he pulled me into his apartment, then closed the door with a swing of his leg.

My hands were wandering down his chiseled back. His hands in my hair, then sliding down, his tongue plundering my mouth, his pelvis rubbing against me.

Then he stopped the kiss and took my face in his hands, looking me deeply in the eye.

"I love you, Jessica," he told me.

"What took you so long?" I smiled to him.

"I was afraid you might…"

"Ok, I know what you're going to say, so just don't." I put a finger to his lips.

He didn't say anything else, he just pulled me closer and started kissing again.

"Bedroom…" I said and felt his lips smiling under mine.

"Right…"

Only we didn't make it to the bedroom, instead we landed on the couch in his living room.

* * *

"What do you say that we take the tape from last night and watch the end? Just the two of us?" Ollie suggested when we were lying – finally – in bed two hours later.

"Hmm... ok… as long as we're the only ones who'll ever watch it," I agreed while making circles on his chest with my fingers.

"It's probably a good idea even if we don't watch it. Someone else might."

"Oh, come on. Clark isn't a pervert and I doubt that Chloe would…"

"But they're not the only ones that come to Watchtower from time to time and I don't trust Stuart. I don't know him that well yet."

I laughed, "Ok."

"Are you happy?" he asked me after a couple of minutes of silence.

"Yes, I am. I really am," I admitted while looking up at his face. "I never thought I could again, but I am. To be honest, I'm even more happy than I was during the last year of my marriage."

"I'm glad to hear that. I promise you, Jess…" he started and his voice suddenly grew much more serious. "I promise you, you will never be unhappy with me. I will do everything in my power to keep a smile on your face."

"You're already doing it." I leaned toward him to kiss him.

The kisses grew more and more intense and soon, I was straddling him and impaling myself on his cock and then…

"Fuck!" I suddenly screamed and pulled away.

"What happened? I couldn't possibly hurt you since I've already been so deep today…" Oliver started.

"It's not that… I… Fuck! You'll hate me!" I covered my face with my hands in embarrassment.

"Baby, tell me!" He took my hands away and forced me to look at him.

"I… I forgot… about birth control. I'm so sorry, Oliver, I just… it's obvious that I forgot last night, but tonight… I am sorry!"

"So, we could just make a baby?" he asked me with strange awe in his eyes.

"Well, yeah… or last night."

"It's ok," he just said.

"What do you mean?"

"I love you. I'm almost thirty years old. If it happened, then I'm all in. I have no family, Jessica."

"Me too… but I hate you to think I just…"

"You just, what? Tricked me into having a possible child?"

"Yeah," I admitted.

"And why would you do that?"

"What?" I didn't understand.

"Why would you do that?" he repeated. "You have as much money as I do now, don't you? You own the LuthorCorp."

"Well, you're right."

"So you didn't try to trick me. I love you. To be honest, I wish I could marry you right on the spot."

"Ma… marry me?" I stammered, even more shocked with his behavior.

"Yeah. What do you say?"

"What do I…" I couldn't possibly comprehend it all at once. First I was horrified that we might've made a baby and now he wanted to propose?

"Will you marry me?" he finally asked.

I could just stare at him with my mouth opened widely.

"Jessica? I'm sorry if it's too early… forget it… just… I'll ask again sometime in the future."

"How soon do you think we can find a chapel and call our friends?" I suddenly asked.

Now he was the one who was stunned.

"An hour?" he finally answered, grinning at me in happiness. "We're both very important in this town, so we can probably arrange everything even in the middle of the night…"

* * *

Now, a couple of weeks later, I was married and yeah, pregnant.

And I'd never been happier in my life.

Our friends were shocked with our sudden decision, but were there for us. Happy.

And we merged our two companies.

My life was just starting. Just when I thought I couldn't go deeper into despair, I finally found light and my place in the world. A new sense to my life.

* * *

_(Dominion)_

When things got a little bit better, something else came up. One of the Zoners was found on Earth and the only way he could get here was if he went through the gate. The gate that could only be opened by somebody from the House of El. That meant only Clark as Kal-El could do that.

"I don't get it. How could he have your blood?" Lois wrinkled her forehead, thinking hard. "Maybe there's some other way for escaping?"

"There isn't… unless…" Clark's face changed.

"What it is, Clark?" Oliver asked.

"Zod."

"Zod?" I parroted. "But you sent him to the other world!" I noticed.

"Yes, but Kandorians must've banished him to the Phantom Zone."

"That still doesn't explain how he opened the gate and what is most important, why didn't he come down here himself?" Ollie prompted while putting his arm around me and pulling me closer to his body. He knew what Zod had done to me and his instinct was to protect me even if Zod wasn't physically here. I loved Oliver so much for those simple gestures. It was true what they said that the little things mattered the most.

"Because I gave him my blood!" Clark finally figured it out. "To save his life!"

"That explains it!" Lois admitted. "You're right, Clark! So he wanted to send you a massage?"

"Probably, I don't really know, but I can't let him just stay there. He can come back any moment and who knows what damage he will cause here."

"So, what? You're just gonna go up there to meet him?" Ollie asked. "And that's not crazy at all?"

"What if… what if I go there only for a couple of hours?" Clark suggested. "I'll make sure everything's fine there and on my way back I'll destroy the crystal, so no one would ever be able to go through that gate ever again?"

"That's crazy!" I said. "You can't possibly risk everything!"

"I'll go with you," Ollie volunteered and left my side to join Clark.

"No! Oliver, I won't let you!" I said fiercely. "What the hell are you two thinking?! You don't only have yourself to think about! You have us!" I pointed myself and Lois. "We need you!"

"We'll be back, Jess," Ollie assured me.

"You don't know what's out there," Lois told him. "I was there, Oliver, that's not a place for a human. Clark," she turned to him now, "you'll be stripped off your powers. You can't go!"

"I can't just let Zod kill there and I can't let him come back here to kill ever more! I'm going. I'll be back, Lois, I promise… Oliver, you will stay here. Jessica needs you and Lois is right, it's not a place for a human."

"Clark, you need help," Ollie disagreed.

"I can manage. You have to stay here."

"I won't let you go alone!"

"And you leave me alone?" I cut in.

"Nothing will happen to me. If Clark will be stripped of his powers, then I will be the stronger one. I'm fighting without any powers all my life. Clark needs me."

Clark final answer was, of course, no.

* * *

Only had a simple "no" ever convinced Oliver? Had he ever listened to Clark? Nope!

When I activated the crystal in Watchtower, Clark touched it and then, before he disappeared, Oliver put a hand on his shoulder and was gone as well.

"Ollie!" I yelled, but there was nothing I could do anymore. "Son of a bitch!" I cursed.

"Jess." Lois turned to me. "Jessica! Listen to me! Oliver was right when he said he had a better chance of surviving there than Clark. They'll be both back safe and sound."

I sighed deeply and closed my eyes.

"Can you hear us?!" We heard through the speaker.

"Good, at least one thing went fine," I sighed with relief and got the computer. It'd taken me a lot of work to make that transmitter.

"Ollie, I'll kill you when you get back!" I snapped at him.

"I love you too, honey."

"I'm serious!"

"Don't worry! I'll be fine."

"You'd better be!"

But they were far from fine. We lost the connection pretty soon.

"Shit! They'd better come back within two hours," I said and my hand unconsciously stroke my still flat belly. It was only the beginning of my pregnancy.

"I'm sure Oliver knows what's at stake and he'll be back for you and your child. Now, tell me why is it exactly that they have two hours?" Lois asked.

"Clark told me…" I cleared my throat. "Clark told me to destroy the crystal if he's not back by then."

"What?!" Lois burst. "Why?!"

"To protect the Earth," I said, trying to remain calm. "So the phantoms wouldn't get here."

"Son of a bitch!" Lois cursed, mimicking me from the moment ago.

"You see?" I was almost amused. "Now you have to help me stop the counter that Clark set up."

"He what?!" Now Lois was clearly furious.

"Yeah, but even I am better with computers than he is, so I think we can do it. And better do it now, because if they're not back soon… we can…" my voice trailed off.

"Ok, breathe, Jess, just breathe. We'll make it through. Hero's wife's life is difficult, but we are strong enough, aren't we?"

"Yes, we are. I've been through so much that this is nothing compared to that."

"You see? It'll be fine!"

* * *

Only it wasn't fine. They were gone for too long. We hadn't heard from them anymore.

And that was two weeks ago.

I had no idea how I would've managed without Lois. What happened brought us very close together and now we were really good friends. We were constantly comforting each other. We were taking shifts at Watchtower, guarding the gate, afraid that something nasty would come out of it any moment. We called all the available vigilantes from the Justice League, so there was one of them there all the time in case some phantom escaped.

But still, there was no sign of Oliver and Clark.

Just then. Exactly two weeks later. The moment when I started losing my hope for good and thinking about raising a child in such a brutal world without Oliver, without Clark, without any help. A child that would be a Queen with Luthor's heritage… I just couldn't bring myself to bear it. It was too much. I wouldn't be able to go through that again. Just then, when I finally broke and dropped on the couch in Oliver's apartment, I heard his voice.

"Jessica?" The voice was uncertain, like the person it belonged to wasn't really sure what happened and why I was crying. "Jessica, honey, I was gone only a few hours… I…"

I jumped to my feet and saw him. Saw my Oliver.

"Ollie!" I yelled hoarsely and threw myself into his arms. "Oh, God! You're here!"

"I'm here."

"You're safe!

"I'm safe," he kept repeating after me while holding me tight.

"I was so scared that I might never see you again," I whispered and kept sobbing.

"Jess…" Oliver took my face into his hands and looked me in the eye. "What are you talking about?"

"You were gone for two weeks."

Surprise, shock, guilt… it was all on his face now.

"Wh… what?" he stammered, completely taken aback. "What are you talking about… the counter…"

"I stopped the fucking counter and it was a good choice as you can see!"

"Jessica… I'm so sorry… you have no idea how much it hurts me to see you like this."

"I know. I know you couldn't foresee it, but Oliver… you have to think for three now. You will be a father. You can't just act so recklessly."

"If it makes you feel any better, I can tell you that I saved Clark's life."

"Only a little," I said. "Because of Lois. She's been through hell."

"You were through worse," Oliver moaned and pulled me into his arms again, inhaled my scent and then kissed me deeply. "I'm sorry. I will never do that to you again. I promise."

"You're just too sure of yourself. You think you can do everything, but you're not invincible, you know? Even Clark isn't."

"I know and I just found out in quite a brutal way." He was still holding me tightly in his arms. "I will never let you go again," he said after a moment.

"I won't let you go either… I need you… come…" I took his hand and he followed me to the bathroom when we were about to take a very long and relaxing bath and then probably have sex.

* * *

_(Finale)_

The day of Clark and Lois's wedding finally arrived.

We all couldn't be more happy. I was Oliver's wife and we had a child on its way. Chloe was with Stuart. Martha, Clark's mother, found herself a man too and it was Perry White.

Of course, there was the past that would always hunt us. The memories of Lex and Lana that would always be with me, but I never believed that there was only one person destined for everybody. I believed in choices, in the possibility of falling for different people and I was grateful that I could find love again.

I and Chloe were Lois's bridesmaids and Oliver was Clark's best man. All was in place.

Except… when Oliver handed Lois the ring and she was just about to put it on Clark's finger, Chloe snatched it away.

What? Wait…

And then I noticed it wasn't gold, it was… oh, god! It was gold kryptonite!

Oliver's eyes turned black and I could just stand there, like I was paralyzed.

"RUN!" Chloe screamed. "Everybody run!"

Before I could snap myself out of that strange stupor, Chloe took my arm and pulled me toward the door.

"Jess! We have to go! Clark will take care of it!"

Oliver was infected with the darkness… My Ollie was… I kept repeating in my head.

"Jess! Let's go!"

I tried to catch a glimpse of my love, but Martha Kent joined Chloe and together, they were stronger than I was.

"Oliver!" I finally found my voice and screamed.

"Clark will help him. I'm sure of it," Martha Kent tried to calm me down, but it didn't help.

"He's all I've got… he's the father of…" I started.

"Jessica! Don't you think Clark doesn't know that? He would never kill anybody! Remember when I was infected by Brainiac?!" Chloe looked me in the eye and shook me while taking my shoulders in her hands. "Do you understand?!" she asked urgently.

"Yeah… yes," I finally said, more clearly now and more sure of it. "You're right. He'll be fine."

"Ok, let's go to the farm."

* * *

Of course, Clark saved his friend.

They both came back to the farm, save and sound.

"Ollie!" I yelled and jumped to him on seeing that he was, indeed, ok. "I was so scared!"

"I'm sorry, honey." He took me into his arms, but held me rather stiffly. Something was wrong, I could tell.

"Oliver?" I asked and pulled away a little bit just to be able to look into his eyes. "What is it?"

"I just…" he took me aside, so no one else could hear us. "I realized that I'm not better for you than… Lex was," he confessed with difficulty.

"What? I don't understand," I admitted.

"He kept hurting you and I'm not doing a better job. I'm sorry for leaving you and jumping to the Phantom Zone with Clark. I'm sorry for letting the darkness infect me."

"Oliver…"

"Let me finish, please. I know that I kept saying that Lex was a bastard who didn't deserve you and hurt you, but I realize now… how hard it is to not hurt the person you love. I'll do better, I promise. I just wanted you to know that."

"I love you, Oliver Queen. What you just said… it must take a lot of courage to admit it, but I disagree. Lex was hurting me intentionally. He didn't want to cave, he was always… controlling me, possessing me. He thought I would finally break and come back to him even though he was still doing… what he was doing… With you it's different."

"I'm happy to hear that. There is only one more thing I have to do and then I'm back and I'm all yours."

"I take your word for that… What is it?"

"I have to destroy those sons of bitches that infected me." He kissed me and with "I'll be right back", he left.

* * *

He was back. With a gaping wound on his side.

"What happened?" I asked him while helping him to the couch and making sure he lay down.

"Argh… nothing… just a scratch," he hissed in pain.

I peeked under his green leather.

"That's not nothing, Ollie! You're really hurt!"

"I've already called Emil on my way here. He'll come and take a look at that."

"That's good to hear," I sighed and went to the kitchen for some cloth to stop the bleeding. "Clark saved us, didn't he?" I asked when coming back to my husband. "That planet. Is gone."

"Yeah, he did a really good job."

"Good…"

"Say it," Oliver told me when I was putting the cloth to his wound.

"What?" I looked at him, pretending I didn't know what he was talking about.

"Just say it. I can see that there's something on your mind."

I sighed.

"It's nothing… it's just…" I bit my lip. "It's hard to be a hero's wife, you know? Even harder when starting a family. I understand Lois now… her reasons for letting you go in the past."

"You're afraid that if I keep being the Green Arrow, I'll eventually end up dead, don't you?" Oliver just asked, figuring it all out.

"Well, to be honest… yeah. I know it's selfish and I know I have no right to ask you to stop, because so many people need you. I'm just… I'm just afraid that I'll lose you and I won't survive it the second time."

"Then it's a good thing that destroying the Holy Trinity was my last job," Oliver said and I looked at him in a strange king of awe.

"What?" I asked.

"You heard me." He grinned at me.

"Really?" I couldn't help but smile.

"Yeah."

"But… all those people…"

"Honey, the Darkseid is gone and Metropolis have now their truest hero. It's Clark. He finally reached his full potential. It was what I wanted for him from the very beginning."

"But I can't let you do that. People need you."

"My career as the Green Arrow ended when I told the world who I really was," Oliver said. "And it's fine. I want to start a family with you. I want to have this baby and maybe another… and maybe then…"

"What? Another?" I laughed. "I'm not sure about that. Two seem fine for me."

"Ok, we can have two."

"Are you sure of it?"

"Yes. I have all I need right by my side and I'm not intend on letting you go ever again. It's a miracle that we're back together, so I prefer not to tempt faith."

There was a knock on the door.

"This must be Emil," I said and smiled to Ollie. I bent down to kiss him and raised from my sit to open the door.

THE END


End file.
